LIGHTNOVELONLINE Raymond spoke with nothing but utmost sincerity.
After enduring many years—growing old, dying, and then being given another chance—he knew he needed to find Carynne quickly. To him, Isella Evans seemed naively young.
Raymond hoped Isella would find a different life. Verdic, however, had to be killed.
“…Who is that woman?”
“I cannot tell you.”
“If you don’t tell me who she is, I cannot let you go.”
“Isella!”
He couldn’t bring himself to utter Carynne’s name.
He remembered Carynne being killed by Verdic dozens of times. If he spoke up, Carynne would be in danger.
Raymond tried to hold Isella’s hand, however she violently pulled her hand away. Flames of anger flickered in her eyes as she glared at him.
“It seems promises are a joke to you, Lord Raymond.”
“She’s someone I truly love, with my life on the line.”
“And I have no intention of letting you go, even if it kills me.”
What he experienced at that time was the worst.
When Raymond couldn’t persuade Isella and arrived secretly at the Hare mansion, Carynne had already committed suicide by shooting herself in the head.
It was the first time she had ever succeeded in taking her own life.
Raymond stood silently by Carynne’s grave, repeatedly whispering her name.
He had rushed his entire life to reach Carynne, only to find that she had already moved on to the next life.
“You belong to me.”
Isella would not let Raymond go.
It always took a longer time, and after Carynne’s death, even greater vengeance took hold of Raymond’s heart. The Saytes estate was hit by another epidemic, and Verdic did everything to cut off Raymond’s political influence.
Raymond eventually succeeded in his revenge, but without Carynne by his side, happiness eluded him.
He had to die to meet Carynne again.
* * *
Claiming to have someone he loves and asking to be let go only fueled Isella’s anger further. So, in his second life, Raymond chose a different approach.
When Raymond woke up in this life, he became even more anxious. Carynne might commit suicide again. If Carynne had immediately attempted suicide with a gun upon waking up last time, she might try to verify her death multiple times. He had to hurry.
Raymond moved at once.
Then a loud explosion shook the ground. BOOM! A deafening noise followed. A sharp ringing sound rang in his ears, but the severe pain that came was even worse.
“Kuhh… ugh… aaagh!”
He had stepped on a landmine. One of his ankles was blown off. Raymond gritted his teeth, tears and blood streaming from his eyes. Due to the severe injury, Raymond was forced into early retirement.
A soldier losing a foot was not something that could be brushed off as ‘fine’. For the rest of his life, he would have to live with a prosthetic leg. The myriad lost opportunities, endless pain, and severe suffering hit him hard.
What kept him going was Carynne. Because she was there, even if only as a ghost by his side, Raymond could focus on Carynne more than his missing part.
“I’ve died and come back to life multiple times.”
“So have you.”
Would Carynne be disappointed in him? Would she turn away from him, seeing him as less for not being able to help? He must meet her. The woman who filled his thoughts, more than the shame or pain, was someone he needed to meet.
This injury would hasten his retirement. At least there was some solace in that. And Isella, in front of him, was an obstacle. Raymond glared at the woman who had dragged Carynne to the gallows with false testimony in his past life.
“L-Lord Raymond.”
“…Miss Isella Evans, this is a warzone. Please go back. I will soon return to my homeland. Why are you here? For someone like you to be here could lead to great harm… ugh…”
Raymond clenched his teeth. The pain surged again. No amount of medication could help. Isella covered her mouth with her hand, repulsed by the smell of blood, then removed it to breathe and asked,
“Are you okay?”
“…It’s tough.”
Raymond responded as if chewing on his words.
“I saw Carynne Hare kill someone.”
It was her words that led to Carynne’s death.
Raymond, looking at Isella’s slender neck, thought about how good of a position he was in to take his revenge right here and now.
However, he knew it wasn’t right to bring it up at that moment. Raymond clenched his teeth. Isella flinched in surprise.
“Do you… dislike my coming here?”
“Go back, Isella Evans. Mister Verdic Evans already called off our engagement.”
Verdic did not want Raymond, now disabled.
He didn’t come in person and ended it with a brief telegram. But that was for the best. Although Isella hadn’t seen the extent of his injuries yet, she wouldn’t want a ‘defective’ product like him, missing a leg. However, Isella shook her head vehemently.
“…I don’t want that! I-I will not break up with you over such a trivial reason!”
“You will find a better man.”
Above all, Raymond didn’t want to be with her. He wanted to ensure his anger and desire for revenge didn’t spill over onto her. Raymond was intent on killing Verdic. What use was keeping his daughter by his side?
Moreover, he couldn’t suppress his growing ferocity towards her.
But Isella repeatedly shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes.
“Lord Raymond! You don’t need to force yourself to say such things for my sake…!”
“I truly do not want to marry you.”
“I know. But I will stay by your side and help you.”
Words would not work. There was no getting through to her.
* * *
“A clean break…”
“Pardon me, sir?”
“It’s nothing. Where is Mister Evans?”
“He said that Your Lordship can see him after you spend some time with Miss Isella.”
“Alright.”
Unlike Carynne, as soon as the servant relayed the message that Raymond had arrived, he was able to meet Isella immediately.
“Lord Raymond! Are you hurt?”
“It’s nothing. Just a minor injury, don’t worry about it.”
“My goodness…! It’s been so long. I didn’t expect you to come straight home, please come in.”
Isella hurriedly ran towards Raymond, clutching her skirt. It had been over a year since she last saw Raymond.
Raymond bowed his head towards Isella.
“Good day, Miss Isella Evans.”
How could he break things off with her without issue?
Raymond broke into a cold sweat.
* * *
Even after saying he had someone he loved, even after asking to be let go because he was disabled… It was all useless.
Isella had far more money, and all he had were his lineage and honor. Still, it wasn’t about what he could offer to her.
Raymond felt his head might explode trying to figure out how he could properly part ways with Isella and how Carynne and Isella could become friends.
If he asked to borrow money, Isella would give it all to him, and if he met another woman, Isella would direct her anger not at Raymond but at that woman.
Why did Isella look at him so blindly while showing not a single ounce of sympathy towards Carynne?
As Isella led Raymond to the greenhouse, boasting of the fully bloomed roses, various flowers were blooming inside, despite it being early spring. Isella pointed to a double rose and said,
“The gardener created this new variety. Isn’t it beautiful?”
“Indeed.”
Now inside the greenhouse, Raymond looked down at the crown of Isella’s head while engulfed in thought.
Carynne had been considerate of him, but for Raymond, it would have been easier and more comfortable to simply kill Isella and Verdic. He couldn’t throw away the kindness that his wife—his god—had shown him, but he had already become a person who found murder easier.
Taking someone’s life was hard the first time. The beginning of sin was always going to be heavy. Once you begin not to mind the means, everything else follows quickly.
But this time, Carynne pushed him back onto a brighter path. If she wished, Raymond would have to walk a different path again, no matter what.