Revenge Fantasy

#14 - Reflect On One's Self



"... what?" Chouko asks, pulling her hands away from her face to look at Shortcake. "Talk about me?"

"Y... Yeah," Shortcake speaks up. "We... we don't want to talk about our fathers- well, your father, and my new owner..."

"... right. So your... your next conversational topic, beyond cakes and such, is me. You want to talk about me," Chouko speaks to confirm and clarify this android's intentions.

"Right. Maybe... maybe it would give us more to talk about... since... well... that's... how I'm designed..." Shortcake idly explains. "I'm an android that likes cake... but, uhm, I was made to adapt to children and families, as long as they like cake... so..."

Chouko lets out a sigh at this.

"U-Uhm- well, if you don't want to talk about yourself, we don't have to-"

Chouko immediately raises a hand. One finger up, indicating to the android to be quiet and stop talking for just a moment, a gesture of silence.

"..." Chouko takes a deep breath. "I don't know what to really say about myself. This is a conversation your seller wanted to have with me. Chouko Ashford is nothing but a child, a little girl that lost her father. She likes books, tea, biscuits, I guess... puppies, and... spending time with her father. That's all, really."

"Oh..." Shortcake noises, processing all of that.

"Did you learn anything from that?" Chouko asks.

"Well, uhm... no, not really..." Shortcake answers, shaking her head with mild worry and sadness. "I don't really know about tea and biscuits all that well, I've- never been programmed to understand what 'puppies' are, and... well, I haven't read any books yet, I was just activated, so..."

"..." Chouko nods. "Alright. And just to reiterate, you just like cakes?"

"Well, cakes, cookies, candy, a lot of things sweet," Shortcake answers.

"Alright, then-" ... Chouko is reminded that this thing is American, realizes something, and clears her throat. "Then you know about biscuits."

"... huh?" Shortcake asks, tilting her head.

"Cookies."

"... oh. Oh! Tea and- cookies?" Shortcake asks, tilting her head. "I-Is that what you were saying?"

"Yes. They're called 'biscuits' where I am from," Chouko explains. "And Americans use biscuits to refer to what we call 'scones'. Or dog biscuits, which... I don't know the flavor of. But yes, you- you know about cookies, you know about biscuits. So... I like tea and cookies, I suppose."

The very moment Chouko clarified this, Shortcake- has a bright look in her illuminating pink eyes, a bright and cheery smile as she glances to Chouko. Immensely elated and ecstatic that Chouko enjoys sweets, a sort of common ground that makes the android feel immense amounts of joy.

"... is it really that important that I enjoy sweets, Shortcake?" Chouko asks.

"Well, y-yes!" Shortcake explains, continuing to beam and smile. "I-If you like sweets, then- well, it generalizes a lot... makes things simpler and all... and- well, it also means that means we're able to enjoy sweets together!"

"... I mean... it doesn't sound that important," Chouko responds. "Is it not acceptable to just order a plate of cake for you, then order something else for me?"

Shortcake shakes her head. "Well, no, I, uhm, I can't enjoy the sweets myself... since, I can't really eat."

"What?" Chouko raises an eyebrow at this. "You can't eat...? But you seemed really insistent on cakes and cupcakes being delicious."

"Because I have the knowledge that sweets are good," Shortcake responds, idly frowning. "But my mouth is just cosmetic, just to speak and all... I can't actually taste any of it. But seeing someone else eat sweets is- well, it's enough for me, and- well- someone else liking sweets is very, very good! You know? Even if it's just cookies!"

Chouko... blinks at this. "... I... I see... I suppose if it is necessary, I can... try... to eat cake for you."

Shortcake continues to brightly smile with delight, extremely cheerful and elated now.

But something else crosses this android's mind, something noticeably... urgent, a curiosity-inducing urgency. Chouko's word choice running through her head, causing her to think once again. Considering how talking about her... father... uses past tense language, talking about herself ALSO uses past tense language.

Her happiness levels toned down as she looks to Chouko, preparing to ask. "... uhm. So, uh, can I ask something?"

"You just did," Chouko responds. "But feel free to ask something else, I suppose."

"Oh, well, uhm... I'm passively- registering some words you said. 'Nothing but a child'..." Shortcake idly comments, nervously looking off to the side. "But you're- well, you seem to be... older than a child. Maybe- teenage years?"

"... I'm 19, yes..." Chouko answers.

"Right... so... uhm..." Shortcake idly noises. "... what is... Chouko Ashford like, nowadays...? When she isn't a child?"

Hesitant to answer, Chouko... shakes her head. "There's no answer to that."

"What? Isn't it just- talking about what you like to do now?" Shortcake asks. "If you... if you're an adult, and Chouko Ashford is a child, then... you used to be Chouko Ashford... isn't her actions nowadays just what you do?"

"It... isn't that straightforward."

"What? Then- wait, so if you're not Chouko, then- wait, but your name is Chouko, but-" Shortcake idly mumbles, pointing a finger in every such direction and trying to understand what Chouko is trying to say.

"... do you really- want an answer?"

"Y-Yeah, it- I mean, I just- I don't want to make any bad assumptions, since you used to like all of that... updating this with what you are now, it will help a lot..."

"Even if the answer is distressing? Even if it will ruin this conversation completely?"

"Mhmm, I'd like to... know... uh... wait... what do you mean?" Shortcake asks, tilting her head. "Why would it cause distress?"

"..."

The red eyes blink, and the mask forms again. Chouko stares at Shortcake, returning to the hostile look as Kuroiwa comes front and center once again. Feeling the persona forming over her face, a deep gaze at the android.

"Because I'm about to give you a proper, truthful answer," Kuroiwa responds, ready to explain to Shortcake. To answer her with full honesty of her own views, of what her now is. "See... I am a mercenary, a worker that betrays ethical boundaries for the sake of monetary value. Someone who does dirty work. Ranges from... stealing and gathering information behind the public's back, or... well..."

"..." Shortcake tilts her head. "W... Well?"

"... killing someone," Kuroiwa bluntly continues.

This... this causes Shortcake to cover her mouth in mild horror. "O... Oh. S-So... y... you-"

"Yes. I have killed before, Shortcake," Kuroiwa bluntly admits. "It's not too uncommon. Assassinations. Lethal bounty hunting. So on, so forth."

"O... Oh..."

Shortcake begins to shake and tremble as Kuroiwa explains this, registering these words accordingly. Taking Kuroiwa's words into her head, running it through her learning model to process... something terrifying, something frightening.

"Mercenaries are no stranger to this work. Some are targets, and some are killers. I've done it for personal gain, because I'm told to, or because this person is too despicable to live any further," Chouko explains. "These are things us mercenaries are familiar with, things we handle on a daily basis to survive. And to survive, to see another day, I seek to kill these very mercenaries... all of them... before they do the same to me. Before they do worse to me."

"That's- that's horrible..." Shortcake weakly speaks, overwhelmed by this information...

"It is, yes..." Kuroiwa responds. "That's the truth of it. I do horrible things. Getting to know me, getting to know what I've become, it's not exactly something to be proud of, or to condone. And I've never cared one bit about it. I just simply do whatever it takes to further my objective. Those deranged, maniacal ramblings I did before I spoke with you? You have a right to be terrified of all of it, if you want. I will not hold it against you. You're free to-"

Kuroiwa is immediately interrupted as Shortcake gently hugs her.

"..." A look down at Shortcake, her gaze still cold. Kuroiwa interprets this as the android attempting to comfort her, to appeal to what humanity she has left. "If you're going to express your sympathies about what I've become, then-"

"No, it's just... well, i-if you're like that, then these men are probably even worse... right?" Shortcake asks, fear in her voice.

"... huh?" Kuroiwa asks.

"Y-you're a mercenary that does all that..." Shortcake idly states, her arms gently holding onto Kuroiwa and shaking in fear. "So are the people who kidnapped us going to do worse? Are they going to kill you- maybe us? T-They beat me up and they kicked me and they pushed me to the ground and made me dirty and threw both of us into a truck- what if- what if they do worse things...?"

Kuroiwa's eyes widen as she... looks down at Shortcake. "That's... what you're focused on? What these men will do? Nothing about what I've done?"

"Well... yeah.... you like sweets, and you've been mostly caring towards me," Shortcake begins to explain, sniffling and sobbing again as she looks down. "I-If you're as bad as you're suggesting, if I did something to upset you enough to kill me over some connection, then I- well, I'd-"

"You'd already be dead, sure, but- that... doesn't mean... so, you're- not upset about the fact I've done heinous things...?" Kuroiwa asks.

Shortcake shakes her head. "I- I'm designed to integrate into families, to keep children company and entertain them. I'm not programmed to judge them as awful, even with the behavioral issues... well, of course children doing bad things is awful, but in terms of discipline, all I do in response to this information is tell the parents and let them handle it. I don't really have the right to judge you for what you did..."

"S... So you wouldn't call the police?" Kuroiwa asks, an eyebrow raised. "You wouldn't report to anyone if a child did something like, murder, stealing and such?"

Shortcake shakes her head. "N-No, so... I don't really have a problem with you. You still seem- pretty alright..."

"... Shortcake..." Gentle hands on the android's shoulders.

For a while, Shortcake seemed pleased with her answer. Happy to connect with Chouko in this way, to openly admit that she felt safe and happy with her.

"... you could not be any more wrong," Kuroiwa tells the android, beginning to glare at Shortcake.

"...?" Shortcake is pulled from the hug, worried. "H... Huh? I- I thought-"

Kuroiwa's hands pull the android away from the hug, just prying her off of her body. "You should have a problem with me. You should be judging me, you should be deeming me a threat to your very safety just by being anywhere near me. Even if I say I'm not going to hurt you."

Shortcake blinks several times. "B-But you- you haven't hurt me so far, you seem trustworthy-"

"No, I'm not!" Kuroiwa tells the android, her voice raising. "People like me deserve the worst of fates. People who do what I do. People who take lives the way I do. Nothing in this world should ever, ever be the reason to condone murder, Shortcake. You shouldn't be resigning yourself to sticking with a bloody killer."

"... wait, then- why do you do it?" Shortcake asks, confused beyond all belief at this. "I-If I shouldn't do all of that, if you believe I shouldn't trust you, then why are you still doing those actions...?"

"Why do I do it?" Kuroiwa cracks a grin at this, almost- feeling some sort of amusement at the foolishness of this android. The malice pouring out of the cracks in her metaphorical face, gazing forward at the helpless android with delight. "Simple. Because I have to."

Shortcake visibly shakes as she stares at Kuroiwa. "B-But why- w-why do you- have to, then-?"

"See, I have to become what I despise the most, Shortcake. I have to do all these things, all these heinous acts," Kuroiwa begins to speak. "To meet Kuroiwa. Kuroiwa, the 'Inevitable', as he is known to be. The man that took... everything... away from me. The more I work, the closer I get to him in this mercenary world. I kill, because I find his existence putrid. That he gets to tell anyone to kill whoever he wants, and gets away with it. Gets away with killing the innocent, gets away with killing people's loved ones..."

Shortcake's- eyes widen as she feels the woman's hands shaking on her shoulders. Her pink eyes registering immense emotion coming from Chouko. A ragged, deep, intense breath coming out the woman's lips.

"I want to find him, to find his identity. To figure out who he is. Name, face, location... all of it, to... to completely and utterly destroy him!" Kuroiwa exclaims, a deranged look in her eyes. "To enact my revenge, to do to him what he did to me! To make him miserable, to kill him and his entire BEING, to strip all of it away and tear him piece of piece, to hold his entire being in these hands and break it- crush him to bits, grind him to dust, make it so he's completely unrecognizable as a person!"

Shortcake stares, speechless at this. A visibly tense look on her face staring at Chouko in slight horror. "Y-You-"

"That's what all of this is for! That's all I can think about, putting a complete end to Kuroiwa! Take everything, EVERYTHING away from him! To send him down to the deepest pits of hell!" Kuroiwa shouts into the cup. "TO PUT AN END TO HIM FOR WHAT HE DID TO MY FATHER!"

Shortcake's eyes flicker at this, shaking as she- recoils in fear at that shout. Frightened and spooked by the tone of voice, starting to slightly sob and whimper. "Y-Your father?! H-He-"

"Yes! I want to SLAUGHTER the person who took my father away from me!" Kuroiwa shouts. "I'll take his face, I'll do everything it takes! I've been set back because of this priceless, expensive android being let out of her box, but... the ones who kidnapped us, they're the ones who I want to kill the most. They're the ones I want to destroy. The one who did it, the one who killed on Kuroiwa's orders- I will burn him to the ground."

Shortcake stares, absolutely horrified at this. Visibly distressed, uncomfortably shaking, actively processing all of those words.

"Do you see now? Do you understand that you stand before a monster, an irredeemable monster. I've killed countless in my path, countless to get to my goal. Sure, my human may be acting in 'grief', but that part is silent every- single- day- when I become the monster. When I become Kuroiwa. So I'm not 'alright'. I'm just like every- other- damned- mercenary, and you should... should... be terrified."

In Kuroiwa's eyes, she's face to face with something that is speechless, terrified of the individual before her. There is enough emotional disconnect between Kuroiwa and this android that it didn't matter as much, that she could be this same monster to Shortcake as if it were no different from anyone else. The android stepped in territory it wasn't prepared for, and is just left horrified in the same area of a living monster.

And she concludes her rant with:

"And only then will I ever be able to have cake. To honor Charles Ashford with vengeance, when I make sure to punish the people involved. Nothing in my life is to be celebrated until my job is over," Kuroiwa calmly comments. "And after that, I'll... be nothing more than a fulfilled soul just waiting to leave."

"..."

An air of silence forms between the two.

"... that's... that's it. That's all. You wanted to know about me? You wanted to know what the child has become? There you go! You now know that you stand before a monster, an irredeemable monster. I've killed countless in my path, acting in 'grief'. So do you really believe I'm alright? No. I'm just like every- other- damned- mercenary."

"..." Shortcake continues to sob and cry again, shaking before Kuroiwa as this information overwhelms her. As she was trying to understand everything that was just uttered, ranted, monologued even. "I- I- I- uhm- I-"

Kuroiwa then lets go of Shortcake, turning away. "Don't worry. I know you're scared. I'm not going to hurt you. I don't care whatsoever about you... this conversation has run dry. I must go, now, to figure out... how to break out of this truck."

She starts to walk away for a moment, gazing straight forward at the truck door, ready to leave Shortcake behind in its fear.

...

And something stops her.

Kuroiwa stops in place as a pair of small, soft hands grab onto hers. Weakly holding on as best they could, attempting to grip her hand and stop her in place.

For a moment, Kuroiwa's red eyes twitch, feeling... utter disgust at this thing holding her hand in such a way. This was Shortcake attempting to keep her in place, an android that foolishly sought to be anywhere near her, even with all of this information.

The mercenary turns around, prepared to address and confront this android. To make it understand why it should want nothing to do with Chouko, nothing to do with Kuroiwa. Starting to insist it let go of her hand, turning back to tell it to let go. "Listen, you-"

However, no further words are uttered, as Kuroiwa goes quiet at the sight behind her. Her eyes blinking at the young girl holding onto her hand, the... black haired, red eyed girl that was in utter tears. A mess of waterfalls pouring from her cheeks, a miserable sight.

For a moment, Kuroiwa... she felt the agonizing weight of nine years against her back at this sight, witnessing the image of a broken child on the verge of a mental crisis, the girl she used to be. Kuroiwa saw the pure misery that was on display, a misery that has never left her whatsoever. A deep misery from a child wanting to hold on, to cling to who she could never follow.

"P... Please don't leave me, please..." the young Chouko calls out, tears trailing from her eyes. "I don't want you to go..."

"... w.... what?" Kuroiwa asks, her eyes blinking a couple of times to clear her vision up. To better understand what... what she was seeing.

With each blink, the brief hallucination fades, and... as expected, Shortcake appears in the little Chouko's place. The android had rushed after Kuroiwa quickly, scrambling to hold Kuroiwa's hand, crying those very words out.

"I- I don't- I don't know if I can do anything for you, nor do I even know if I should..." Shortcake explains, the machinery shaking and trembling within her hands. "B-But I- I don't want you to go, I don't want you to leave me alone..."

"Shortcake, you're-" Kuroiwa begins to speak, a growl behind her voice.

"I- If we make it out of this truck, I want to have cake with you..." Shortcake calls out, sobbing and whining audibly. "I want to read books with you, I want to have some tea and cookies- tea and biscuits with you, maybe see puppies and probably- I don't know...!"

Kuroiwa continues to glare at this incessant android. "..."

"I- just- p-please don't leave me alone... I- I really... I'm sorry, but I really- don't- hate you for doing any of it..." Shortcake explains.

A silence continues as... Kuroiwa... stares at Shortcake, staring at the crying girl. "..."

"P-Please... please... please......." Shortcake pleads, sobbing.

"..."

"... I... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I-"

With a resigned sigh, Kuroiwa turns around and gets onto her knees. Crouching down to Shortcake's level, a calm gaze as she stares forward at the white haired android. The physical embodiment of a talking, miserable tundra.

"Chouko... I, uhm, I-"

"I can't- make any promises whatsoever, Shortcake..." Kuroiwa speaks up, looking down at the android. Being truthful, being blunt with this pitiful android while staring into its eyes. "But if we somehow survive what is going to happen next... I would be proud to enjoy all of those things with you."

"O... Okay... I... uhm... I'm looking forward to it..." Shortcake calls out, sniffling a bit more before silencing herself. A weak smile on her face, looking to Chouko brightly.

And with that bright smile, it dawns on Kuroiwa... it dawns on Chouko what this feeling was. This feeling that weighs on her when Shortcake speaks, this feeling when the android miserably cries. Why Chouko could see herself in this android's human-like actions.

Chouko is currently the Charles Ashford for this android.

It feels wrong.

It feels awful.

Everything about this is crashing against Chouko, a wretched feeling to have when she still dons the false name of Kuroiwa.

But what choice does she have...? This android needs her, the same way... the same way Chouko needed her father. All those years ago, when he wasn't here anymore. The hand she depended on, the guidance that was taken away from her, Chouko... feels like she needs to be here for this android, in this world of mercenaries.

And as much as it feels like she isn't right for this role, as much as it feels like Chouko doesn't deserve to be anything her father was...

... it's just something she needs to be.

"Right..." Chouko pulls away slowly, and stands back up. Idly looking back to the truck door, scratching her chin faintly. "So. We'll start by preparing what to do when this truck opens, when these mercenaries reach whatever stop they're at. If we want to survive, we're going to have to come up with something to get out of this truck."

"O... Okay, but... uhm... uh... can... can I ask one more thing...?" Shortcake asks.

Chouko looks at Shortcake. "Yes...? G... Go ahead."

"... w-what actually is your plan, regarding... c-confronting the person who k-killed your father...?" Shortcake asks. "I- I know your objective, but... how do we- how do you... get to him?"

"... I don't really have an exact plan anymore, thanks to you," Chouko truthfully tells the android.

"O... Oh..."

"What I mean by that is, I was following the guidance of my informant, my 'handler', and... failing this job means I can no longer rely on him. So, I have to find my own path to Kuroiwa. My best lead is the one who kidnapped us, so..."

Shortcake nods a couple of times. "I see... I'm sorry that my existence is interfering with your life..."

Chouko rolls her eyes. "If... you're going to keep apologizing for things, you're going to drive me mad."

"... s..."

Shortcake stops herself before she apologizes again.

...

Chouko blinks for a moment after this exchange, actually. After saying that to Shortcake, the word "stacking" repeats in her head. An escape plan starting to brew in her mind bit by bit, as she... looks at the crates. Fixating on the crates, curious about these... potentially heavy boxes. A metaphorical lightbulb starting to glow atop her head as she thinks further..

"Huh... Shortcake. I think I have a plan, but... I'll need your help," Chouko tells the android. "Are you... able to play pretend? Lie, in a way?"

Shortcake looks to Chouko, noticeably alert. "... p-pretend? Oh! I, uh, I can do that! What do you want to- uhm- pretend?"

"My death," Chouko bluntly tells Shortcake.

"Right, okay! I'll pretend that you're- ... d-dead?!" Shortcake shouts.

Chouko nods. "See, here's the plan..."


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