Realm Law: Book Two of The Five Realms Trilogy

Later that week, Hummer’s ear-splitting tenor shattered the morning stillness. In a way, the jolting vibrato was a blessing, for it took Delaney’s mind off the despair of waking up to yet another day in clothes that absorbed body odor by day and mildew by night.

“And it is a long, long time til we face again that climb

And the Raxxars are gone forrrrr the winterrrrr!”

“What in the world is going on?” cried Shaska. To the group’s alarm, her eyes had not recovered from the poisonous vapors. Every time she tried to open them, the stinging forced them shut before she could make out any clear shapes through the veil of tears.

But Hummer was not thinking of Shaska at the moment. He sat on a fallen oak trunk, arms stretched wide, head thrown back as he gargled the final note of his song.

“Ho ho!” he said, rubbing his hands as if he were going to start a fire with them. “Heh hey, yes! We are well out of Raxxar Range and in a strange new land where the people are quaint and harmless as pea pods, a place where the senses can repose completely, secure in the knowledge that there are no wonders of nature to disturb them.”

“What are you saying?” asked Shaska. “Have we have crossed the realm border?”

Hummer nodded and rubbed his hands all the more vigorously.

Shaska yelped in her still croaky voice. “A new realm! I have dreamt about this since I was a small girl! If my eyes would just heal so that I could see some of it.”

“You might have thought of that before you squandered your sight on the falls,” scolded Windglow. “I know that is harsh, Shaska, and I feel for your loss, so I will speak of it no more. I bring it up because, again, you do not seem to recognize the gravity of the situation. This is no innocent, harmless little playground. Indeed, it seems to be the source of great evil.”

“I never noticed much of a difference between the Second and Third,” said Delaney. “Except maybe the sun is not so bright here and the colors aren’t so gaudy, and there aren’t as many weird places other than weird people.”

Hummer’s spirits could not be dampened by either assessment. He burst into another song:

“But who gives a care

Who gives a care where

The sun shines as long

As it shines upon meeeeeeee.”

Windglow suddenly nodded with a rueful smile as Hummer finished in a piercing falsetto. “I can guess why Hummer is in such good spirits. Now that we have crossed in the Second, poor Puddles can no longer speak.”

Shaska pouted her lip in sympathy.

Delaney could not help but giggle. “I know just what he would say right now. ‘Is Second Realm air so polluted that it sends Tishaarans screeching off-keylike castrated turkeys?’”

“Perhaps so,” sniffed Hummer, sizing her up severely. “But he cannot say it, so it is better off not said. Which, I would argue, is the case with all of his remarks.”

“Hummer!” scolded Shasta. “That is not fair. The poor thing cannot defend himself.”

“Sorry, sorry,” said Hummer, holding his hands up in surrender. “So you say this is your home realm, eh, Delaney?”

“No, I don’t, and I never have,” said Delaney, with an edge of irritability. She wondered how many times she would have to explain this. “This isn’t even close to home. I don’t come from any of the realms. All I ever said is that the Second Realm seems more like where I come from than any of the other realms you describe.”

“Ah, technicalities. Call it your home realm and be done with it, Delaney, you obstinate woman. Come, let us be off. Imagine, princesses, if you can, a veritable feast of intelligent conversation without a spiteful fluffhead punctuating it with his tiresome drivel.”

“Hummer!” cried Delaney and Shaska together.

“My apologies,” said Hummer with a bow. “I just feel as though a sudden cessation of pointless and disparaging comments would be too drastic an adjustment for our systems. With friend Puddles a little down in the mouth, as it were, I thought I would take up the slack.”

“Shall we go?” said Windglow, as he scooped up their remaining pack.

“But the canoe is down there,” said Delaney as Windglow hitched up his backpack and strode off toward the east, in a path perpendicular to the river.

“I am sorry,” said Windglow. “Did I fail to mention that we go on foot from here?”

“What about the canoe?” asked Delaney.

“We leave it behind,” said Hummer. “The river goes south; our path goes east. A fine water steed it has been but it serves us no more.”

“I was thinking,” said Windglow, shaking the folds from his map. “It is too bad we cannot go through Morp instead of hiking all the way round to the east. And by going into there, we would stay well away from the Brookings, whom I assure you we would do well to avoid.”

“We are not going into Morp!” Hummer declared. “I will not hear of such lunacy. We are going east. We can avoid Rushbrook simply by swinging out further to the east before we turn north.

“But that is such a circuitous route. Ah, never mind,” said Windglow. “I was just wondering aloud if it were worth the risk of Morp to cut cut some time off the journey. But of course it is not.” He folded up his map and was apparently willing to let Hummer’s protest carry the day.

Windglow’s quick submission to Hummer’s swagger infuriated Delaney. Why can’t he stand up for himself? Nor did she relish the idea of an extra week or two in the wilds away from the comfort of Orduna and a change of clothes, if there was any way to avoid it. On the other hand, she had traveled in the realms long enough to fear the fears of the realmlanders. If the First Realm struck terror into Hummer’s heart, she wanted no part of that land. A week's delay or two delay was a small toll to pay to avoid it. Had they paid a hundred days to avoid the dungeon of Rushbrook, she would have considered it a bargain. Still, she wondered what it was about Morp that scared Hummer.

“What’s wrong with Morp?” she asked. “Are there dangerous creatures?”

“Dangerous, hah!” snorted Hummer. “No more deadly to us than a kernel of corn. Do you think I fear the First Realmers? Be serious, please.”

“Then what? The land? Is it anything like that awful Cloudmire?” asked Delaney, with another shudder of remembrance.

“Quite the opposite,” Windglow broke in. With his hands in his pockets, he assumed a posture that reminded Delaney of an old man giving a lecture. “The reports of Morp speak of a parched and dusty land. You could set Cloudmire in Morp and the fog would burn off by evening. It is mostly a flat plain amid a few small mountains. Rocky hills, really. Trees grow only around the perimeter of the realm.”

After many days of dampness, the arid climate of Morp sounded good. Delaney wondered what the catch was. Having built up a reservoir of resentment to Hummer’s bullying of his fellow Tishaaran, she hesitated to support his decision unless absolutely necessary. “From what you say, it sounds as though we could get through it easily. I thought we had an urgent mission to carry out. A week could make a big difference.”

“Oh, look who is talking about the mission and saving time! You women said nothing of urgency when you took that little holiday excursion at Death Falls! I am sorry, but I am not going to Morp,” insisted Hummer. “Report me to the Chamber if you wish. Certainly they have enough sense to stay clear of Morp, of all places.”

“I just want to know what you’re so scared of.”

Her slightly mocking tone needled Hummer, who was not used to having his courage questioned, and bitterly resented it. But he took a moment to compose himself before answering.

“Delaney, you wonderfully misguided flower of womanhood! We are not speaking of fear but of common sense,” he said, with a deep chuckle. “We are speaking of Morp. The First Realm. Perhaps it would be instructive to take just a moment out of your busy life to imagine what it would be like for us trying to muddle through that place? Why, we have already lost our Third Realm stamina; I am beginning to feel sapped by the mere effort of speech. Have you forgotten that what powers and abilities remain to us would be reduced to First Realm bumbling the moment we crossed the border? We would have no more competence than the miserable creatures who inhabit the land. They are weak, clumsy, and lack the sense of a goose! Few of them live beyond the age of 25 years, and despite our fresh-scrubbed looks, some of us are approaching that now.” He winked at Shaska.

“He is right,” agreed Windglow. “There is a strong chance that Morp might cause us to make some foolish error of judgment that could cause delay.”

Delaney was almost ready to drop the issue but a streak of stubbornness egged her on to keep the issue alive for one more round. “Is this all fact or are you just repeating rumors?” she asked. “What makes you so sure the Morps are really that stupid?”

“Oh, they are,” Windglow said. Then he shrugged and admitted, “At least that is what everyone says.”

“See? That is just my point,” said Delaney, triumphantly. After feeling totally inadequate among her compadres since their departure from Tishaaran, she was enjoying a bit of success sparring with them. “Has any Tishaaran ever visited Morp to know for certain?”

“Not in my lifetime,” admitted Hummer. With an air of authority, he hoisted his pack and started toward the east. “No one in our realm has been so witless as to consider a visit. And we will entertain no further thoughts of being the first.”

“How do you know what Morp is like if no one has been there?”

“Women!” muttered Hummer, spinning on his heels. “Doubting Mildreds, all of them. And such convoluted logic, begging your forbearance. Tishaara has seen no open warfare for 100 years. Does that make us ignorant of war? Sweetheart, may I humbly suggest you follow the example of this wise and glorious woman,” he took Shaska’s hand and kissed it, “and kindly yield. Admit that you know nothing of the First Realm and let us be gone.”

“I am afraid Hummer’s right,” said Shaska.

Delaney was stunned. She had come to think of Shaska as her ally. Didn’t I come to your defense at the falls? Come to think of it, I put my neck out for you even though we had no business going there. Even though it was a stupid thing to do! Just for you! Out of loyalty to you! And here you just jump in on Hummer’s side!

"Wait a minute. Aren't you the one who was afraid of living the rest of her life wondering what you had missed. Well? What happened to that?"

"This is … different," said Shaska.

Delaney glared at Shaska. Her natural caution evaporated in the heat of her desire to teach the cocky Hummer and that backstabbing Shaska a lesson. “I’m just a little surprised you don’t have any more guts than that.”

Hummer’s self-assured chuckle disappeared. “Begging your pardon, but you know not of what you speak. If courage is acting like a white-livered, fleak-eared fopdoodle, or whatever Puddles calls it, than I confess to having none. None at all! Get this through your head! Sending a Third Realmer into Morp is like sending an infant into the wild, for that is what we would become. You would sacrifice our experience, our intellect, and plain common sense in the hope of saving a few days. Why, the realm of Morp will strip away our very manhood, or womanhood--whatever--and I do not intend to let that happen.”

“So it’s not your cajones that are stopping you; it’s your vanity. I don’t know which is worse.”

“We are not going to Morp!” cried Hummer, his face reddening. “It is out of the question. End of conversation.”

“Oh yeah?” said Delaney, setting her jaw. “Excuse me for daring to speak to the mighty alpha male since I am only an ignorant female outrealmer. But even a fleapdoodle like me can figure out that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line! I heard your marching orders, people, and they were to get your sorry, fat butts to Orduna as fast as you could waddle them. So if all you’re worried about is embarrassing yourselves for a few days, get over it!”

The Tishaarans stared at her in various shades of shock. But none made any move to join her.

Swept onward by her temper, Delaney said, “Fine! Well, at least one of us is going to carry out this mission with all possible speed, if she has to do it by herself. Come with me if you dare; if not, then I’ll see you in Orduna.”

With that, she stomped off in the direction Windglow had indicated would take them to Morp. Leaving behind a bewildered and chastened audience, she pushed aside the brush and vanished into a dense woods.

“Delaney!” pleaded Windglow.

Hummer’s cheeks flamed. “Women! You cannot reason with them. Delaney, get back here!”

“Do not just stand here,” said Shaska. “Go after her. Bring her back. She is just upset. She has no idea where she is going.”

“Well, she should have thought of that before she ran off,” growled Hummer. “Talk about wasting time; she is the one wasting our time.”

“I will go talk to her,” said Windglow.

“Leave her alone. She will come back,” said Hummer, grabbing his arm.

“Hummer, stop this!” cried Shaska. “Windglow, get her now! I would go myself, but I cannot see well enough.”

“She is bluffing,” insisted Hummer. “It is time to stop this juvenile nonsense and teach that young lady a lesson. Give her a moment to come to her senses and she will run back begging our forgiveness.”

They argued for quite some time, with increasing bitterness.

“I really do not see what is to be done here,” said Windglow, clearly torn in two directions. “That is, suppose she does not come back?”

“Then she can go to Morp, where she probably belongs in the first place, and they are welcome to her,” said Hummer. “Who is in charge here, anyway?”

“No one, it would seem!” shouted Shaska, her long-dormant temper exploding like a hailstorm out of the stillness. Wheeling on her male companions, she stormed, “This is the flimsiest excuse for leadership I have ever seen! In case you have not figured it out yet, Delaney is not crawling back. Our group is now split up and she is heading into Morp all by herself.”

“That was her choice,” replied Hummer, arms folded stubbornly across his chest.

“Yes, it was! And now you have to make a choice. If I had not been such a child at the falls, I would have my sight and I could have retrieved her by now. But at the moment, I cannot go anywhere without you.” She gathered up the light pack that Delaney was supposed to have carried but forgot in her haste, and glared at them, hands on hips. “So decide!”