LIGHTNOVELONLINE Carynne felt no need to feel guilty towards anyone, but she felt it towards him.
“Make a wager with me.”
“If you fall in love sincerely, I will help you.”
What had Dullan done to Raymond? Carynne confessed to Dullan that Raymond was her true love and that she wouldn’t choose anyone else to love. She couldn’t think of anyone but him.
Carynne had made her choice back then, and since then, Raymond remembered everything. And he changed because of her. It was both a joy and a sorrow.
“…Is there a problem?”
“The taste is off. I guess I got used to the meals prepared by the chef in the meantime.”
Carynne replied as she finished her soup. Raymond lowered his head with an embarrassed look.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
Carynne felt bitter that a conversation she intended to keep light was becoming heavy again. Raymond was genuinely sorry. With someone else, it could have been a simple exchange of ‘Eat what’s given’ and ‘I’ll eat it then,’ but not with the two of them.
“I will learn to cook better soon.”
“It’s really okay, Sir Raymond.”
Carynne reiterated it, but the mood just grew heavier. She wanted to say something but didn’t know what to say. She also didn’t know what could be a light topic.
“Just speak your mind.”
“Excuse me?”
Raymond looked at Carynne with a slightly sorrowful and apprehensive look.
“If you don’t tell me, I won’t know, Carynne. There’s a limit to understanding through just gauging. Just ask me.”
“You won’t tell me everything even if I ask.”
“I’ll try to tell you everything I can.”
“……”
“No, I will tell you everything.”
Raymond corrected himself. Carynne didn’t want to hurt him.
But their attempts to not hurt each other were causing more pain. Carynne felt like crying a little.
“Sir Raymond, no… Not ‘Sir’ anymore. Verdic called you ‘Baron’, didn’t he? Are you a baron this time?”
“Yes. One of the reasons I went to the capital this time was to receive the title of baron.”
Raymond answered candidly. Carynne nodded.
“I suppose your brother, the previous Baron Saytes, wasn’t supposed to die yet, but he passed away early.”
“That’s right.”
Carynne bit her lip.
“…Did you kill him?”
“Yes.”
His answer was too decisive. Raymond had decided to reveal everything to Carynne rather than hide it. He was no longer ashamed. It was just a matter of stating what had happened. Carynne nodded too. She couldn’t avoid him either.
“When was it?”
“It was as soon as my memories returned.”
“…Why did you do it?”
“To have you safely in this mansion as soon as possible, taking control of the barony was necessary.”
“I… see.”
Carynne’s voice trembled slightly. She had to steady herself.
A hundred years ago, Raymond did not believe that Carynne had been coming back to life. One reason was his older brother.
For over a century, Raymond’s brother was always destined to die. The timing varied, but the outcome was constant. Unlike Lord Hare, who had occasionally lived, Raymond’s sick brother always ended up dying, passing on the barony to him.
“You didn’t know my brother would die.”
“He was just ill.”
As the death sentence was handed down to Carynne when she was 117 years old, she had been able to sense from Raymond’s words that he believed her.
Before, Raymond concluded that Carynne would, of course, tell him about the future if she truly lived over and over again.
If she had, she wouldn’t possibly let his one and only family to die.
And yet, his brother would always die. That’s what he found horrible.
But now, he had become someone who took the initiative to kill his older brother, who was bound to die anyway.
Her tongue felt leaden.
“The last time you left, was it to kill him?”
“That was a different matter, Carynne. My brother always died before that day, historically. I merely hastened the inevitable. He had been dead for a long time already.”
“I see.”
“Do you find me repulsive?”
Raymond looked directly at Carynne. There was a heaviness in his voice. Carynne shook her head.
“How could I?”
“……”
“I’m just afraid that your efforts won’t pay off again this time.”
Carynne remembered the moment she fell from the tower. Raymond had come, abandoning everything, for someone unworthy of being saved like her.
That’s why she told Dullan that this man was her true love.
But even then, Carynne died.
“Sir Raymond, I feel remorseful because you changed because of me.”
Raymond looked as if he had been struck.
“Why do you feel remorseful?”
How could she not?
Carynne needed to speak slowly. She felt as if her throat would close up if she spoke too fast.
“You could have lived a life independent of me. You know that. This is not a world inside a . I was just born this way, like my mother… And…”
Carynne’s breath hitched. Until now, she hadn’t told Raymond that Dullan was the key to this problem. And she realized why she felt guilty towards him.
Dullan, who did not fear death. The only place to find answers was with Dullan, but she couldn’t even extract them through threats or torture.
“I’ve thought about it. You could have just lived your life, but why did you fall into this hell with me, crawling at the bottom… It’s because of my choice, in the end.”
Carynne fell silent.
Ultimately, Raymond had fallen to such wretched depths because Carynne had chosen him. Because she declared to Dullan that he was her male protagonist. It wasn’t his fault for being handsome, nor for fitting the role of a romance ’s hero so well.
She tried to pass it off lightly, but looking at the changed Raymond took her breath away.
‘Now’, Carynne truly loved Raymond.
Raymond seeking revenge on Verdic had become a trivial matter. Too many things had happened. Raymond’s brother died, Prince Lewis died, and Isella died. Even to Isella, who he usually hesitated to harm, Raymond seemed connected to this series of events.
For over a hundred years, Carynne had watched Raymond. Loved him. Loved every aspect of him. She always believed he would be by her side. Even after giving up the idea that he was her knight destined to rescue her from eternal life, deep down, that belief never changed.
As a result, she turned Raymond’s life into one like a life in a fictional book.
She recalledher more naïve self from the past.
Despite the repetition and the tedium that led to despair, one always remembers the first time.
Carynne, brainwashed by Nancy, believed she was in a book and trembled in fear of dying if she couldn’t fall in love.
Dullan was endlessly lacking and unresponsive. Raymond was the knight from a fairy tale who approached her at that time. He was the one who approached her first.
“I keep having the same nightmare. It all feels like a terrible dream… like a .”
“You seem like my male protagonist.”
The start, the very first love, was truly simple, naïve, and inexperienced. That Raymond, who she vaguely remembered, smiled awkwardly but didn’t say anything to Carynne. He just smiled, saying it was an honor.
But what about after that?
It was only a year. In fact, if they considered the duration, it was less than a year of love.
They had only repeated cautious first meetings and tensions. They barely had any trivial arguments in reality, and their love always ended at the perfect moment it was supposed to happen.
Just a few months of interaction.
Carynne clung to that. She thought love was the only solution to escape from this world. As more time passed, she even wondered if that brief period could really be called love.