Realistic Harry Potter

Like a synchronized team that had worked together for years, Harry and Filch started at opposite ends of the room and scrubbed a mirror, the sink below it, then the bathroom stall opposite it. They hummed their work song and moved along to the next mirror and continued as they scrubbed. They even switched between cleaning products for each thing.

Filch was surprised that Harry had more experience with switching between cleaning products for metal, porcelain, wood, and tile. He never thought he would learn from a boy that was a sixth of his age, a better way of cleaning, even with the proof of the stone floors and walls being cleaner than they had been in decades.

They reached the middle of the room and Filch discovered a problem. One of the sinks was slightly different. He had never noticed before, because he had always avoided this bathroom. There had been a ghost there for as long as he had been caretaker and his occasional attempts cleaning the place were always interrupted by it.

“Lad, come here for a minute.” Filch said as he looked closely at the odd designs on the sides of the taps. It almost looked like something was wrapped around them. “What do you think this looks like?”

Harry walked over from the sink he was working on and looked at it. “It looks like a hiss shahhh hisss.”

Filch jerked like someone had slapped him. “WHAT did you just say?”

“It looks like a hiss shahhh hisss.” Harry said. “It's even wrapped around it like it's strangling it.”

“Lad, I don't think I heard you right. Can you say that one more time?”

Harry gave him a wide eyed look for a moment. “It looks like a hiss shahhh hisss.” He said for a third time. “Look, it wraps around here...” He used a finger to rub the snake design. “...and here its...” He tried to say 'its mouth is open', except he looked at the snake engraving and what came out was something else. “...assha shaaa.”

There was a bang and a click, making them both jump, then the sink and mirror slid away from them and into the wall. They both stared at the darkness that was revealed below where the sink used to be.

“Meow?” Missus Morris asked and peeked inside.

“Get back, lass.” Filch said and bent down to pick her up. “That's a huge pipe to fall into.” He held her close and pet her head. “I think I smell... whew... you do not want to go in there.”

“Where do you think it goes?” Harry asked and deployed his wand. “Lumos Maxima!”

The large pipe, about two feet across, was lit up for nearly thirty feet down. All they saw was a twisting turn down where the light reached and nothing else.

“I think I need to tell the teachers and the headmaster about this.” Filch said and looked at Harry. “Lad, don't you dare think about going in there.”

Harry stared at him in surprise. “Why would I go in there?” He asked. “We're on the third floor of the castle. If it drops down that far before turning, I can't imagine how far down it actually goes.”

“The bottom's not going to have something soft fer you to land on, either.” Filch said. “We better block this off for now.”

Harry nodded and they stepped back. He cast the privacy curtain and it covered up the opening in the wall.

“I'll be right back with help.” Filch said. “Hopefully.”

“I'll keep cleaning.” Harry responded. “We're almost done.”

“Aye, yer a good lad.” Filch said.

“Meow.” Missus Norris agreed.

Filch left at a fast walk and Harry went back to cleaning while he waited for them to come back.

*

Minerva and the other teachers sat in the staff room and discussed their lessons and the current crop of promising students. Nearly everyone was talking about Hermione Granger and Harry Potter, with a few mentions of Susan Bones. The last wasn't a surprise, considering who was raising her. The only one not engaging in the conversation was Severus Snape. He had been quiet for the entire discussion. Almost too quiet. It was like he was hiding something and he had to restrain himself or he would blurt it out.

Minerva was about to confront him, politely of course, when there were several knocks on the door and it opened without permission. The caretaker stood there with his cat in his hands and a worried expression on his face.

“I've found something on the third floor in one of the girl's bathrooms.” Filch said.

“Then clean it up and don't bother us with such trivialities.” Snape snapped, almost angrily.

“Professor Snape!” Minerva said loudly.

Snape gave her a glare that made her nervous, then he sighed and looked at Filch. “My apologies, Mister Filch. I suppose if it was such a simple thing, you wouldn't have come here to tell us.”

“No, professor.” Filch said. “It's a tunnel that leads down into the bowels of the castle.”

Every single teacher sat up straight to stare at him.

“I told the lad cleaning with me that it was just a pipe; but, I've never seen a pipe in the castle that big before.” Filch said. “I stopped here first before going over to the headmaster's office.”

“I'll take care of that.” Minerva said as she stood up. “Which bathroom is it in?”

“Moaning Myrtle's.” Filch said and several of the women let out gasps.

“Meow, meow!” Missus Norris said.

“It's not her bathroom anymore?” Minerva asked, surprised.

“She's gone.” Filch said. “I better get back there before the lad's curiosity gets the better of him.” He left at a fast walk and Minerva exchanged looks with the other teachers. “Severus, Thorfinn, I believe you should come with me to the headmaster. If this is what I think it is, then we will need your help.”

“I'll go get Madam Pomfrey.” Professor Sprout said.

“Good idea, Pomona. We will meet you in the third floor corridor outside the bathroom.” Minerva said and they left the staff room with purposes set and determination in their minds.

*

Albus Dumbledore sat in his office and felt a little despair. He had lost the Philosopher's Stone and it was a practically irreplaceable artifact. It either had to be used up or destroyed for another one to be made, or so his good friend Nicholas Flamel claimed. It seemed like a good lie, since it would keep people from kidnapping the famous alchemist to get him to make them one.

He had been fortunate to convince his friend to loan the stone to him in the first place, and now it was gone. He had searched all over, even inside the forbidden forest, and there was nothing. No trace of the stone could be found anywhere. He had even tried to search for the stone's essence and found nothing. His loan would expire at the end of the year and if he didn't find it by then, or admit its loss by then, his good friend might not remain a good friend for much longer.

Albus felt someone use the password and the staircase activated. He quickly cleaned up all the papers, maps, and areas he had marked as searched. He tucked them into the drawer he kept important things in and folded his hands on his desk to wait. At the last moment, he remembered to put on his glasses and set them properly on his nose, just as someone knocked on his office door.

“Come.” Albus said in his best grandfather voice. “Ah, Minerva. What can I do for you today?”

“There's no time for pleasantries, Albus.” Minerva said as she led Snape and Rowle into the office. “Filch found a tunnel on the third floor in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.”

All of Albus' previous thoughts fled from his head as he stood. “We must go there at once.” He said and nodded at the two men behind her. “Be ready for anything.”

“Do you think it's what I think it is, too?” Minerva asked.

“The fabled entrance to the Chamber of Secrets.” Albus said and led them out of his office. “After all these years, it has finally been found.”

The four of them walked quickly to a hidden staircase and were on the third floor a moment later and met up with Professor Sprout and Madam Pomfrey. They arrived at the right bathroom and went inside without knocking first and were met with an odd scene. A bright red curtain hung over the wall where one of the sinks should have been.

“Someone explain.” Albus said into the room.

Filch stepped forward as the curtain disappeared and he explained what had happened. Albus, Minvera, Snape, and Thorfinn all turned to look at the young boy standing in the stall across from the missing sink. He had a toilet scrubbing brush in his hand and a slightly confused look on his face.

“Why are you all looking at me like that?” Harry asked, a little worried.

“Harry, what did you say when telling Filch about the sink taps?” Albus asked and stared at him.

Harry diverted his gaze and filled his head with a cleaning spell that he wasn't allowed to use. “It's Mister Potter.” He said. “I just said that the snake's mouth was open.”

“All I heard was a hiss and a shushing sound.” Filch said.

“He's a Parselmouth.” Thorfinn Rowle said, understanding it immediately and saw Harry's confusion increase. “It means you can talk to snakes. You can speak the snake language, Parseltongue.”

“Wh-what?” Harry looked at the other's faces and saw that none of them were surprised by this. “But... how... I mean, I never learned...”

“It can't be learned, not like a normal language. People are usually born with the ability.” Thorfinn said. “In fact...”

“That's enough, Thorfinn.” Albus said and held a hand up to stop him from telling the boy any more. “We need to proceed carefully.”

“Do you have Fawkes handy?” Minerva asked. “We may need his help if...”

“Unfortunately, he had his Burning Day recently.” Albus said.

“Gentlemen, defensive spells until we are near the chamber.” Minerva said and tightened her cloak about her shoulders.

Albus waved his wand at the pipe and it expanded to twice its size, then he, Minerva, and Thorfinn jumped in. Snape hesitated for a moment and pointedly looked at Harry, then he jumped, too.

“They could be gone for a while.” Filch said. “We should leave and lock the door to stop any students from coming in here.”

Harry nodded and they left the bathroom with Madam Pomfrey and Professor Sprout inside. Filch didn't lock it himself, though. The door clicked shut and then the sound of a metal latch locking into place was heard. Harry didn't ask about it, though. He knew the castle had whims of its own. He did his best to be nice to it, just so he wouldn't have to suffer like he did that first day when he tried to go from Griffindor Tower to the Entrance Hall. It had taken him a long time to make the journey then.

Now? Harry could make the same trip with only a couple of staircases and a trick door. He didn't want to lose that privilege, so he had promised to finish the job of cleaning everything in the castle that he had started two weeks ago. Plus, he was learning all about the castle and its secret passages. They had to be cleaned just as much as the regular stairways and corridors.

In fact, Filch himself said that he hadn't bothered cleaning them for years, since almost no one knew about them. The only ones he cleaned regularly were the ones the teachers and the headmaster used. Harry wouldn't let that go, though. He wanted to clean the whole castle and Filch had been easily convinced that it was a good idea.

Filch, Missus Norris, and Harry went up to the next floor and started on the bathrooms there. Harry's mind went over the discovery that he knew a language that he didn't know he knew. He was going to have to get Hermione in on this, just so she could start researching it for him. He did feel guilty that he was taking advantage of her by letting her do all the work, then he smiled. She was just so good at it that he would feel guilty if he didn't ask her for help.

Harry sped up his scrubbing and promised himself to ask her at supper. He had run out of sandwiches to share and would need to get Filch to go to the Great Hall to eat this time. He also needed a bit more food for the summer, too. His stock was almost full and he wouldn't have to worry about food at all. He had ordered more shelves for him to put things on and a wardrobe for his clothes.

He had also ordered something very special for himself and it was already paid for, thanks to his account manager at the bank, who had handled the details for him. It would be completed next week and he couldn't wait to see it.