LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 184
Chapter 184
I was not a great person.
Just an ordinary person struggling by wielding luck and coincidence as my weapons.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Before me lay countless proving grounds.
“People look at me and say, ‘Genius, Celebrity.’ Then they tell me to go up on stage with those words in front of me.”
Even on that stage, all I could do was hope not to become a burden to the kids, giving my all to make that happen.
“People recognize me. The manager of Seon Taeyang from the Star Challenge, the composer of ‘Albatross,’ the duet vocalist from ‘The Duty of Singing,’ the porter from ‘Girls in Road,’ the ratings guy for ‘The Observer from the First Person’… Well, there are quite a few.”
Yeah, I knew there were countless people wishing for this opportunity too.
I once even gave mental coaching to the kids struggling with these thoughts.
I told them they’re professionals and what they needed to do was to approach all their schedules with that professional mindset.
But in the end, this was the state of affairs. I wasn’t in a position to give advice.
“I’m not exhausted. I’m not complaining about having too much work or not enough sleep. If it was just about needing work, I could manage on three hours of sleep a day, chewing through packs of sleep gum. But now… I’m just too scared of making mistakes, of disappointing others. This feeling… Ah.”
In the midst of my speech, I realized something.
The audience before me was Seo Eunbyeol.
Seo Eunbyeol was a person who had devoted her life to meeting the blind expectations of her mother. Speaking of my concerns to someone like her was basically asking for sympathy or a pity party.
Maybe Seo Eunbyeol had predetermined responses.
I did too. I fought to overcome it. But I managed to endure with help from those around me. If it was okay, I wanted to be one of those people for her.
That’s what I thought Seo Eunbyeol would say.
Having that thought, I prepared to apologize for my blunder and end the conversation.
Seo Eunbyeol’s words would likely be sweet. Captivating and warm.
But no matter how fragile I became, I didn’t want to devolve into begging for comforting words. That was the remnants of my pride.
At that moment, Seo Eunbyeol spoke half a beat faster than I could open my mouth.
“Let’s hit them.”
“….”
That was a line I never expected from Seo Eunbyeol.
“Is it normal to pile everything on one manager—entertainment, composing, planning, overall task distribution, care, interviews, all-tube appearances, sessions, and featuring? Even for a small company, this is just too much, isn’t it?”
“No, it’s not that the company is weird; it’s just that I volunteered for it…”
“Even so, someone should have stepped in. Just because someone does everything well doesn’t mean they should be assigned more and more. ‘Please do this,’ ‘I can’t wait,’ what’s with that? Is that a loser mentality? A pathetic company?”
“Hey, since you do everything so well, do this, do that. Can you do this, please? I’m so looking forward to it. What is that? A fcked-up mindset? A shtty company?”
I retorted, feeling an inexplicable sense of responsibility.
“No, our company is different from those places. They don’t provide proper compensation for work, right? TwoBear is different! Do you know how much money I’m currently making?”
Bonuses, incentives, performance fees, copyright royalties—what kind of sh*t company do you know that keeps track of everything and pays up? I’m currently getting treated way too well.
“What’s the use of making tons of money if you work yourself to death early? Am I supposed to take my pocket money to the afterlife?”
“….”
…That was harsh.
“Just, throw it all away! Just throw it all away!”
“If I act irresponsibly, who will fill my position?”
“Why should Team Leader Seon care about that! It’s up to the President to handle it!”
“…Huh? Is that so?”
At that moment, Seo Eunbyeol spoke to my fleeting doubts.
“What did Team Leader Seon want to do?”
“I’m doing what I want to do right now. Management has always been my dream.”
“You said it was hard. That thought wouldn’t have come up if it wasn’t.”
“….”
That statement hit me hard.
What did I really want to do?
Why did I feel that the early days of busy TwoBear or Flower Entertainment were bearable?
What have I been doing, and what have I been hoping for?
What came to mind were the scenes that would forever be etched in my heart.
A girl performing a ceremony, laughing joyfully more than anyone else, while the chat exploded beside the monitor.
A girl stealing hearts with just a guitar and her voice in front of thousands.
A girl proving why she’s the best through dance on a stage shimmering in crimson.
And a girl, for the first time, acting with all her heart in front of those who doubted her.
“I want to make them shine.”
“…”
“Not just me, I want to make those kids shine brighter than anyone else.”
Not by joking around with celebrities on a variety show.
Not by being praised as a rising composer and being interviewed.
But by looking into the eyes of those mesmerized by the glow of star-like children.
And by adding a small light to that stardust. That was what I wanted to do.
Seo Eunbyeol looked at me as I said that and smiled softly.
“Team Leader Seon is a manager, then.”
I nodded.
“That’s right, I’m neither a celebrity nor an artist, nor a system. I’m just a manager.”
“Then act like a manager. Just don’t get tossed around like this.”
“…Is that okay? I might disappoint you.”
“Are you kidding? You’ll be disappointed.”
“Don’t fear making people a little disappointed, and being hated for it. If someone would hate you for just that, it means your relationship with them is not that deep. And you don’t need to bend over backward for love in such a shallow relationship.”
Seo Eunbyeol said with confidence, not relying on anyone.
“So stand tall, like a stubborn bull, and stand alone.”
Only now did I realize what was right in front of me was not the Seo Eunbyeol I knew.
It wasn’t the Seo Eunbyeol I loved.
I mean, the Seo Eunbyeol I knew would never say such things.
She was the dependent one, lacking confidence, the frustrating girl who only knew how to work hard blindly.
The girl who felt lonely and hoped I would lean on her just as much as she leaned on me.
Even so, she was lovable.
But that person was gone now.
After saying a silent goodbye in my heart, I spoke.
“Can I speak comfortably next time?”
Seo Eunbyeol looked at me, a bit surprised, then reached out her hand and said.
“Of course. But is it okay for me to do the same?”
I chuckled at her words and took her hand. Then I answered.
“Absolutely.”
To my newly formed friend.
*
After declaring he would head back to the office late, Seon Taeyang left, and alone at the table, Seo Eunbyeol fidgeted with the glass he left behind, sighing.
“Man, I’m such an idiot.”
Then she propped her chin up, lifting the glass to watch the sloshing soju, whispering as if to no one.
“What a fool. That was clearly the only chance I had to grab hold of something. We should’ve jumped into each other’s arms, but what advice was that? Did Team Leader Seon really think there’d be another chance to show such weakness?”
Seo Eunbyeol answered that question internally.
‘Probably not. He’s a strong person.’
Then a bitter smile crept onto her face.
“Ah… I should have never given up on being an idol. I’m really so envious.”
Alone at the table, she wept, envying the four Cinderellas who met their prince.
*
“A composer is an artist. And an artist is the protagonist. To engrave one’s color on this world, to prove that I exist here, that’s what a composer is.”
“A composer is someone who manipulates the system. And the system is a history of seeking love. A conductor who extracts the best model answers from that system. That’s what a composer is.”
Fuck that.
What I wanted, what I wanted to achieve with composition as my tool, was not that.
James Oh and Cheon Jong-hoon shouldn’t have expectations from others, but instead pursue what they want to do directly.
I’ll just do what I want to do.
I’ll just do whatever I want.
I’ve already messed around with the mastered track of ‘I’ll be by your side’.
It’s not about the quality being 90 or 100; it’s purely to make the kids who will sing this song shine.
“….”
And in the midst of that struggle, I realized. I couldn’t finish this song as it was.
With the tools or instruments called voices here, I wasn’t going to reach my goal.
What I needed wasn’t the tools for the song but the protagonist.
Once I made that determination, I immediately gathered my things and stood up.
To welcome my stars.
*
So, standing in front of the Girl Revolution kids’ accommodation, I became aware of reality.
…Come to think of it, isn’t this just a nuisance?
It definitely was a nuisance.
Calling out kids who were preparing for bed after a long day of training and schedules was nothing short of a bother.
But there was no time.
Thinking about the schedule, I had to persuade all the staff first thing tomorrow morning.
And I couldn’t head into changing the album title’s direction with minimal data.
Feeling a deep conflict and swallowing, I resolutely pressed the doorbell.
The electronic security system rang, and soon I heard a voice.
-Who is it?
“Uh, it’s me, Yuri. Sorry for the late hour. It’s Team Leader Seon.”
-Team Leader Seon?
-Brother Taeyang?
-Teacher Taeyang is here?
It was Yuri who answered the call through the security system, but from her voice, it seemed like other kids had gathered around her.
With the intention of speaking to all the kids at once, I brought up my request.
“Could I have a moment to see your faces? I have a request.”
-…Wait 5 minutes, no, 10 minutes.
After that sentence, I heard a panicked voice followed by a flurry of sounds through the security system.
-Brother Taeyang is waiting on the other side of the door? Yeoreum, where’s my mascara! Where did I put it?
-It’s under the cabinet, a new one, Gaeul unnie, open it!
-Oh no, I can’t draw my eyebrows, Gaeul unnie, what should I do….
-Come here, I’ll draw them for you.
-Yuri, how about this outfit?
-No, Yeoreum unnie, are you crazy? You can see your underwear! Where did the person who was against revealing clothes go?
-It’s fine if it shows a bit! No, showing is actually….
-Should I do it too….
-…Ah, then I will too.
-Just wear your tracksuit nicely, you girls!
“…”
…Guys. I can hear everything.