Reincarnated as the God of Shitty Life Counseling for Defective Washed Up Waifus

Consultation 7.

“God, how do I escape a mental asylum?”

“Don’t be a lunatic anymore and maybe they’ll let you out?”

“What? But I am perfectly fine. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with me.”

“Oh, there’s nothing wrong with you?” I looked at her with a face that could only be described as, ‘Do you think I’m an idiot? Any woman who comes to me obviously has several loose screws in their head.’

She acted like she had not the slightest idea what the look on my face suggested. “Yes, there is absolutely nothing wrong with me,” she shamelessly declared.

“Why were you put in a mental asylum if there is nothing wrong with you as you’ve claimed?”

“That’s because my husband has a fetish for women who are put in mental asylums of course.”

“Oh, does he now?” I squinted my eyes suspiciously, not believing a single word that left her mouth.

“It’s true, I swear. Though I do have another concern now that I think about it “

“Another concern aside from how to escape a mental asylum?”

“Yeah. When I do escape from the mental asylum I’m locked up in, how do I make my husband okay with that? I mean, he might be disappointed that I’m no longer his ideal woman in a mental asylum that he fetishizes.”

“Haaaaah. What makes you honestly think he fetishizes that?”

“He told me so himself.”

“Are you sure he wasn’t just trying to make it so you’d want to stay locked up in that mental asylum because he’s scared shitless by the crazy psycho lady vibes you exude?”

“Why would he ever do that? Are you really a god? You’re not even answering my questions but interrogating me instead.”

“Tsk. Fine you crazy broad, you want an answer? Here’s a simple solution. Kidnap his ass and drag him to a deserted island where he constantly faces the threat of death and only has you to rely on. Like this, whether you’re his ideal fetishized psycho woman in a mental asylum or not, he will fall to your charms under the influence of the suspension bridge effect. Push him down when you get there, have your way with him a few times, and he’s bound to shower you with endless love while he squirms beneath your skirt.”

Though in reality, he will only shower you with endless love so he doesn’t accidentally get killed by you instead of the threats he faces on that island.

“Hmm… I don’t know. You make it sound so simple, but will that really work?”

Tch.

“You won’t know until you try it, right? If it doesn’t work out you can always come back for another consultation.”

“Well… I guess I can at least give it a shot. It’s not like I have anything to lose.”

I apologize Mister Husband I don’t know. Just suck it up and you should be fine… hopefully.

“Oh yeah, about my initial question, you didn’t answer it.”

“How to escape a mental asylum? Isn’t that the easy part? Did you really need me to answer?”

“Well no really, but still what would you do?”

“The same thing you would probably come up with, bribe them, and use your feminine charms to your advantage. If you can afford a life counseling session with me I’m sure you’ve got the more than enough cash to do something so simple.”

“I was hoping for a more colorful answer.”

“The world isn’t a very colorful place these days. It’s either you’re on the side of black or white. Even the grey area in between where color mixes has gradually disappeared. It’s reached a point where color has lost all meaning.”

“Why do I feel like that wasn’t so much an answer for me?”

“You’re imagining things. Now, get lost and go kidnap that husband of yours so you can drag him somewhere far away where no one will hear his cries to be rescued from your crazy ass.”

“As I said before, I’m not crazy. Honesty, in my opinion, It’s everyone else who’s crazy for thinking I’m the crazy one.”

“Spoken like a true crazy person.”