LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 55 - They weren’t lies
“I…”
“…”
After listening to Bai Yu’s questioning, YouYu remained silent for a long time. Then, as if resigning himself to fate, he spoke with a touch of self-mockery:
“If I really do as you say… if I deny this promise, it’s the same as denying my past words.”
“In that case, everything I’ve done might have just been a lie.”
Saying so, he let out a deep sigh.
“……”
Hearing YouYu’s words, Bai Yu gradually calmed down. After a moment of silence, she steadied her emotions, let go of his collar, furrowing her brows as she continued:
“No, that’s not what I meant. Back then, everything you did for WuYue, I saw it all.”
“Your actions, your choices.”
“They were all… sincere, not lies.”
“……”
After speaking, Bai Yu took another breath and continued:
“My emotions did get a bit out of hand just now… I’m sorry. What I wanted to say, what I wanted to ask was, are you really going to refuse her just because of this? What about the things you said back then? Why do you… think differently now?”
Bai Yu hadn’t forgotten why she had asked YouYu to meet her and that their earlier “little conflict” was just an unexpected detour.
After all, what she truly intended to do was understand their situation and help resolve their conflict.
Arguing over such things would only complicate matters, and tempers would flare.
So, she managed to control herself in time, not letting the situation escalate further.
“……”
“The reason I’m rejecting her, I’ve already made that clear just now.”
“But I’m sure you’re not satisfied with that answer, right?”
“……”
Seeing Bai Yu fall silent, YouYu paused for a moment, then sighed and said:
“Fine, I’ll be blunt and tell you the real reason.”
“Simply put… I’m afraid.”
“……”
Hearing YouYu’s response, Bai Yu was stunned. She furrowed her brows, her voice filled with confusion and disbelief as she asked:
“You say you’re afraid? Are you joking? During those battles, whether it was to save WuYue or me, you charged in without a second thought, like you weren’t even afraid of death. And now you’re telling me… you’re afraid?”
Someone like YouYu, someone who, in a way, seemed even more fearless than the rest of them, would say something like this?
It was… really hard to believe. She hadn’t even considered the possibility.
“Yes.”
“Then you…”
“Let’s sit down and talk.”
Nodding, YouYu sat back on the bench and motioned for Bai Yu to sit as well, he continued:
“Because, unlike those matters, this time, the difference between what’s happening with WuYue and those others lies in… whether or not I’ve made a promise to her.”
“In the future, there could be many times when situations like that arise again. I can’t guarantee that I’ll make it out unscathed every time, and I can’t promise that I won’t die every time.”
“So, I can’t just agree to her confession lightly. I don’t have that intention—there’s no way I could even think of building that kind of relationship with her.”
“Because… if I die, the pain it would cause her would be immeasurable.”
“It could very well affect her for the rest of her life.”
“……”
“And you think doing this now won’t?”
As she listened to YouYu’s words, that annoying surge of emotion once again washed over Bai Yu’s heart. She did her best to keep her emotions in check, but still, her voice carried a tone of anger as she questioned:
“If you don’t establish that relationship with her, does that mean you won’t die? Do you really think that if you reject her now, she won’t grieve if something ‘happens’ to you later on?”
“Stop deceiving yourself, YouYu! Even she isn’t afraid—so what are you afraid of? You say you’re simply afraid of dying? That you’re afraid your death would affect her? Let me tell you, she’s not that fragile, YouYu!”
“If anything, it’s because of your rejection that she’s become like this!”
“You… you’re are so contradictory!”
“If you’re worried about how your death might affect her, then why didn’t you just leave her side from the beginning?!”
“……”
And just like that, they were back to square one.
Listening to Bai Yu’s words, YouYu felt a whirlwind of emotions stirring within him.
Honestly, he hadn’t expected to be confronted by Bai Yu like this after coming here… and especially not about this particular matter.
Did she really want him to agree to WuYue that badly? She seemed even more anxious than WuYue herself.
But, in a way, this did confirm something… Bai Yu now genuinely cared more about her friends than she used to.
This was definitely a good thing.
However, his reason for coming here…
It wasn’t to argue.
“You’re right. I am a contradictory person, and I admit that.”
He nodded, meeting Bai Yu’s angry gaze head-on without flinching as he continued:
“On one hand, I want to be good to WuYue, but on the other, I end up doing things… things that might hurt her. Clearly, by your logic, the best course would have been to stay away from her from the start, not to get involved with her at all.”
“But… I couldn’t do it.”
As he spoke, YouYu shook his head and let out a self-mocking laugh.
“If you don’t understand, then… let me tell you a story.”
“Back when I was in school, I often couldn’t understand my parents. Even though the living expenses I earned from my part-time jobs were enough, they would still call me from time to time, asking if I needed anything or if they should send me more money…”
“Every time, I’d turn them down. Our family wasn’t well-off, and money was tight, so I didn’t want them to spend money on me.”
“But… it never worked. Every time, they’d transfer the money directly to my account. When I asked them why, they’d just tell me to eat more.”
“Back then, with my studies keeping me busy, I didn’t have much time to think about their situation until one day… my mom called and told me that my dad had fallen ill, and I rushed back home to see him.”
“Once I got back, my mom explained that he had collapsed from overwork.”
“And after digging deeper… I found out that, at that time, they had been working incredibly hard. They were worried about me, afraid I might not have enough money to get by at school, so they kept pushing themselves to earn more without telling me.”
“I was, of course, devastated then! And… furious! I wanted them to stop, but even though they’d agree verbally, they would still secretly keep doing the same thing behind my back.”
YouYu let out a sigh as he continued.
“After trying to stop them a few times without success, I eventually gave up. And when I did, I asked them a question—why did they do this?”
“They just smiled and told me, ‘Because you are someone we love.'”
“At the time, I couldn’t understand it. Could loving someone really push you to such lengths?”
“Back then… I truly couldn’t understand.”
“……”
After a moment of silence, YouYu continued:
“But now, I understand.”
“…This is what you might call a ‘clumsy’ kind of love.”
“Even when you know that this love might end up hurting both yourself and the other person, you still can’t help but continue. Sometimes, you even hide your own wounds just to keep them from getting hurt.”
“So… the reason I am the way I am now.”
“It’s because this ‘love’ I carry has inherited my family’s clumsiness. That’s why… I can’t do what you said—leave WuYue’s side.”
“Even though I know that I might end up doing things that hurt myself, or might even hurt her, I still can’t stop.”
“Maybe it’s because… I ‘love’ WuYue.”
So that’s why he’s so conflicted?
After listening to the “story” YouYu had shared, Bai Yu, whose emotions had mostly calmed down, thought to herself.
“……”
“You really are… a complicated guy.”
The things he said, the experiences he went through…
They were so similar to what she had gone through back when she still had a “home.”
“……”
Of all things to inherit…
It had to be this, huh…
Bai Yu let out a wry smile.
But at least now, she understood why he was acting this way.
And… at the very least, the words he just spoke—
They weren’t lies.