Reincarnated as the God of Shitty Life Counseling for Defective Washed Up Waifus

Consultation 36.

“God, how do I confess to a slime?”

“Prepare it its favorite type of food. If you mix in a lot of love with your cooking when preparing their favorite food, the slime will be able to understand your intentions..”

“Slimes have a favorite food?”

“Yes, they do. What color is the slime you want to confess to?”

“Red.”

“Uh, just to make sure, is it a bright vibrant red or a deep crimson red?”

“Is there a difference?”

“Yes. There is a very big difference in their diets. Bright red ones eat lava.”

“Oh, I see. And what about the deep crimson ones?”

“That would be… the blood of human infants.”

“I see.”

“So, which one is it?”

“Well, now that I think about it, I think he’s actually half bright red and half crimson red.”

“Ugh.” This was the worst case.

“So how would I prepare its favorite food in this case?”

“Are you sure you want to know? To be honest I think you should just find a better slime. This slime is a bad boy who’s only going to break your heart one day.”

“I absolutely want to know, there is nothing that can stop my love for this slime. No slime could possibly replace him.”

“Then… the method is simple. You just need to combine its favorite foods. You will need to gather a bunch of infants and toss them into lava. I’ve heard the louder the infants scream, the tastier the food for the slime. Once all the infant’s screams die out, the lava infant stew is fully cooked and you can feed it to the slime.”

“That’s all I have to do to gain the affection of my dream slime?”

“What do you mean that’s all? You do realize the act you have to commit, right?”

“Yeah, just toss some annoying crying brats into lava and listen to the melodic screams of anguish as their skin melts and their bones are vaporized inside the lava, right?”

“... yeah… that.”

“I understand what I need to do god. Thank you very much for your guidance.”

How many babies are going to die because of this? Do I try to stop her? No, I can’t intervene. I can only guide them to the answer they are seeking out and turn a blind eye to whatever they do after acquiring that answer. What her twisted love toward a slime results in has nothing to do with me.