Reverend Rizzsanity

A/N: Before we begin, I'd like to inform you that I began this novel as a patron-only project and a few months ago where I was still trying out the past and present form of tenses. So, expect a few grammatical errors. However, I assure you that the grammar significantly improves past chapter 92 (Currently on Chapter 107.)

Another thing. Posting tens of chapter at once is hard. I will post 5 chaps a day until we complete all the public updates. Then the updates will slow down. But you can join my discord and read chapter 1-46 (The First Volume) at once. Discord link will be soon posted in synopsis.

Finally, I tried explaining many things, including the addition of The Legends of Ren Zu for the readers who haven't tried Reverend Insanity. But you will get the best experience by reading Reverend Insanity, at least the first volume, because the end of FF's volume was a bit rushed and left a few things to be desired.

I hope you enjoy this new ride. ^^

***

Actions have consequences—Imagine that.

Countless men confronted Williams Logic, reasonably so. It’s not easy sleeping with other’s wives and daughters before running off. However, in his defense, he never forced a single soul. Also, it’s not like those women happen to fall upon his dick. They knew what they were doing. 

Besides, Williams doesn’t possess a craze to speed run his way through STDs by sleeping around. Who wants that? 

If it wasn’t his urge to ‘collect’ things through his encouraging trait… 

He sighs. 

Well, he fucked up, didn’t he?

Nobody told him to try and woo the Sun Priestess for the wanted Platinum Achievement—his first and possibly last one—if the soles of his boots sliding past the edge of a skyscraper’s railing signal anything. Again, in his defense, Traits are mysterious, and he could have never imagined the cute little thing having a trait to make even a dishonest lover like him honest once he deposited a fresh load inside her. 

The post-nut clarity was different on this one! 

He just exclaimed things out.

However, Williams didn’t fault that cute stuff. Oh, he knows a bitch when he fucks one, and Priestess wasn’t it. 

After all, everyone has a different trigger. How was the virgin Sun Priestess supposed to know her Trait’s trigger would be penetration? 

Things derailed from the moment he confessed his ‘sins.’

“Don’t let him get away!”

‘As if I can get away,’ Williams rolls his eyes. ‘I’m on the edge of a skyscraper, bud.’ 

“Logic and Kaye are deviants! Kaye already jumped down a building! Hahahaha! It’s Williams’ turn!” 

‘God rest Kaye’s soul,’ Williams’ sighs as he recalls his temporary partner in crime. Oh, it wasn’t anything sexual. Williams simply tried his hand in a couple of heists with one of the greatest thieves on the planet—who was a victim of his Gamer Trait.

“I want revenge! You killed my wife, you rapist!”

THAT got to Williams. The man in a burgundy suit clenches his fist around the platinum scepter. The diamond-like crystal head of the Scepter glows sharply while the glassy orb around Williams thickens.

“Say what?” Williams snarls, glaring at the decrepit old man. “Do you think I would go down on Laurette by forcing her? She was already 68! If it wasn’t the third orgasm that took her, it would have been her heart going berserk!” 

Laurette’s husband flushes before pointing a bonafide grenade launcher. 

A large explosion erupts around Williams as his pursuers observe in silence until the smoke clears, revealing the man unharmed as the protection around his body persists. 

“The Scepter of Might!” One of the men gasps greedily. 

“Give it up, Williams! We will have that Scepter!” 

“That’s not a power belonging to one person!” 

“Yeah! You defiled the Great Priestess! You’re not deserving of it!” 

‘Considering I got the Scepter through the act,’ Williams sneers. He understands he has no option left. It wasn’t just exclaiming the truth about his trait to the Priestess, but using it in her presence and revealing the reward from the Platinum Achievement that got him in this mess. 

It was bound to end someday, right? 

‘I hope Kaye was right when he devised that manic plan. As if we can just reincarnate by reciting a script.’ 

He sighs, closing his eyes. 

He can never go to jail for his acts. He won’t last a week with all the Achievements he’ll be forced to accomplish. 

‘I practiced many things to pick up chicks because of my trait. It was fun.’ He smiles. He always knew there was something wrong with his head since he didn’t hesitate to pull the trigger with his other hand. 

*Splat* 

Others watch in a daze as Williams’ body explodes, splattering chunks of flesh and blood as the delicate Scepter shatters into pieces before their eyes.

<<<>>>

Simply put, Traits are powers. Everyone has it after six but can spend their lifetime finding the trigger to activate their traits. It’s like any other process in life. For instance, food in the digestive system triggers Digestion. Similarly, by performing a specific act, one may initiate their traits. A person’s vomit may ‘trigger’ their vomit to turn into Soda, creating a highly fetishized brand. Or a person can simply have a trait respond to their existence, demanding specific clauses before showing game-like stats. 

Logic’s trait… no, Lo Jik’s trait, ‘triggered’ when he kissed his classmate during her birthday. He was 10. It’s quite the thing, his ‘Trait.’ 

At the time, he got a box of crayons for kissing her. It merely snowballed to him getting the lost artifact of the Sun Priests through their recent addition.

‘Fuck my trait! How the hell does a Reincarnation forum on a porn site actually work?!’ Lo Jik blinks, feeling speechless. He scratches his head. Memories of his host fill his mind, integrating with him. Gu Yue Lo Jik IS Williams Logic. If the forum thread was correct, the technique would somehow send a portion of his soul to a different realm to grow, and his persona would take over once he dies in his current world. 

‘Wait a minute,’ Lo Jik gapes. ‘No wonder the suicide rates spiked, and the World Alliance banned the site! People tried speed running Reincarnation!’ 

He sighs, scratching his head again as his heart stifles with frustration. 

‘My host had different circumstances—No parents and no one to look after him or someone would teach him how a snow salt a day keeps bad breath away. He also has lice.’ Lo Jik scratches his head for the umpteenth time. 

‘Yep, I’m going bald. Before that, let’s see if I have my trait.’ 

He closes his eyes and notes something strange.

‘I have my ‘trait,’ but my achievements are gone. Sigh. Years of hard work, those achievements. However, it’s a new life. I should get cracking on with learning the culture of this world and forming pickup lines.’ 

He opens his eyes. 

‘And what exactly are Gu Worms and Gu Masters again?’ 

<<<>>> 

Gu Yue Village is a sight of wonder when compared to mortal establishments due to the existence of Gu Masters. The settlement possesses a charm that Lo Jik’s never seen before. His small bamboo cabin fails to reduce the sights of the village as the dawn of spring sees wild, colorful flowers blooming alongside the verdant bamboo groves around the Village. A few patches of bamboo shoots grow around various structures that keep the settlement from looking dull. 

In fact, Gu Yue Village’s perimeters cover a sufficient patch of the Spear Bamboo grove, allowing the settlers to enjoy spring in the wild, often resting beside shallow lakes. 

Morning dew slides down glimmering flower petals and leaves as a trail of excited youths no older than 15 ignore the natural beauty around them. A thin layer of morning fog settled on the ground seems to consume their feet as they climb the village’s incline to hover about in the village square across a tall, red-roofed pavilion with tilted tiles. 

It’s THAT time of the year. 

Children are excited about it. 

If his world had Traits, then Lo Jik’s current world possesses the might of Gu Masters. He has yet to understand the basics of it, of course. However, he’s excited—call it the morning air or the freedom of his scalp from the lice as his bald head attracts a few looks from other children around him. 

As an orphan and a hunter, Lo Jik spent more hours hunting his dinner than socializing so others wouldn’t question him. Just as well. He wouldn’t know how to react if his 15-year-old body had a 15-year-old girlfriend. 

Ew. 

This world’s culture might accept it, but his refined tastes cannot. 

A soft commotion attracts his attention as the crowd in the Village Square clears for the pair of dark-haired twins. Why they have such long hair and no fear of lice is something Lo Jik doesn’t understand. Still, he hears hushed whispers. 

“Look at him, so cold and elegant!” 

“You would act the same if you had his talents,” exclaims another youth with unconcealed envy. 

‘Chill, brother,’ Lo Jik blinks. ‘Isn’t that just Fang Yuan and his younger brother? Writing some poems shouldn’t—ah, it’s that kind of culture?’ 

Lo Jik’s trait saw him traveling across his former globe, allowing him to contact and appreciate various cultures and norms. It was an intriguing phase of his life. He realized how a good and effective line from one region wouldn’t work on another even if he got the pronunciation correct. Of course, everything wasn’t sex for him. He learned about biases and several discriminatory practices, opening his eyes to the harsh realities.

He sighs, feeling sorry for the twins. 

The Academy Elder, a man possessing a headful of white hair and beard, walks over to the square, proclaiming, “Good! You’re all punctual! You all understand why you are here, so I won’t waste more time. Follow me.”

The Elder leads the teenagers teeming with excitement into the Clan Pavilion, entering the underground cave through a stone ladder before moving past the awe-inspiring passage filled with dimly glowing moss on the side walls and almost kaleidoscopic stalactites! Many from the group gasped, commenting on the beauty of the cave. 

How could Lo Jik think anything else? 

It’s enamoring!

The soft glow from the exit attracts their attention, bringing everyone to a large underground cave bisected by a spring. 

Scratch what Lo Jik thought before. 

THIS is enamoring! 

The dark ceilings act like the night sky as the beautiful pink and blue flowers past the river bank on the other side mimic fallen celestial bodies, illuminating the interiors and allowing others to view the flowing clear spring to the point Lo Jik can observe the soothing seabed past the wavy grass and fleeting fish. 

“All of you must enter the spring,” the elder announces. “The farther you can walk, the better. Understood? Where is Gu Yue Chen Bo? Come forward.” 

A youth shakily walks ahead after the announcement, slipping his bare feet into the shallow spring before taking a few steps forward. However, Lo Jik notices the boy shivering—struggling.

He hears soft gulps around him as the boy returns with his head hanging low. 

“Sigh. Gu Yue Chen Bo. No talent for cultivation!” The Elder announces as one of the girls near Lo Jik whimpers. 

“No, not Chen Bo. We promised we would be together.” 

‘Maybe you won’t have any talent, too,’ Lo Jik refrains from letting his intrusive thoughts win. He already blew himself once. He can do well with some rest from his antics. 

“Hiiisss.” A boy sucks in a breath of cold air. “How did Ren Zu ever cultivate? Wasn’t Chen Bo always good at running? He can’t even cultivate?” 

“Ren Zu? Isn’t that what we’ll study about in the Academy?” 

“IF we get in,” the previous boy replies sarcastically before smirking mischievously. “My elder brother told me the first story yesterday. Want to hear it?”

“Nope. I’m too nervous.” 

“I promise it’ll help!” the former youth hears no rebuttal from his friend and dictates a mythical tale spread to almost all humans—except Lo Jik, the reclusive orphaned hunter. 

<<<>>> 

One of the oldest legends talks about the Hope Gu. In the legend, the world was filled with savage wilderness in its inception. Among the wild beasts that walked the earth, the first man appeared. He was known as Ren Zu, eating raw meat, drinking blood, and living a difficult life. 

In particular, was a group of wild beasts called Predicament. These feral beasts loved the taste of Ren Zu and longed to eat him. 

Ren Zu did not have a body as strong as mountain rock, nor did he have the sharp teeth and claws of a wild beast. How could he fight with the Predicaments? His source of food was unstable, and he had to hide all day. He was at the bottom of nature’s food chain and could barely survive. 

At this moment, there were 3 Gu that came up to him and said, “As long as you use your life to provide for us, we will help you through this difficulty.” Ren Zu had nowhere to go, so he could only agree to these 3 Gu. 

He first gave his youth away to the biggest Gu among the three. That Gu then granted him strength. 

With strength, Ren Zu’s life began to change. He started to have a stable source of food and could protect himself. He fought bravely and ruthlessly, defeating many Predicaments. However, he soon suffered and finally realized that strength was not everything. It needed to heal and be cultivated, not spent freely at his will. Not to mention, his strength alone was too small when facing the entire group of Predicaments. 

Ren Zu reflected on this lesson bitterly and decided to give his prime middle years to the most beautiful Gu among the three. And thus, the second Gu gave him wisdom. 

With wisdom, Ren Zu was able to learn how to think and reflect. He accumulated experience and found that Wisdom was more effective than strength when dealing with Predicaments. 

{A/N: I removed the part that stated Ren Zu ate and drank Predicaments since it’s a plot point later how hard they are to consume.} 

But good things do not last, and Ren Zu was old. He would only grow older and older. After all, he gave away his youth and middle years to keep the Strength Gu and Wisdom Gu. When a man is old, his muscles deteriorate, and his brain slows down. 

“Human, what else can you give us? You don’t have anything else left to provide us,” the Strength Gu and Wisdom Gu said as they realized this. They left him. 

Without wisdom and strength, Ren Zu was once surrounded by Predicaments. He was old and could not run—his teeth had fallen out, unable to chew wild fruits and plants. 

As he fell weakly onto the ground surrounded by Predicaments, his heart was filled with desperation. At this time, the third Gu said to him, “Human, take me up. I will help you escape Predicament.” 

Ren Zu tearfully replied, “Gu, I have nothing else left. See, the Strength Gu and Wisdom Gu have abandoned me. I only have my old age left! While it is not as worth my youth and middle age, my life would immediately end if I gave you my Old Age. Even though I am surrounded by Predicaments right now, I will not die immediately. I wish to live a little longer, even if just a second more. So you should leave. I have nothing else to provide to you.” 

But the Gu said, “Among the three, I have the smallest needs. If you just give me your heart, it will be enough, Human.” 

“Then I will give you my heart,” Ren Zu said. “But Gu, what can you give me in return? My situation wouldn’t change even if the Strength Gu and Wisdom Gu returned to my side.” 

Compared to the Strength Gu, this Gu looked frail and was just a tiny ball of light. Compared to the Wisdom Gu, this one only gave out a dim white light, not beautiful in any way. 

But when Ren Zu gave it his heart, this Gu suddenly gave out endless light. In this light, the Predicaments screamed in horror: “This is the Hope Gu, withdraw! We Predicaments are most afraid of hope!” 

The Predicaments retreated suddenly. Ren Zu was speechless, and from that day onwards, whenever he faced a Predicament, he would give his heart to hope. 

<<<>>> 

The youth smirks smugly at his friend’s awed expression before scowling when his friend scoffs, “Was that it? My farts sound better. Now, let me watch others fail in peace!” 

Meanwhile, Lo Jik muses, ‘That sounded interesting, Ren Zu’s tale, not the boy’s fart.’ 

Elder’s loud voice snaps at his attention, “Gu Yue Mo Bei, B-Grade!” 

Others gasp as a square-faced youth with a slightly longer nose returns to the crowd after tossing a pockmarked, red-haired kid a challenging look. 

Emboldened by the sudden arrival of talent, others enter the spring lake with their heads held high until they fail to step any further, unable to absorb the motes of light emerging from around the lush underwater flora. 

‘So, that’s a Gu Worm?’ He looks at the motes of light, hearing a few whispers, calling them Hope Gu. 

‘So, this culture’s youth’s career depends on a ceremony about something they cannot change? Isn’t this just a magical version of a small-dick fiasco? It’s not something you can control— NOOOO! You CAN control your size in this world!’ 

While he’s not lacking in any manner, Lo Jik suddenly looks forward to entering that lake and testing his luck. 

“Gu Yue Lo Jik!” 

Lo Jik steps out. His bald head attains a prominent glimmer in this underground scenic scape, earning him a few snickers from his fellow disappointments. He takes his sandals off before taking a deep breath and stepping in. 

‘The water feels so warm and cozy,’ Jik sighs in contentment, feeling a few errand fish swim near his toes and nibble at his skin. Taking another breath, he steps forward. 

1… 

3… 

5… 

9… 

13… 

Motes of gentle white light float out and surround him, entering his body from several directions, prominently the area around his stomach. 

It feels… nice. 

A warm current of ‘something’ flows through his body. 

17… 

19… 

20… 

He feels pressure build around him. He exhaled deeply, not knowing how long he’d held his breath. 

He takes another step forward as the motes of light swirl more frantically around him. 

‘That’s it?’ He sighs. Lo Jik observed that the Gu worms would turn intense moments before completely blocking anyone from moving further ahead. However, in his admiration of the scenery and new experience, Lo Jik didn’t count his steps, now wondering what his final talent grade was. 

21… 

He takes another step, feeling a stuffy sensation suddenly grip his heart. It’s only momentary as several Gu worms swirl around him, entering his upper chest just as much as his lower abdomen. However, Lo Jik doesn’t stop. He continues until the pressure makes him almost want to buckle over in pain. 

His head buzzes, and he hears his madly beating heart in his ears. 

The change is swift as he hears a sudden, crisp crackle, followed by a thundering boom from deep within him before regaining his composure. Looking around, he finds the motes of light are no longer present. 

His back is covered with sweat as he slowly turns around.

‘What the fuck was that?’ 

He feels something off. An intuitive thought makes him cover the area slightly beneath his navel. 

Others were the same, Jik realizes. 

He quietly stops before the Elder, who presses his hands on his shoulder before nodding. 

“Gu Yue Lo Jik, C-Grade. 48% Aperture!” 

Yet, Jik wonders as he slowly mingles with the crowd, bringing a hand atop his heart. 

He didn’t have this ‘sensation’ a few minutes ago. It’s not only his abdomen.