LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 89 89
It took Hua Chan Juan about 15 minutes to completely clear the passageway. Not counting the first one that I almost ran into, she had 8 others that she needed to take down before we could make it to the food court. I had to roll my eyes at them. Nine booby traps within a hundred feet seemed like overkill, but who was I to think that?
Once she gave the all-clear, I quickly entered the food court and looked around. I would be the first to admit that the smell was… fresh(?)… how do you politely say that it stunk to high heaven? Anyways…
To make my life easier, I started with the closest restaurant and took everything that seemed like it would still be good. Even only a few days without a working fridge made most things turn to rot before I could get my hands on it, but that was fine. There were still a lot of juices that didn't need refrigeration, breads, canned fruits, vegetables, and meats were all there, waiting on the shelves for me to take.
Grabbing what I could, I moved on to the next restaurant until I had gotten everything edible. Wang Chao followed wordlessly behind me, not once complaining about the smell or having to help. Just a constant presence. I looked up at him and smiled.
"Aren't you supposed to be getting your own supplies?" I asked, a small smirk on my face as he looked down at me.
"And where am I going to put them? I need you to store them away," he replied, not once looking ashamed of his answer.
"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled as we exited the last restaurant. I stopped suddenly when I saw Hua Chan Juan and Huang Tian Kuo laughing in the middle of Wang Chao's soldiers like they had always belonged with them and not someone that held a gun to me just minutes ago.
The crashing wave of betrayal shocked me enough that it made me take a step back, but I couldn't pinpoint where I felt betrayed, just that I was. I mean… it's not like they have the decade of memories that I have, and I understand that… mostly… I am not expecting them to be my friends…
Was I feeling betrayed by the men befriending them? Like they were supposed to be mine but here they were, laughing with complete strangers?
Or did I feel an overwhelming sense of panic that maybe, just maybe when Liu Wei, Chen Zi Han, and Liu Yu Zeng meet them, they would behave the same way? And where would that leave me?
My mind was spinning and I started to realize just why my therapist told me that I had abandonment issues. I had never really experienced it to this extent before, but right now, I was almost choking on my fear.
I didn't want to feel this way, I think that it made me weak and pathetic that I was threatened by having another woman, and a married woman at that, in our group. But I was.
I knew Hua Chan Juan, I knew how strong and powerful she was, how she could always adapt to any situation, and just how phonemical she was at leading people. She was my second in command at the compound, but everyone went to her when they had a problem with something. She used to laugh it off when I complained about it, saying that as my second, it was her job to be doing all this work. But then, after a while, people just assumed that she was the one who built the compound or got the supplies for it.
Back then, I didn't really care what everyone thought, about me or my role within the compound. But then, when they decided to sacrifice me to the zombies to protect themselves, a small part of myself wondered if it was because they didn't know that I was the one that did everything for them.
And if they could do that when I gave them everything, what could these people do when I have technically given them nothing? I mean, I am friends with their leaders, so they follow my directions, but if push came to shove, they would leave me in a second for them… I might be the one keeping them alive right now, but that won't last long.
Soon they will know how to navigate the new world and then I will be nothing… and then what?
Could I go back to my ranch alone? Now that almost every part of it has been infected with the boys' presence?
I closed my eyes. I knew that I could claim period hormones for this wave of weakness… but I also knew that there was more to it than that.
I knew that I was not the main character in this novel. I was not the one with unlimited power, that no matter what I did, I would still come out on top… I was not the leader, I was not a doctor that could bring back the dead, I was not an alchemist, not an assassin, I was… just not.
I was following what the boys wanted to do and pretended like I had a choice in the matter. For fuck sake, I didn't even want a choice in the matter. I wanted to stay alone on my ranch, eat my sweets, and let everyone die…
And now, just thinking about that dream made me feel like my heart was being ripped out.
I opened my eyes and continued to watch the scene in front of me… and I prayed that I would not be kicked out of the group because now they had Hua Chan Juan.
I was completely unprepared for the feeling of weightlessness as Wang Chao picked me up into a princess carry and spun us around. Carrying me into the restaurant we just vacated, he plunked me down onto the counter so he could put both hands on either side of my hips and leaned into me, leaving only millimeters between our noses.
"I will put up with some things," he said in a low growl that I could feel in my very bones. "But there are other things that are just complete and utter bullshit."
My eyebrows disappeared into my bangs as I heard Wang Chao swear for the first time ever. "That—thing—outside will not take your place, could not take your place in any way."
"That's only because I'm single and she's married," I said. I knew that it wasn't true, but a part of me was still scared and insecure.
"Bull. There could be a whole army of women out there, and there would still only be you in my eyes. Do you understand that?" he asked, searching my face like it would give him an answer that I was unaware of.
"But—"
"No buts," he growled, moving his hands until they grabbed my hips and pulled himself between my legs. Straightening up he looked down at me. "You have me and Liu Wei wrapped around your finger and it has nothing to do with whether or not you have been in the military or if you started your own compound. You are you, and that is all that I care about."
"That's probably a good thing," I said with a wet laugh, tears flowing down my cheeks. "I'm not in the military and I have never been."
"Little girl, Sweetheart, you are you and that is more than enough for me. Besides, I have enough competition, I don't need more," he grumbled under his breath, the sound loosening a knot in my chest.
"That is another part," I whispered, burying my face in the crook of his neck so I didn't have to see him when I said this next part.
"What is?" he asked in a gentle voice, pulling me deeper into his arms. I had a small panic attack at how I was going to say what was going on in my mind. "Ahhh," he said in understanding.
I guess when you are talking to a mind reader, you don't really need to figure out how to say things… they just understand.
"I would not ask you to choose," he reassured me as if he was waiting forever to be able to say this to me. "All that I ask is that you include me too. As scared as you are of me leaving, I am just as scared that you will do the same."
Startled, I leaned back and looked at him, "What? Why?"
"I am worried that at some point in time, you are going to be tired of all the shit we bring to the table and leave us," confessed Wang Chao.
Was it bad that his confession made joy spread throughout my body causing me to practically vibrate in his arms?
"Yes, it is bad," he chuckled, "And yes, we both have the same fears, so from now on, instead of letting them fester, let's talk about them."
I nodded, so happy that we had this talk. "Now, let's get out of here because the smell is really starting to get to me," he joked as he took me down off the counter and pushed me toward the door.
Laughing, I followed his push, allowing us to go back out to where everyone was waiting for us.