Prophecy Approved Companion

“I think perhaps Sewer Bard should accompany you to the Royal Treasury,” Qube said, now that they had decided not to even attempt to rescue the incognito rulers of the kingdom.

The Chosen One looked astounded.

“You… don’t want to come with me to the Royal Treasury?” he asked, gobsmacked.

“No, Chosen One,” Qube said. “I have been very selfish, and I think you should get to know your other companions. I think it would be good for Sewer Bard and you to have some bonding one on one time.”

Idly Qube wondered if this counted as a date. Or maybe that was only if there were love interrogations during it? Either way, Sexy Screamy Spider Lady was pouting and Sewer Bard was looking profoundly uncomfortable. Qube’s mind raced to find a solution before either of them exploded.

“And Definitely Bad Guy too.”

Qube tried to look at her own mouth in horror at that suggestion. She couldn’t imagine a more volatile group. There was no way they were going to agree to this! Her whole plan to make money was ruined!

Sexy Screamy Spider Lady slapped her claws against her cheeks and gave a high pitched squeal. Squiggles reared up on her tentacles, the Chosen One pulled out his sword and Qube spun around, trying to find the threat.

“Girls’ Night!”

The tension drained out of Sewer Bard and he startled to chuckle. “Ah, and this shall be a night with the lads, as they say?” He followed this up by giving the Chosen One and Definitely Bad Guy a wink that would have counted as public indecency in most places. “Many a bawdy verse has been written about the events of a group of gentlemen painting the town red.” He froze, and glared at Definitely Bad Guy, who had perked up.

“With paint, not with blood,” he added sternly. Definitely Bad Guy resumed his disinterested attitude. “It is generally seen as a step forwards in a man’s romantic life, too,” he continued. The tips of Definitely Bad Guy’s ears slowly started matching his red hair for hue. “Oh yes, many an experience can be experienced on a night on the town!”

Qube hadn’t heard any of these tales. What stories was he talking about? She would have to get him to tell her them later — for now she was far too pleased that her plan seemed to be working.

“And my darling little squish has never been to the city, so of course she would need to go out and get made up!” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady was practically dancing on the spot, which, when there were that many legs involved, was always a sight to see. She picked up Squiggles and nuzzled her face into the sandpaper-like skin that made up the top half of the sharktopus. Lightening fast, Squiggle’s tentacles clamped around Sexy Screamy Spider Lady’s neck and wrenched the Hunter closer.

“Such strong cuddles!” Qube cooed lovingly.

“Every girl should have such strength,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady said approvingly from the nest of tentacles enclosing her head.

The Chosen One, however, did not seem enamoured with this plan. He continued to look at Qube.

“You... don’t want to make sure that I don’t steal anything?” he asked, sounding almost hurt. “It’s a Royal Treasury. Probably full of gold. They told me not to take anything.”

“I know, Chosen One.”

“And you don’t want to keep an eye on me?”

“Of course not. I know you won’t steal anything,” Qube said calmly.

The Hero frowned. Qube looked her best friend directly in the eyes and smiled at him.

“I trust you,” she said, with the simple honesty of absolute truth.

The Chosen One gave her a look of deep betrayal.

“That’s not fair!” he complained. “That’s cheating!”

Qube reached out and squeezed his hands.

“Wait for us at the former inn and we’ll come find you after we’re done,” she said, and turned to leave.

“Hey!” he said, still sounding stunned. “Hey! No! Not fair!”

She didn’t look back.

---

“First things first, we need to get you to the tailor,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady was telling a very interested-looking Squiggles, who was clinging to the Hunter’s thorax, gently bobbing up and down as they walked along the cobbled street. “The man’s a pig, but I have him wound around my little finger. We’ll get him to make you something custom, something that really shows off your eyes.”

Squiggles’ little black dots shone with anticipation.

“Then, I’m thinking we need to hit up the alchemists. They have this paint that you can put on and it looks so natural. A bit of lip paint, a dash of eye paint, and you’ll be a whole new woman!” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady examined Squiggles thoughtfully. “I’m thinking of a light pink for the lip paint, nothing too bold. Not until you’ve really found your own style.”

Squiggles opened her mouth, the wet, glistening rows of jagged teeth protruding from her blood-red maw. She started to drool in excitement. Qube absentmindedly pulled out a handkerchief and started to dab at the streams of saliva.

“Then some fingernail paint. Or. Well. Some paint for the tips of your feet, I suppose,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady continued musing. “Something that can withstand a lot of wear and tear. The alchemist might be able to do a perfume, too. Something delicate and floral, that really emphasises your youth.”

“Sexy Screamy Spider Lady, this sounds wonderful, but we do have to go to the Royal Observatory and collect the Royal Wings needed in our quest to save the world,” Qube gently broke in on this planning.

The Hunter gave her a Look.

“My dear Healer, surely you wouldn’t deny my little Squiggles the right to explore her femininity?” she asked sharply. “Especially when she’s been cooped up for who only knows how long in that dark, damp, horrible little place?”

“No, of course not!” Qube said, horrified. Was … was shopping the way to explore femininity?

“And Cobbletown is the biggest city with the most resources in all of the kingdom,” the Wood Elf continued inexorably. “So it would be the best possible place for her to have custom pieces made to accommodate her body shape, correct?”

“Yes,” Qube said rather helplessly.

“So naturally it is our sacred duty to take her on a shopping spree this very moment,” the giant arachnid concluded triumphantly.

It was at this moment that an idea of great cunning entered Qube’s mind. It was so diabolical, in fact, that she almost had to wonder if the Evil Emperor had somehow influenced her thoughts.

“You know what? You’re absolutely right,” she said.

“Of course I am,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady said smugly.

“But I have that clothes problem, remember?”

“Oh…” The Hunter’s face fell. “That’s right.”

“And so I think it would be best if you two went on the shopping spree, and I’ll go to the Royal Observatory. Then we’ll all meet up at the exploded inn.” Qube frowned as a thought occurred to her. “Wait, how are you going to pay for all of this stuff?”

“I have money, of course,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady said, with a flick of her long, brown hair. “And while I accept that you may have a clothing problem for now, we will find a way for you to express your own femaleness.”

Qube tried her best to not cower under the increased pressure of the Hunter’s Look.

“I’m sure we can find some other way,” Qube said. “One that doesn’t require spending a lot of gold, perhaps?”

“Of course,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady said, caressing Qube’s face with a claw. “Don’t worry, my sweet, we will find a way around it. I promise you. Being sensual is more than just a style, it’s a way of life.”

Qube smiled politely to hide the fact that she had no idea what Sexy Screamy Spider Lady was talking about.

“I’ll meet up with you at the destroyed inn,” she repeated. “Please don’t take too long!”

As soon as all sixteen legs disappeared around a corner, Qube started racing towards the giant telescope poking out of the roof of a marble dome sitting on top of a hill. Her robes flapped around her legs until she hitched them up and tucked them into her belt.

As she flashed past the main plaza she saw the Adventurer’s Board. She skidded to a stop. Of course! She could just take a small, easy job, like delivering a letter, and make some money that way! No danger, or even leaving the city walls required!

She quickly scanned the board. Killing ten wolves — no. Capturing a golden slime that had escaped “warning, very slippery customer” — gross, no. Debt collector — no, she was invisible; how could she talk to them about it?

Please return my stolen goods from the thieves guild…

Qube snatched at the yellowed parchment.

“To any soul brave enough to do the right thing,” it read in fancy swirly lettering. “My beloved family sword has been purloined by the most awful of thieves guild. Please, if there is any honour left in this world, find my family’s heirloom, and I shall reward you with gold! You shall know my sword by the crown embossed on the hilt.

Warmest regards,

1. Charmange”

Qube’s heart was pounding in her chest. This was it. Her chance to earn gold. Even at his most outrageous, there was no chance that Mr. Igma would charge gold for a simple book. She might even have enough left over to buy some body paint!

She quickly memorised the contents of the note. It would take her almost no time to pick up the wings, then she could dash into the sewers and grab the sword. Like a shot she was off again, running towards the hill.

Qube burst into the observatory, her lungs and legs burning from the effort. As she stood in the doorway gasping, she saw about half a dozen figures in large white coats and thick glasses. Several of them had large, mechanical wings that looked like they were made out of dull blades.

“Hello,” she breathed heavily. “I would like the Royal Wings please.”

None of the people looked at her.

Oh. Right. She was invisible.

Well, then… could she just take the Royal Wings? She’d been given authority to take them, after all. But then they might worry that they had been stolen, and think that they were going to get in trouble. And it’s not like they could go and ask the Exiled Prince and Exiled Princess about what had occurred either.

It was times like this Qube really hated being cursed.

Fine. Fine. She would go get the sword, find where Sexy Screamy Spider Lady and Squiggles were shopping, get them to come to the Royal Observatory, grab the wings, get Sexy Screamy Spider Lady to hand in the reward, then buy the book for her to avoid another awkward situation, and be back at the inn before the Chosen One.

Or she could just [Heal] one of the people here.

Maybe that was how she infected people with her specialness? No, there were plenty of other Healers. If healing alone did it, then everyone would be special. Unless it was some weird combination of being cursed and her healing people that did it? That would explain their abnormal reactions when first exposed to her healing. When she had [Heal]ed the Dryad Queen, the ability to see through her curse had been bestowed upon the Queen.

But she’d never [Heal]ed Sewer Bard, yet the magic of the Forest Temple, being so intertwined with the Dryad Queen’s domain, had allowed him to pierce the veil of her curse. His increased ability to see through her curse may have been kicked off by that initial interaction.

But it still didn’t feel right, to go about [Heal]ing people just because she wanted something from them. It went against her Healer instincts and just felt… selfish. Sexy Screamy Spider Lady had been an experiment, but all others had been a reaction to an immediate threat— either their life or her own.

No. They couldn’t agree to her [Heal]ing them and, with no way to communicate, she couldn’t ask for their permission. And there were few things worse than having your free will taken away from you.

So, with a sigh, Qube turned away from the glittering technology of the Royal Observatory, and headed off for the sewers.