Pokemon - Solo's Strange Journey

Swole-POV:

I awake with the sound of a knock.

Like kicking an anthill, the girls stir awake at the same time and stumble over each other, trying to get battle-ready as fast as they can.

The sun barely shines yet.

"Good morning, Sir. Are you decent?" The person on the other side of the door inquires.

"One moment, Miss Maid." I double-check that I'm not showing signs of morning wood, and put on a fresh t-shirt-- no. A dress shirt. And my good pants.

Today, I can finally act as snobby as I want without anyone calling me lame for it!

"You can come inside."

~"That'ss what she ssaid."

The door opens and the hauntingly beautiful maid walks in. She is ghostly pale but her deep red eyes serve as a stark contrast, making for a very intriguing face.

In addition, her silvery hair frames it in a way that highlights the soft edges of her chin, jaw, and nose. Cuteness incarnate.

She bows to me but remains in the doorway.

"I came to lead you to the dining room. Lord and Lady Evershade are already excited to meet you."

"On my way." I follow her outside and my little colony of pokemon string along after me. However, they still don't trust Miss Maid, so they keep their distance, leaving me alone with her.

Her face looks straight ahead, her feet move with mechanical precision.

She mentioned the Evershades are excited. "You don't see a lot of visitors out here in the middle of nowhere, right?"

"None." Her voice doesn't suggest whether that is good or bad. "Usually, the people who come here have been invited. Like the good Professor Manchineel. He studies the local flora."

Never heard of him.

"What does he hope to achieve with his study of plants?"

"I am not entirely certain. But I can introduce you to him, I'm sure you both will find each other's company agreeable. You both seem quite inquisitive."

"That would be-- Oh! We're already there?"

I was so entrapped by her, that I didn't notice us taking the stairs back to the ground floor and arriving in front of a pair of double doors.

Miss Maid has waited for me to be attentive before opening them to reveal the banquet hall inside.

The first thing I notice is the large table, filled to the brim with various breakfast items.

A pudgy man and a rather ugly woman sit at the head of the table. Her makeup-smeared face reminds me a lot of a wild Mandibuzz. Both of them are blondes.

Their child sits nearby, but she barely seems related to them. She doesn't have her father's pudginess, her mother's visage, or their hair.

She's a little girl, around 7 or 8 years old, with normal weight. Her face holds an excited and happy smile, and she hasn't damaged her skin with makeup yet.

She's the odd one out as the only human without some variant of blonde hair. Hers is raven black.

Perhaps she is just a niece after all?

"Good morning." The harpy of a woman lets out a bird-like screech across the room and it takes me a while to translate it into human.

... I shouldn't be thinking these things, or I'm going to start laughing soon.

Anyway, Purugly, who slept at her feet, startled awake from the unpleasant screeching. "Please have a seat first."

She motions to the free chair beside another man, with sleek, golden perfectly combed hair. Not a strand falls out of place. It has a glossy look, thanks to way too much hair gel... I hope it's hair gel.

It honestly looks like ass on him.

"Nice hair." We both say at the same time. "Likewise."

What a lousy liar. I can tell from the look in his eyes that he doesn't like my wild locks at all.

"Professor Manchineel, I presume?"

"You presume correctly. But please, call me Victor."

We shake hands. He has a firm grip. And his suit is flawless. I thought I was already overkilling it with a dress shirt and pants, but he wears the full set. Four-piece even.

"My name is Swole Solo. A trainer from Twinleaf Town."

"A traveling trainer?"

"Correct."

He eyes the pokemon behind me and the one on my arm.

"Wouldn't it be great to have a cheap and reliable method of carrying pokemon around?" He asks.

Is he trying to imply I don't know what a pokeball is? What a dick.

"I prefer it like this, actually."

"It has its benefits. I always carry my partner on my body as well." His attention returns to his meal and he doesn't acknowledge my existence further.

I sit down and look at the head of the table.

There, Lord Evershade quietly whispers something to his wife, whose eyes stare straight at me the entire time, until she motions for him to shut up.

"Mister Solo, I would like to purchase that pet Lopunny from you."

My mouth drops. I feel a vein bulge on my forehead.

The little girl almost jumps in her chair with joy.

"Name your price." She doesn't ask; she states her demand.

I feel a paw gripping the back of my shirt lightly. It's Lopunny. Actual fear is written all over her face. None of yesterday's bravado remains in her eyes.

"Lopunny isn't for sale." It takes a lot out of me to stay calm.

"But mooom! I want it!" The spoiled brat whines and smacks the table with her hand. A Buneary doll I hadn't seen before tips over from her outburst.

"Please calm down, Nina my dear." The father uselessly tries to keep her from throwing a tantrum.

"Mister Solo." The monster in human clothing won't give up. "Please reconsider. I have a vast fortune to offer. 100.000₽?"

"N--"

"500.000₽?"

I try to shake my head, but she interrupts once again. "Three million ₽?"

This is becoming ridiculous. "Lady Evershade, I wouldn't sell my beloved companions for anything in the world. No matter how huge you make the number, she is not for sale."

Although, I could pay a poacher with that kind of money and still make a huge profit.

However, it's already too late. Before I could even suggest it, the girl picked up her Buneary doll and ran for the exit.

"I hate you!" She screams, almost knocking Miss Maid over on her way out.

The lady of the house lets out a long sigh. "Are you certain of that? I know I would sell my beloved husband for that amount of money."

The way he flinches from that statement, makes it seem like she's not joking about it either.

"Ahem, let us not talk like that." He tries to change the topic. "Mister Solo, did you have any trouble sleeping tonight? I personally always struggle to find restful slumber during storms."

"Another one of your shameful qualities." His wife remarks with a roll of her eyes as she's standing up and walking away with fast-paced, high-heeled steps.

Purugly follows closely behind, her head held high, and her springy tail rigid.

"I will go look for our daughter since the maid failed to do so. Again."

"Apologies. I wasn't aware I had to follow after her." She bows deeply. The monotony in her voice suggests she has done that a million times already, but it could just as well be her usual tone.

"Consider yourself lucky that you aren't clumsy as well, or you could search somewhere else for work." I just barely managed to overhear the snide, barely-veiled insult as the bitch passes by Miss Maid. Purugly follows up with her own comment.

Neither remark manages to disturb Miss Maid's bow in any way.

She seems like an exemplary maid, to be honest.

I bet my mom would hire her. She always complains about household chores, and we have the money for a live-in maid.

Maybe a good cause is all it would take to convince her? Something like, 'please mom, help the cute maid for me!' ... Yeah, no. Too obvious.

Anyway, I turn my attention back to the husband. "Lord Evershade--"

"Too long. Just call me Rupert while the wife is not around."

"Rupert, I had a decent sleep. The bed was alright, but I woke up in the middle of the night for the weirdest reason."

"Do tell. Although, perhaps I already know what you mean."

"I saw a ghost." Lopunny tenses up. Her hand is still on my shoulder. I barely noticed the weight on it the whole time. "I saw a headless woman, she stood in the corner of the room. I think she was watching me, but she disappeared the moment I blinked."

"That... is unusual behavior for our house ghost." Rupert admits.

Wait... House ghost?

~"Master? Can we leave?" Lopunny heard it as well.

"What do you mean by house ghost?"

Boom! Boom! Boom!

A door keeps slamming closed over and over again somewhere on the second floor. I feel the anxiety in my pokemon rise.

"Haha! Apologies, about that. Speak of Giratina and she shall appear, as they say." Literally never heard of that phrase. Who is Giratina? "That was our house ghost. A Banette. She lives here."

Almost immediately Lopunny and Salandit calm down again. ~"It was jusst a Banette the whole time?"

~"Banette will regret pranking us once I get my fingers on her!"

I can't help but chuckle. Banette's comedic timing was really great.

"How is the food?" Rupert changes the topic once he sees us calm down after Banette's prank. "You barely touched any of it."

"Apologies, Rupert. I was too distracted to eat. Say, can my pokemon eat at the table too?"

I don't like how they practically wait on me, standing behind me with nothing to do."

"Alfred, our butler, won't like cleaning up after them..."

"They are very tidy eaters. I made sure of that." Unless Salandit thinks she is eating without any supervision. Then, she slurps her food with splatters of it going everywhere.

"Alright. But again, don't let my wife see it, haha... ha."

Yikes.

Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to marry Akari so quickly. She's not going to become a harpy when she gets older, right?

... Right?!

... The food is great.

The gateau, a type of cake, tastes amazing.

Oh Arceus, please let Akari stay cute and sweet and nice her whole life!

---

Around half an hour later, the butler cleared off the table, and then it was just Rupert and I talking while the maid stood near the door, waiting for an order.

He is a kind guy, it seems. He had to marry that woman for political reasons. He is fascinated by pokemon; he lets a researcher stay at his place for free because of it. But he's too afraid of them to have his own. He shared a few horror stories of his ancestors dying to them.

He describes them as uncontrollable weapons, that only some humans seem to be able to use effectively.

While I disagree on some things, overall, talking with him was a nice break from the recent surreality. It felt nice and normal.

That lasted until his wife came back. His mood dropped, he stopped talking, the air seemingly became colder, and my pokemon tensed up as well.

"How long did you plan on staying, Mister Solo?"

"I only came to seek shelter from the storm yesterday. I can leave immediately if I have overstayed my welcome."

"Nonsense! You are welcome to stay as long as you'd like. In fact, you should stay for at least one more day. The storms in this area are treacherous and always hit twice in a row. We wouldn't want you to get caught, right?"

She glares at her husband and he hastily lets out his agreement.

I take a glance at Miss Maid to get her reaction... She doesn't show any.

But I'm sure she would enjoy spending a little more time with me. It also gives me more time to convince her to work for my mom instead.

On the other hand, my pokemon don't like this place, and their punishment isn't working out at all... But I am petty, and I do want my revenge...

Not a punishment, necessarily, but a prank.

Hmhm. The pros and cons are clear. "In that case, I would like to stay one more day. But after that, I have to keep moving. People are undoubtedly waiting for me."

"Th-they are?" Why did she stutter? "Ahem, but they don't know you have been traveling through the dangerous Eterna Forest, right? Surely they would have told you to take a safer route instead."

"I actually fell down a hole, traveled through the underworld, and climbed back out of a hole half a day's worth of travel west of here." Why does she look relieved? "Nobody knows I'm here or warned me of this place."

"Interesting." The bird-like creature says.

"Indeed." Her husband agrees. "Would you mind telling us more of your adventures during dinner?"

"Certainly." It's so satisfying to talk like a snob. "On an unrelated topic, would you mind if I used your garden to train my pokemon?"

"They need training?" He ponders out loud. "But of course. However, please avoid damaging the orchard. Miss--"

Boom! Another door slams closed upstairs.

"--, will you show our dear guest around?"

"Of course, Sir." She's already directly behind me.

I say my goodbyes and let myself be led around the place until we reach the backyard.

It's a beautiful place, everything is neat, tidy, and pruned to perfection. A stark contrast to the overgrown mess in front of the mansion.

The reason why is immediately apparent. There is an actual gardener at work back here, but the area he cares for is too massive for a single person.

The orchard is a vast Apricorn field, its fruits are commonly used to manufacture specialty pokeballs.

Multiple wild pokemon enjoy the somewhat protected area and the proximity to humans.

A Taillow can be seen weaving skillfully through the trees, dodging water droplets falling from branches left behind by tonight's storm.

The pokemon flies over a colony of Shroomish who eat the decomposing leaves near the roots. I heard that as long as they remain happy, they will leave spores behind which are beneficial to natural ecosystems; these Shroomish appear to be well cared for and munch on the wet leaves with bright smiles on their faces.

Taillow dodges a wet spiderweb where a busy Spinarak fixes the damage that the storm left behind on his home.

A Joltik appears to be speaking with the other spider pokemon... He's glaring at me as if plotting my murder... I'm sure I'm just imagining it.

After weaving past one more tree, Taillow suddenly aborts his obstacle course. He spotted two humans in his way.

Taillow banks to the right and disappears deeper into the orchard.

The professor, Victor, is out here, talking to the gardener right now, who in turn is busy sharpening an enormous pair of gardening scissors.

"From this tree?" The gardener says with a gruff, rough, and old voice. He's around his 30s or 40s, I think.

"Yes. This branch to be exact." Victor points out a branch that features Apricorns in all stages of development.

A blossom, a green, unripe fruit, one that is pink, and another one that is a deep red.

"Are you sure, sir? The wood alone is worth a fortune, they take forever to grow..."

"Of course I'm sure." He notices our approach. "Ah, Mister Solo, here to watch an artisan at work?"

Not really. "It wasn't my intent, but if you are offering; what is it the gardener is working on?"

"Witty." Is all he says to acknowledge my insult. The glare he shoots me is reward enough. "I am researching and developing a new type of pokeball. One that will be entirely mechanical. Hisui can finally become independent from Johto once again!"

"... What are you talking about?" Is he crazy?

"Of course you wouldn't understand." The twat digs through his pockets and pulls out a Friend Ball.

Its top half is green with a couple of dots at the front. Made from a ripe, green Apricot if I'm not mistaken.

"See this?" I nod. "This thing is called a pokeball. A Friend Ball, to be precise."

Does he think I'm retarded?

"Sewaddle!" I have no idea what Sewaddle said. Probably calling him a twat.

"I have acquired this beauty and a few of her siblings from Kurtis Ballforge himself, the famous pokeball maker from Azalea Town."

Did he mean to say Kurt? A manufacturer in Johto.

"I analyzed them, and I believe it is entirely possible to construct them without Apricorns at all. It will be revolutionary! The cost of production will be affordable even for minor nobles and their knights! The face of war will change forever!"

Something isn't adding up. "Aren't you just talking about the pokeball?"

"The pokeball... That name has a nice ring to it. If my project works-- no, once it works, it will make me rich."

It really doesn't add up. "But it was invented already. A long time ago even."

"... How did you know?"

"What?"

"Throughout history, many types of pokeballs have been invented over and over again. The technology keeps disappearing for some reason, with only hints on how to make them surviving through the ages. And I-- No. I shouldn't tell you."

"Shouldn't tell me what?"

"Nothing! Now leave! Be gone! Gregor, hurry up with the branch! I need to get back to work!"

"Yes, sir! Right away, sir! And I'm Gregory..."

Sheesh.

I take Miss Maid's hand and walk with her past Victor and Gregory.

"Sewaddle!" She complains over something and tries to get my attention. But I don't want to talk with them still in hearing distance, so I calm her down by scratching her chin.

We continue deeper into the orchard in silence. Thoughts whirl through my mind at a rapid pace. The conversation replays itself over and over again.

So many things didn't add up.

We head past a little hut. The gardener's house, as Miss Maid explains, but I have no capacity to think about that right now.

Finally, we reach a silent clearing, far from anyone else.

I look at Miss Maid, whose flustered face is as stony as ever despite her blush. "What year is it?"

"The year 324 since the death of the queen."

Gibberish. "What queen?"

"Queen Celest."

Literally who?

"Are pokemon dangerous?"

"Of course they are." She's from our universe, probably.

"What does this Queen Celest look like?"

"She had golden blonde hair and strong eyes as grey as steel. She always hid her left eye with her beautiful hair. Her family has guided our region for generations."

Cynthia... No, it's the woman from the paintings in the temple.

"Have you seen these before?" I point at the shrunken pokeballs on my belt. Premier Ball, Luxury Ball, and a Love Ball.

"The pink one looks like a small version of one of the pokeballs in Professor Manchineel's basement. I have never seen the other two before."

Pink Apricorns make the Love Ball. The other two were made by Team Galactic and Devon Corp respectively without Apricorns.

"What--" Victor didn't say Sinnoh. He said Hisui. "What region are we in?"

"Hisui." She didn't even hesitate. Each answer came out immediately.

These people are from the past.

"Miss Maid..." Should I tell her? Will she believe me? What if I am in the past? Could I destroy the future by telling her about it? "Would you consider changing your employer?"

I need to find out more first. I don't think I traveled to the past, but the risk is too great. Destruction of the universe is not something I want to roll a dice on.

However, GPS still works. It only works as long as the satellites are still out there... No, I still won't risk it yet. The universe is a mess, only this area could be from a different time, like at the Tree of Beginning.

"I would consider changing my employer."

I look expectantly at her.

"..."

She didn't get it. "With that, I wanted to offer you a job instead. My mother, in Twinleaf Town, would likely love to hire you. And the working conditions are much better there, than here."

"Really?" - "Yes." - "Can you send her a letter? My current hourly wage is half a pokedollar."

... What? ... Oh. Right. Inflation.

"I'm sure she will offer you a better wage. I will send a letter as soon as I am in Eterna City."

"That would be great. Thank you."

"... Do you know where Eterna City or Twinleaf Town are?"

"No. I simply presumed you are better traveled than I am."

That's why neither Victor nor Rupert balked when I said I was from Twinleaf Town.

Okay... I need to sit down to digest this information. "Lopunny, Riolu, and Salandit go train without me for a moment. I need to think. Sewaddle, ask Lopunny how training works, and follow her lead."

There's nothing to sit on, but just as I move to lower myself onto the wet ground, Miss Maid pulls out a picnic blanket and silently offers it to me.

After thanking her, I invite her to sit beside me, but she declines, choosing instead to stand eerily nearby.

Alright, let's get this straight:

Some ancient group of people existed long ago, led by an unknown Queen Celest, possibly related to Cynthia, who built a trap for Dialga and Palkia.

The trap failed. The queen died. Their civilization was likely wiped out.

Queen Celest seems connected to Celestic Town and the Celestica people. I've read about them before, although I can't recall where exactly.

She was popular enough that the population named itself after her. They painted a massive mural of their queen and named the calendar in her honor. She must have been a big deal.

They all died.

324 years later, this mansion was ripped from its era and thrown into the future; here and now. Trade with other nations was still alive back then. Kurt-- no, Kurtis, probably his ancestor, was already making pokeballs, and somehow, Victor got his hands on some of them.

He attempted to invent mass-produced pokeballs.

This clearly means that some of the Celestica people have survived the wipe-out event and kept the economy going, but they relied heavily on foreign support.

Who knows how many years later; Akari came to Hisui with a new set of settlers from a war-torn Kanto. It was a time defined by aura guardians and vast armies of soldiers with their personal pokemon.

Mass-produced pokeballs were already in circulation back then. Yet, the knowledge of crafting them from Apricorns was still common enough that even Akari had learned the technique.

When Akari arrived, the Celestica people were gone. The ruling society was replaced by the Diamond and Pearl clans, as well as the Galaxy Expedition Force. Later, the clans gave away their power to the Platinum family.

Another 300 years later, Akari and Lucas swapped places.

Now, Dialga and Palkia are destroying the world.

... Again.

It... happened... before.

They built the traps because Dialga and Palkia were destroying the universe back then too!

I-- fuck me. I need to lie down.

"Miss Maid?" Her head turns toward me. "Can I rest my head on your lap?"

She blushes. "The ground must be uncomfortable."

"Not really."

Still, she sits beside me and allows me to lie down on her.

Her maid dress is too conservative. Her thighs feel rather bony too... Definitely not the greatest human pillow I ever enjoyed, but I won't look a gifted Ponyta in the mouth.

In the end, I close my eyes and try not to think about the end of the world or humanity's never-ending struggle against it.

---

~"Masssster! Riolu is being lazy!" Salandit's complaint wakes me up from a short nap.

Riolu rests quietly on my lap, while Miss Maid stays perfectly still, like a statue, in the exact position I left her when I claimed her as my pillow.

She looks straight ahead, not even glancing around.

Lopunny approaches from the edge of my vision with Sewaddle on her arm. ~"Are you alright, master?"

"No." Humanity is in a constant war against gods, and we keep losing. "But I will get over it. I should join the training."

Lopunny nods, while Riolu slowly slips off my lap. Salandit's grumbed complaints linger in the air because she missed out on sneaking in a break like Riolu did.

"In that case." Miss Maid stands up once I give her some space. "I should leave. The mansion doesn't clean itself. Wink. It was nice spending time with you."

She bows deeply. "The butler will collect you for dinner, and I will help you settle into bed later tonight."

Settle into bed? Like, a parent or a lover?

"Goodbye." She turns abruptly and marches off.

"See you later!"

...

Alright. Time to train. I might not feel like it, but I need to become stronger. "Let's do our best, everyone."

And thus we train. I run, do push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups, squats, and everything else I can think of. Once I'm done, I do it all over again.

From time to time, I take breaks to drink some water. I also stop to watch my pokemon make progress.

Riolu has steadily improved her Aura Sphere to the point where it has become a very viable option in battle. She desires to improve it even further, but I redirect her to train Ice Beam and Confusion instead. It will be stronger in Gardenia's gym.

Salandit has somehow managed to convince the wild pokemon to spar with her. She tries to improve her maneuverability and sprinting speed by allowing a few Weedle to shoot Poison Sting at her.

It's a very good use of her time, so I simply reward her and her new friends with some tasty treats before moving on.

Sewaddle looked a little overwhelmed when I checked up on her. She was using Razor Leaf against the air by whipping her head back and forth.

The move turns the little leaf on her head into a sharp blade that could cut into anyone stupid enough to run into her range.

However, like me, our enemies can simply avoid the attack by standing around a few centimeters away from her. She is tiny, her range is minuscule, and her speed is abysmal.

"You're doing a good job, Sewaddle." I pet her once she stopped being the equivalent of a knife-wielding maniac. "How about we train something else for now? Let's work on String Shot, alright?"

I direct her for a bit: Micromanage her until she spots some meaningful progress with the move. Her accuracy improved by doing the good old spray-and-pray tactic, and her range increased by concentrating it into a thinner, more powerful string.

She let me pet her a bit before resuming String Shot practice.

Until I get a suitable pokeball for her, I won't know her exact stats and I can't verify her moveset either.

The thought of using a regular pokeball did cross my mind, but it would be mean to make her live in a cheap standard ball while everyone else gets something special.

Anyway, I need to move on.

... Lopunny.

Her dedication remains commendable, but despite her efforts, she still struggles with Play Rough.

I think I know how to fix that. The problem is, I can't shake the feeling she'd turn it into foreplay or worse.

Damn horny rabbit. One voice in my head is starting to sound like Salandit.

... I don't want to risk her using me as a target for Play Rough. However, I can't avoid her forever... Tonight. I swear. I will get over it by tonight. I need to. She's my pokemon, I cannot be afraid of her.

For now, though, she can practice on her own. I return to my spot and focus on working my abs.

Eventually, hunger calls. With no sign of the butler, we snack on leftover pellets instead of dinner in the mansion. Afterward, I oversee a practice match between Riolu and Salandit.

Salandit wins. Her speed and agility, combined with Will-O-Wisp and Toxic, make her a nightmare to deal with. I also discovered Poison Gas is distracting enough to make pokemon flinch and abort their special attacks.

No surprise there. I couldn't concentrate inside a dense cloud of poison either.

As the day wears on, I notice the time. The sun is low; trees are casting long shadows all around us.

Now is a good time to end training, before we, meaning I, stumble in the dark.

On our return to the old chateau, a noise near the mansion's backdoor catches my attention. The gardener is securing tools in a shed. A little Lillipup trots beside him with a stick in his mouth, waiting to play fetch, while a Carnivine clings to his body.

His tendrils wrap loosely around the gardener's arms and even his neck, careful not to restrict the man's movements or windpipe.

When he notices me, he hurriedly brushes his pokemon off, locks up the shed, and stands to attention, bowing politely. "Good evening, sir."

"Good evening to you as well, Gregory. Have you seen the butler anywhere? Alfred?"

"Uhhh," He thinks for a long time. "Ah. Yes. He was here an hour ago. Complained about a guest and then went back inside."

Good grief. "I guess I missed dinner. Doesn't matter, I had my own food."

"Me too, sir. Do you want some?"

He pulls out a piece of bread from his coat pockets.

"No, thanks. I'm heading inside. Goodbye, Gregory."

"Goodbye, sir."

A few moments after I walked away, I could hear Lillipup yapping up a storm before a stick sailed through the air, landing somewhere in the orchard.

I move past the locked tool shed, through the backdoor, and into the sheltered winter garden.

Mom said it would take too much effort to maintain one, so the space for it at home is unused. Yet another perfectly valid reason for her to hire Miss Maid.

It's a stunningly beautiful place with many tropical plants all throughout. I would usually only find them in Alola, but the warm temperatures inside allow for them to survive even Sinnoh's colder temperatures.

Miss Maid is currently busy watering a potted coconut tree.

She hasn't noticed me yet. So I motion for my pokemon to stay quiet, allowing me to sneak closer.

She hums as she works. A little melody that I heard somewhere before. It has a calming effect, or perhaps it's just the thought of surprising her, that gets me like this.

I reach out... grab her shoulder and shout, "Hello!"

The melody stops, but she doesn't flinch. Not a single muscle twitched.

She turns around, looks me dead in the eyes, and says, "Oh. You startled me. Good evening, sir. I missed you during dinner."

"Hmhm. I think Alfred decided to keep me hungry. Nobody came to notify me of it."

"That is terrible." It's weird how her face never matches the emotions she tries to convey while speaking. "Once I have the ground floor cleaned, I will have a word with him. Are you still hungry?"

"A bit, but I carry my own food supply with me. Don't worry about it. I will just stay in my room for the evening, longingly awaiting you for the night." I wink.

She's a tough practice flirting partner. Making her blush and laugh is the only way to get any reaction out of her.

"I have no idea what you are insinuating, sir." Her blush says something else. "I merely planned to help you settle in for the night."

"But perhaps I planned to keep you for the rest of the night."

"Hi--" She squealed. "I mean, ha. Ha. Please stop teasing me, sir. I am but a humble maid."

I make sure to exaggerate my motions when I look up and down her body. If only she wore one of these sexy maid costumes instead, my day would be complete.

"You're the most beautiful maid I have ever laid my eyes on."

"You scoundrel, sir. Please leave now." Her blush can't grow any worse or she risks passing out from blood loss.

"Haha! See you later, goodbye."

"... Goodbye."

I return to the heart of the mansion, feeling a shudder move down my spine.

That statue is looking right at me, no matter where I walk.

Hm. Hm. It's the creepy statue that makes me shudder. Not the thought of Dawn, Zoey, or Akari getting their revenge once they find out I've been flirting with pretty maids while they were gone.

... Sheesh. It's actually the statue. From the corners of my eyes, I saw its head turn to track me. When I looked at it, it returned to normal. And the eyes... they appear as if they keep track of me as I walk up the stairs.

I'm sure it's just one of these optical illusion things.

Once I reached the hallway, the statue was already fading from my thoughts. And once inside my room, I pulled out my notebook for some further distractions.

It is time to sketch out some battle strategies and research Sewaddle's moves as best as I can without the luxury of infinite books or the internet.

That should keep me busy until Miss Maid arrives.

I open my notebook.

---

I close my notebook.

The sun went down some time ago. I didn't want to bother with the candles, so my flashlight kept the room lit.

Lopunny, Riolu, and Sewaddle are fast asleep already.

It's midnight.

"She's not coming."

~"That'ss what he ssaid." I glare at Salandit. ~"Sorry. Maybe she's busy?"

"Until midnight? Nuh uh. Was it something I said? Do you think I came onto her too strongly?"

~"That'ss--"

"If you say it, I'm banning your access to my backpack."

~"... Sssigh. Alright. It'ss not worth it." Her head hangs low. "She was totally into you, as much as a ghost could be."

"She's not a ghost."

~"She is. But she really wanted that phat human d--"

"Don't say that either."

~"You tyrant!"

"That's right."

Should I go and look for her? The mansion is enormous, but I bet she'd like the surprise.

Or she might think I'm a creep who is way too forward.

~"You should go and ssearch her."

"You think? Hm, hm. I think so too, but wouldn't you become jealous?"

~"Why would I be jealous? I'm number two, and Lopunny is number one. I can't change that. I doubt she will change it either."

"Ahhha. You do realize Akari is number one, right?"

~"Huh!? How??"

"I already told her I'd marry her."

~"But you never mated with her!"

"So? That's not how humans work. Anyway, hop on. Let's search for her."

~"Humans are so weird." She mumbles just loud enough as she crawls across the ground and up my body. ~"Wait... You will carry me again?"

Oh. I forgot they are still in timeout. "Eh. Sure. I will get over the way you disappointed me in time." She flinches. "Besides, I like all of you too much to keep the punishment going. And there really are bigger problems out there."

Like the end of the world. Or more likely, the end of our society. We will fail the war against the gods, they will wipe us out, and a couple hundred years in the future, it will happen all over again.

I open the door but stop in the middle of my step. Anxiety grips my heart like a vice. My breaths become shallow. My skin turns white. An ice-cold feeling washes over me.

The darkness beyond the doorway grows and threatens to swallow me up whole. Its tendrils gnaw at my flesh and tear my soul asunder.

Feet splashing in deep puddles of blood echo up and down the hallway.

Nope.

Fuck this.

I'm not going out there without Bun-- without Lopunny.

I turn around and see the girls already wide awake, looking at me with worry.

~"Daddy?" Riolu rubs the sleep sand out of her eyes. ~"What's the matter?"

Lopunny simply gets up from the bed and approaches me. ~"Your heart was too loud. It's better now."

Sewaddle hangs from her arm, by a few threads of String Shot. The commotion must have woken her up.

I pick her up and put her on my arm instead.

~"Yuck." Lopunny picks at the sticky substance in her fur before glaring at the poor caterpillar.

~"It's caterpillar cum. Ouch!" I flick Salandit's snout.

"Thank you for your input, Salandit. Riolu, heel."

She tilts her head. "It means, come here." Then she hops off the bed and rushes close enough so I can pick her up and put her on my other shoulder.

As for Lopunny, she looks at me with a face that begs me to carry her too, but... "You're too big. Here."

Instead, she gets to hold my arm. I actually just offered my hand, but she took the entire arm.

It might be past midnight, but it's still tonight.

I am surprised how much easier this is than I thought it would be. Her touch still calms me down, despite what she did. Perhaps it really wasn't all too bad in the end.

However, with Sewaddle joining the gang, I'm more occupied than ever. "I still need to ween all of you off of this. I'm covered in pokemon. It's getting ridiculous--"

"AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

A scream pierces the night. A woman's voice, filled with terror.

Miss Maid!?

Before I even realize it, the paintings on the walls rush past me. My legs, pumped with blood and adrenaline push me ahead as fast as they can.

It came from the lobby!

Sobbing. Someone's crying. A dim light is ahead.

I round the corner, reaching the stairs.

A candle lights up the darkness below. My flashlight outshines it.

A headless woman lies in the middle of the foyer.