[R-18] Naruto: Fucking My students

Naruto felt the stare digging into his back. They were making their way to the Tower for an extra mission he knew his team could handle. D Ranks may be the bane of all genin, but it was work nonetheless. However, he knew it wasn't Hinata who was gazing at him with such focus; she was probably staring at his butt. The person who stared at him was Ino Yamanaka and by the Log, it'd been going on for over a week now. He understood how girls worked, or he liked to think he did. Good looking guys, strong guys, alpha guys attracted women. Rules of nature.

That said, Ino was never really interested in him as he knew, she was too busy being fabulous for all things Sasuke. Which was why the slightly blushed cheeks when he looked her way was a bit off. Did he do something? Did he flirt by accident? Questions for later.

Knocking the door, Team Six entered as they saw Iruka tending to what looked like a mountain of paperwork, the Hokage's greatest piece of work that needed constant tending. Sometimes Naruto wondered why the fuck his parents wanted to be Hokage. Was there a forbidden fruit of unfathomable power in the desk? Did the Lord of Logs come down to bless them with unlimited supplies? The Gods of Ramen gave them unbelievable prophecies? No, all his dad got was a shitty job where he would make sure that war did not break out while being married to a hot-tempered human war deterrent. What a fucked up position to be in.

At least they were good people. Him? Not so much. He'd probably burn the papers, tell Danzo to let loose all this itchy war inducing schemes and together they would make Konoha great again!

Cripple every nation from the inside and make them starve to death. Start with Grass, let it spread to Stone as they try to take advantage and this would rile up the Cloud; work with a certain snake to release an epidemic virus in the Hidden Sand and those crazy motherfuckers at Mist didn't need much incentive, they were already killing each other—just a few rumors and the murder of the Daimyo would be enough to throw them into even more disarray. It was a better initiative than 'Let's all cooperate! Peace! Hooray!'

Those were the War Hawk's words, not his. Naruto had to hand it to Danzo, the man made backup plans for his backup plans and daydreamed of various situations where he could just sit back, relax and watch every other nation tear itself apart. Good old, far right-wing shinobi values.

"Ah, Naruto. My boy," Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Hokage, the Professor, the old bastard with wrinkly skin greeted him. The dried up cunt of a man that made him work like a horse smiled. One of these days he was going to watch Sarutobi die, and he, Naruto Uzumaki, would be laughing right over his coffin. The oppression would end at last. "Back for another mission?"

"No, just here to spit on your face," Naruto casually replied as Sarutobi laughed in utter joy—that cheeky bastard—while Iruka looked like he was going to have a stroke or shit himself. Maybe both at the same time. Sometimes one followed the other.

"DON'T TALK TO LORD HOKAGE LIKE THAT!" Naruto noticed how his former teacher—course instructor seemed more apt—fumed with righteousness. "You may be a jōnin now, Naruto. But you still haven't learned to talk properly."

"I'm honestly surprised you haven't kicked the bucket yet, Iruka-senpai," the blonde said as Sakura too looked a bit angry at him, Ino was shocked at his treatment of the authority, Hinata was…well she did her best to be surprised. "How are things going with that glass wearing-"

"BE PROFESSIONAL!" Iruka's head bloated to three times larger than his actual body. Naruto never did learn that jutsu. Maybe an Akimichi taught him. The scarred shinobi sighed and sat back down, now more relaxed. "Honestly, I'm more worried about you than I was when you were a kid. At least there I could keep an eye on you. Out there you could start a war with your mouth alone."

Naruto shook his head, smiling a bit. He was a very honest man, that Iruka. A good man too. Thrice the person Naruto could never be. It was why he never became jōnin. Being the elite required a certain level of murder-y vibes which the man lacked. "Don't worry, senpai. I'll get along just fine."

"Yeah, right," Ino murmured. Sakura nodded, Hinata tapped her fingers. This was betrayal on her part.

So she's agreeing with them. Good team bonding, but you don't fuck with this guy and get away with it, Well, two could play that game. "Lord Hokage," Naruto mustered up all his seriousness. The tension in the room thickened. "I would like to request the Tora mission."

"No…" Sakura whispered taking a step back.

"In fact, we want that mission every day," Naruto upped the ante.

"No, no, no," Ino was turning around, prepared to run away.

"I take it back, I want you to give any and all Tora stray missions just to us from now on, and my team won't be able to go up the ranks until we have caught Tora the Terror at least 9000 times!" Hinata may not have said anything, but she was running towards the door. It was locked shut. An old seal he helped the old man make.

"Why isn't it opening?" Hinata nervously stated, pulling on the knob.

"We'll have to break it down!" Ino braced herself.

"I'll help," Sakura stood with Ino, arch enemies united by a greater threat at hand.

"Hahahaha!" Hiruzen Sarutobi's laughter cut through the tension like hot knife through butter. He rubbed his eyes a bit, tearing up at their reactions. "I must say, you remain the best shinobi on my roster. No wonder the Daimyo's daughter wanted to marry you."

Hinata clenched her fist, eye twitched and Naruto noticed it all. Yeah, he didn't mention it to her. "I'm sure it was the Daimyo's words she spoke."

"I'm sure the Daimyo would never say, 'Mommy likey blondey pie.'"

"Lord Hokage!" Iruka tried to maintain decorum. His students were shocked too.

"It's not the worst case," Naruto replied.

"Yes, the priestess from Demon Country specifically said how she wanted your baby." Sarutobi's words made Sakura and Ino and Hinata turn red. Two from the naughty nature of it, one out of furious anger.

"Lord Hokage!" Iruka was still trying. A for effort.

"Remember the Raikage's daughter?" Naruto couldn't hold his snicker back. Oh how that bulking hulk of muscles, man tears and testosterone had raged and screamed and vented. Called for his head too, but thankfully she calmed him down. Well, he wasn't out for blood.

Sarutobi started laughing too loudly. "How could I forget," Sarutobi then changed his voice. "Pour some sugar on me, Daddy."

"LORD HOKAGE!" Iruka was definitely having a stroke now.

"Good grief, senpai," Naruto motioned for him to calm down. "Calm down, you're going to die if you keep doing that."

"What is wrong with you two?!" Sakura yelled at them, fist shaking with righteous feminine fury.

"Nothing," both jōnin and Hokage replied at the same time. Iruka sighed.

"It's alright, Sakura," the chūnin spoke, "I've been trying to get used to it myself. It's not easy."

"Um," Hinata began, "then why you were so surprised when they spoke like that?"

"I didn't want them talking like that in front you three," Iruka said with a swell of pride. "Genin or not, I saw all of you kids growing up in front of me. As your former teacher and mentor it's my job to make sure all of you follow the protocols."

"Oi, oi, senpai," Naruto pointed at him, "you certainly didn't complain when we had the Icha-Icha Deconstruction Seminar."

"What the heck?!" Ino said, face a bit red, nothing compared to Hinata's blush or Sakura's furious one. "What is wrong with you people? Are all the upper ranking shinobi crazy?"

"Crazy, huh?" Naruto remarked, "That's rich, coming from a future mind invader. Anyways, old man. Mission. Now."

"Yes," Sarutobi coughed into his hand and threw him a scroll. Naruto scanned the report for a full minute. He couldn't believe it.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"Zabuza?"

"Yes."

...

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