REND

This is the last time I’ll exist, I thought, trudging to the restaurant doors as if heading for the gallows. My lips quivered as my throat tightened. I struggled to hold back tears. It’d be a miracle if Erind would tag out with me again. But I shouldn’t be pathetic on my way out of the restaurant… and out of existence.

I held my chin up and walked confidently. Have some dignity in your last moments!

It was a few minutes past seven, and Erind was due to meet Deen. No point delaying the inevitable. I should find someplace where I could remove this face without inviting suspicion. Difficult to have privacy here, even in the restaurant’s restroom. People would see someone else coming out.

I could return to my room and—

Still delaying the inevitable, I scolded myself. I bet I could remove this face in the middle of the restaurant, and no one would notice.

Or maybe someone will. Ethan waved at me across the restaurant, sitting with his family at a table near the railings. I stopped to wave back. It calmed me somewhat to say goodbye—well, not actually ‘say’—to someone before I was no more. The kid grinned broadly before returning to eating. The ocean stretched endlessly behind him, calling to me.

Thoughts of running to the ship's edge and throwing myself overboard ballooned in my mind, only to abruptly pop, pricked by the needle of fear. The bravado in attempting to take my life earlier had disappeared. It was severalfold scarier now after backing out the first time.

I could try—

“Erind!” shouted a female voice.

It was as if spotlights materialized out of thin air and trained on the restaurant's entrance. A woman stepped into view, so stunning that she looked heavily edited post-production, like how actresses were unrealistically perfect on the big screen. She wore a sky-blue sundress that fluttered in the ocean breeze, contrasting nicely with her braided blonde hair.

Amber Deen Leska, Erind’s best friend. In my heart, she was mine too.

Everyone turned to look at her.

Part of it was due to her beauty. No doubt people were wondering if she was someone famous; some might even recognize her. But there was a bigger reason she caught people’s attention. She waved frantically with both arms as if my eyes weren’t working, yelling my name at the top of her voice.

My name?

“Erind, I’m here!” Deen yelled.

I froze, clenching my hands. The avocado seed crystals were on my palms, not the numerous crystals only on my right hand when I was Erind. I was still Domino. I had around ten minutes to go. Why weren’t my powers working on Deen?

Or they actually were working …

Deen sprinted across the floor and crashed into me. I was caught off-guard and wasn’t able to brace myself. The wind left my compressed lungs as our bodies collided. I would’ve gotten flung back if she didn’t immediately hug me, her arms clamping like a giant fetter around me. I winced as my arms were squeezed against my ribs.

“De-Deen…” I whispered through clenched teeth. My weak Domino self was like a ragdoll as she lifted me off the ground and did a twirl. My black skirt whooshed out like a blooming flower. “Put me down. Pe-people are looking.”

“Oh!” She lowered me to the floor. With an impish smirk, she patted my head. “I just missed my little sister so much,” she loudly explained to the people giving us weird looks. “We haven’t seen each other for a long time.”

As Domino, I was an inch or so shorter than Deen. Erind, in comparison, was about half a foot shorter than me. To Deen, it must’ve appeared that her hand on my head was raised lower than my actual height. A pang of jealousy stabbed my heart when I realized the implication of my power generating the illusion of Erind for Deen.

Erind didn’t deserve Deen’s care for her. Erind didn’t even care for Deen.

It’d be better if it were me—

“Cu-cut that out,” I half-gasped. My chest hurt when talking. I meant what I said for me more than Deen.

“You don’t miss me, sis?” Deen’s voice cracked from too much giggling.

“Not really, no. We’ve seen too much of each other lately.”

I would’ve liked her to pat me for longer, but it wouldn’t be consistent with Erind’s personality. I raised my right arm. A sharp pain shot up the side of my ribs. I flinched, disguising it by swatting away Deen’s hand. Good thing she didn’t use superstrength to resist.

But she held my right hand and turned it over—the black oval crystal displayed a golden number six glinted prominently on my palm. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. How do I explain this?

“You’re wearing the glove I gave you.” She ran her finger over the black crystal.

I breathed a sigh of relief. My power warped what Deen saw and felt, duh.

Right now, Deen thought I was wearing the striped fingerless glove she gifted me to cover the super obvious crystals on my palm. It had alternating silver and white bands and was made of stretchy cotton.

“Of course, I need to hide the you-know-what,” I said. “And I kinda like wearing it. Super comfy.”

She released my hand and looked at my feet.  “You’re also wearing the sandals I gave you.”

“Erm, yeah. I like these.” In reality, the pair was in my room. One had its straps snapped from Erind kicking one of Big Marcy’s goons too hard. “Thanks for the gifts, but these aren’t payments for patting my head.”

Deen pouted. “There can never be too much bonding between best friends.”

“That wasn’t bonding. You were treating me like a child.” I casually massaged my left arm, trying not to flinch as I touched a spot of spongey inflamed flesh. It was surprising how weak I was. Thankfully, my elbow wasn’t dislocated—otherwise, I’d be writhing on the floor. So far, Deen didn’t seem to notice something different about me.

“I wasn’t treating you like a child,” she said. “I’m treating you as my sister… that’s little.”

“Whatever, vertically blessed goddess of beauty,” I sarcastically said, approximating how Erind would react. Deen reached for my head again, but I parried her hand, flinching at another wave of aches. I hoped she didn’t feel how weak I was. “None of that,” I said. “It’s too early to annoy me. I haven’t even had breakfast yet.”

“Erind, you shouldn’t skip a meal so you’ll grow—oh, wait. You’re not going to grow any taller, are you?”

I rolled my eyes. “Not going to stop bullying me?”

Deen didn’t reply to my question, only scrunching her nose. Then she combed her hair and draped the coiled golden flow over her right shoulder and down her front. “Notice anything different?”

“You ask guys that question, not girl-space-friends.”

“I’m asking you, my girl-space-friend.”

I sighed. My chest ached again. I didn’t have the benefit of Adumbrae regeneration while in my Domino body. “Um, your braids? I haven’t seen you wearing your hair that way before.”

“I woke up pretty early and had nothing to do in my room, so I tried this.” She ran her fingers over the bumps of her braids. “Not too bad for my first attempt. How do I look?”

“Compliment-fishing, I see. You should really do this with guys instead.”

“I’m not!” she indignantly protested. “Is asking my best friend’s honest opinion illegal now?”

It took mountains of willpower to maintain my frown. My lips wrestled to curve up. Bantering with my best friend gave me immense joy. I thanked the world for giving me this as my last moment. I wanted it to stretch on, but it was wishful thinking.

“Fine,” I grumbled. “It looks good on you. But I’m no expert in hairstyles. Now, let’s go eat.” Turning around, lumbering to the buffet stations, I allowed myself to smile. Tears threatened to flow.

“It really looks good?” Deen caught up and walked by my right side. I angled my head left in case I had watery eyes. “Maybe you’re just saying that because we’re friends?”

“Take the compliment already,” I said. “Oh, you know what you should do? Pull off the tie, let your hair unwind, and the strong winds will blow it free. It’ll be like you’re in a shampoo commercial. Try it out.”

“Nuh-uh. I worked too hard on this.” Deen playfully slapped my shoulder with the force of a regular human punch. “I’ll keep my braids for the entire day.”

I staggered forward from the hit, almost diving face-first into a chafing dish of scrambled eggs.

“Sorry, Erind! Are you okay?”

“Just tripped my legs. Really hungry.” I picked up a plate at the end of the long table. Then I grabbed the handle of the first chafing dish but didn’t open it.

I noticed my reflection on the shiny metal cover. My most hated face stared back at me—Erind Hartwell. We were more different than apples and oranges. I wasn’t like her and didn’t want to be like her, but an illusion of her body would be my last form.

Fate must be playing a cruel joke on me, I mournfully thought. But then again, I met Deen in my last minutes of existence.

“I thought of coming to fetch you from your room,” Deen said. “But I figured I’d just meet you here as we discussed.”

I opened the container to the sight of hash brown stacks. I picked a couple of pieces with tongs and drizzled them with some sauce. The next chafing dish had sweet potato fries. And the next had lasagna. Carbs galore as my first… and last meal. This would be my revenge in advance on Erind for not using me again.

And if I continued scooping food onto my plate, I’d have an excuse not to face Deen. One look, and she’d know I was about to cry. I’d probably really cry if I met her eyes.

“Be thankful that I let you keep a few more minutes to yourself,” she said. She didn’t pick up a plate but just followed me. “I know you’ve grown tired of my clinginess, so you got a separate room.”

After a moment’s pause, I said, “Deen, I’m not tired of you.” This wasn’t what Erind would’ve replied, but fuck it. I didn’t care anymore. I only had a few minutes left and wanted to be nice to my best friend. Praying that I could keep myself together, I turned to Deen and said with all my heart, “I’m lucky to have you supporting me and being there for me and stuff. So, um, be clingy all you want.”

Deen narrowed her eyes at me. “What did you do with the real Erind?”

My heart skipped a bit. I returned to piling food. “I-I’m just—”

She chuckled. “Is hungry Erind less grumpy about my touchy-feeliness? I’ll take you up on that offer.” She took my plate from my hands and placed it on a nearby table.

“Hey, I’m not done—”

Deen opened her arms. “You initiate. It’s always me who does it first. Uh, well, you have a few times, but it was mostly me. Do it before you eat and energize your grumpy side.”

“Yo-you want me to hug you?” I took a step forward. Erind obviously wouldn’t do this. Surprisingly, there wasn’t much resistance from within me. I could feel seething annoyance, but nothing forceful.

“Yeah, hug me,” Deen replied. “We haven’t seen each other for hours. That’s like a lifetime for ants.”

“Ants live way longer than that.” I pulled up the pertinent episode of Animal Channel from the recesses of my mind. “Regular worker ants can live for five years, even more. Males live the shortest. Like only weeks, just long enough to mate with the queens. I used to watch many science shows as a kid.”

“Is that so?” She still had her arms raised. “I didn’t know you were an insect girl. It doesn’t jive with my cheerleader-in-high-school image of you.”

“That’s unfair stereotyping,” I said. “And I like animals—insects are also animals. Anyway, you probably meant mayflies. They only live for twenty-four hours.”

“Okay, we haven’t seen each other like a third of a mayfly’s lifespan.” Deen shook her arms. “Come on, just do—oh!”

I lunged to hug Deen, my arms below hers, surprising her. Slowly, she enclosed her arms around my neck, her face disbelieving. I took it a step further and nestled my chin on her neck. She jolted as I pulled her for a closer hug. She didn’t expect my forwardness. I wasn’t sure what my illusion showed. Erind standing on tiptoes? I didn’t think Erind could reach Deen’s neck even if she did that.

I didn’t care if my illusion was showing inconsistencies. I wanted to bury my face in the curve of Deen’s neck and bawl out my frustrations.

But before the dam could break, I broke off the hug. Deen was confused about what I just did. She didn’t hang onto me, and I easily extracted myself.

“There, your hug.” My voice cracked. I took my plate and half-ran to the next buffet table. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I wiped them off with the back of my hand while trying to balance my full plate with the other.

“Erind?” Deen chased after me. “What’s wrong?”

I picked up a table napkin from a stack I passed and wiped my eyes again, ending with a theatrical blow of my nose. I mumbled, “I have an itchy nose,” as Deen peeked at my face. I was no longer concerned about maintaining Erind’s illusion; I just didn’t want my best friend to see me crying.

“Allergies or something?” said Deen. “This ship should have a clinic. We can ask for medicine.”

“No need,” I said, trying to steady my voice.

“Are you okay?”

“I… I’ll be okay… soon,” I muttered. I bowed down over the row of chafing dishes and absentmindedly scooped each dish. My hair was tied in a ponytail, but my Erind illusion would show a curtain of hair covering my face.

“So, you’re not okay now?”

I shook my head. “No… because I’m hungry and have allergies.” I didn’t want Deen to worry about me, so I distracted her. “Funny that I got a runny nose despite having an Adumbrae’s regeneration.”

“Shush!” Deen grabbed my upper arm like I was a misbehaving child. It hurt plenty, her hand like an iron clamp. “Don’t joke like that,” she hissed. “You promised me before you won’t do it in public.”

“I-I did?” I shallowly breathed while adjusting to the pain. Was it part of my ability to get physically abused by my best friend? I was rethinking being thankful that Deen was the last person I’d meet. Nah, I was delighted she was here.

“You did,” said Deen, reaching for a small plate. “I feel like I’ve extracted that promise from you.” We reached the station with the sliced fruits. She picked a few, and that was her breakfast.

At this point, I already had two big plates filled to the brim—well, plates didn’t have brims. We found a table and sat down.

Deen raised a brow at the mounds of food I got.

“This is a buffet,” I responded. “It’s a waste not to eat a lot.” I was going to let Erind deal with all the food. “Anyway, what did you want to talk about? Why did you want to meet me before the others?”

Deen shrugged. “I just missed you. No biggie.”

I didn’t quip up a snarky response, as Erind would’ve in my place. I sensed Deen wasn’t done.

She poked a slice of white dragon fruit on her plate with her fork. “Erind… I was thinking…” Several seconds of silence passed before she continued, “I was thinking, what if we just leave?”

“Abort the mission, you mean?” I asked. “I know there isn’t much evidence to go on that we’ll find the Red Island, but we knew when we decided to ride this cruise ship that this’d be a gamble.” Should I tell her about Big Marcy?

What good would that do? Better let Erind handle this fighting thing.

“No, no—never mind.” Deen put the dragon fruit piece in her mouth and gave me a forced smile.

I didn’t know what she was conflicted about and didn’t have enough time to find out.

I had two missions before running out of time—one, find out what I looked like, and two, cheer Deen up. I chatted about how fun the cruise was and if we could go to the spa later or maybe have a swim. That perked Deen up. She was ecstatic that I was willing to go to the spa with her.

A forlorn smile crossed my face as Deen ticked off all the stuff we could do. I forced myself to eat. I couldn’t taste anything, too nervous about my coming end. Deen’s smile and energy stopped me from crying. Then I nonchalantly checked my reflection on my spoon, taking note of the color and design of my top and shorts.

“I heard they have a salon here, too,” said Deen. “We can go there too. How about a new hairstyle for you?”

“Uh, sure…”  I distractedly replied. Peeking at my right palm, my heart skipped a bit. The crystal showed the number one—a minute to go. Actually, less than that. I didn’t know how many seconds I had left.

I reached across the table and held Deen’s hand.

“I think short hair looks—uh, Erind? What—”

“I have to say goodbye now. I’ll treasure our short time hanging out. It was really—”

“What was that about goodbye? Is everything okay? Why are you frowning?”

“I’m frowning because I feel my stomach rumbling,” I said, completely deadpan. I pulled my hand away from Deen. “And I said goodbye because I might need to do number two.”

“Number two, what?”

“Stay here and guard my food.” I grimaced, looking at the few thousand calories Domino had trapped me into eating. “I just have to take care of some business.” I rushed out of the restaurant and hurried to my room before Deen could say anything or notice that my clothes suddenly changed.

So much fucking hassle! I complained in my head as I sprinted down the hallway. Domino was a hugeass burden! It made me want to throw myself overboard. I swore never to transform into her again.