LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 48.1
Talking, objectively speaking, it’s such an easy thing to do. Just open her mouth and express her ideas, make a string of sounds that convey meaning. Heck, Kara didn’t even need to open her mouth, she had taken a few moments to learn sign language between some of her experiments.
Subjectively speaking, however? It was harder than fighting that eldritch abomination had been. She was doing her best, but her throat locked up every time, the words dying in her mouth and leaving her looking stupid before just saying ‘nothing’.
It wasn’t that she didn’t know what to say, she had practiced in her mind enough that she had three different scripts she could use. Kara knew exactly what she wanted to say, she just… couldn’t do it.
Lying on the sofa, Dexter purring softly on top of her belly, Kara struggled to keep her mind on track. To not reach for her computer so she could distract her mind by watching Luthor still trying to justify a new leak —she still had some dirt on him she hadn’t released— or lose herself on a new experiment.
Two lifetimes —short as they were— and she still hadn’t learned how to take initiative on private matters. Show her an enemy and she would happily start plotting his downfall. Give her a project and she’d immediately start dealing with it but, when it came to her own personal life…
The worst was that she knew it was easy, just start talking. It was simple, extremely so, but she just… Could. Not. Do. It. And she absolutely hated it.
If it was anyone else facing the same problem, Kara would actually be pretty understanding, but when it was her own weakness.
Again, she caught herself reaching for the computer, instinctively trying to change her train of thought, to flee. It would be so easy, there was so much going on in the world, so many important things she could be dealing with.
The Light was adapting to her existence. Trigon was getting involved with the world. Mr. Mind was probably still alive and plotting something. She’d have to deal with the Injustice League soon…
Kara would really prefer to be dealing with any one of those things and, arguably, they were far more important than her inability to speak up.
Pulling her arm back, she squeezed her hand into a fist and closed her eyes, taking deep breaths as she tried to calm herself down, to swallow the lump on her throat and relax her body.
Feeling a gentle touch on her closed hand, Kara opened her eyes to see Dexter pushing his head against her hand, his purring getting louder as he rubbed his entire body against her.
Unable to help herself, she scratched the top of his head, watching as his eyes closed in pleasure, eventually, he actually lifted a paw towards her other hand and attempted to draw it closer, gently hooking his claws around her finger.
“Oh, you want both hands then, one isn’t enough,” Kara snorted. Letting out a long sigh, she obliged. “As the Overlord commands.”
“Joy!” Kori exclaimed, catching Kara by surprise with her phone as she brought them food. “This will make for the most wonderful saver of screens!”
Kara flushed, but she still kept scratching at the cat’s fur, letting her girlfriend continue to take a few more pictures of their interaction. “Just don’t be showing that to everyone, you’re gonna make them stop fearing me.”
“Do not worry, after they beheld the way you fought the Yog-Sotha, that will not be a concern,” Kori nodded, lifting Kara’s feet and sitting down on the sofa before laying them back down on her lap. At Kara’s inquisitive look, she continued. “There was a substantial amount of videos from Salem’s battle.”
It had only been a single day since the fight with Klarion and Kara was taking it easy, or at least trying to, with Kori having taken a day of leave to stay with her and help her recover from the ordeal.
Still, she should have expected videos of the fight to have spread far and wide, the internet was even more advanced here than in her previous life and there were several video sharing apps that were popular.
“Ugh, I really hope that didn’t spread the damned cognitohazard,” Kara sighed, lying back on the sofa’s arm and continuing to run her hand over Dexter’s fur.
“It did not, The Doctor Fate was sure of that,” Kori answered, adjusting her position so her legs could hang besides Kara’s.
“Good, did I at least look cool in the videos?”
“You looked most gallant,” Kori nodded, handing Kara the plate of snacks before stealing a handful of them. “Indeed, watching you sunder the creature’s phalange and bathe in its blood left me exceedingly aroused.”
Kara choked on one of the snacks, causing Dexter to jump away as she coughed to dislodge the nugget from her airway. “Well… coff… I suppose that’s better than the alternative.”
“Still, I do hope you do not get covered in evil, eldritch ichor again, regardless of how appealing it was to watch your prowess.”
“Don’t worry. I have no intention of doing that anytime soon,” she said, taking a sip of water to clean her mouth.
Grabbing the remote, Kara pressed play, finally letting the movie continue playing. Star Wars was still a thing even in DC and Kori was actually greatly enjoying the original trilogy, especially because the movie technology was much better in this world.
Even Kara loved it. The director had actually managed to preserve the mental aspect of Old Obi-Wan VS Vader while also making it showy, with both exploding into action in a short but epic duel at the end.
Still, Kara wasn’t able to concentrate on the second movie, her anxiety starting to build again as she kept stealing glances at Kori.
Finally, after nearly twenty minutes, she grabbed the remote and paused the movie, staring at the screen as she attempted to gather her wits and open her mouth.
Feeling a warm touch, she watched as Kori just embraced her, wrapping her arms around Kara’s neck in a strong hug. “Kara, we are friends, more than that, we are lovers. No matter what you wish to say, I will always be here for you.”
“I didn’t used to be like this, you know?” Kara breathed out, a derisive tone in her voice. “While Kryptonians can get lonely or uncertain, we don’t really have a need to talk, or even be with others. Such weakness had long since been purged from our nature by evolution or genetic manipulation.”
Pushing herself up into a sitting position, Kara adjusted herself, her back straight against the sofa’s arm as Kori laid between her legs, their hands interlocked. She hated feeling like this, weak. It really wasn’t in her nature.
“On Krypton, we didn’t really get like this. Our society let us achieve pretty much anything we wanted and we were born with a purpose. We didn’t really get depressed, anxious or even uncertain,” she told her girlfriend, the words finally leaving her mouth and causing a weight to leave her chest. “Yes, Father disapproved of my martial training, but that was actually the greatest setback I had… and it’s not like I didn’t enjoy my technical studies, it wasn’t that hard to focus entirely on them. This is… shameful.”
“Do not speak like that, just because you are struggling with something, it does not make you weak. Needing help does not make you unworthy,” Kori said angrily. Releasing Kara’s hands, she cupped her face and forced Kara to look into her eyes. “Kara, you are already doing so much for me, for the Titans. You do not need to do everything alone. We can help each other, no?”
“Sorry, it’s just, I wasn’t supposed to be like this, I was supposed to be composed, to be capable of making the hard decisions,” pushing her head back, Kara closed her eyes to gather her thoughts. “Ever since I regained some memories back with the Psions, I have felt different. I know I’m still myself, but I don’t think my family would ever recognize me now, either of them. Focusing on other problems lets me forget about it and makes me feel… normal.”
“Kara, to me, you are normal,” Kori smiled at her, releasing her face and pushing herself back again. “I did not know you or your family before, but I believe they would still love you no matter what.”
Kara didn’t know if Kori was right, but hearing it did make her feel a little better. Her Father had been a hard man, but he did love her in his own way, she really hoped he’d still do so even if he knew she had a second set of memories.
“Kori, have you ever heard about the multiverse? Alternate dimensions?”
“Yes?” Kori hesitatingly said, not understanding the change of subject. “The Titans have been reading through some of the Justice League’s old reports as part of our training. They have many interactions with parallel dimensions.”
“Right, well, I actually remember a different life, one where everything here was simply an animated series…”