Please Don’t Die, My Lady

Chapter 13

That day was strangely uneventful.

The commoners who usually sought me out during every break to pick a fight…

The trash that would hit or poke me during class…

And Ariana, who never failed to visit during breakfast or lunch to “educate” me…

It was as if everyone had conspired to leave me alone.

Though I occasionally felt the discontented stares of the commoners, that was the extent of it.

Could this be Ariana’s doing?

She seemed to be planning something, and perhaps this was her way of granting me a final respite before some grand scheme unfolded.

Should I thank her for her consideration?

Or should I call this measured cruelty?

Maybe she was just toying with me, letting me stew in suspense, preventing me from adjusting to any sort of pattern.

I wasn’t sure, but I had to admit it was effective.

The disappearance of something I’d half-accepted as part of my routine only made it more conspicuous.

It gnawed at my nerves and made everything unbearably unsettling.

When would they come again?

How elaborate a form of torment were they preparing this time?

I couldn’t help but grow anxious.

A hollow feeling settled in my chest, leaving me inexplicably desolate and drained.

As I dwelled on these thoughts, a single sentence flashed through my mind.

The way I’m thinking right now… doesn’t it sound like I’m missing it?

…Wait, what?

For some reason, I felt like I didn’t dislike Ariana’s torment as much as I thought I did.

“…Ah, haha. I must be going crazy.”

I shook my head vigorously.

My mind, which had grown a little foggy, cleared up again.

Absolutely not.

Even now, the memories of her torture made my body tremble.

I still hated the pain, and her hostility far outweighed any semblance of goodwill.

Water, electricity, nails, coffins—each method had been utterly unbearable.

It was so excruciating that I’d wanted to die right there and then.

And most importantly, I—the daughter of a fallen noble house—hated Ariana to the point of wanting her dead.

I detested her, resented her, and harbored murderous intent toward her.

I was merely suppressing it, that’s all.

So then…

…No, wait.

If that’s the case, then what about “me”?

Do I hate Ariana?

I thought I hated her because I couldn’t suppress the noble daughter’s memories, but as pure “me,” without any of that mixed in, it’s different.

“I” want death as an escape, and Ariana pushes the noble daughter closer to that goal, speeding up the process.

If that’s the case…

Maybe “I” don’t actually have a reason to hate her──

Smack!

“Ugh…!”

“And so, when casting a spell, you must… Hmm?

Is something the matter, Miss Adelian?”

“…It’s nothing. My apologies.”

I had slapped myself across the face—hard.

It was a form of self-punishment for indulging in such pointless thoughts.

The blow was so forceful that my mind went blank for a moment.

The dark, oppressive fantasies that had clouded my thoughts dissipated, and the suffocating sense of emptiness and futility faded away with them.

As expected, Ariana was right.

If you’ve done something wrong, you ought to face the consequences.

I hadn’t realized it when someone else inflicted punishment on me, but now that I’d done it to myself, I could feel its effectiveness firsthand.

When I thought about it calmly with my now-clear mind, my behavior just moments ago had been quite peculiar.

I should’ve been relieved that the usual torment was gone, yet I’d let myself become needlessly gloomy.

In the first place, feeling as though my routine had been disrupted because of it was twisted in itself.

My strange fondness toward Ariana? That was definitely insanity.

My body might be at ease, but my mind was playing tricks on me.

Not that my mind had ever been fully intact from the start.

Still, this was the first time it had threatened to split so openly.

I pressed my throbbing temples firmly.

Whatever.

I don’t care anymore.

I just… want to go home.

Should I just go home?

“Well then, let’s end the class here for today.

Don’t forget, your assignments are due tomorrow.”

The professor’s words signaled the end of the lecture, and he began preparing to leave.

There was still one afternoon class left, but since I’d already skipped once, skipping twice didn’t seem like such a big deal.

The noble daughter would understand.

I mean, I’m sick. I’m practically a patient.

I just hope no one asks where I’m hurting when my body looks fine.

Even so, I really do feel like I’m in pain.

Resolving myself, I stood up.

Although the other students glanced my way, not one of them spoke to me.

I’d half-expected someone to start something as I left the classroom, but no one did.

Well, that’s convenient, I guess.

Time to go home.

I began making my way to my dormitory room.

“Miss Adelian?”

A single voice called out to stop me as I left.

It was the curious tone of the magic professor, who was still in the classroom.

I ignored it.

I wasn’t deaf, but… I just didn’t have the energy to care about anyone else.

After leaving the classroom, I heard no further voices calling me back.

Good.

Leaving the classroom was easy, but returning to my room proved less so.

Of course, no one stopped or harassed me.

Everyone acted the same as they had in class, keeping their distance and exchanging hushed whispers while casting sticky glances my way.

This time, what tripped me up was, as always, myself.

First, as I walked down the hallway, I twisted my ankle and fell.

Blood trickled from my scraped knees.

Second, perhaps due to the earlier fall, my legs gave out, and I tumbled down the stairs.

Bruises and gashes appeared on my forehead and palms.

Third, without any discernible reason, dizziness overcame me, and I lost my balance, collapsing again.

Though I didn’t sustain new injuries, this same scenario repeated itself several times afterward.

Now that I think about it, I’ve been losing my balance or feeling my strength drain away strangely often lately.

The reason… well.

There are too many possibilities to pinpoint one.

It could be because I haven’t eaten in four days, or maybe I’ve been sick without realizing it.

It could also be that I’m physically damaged from too much abuse or still dealing with the aftereffects of hallucinogens I was forced to take.

Maybe it’s all of the above.

Even just one of those reasons would be enough to make someone a wreck, and with them piling up, it’s no wonder my body’s falling apart.

Not that it matters.

There’s nothing I can do about it, and I have no intention of fixing it.

All I want are two things:

To maintain the status quo.

And to die peacefully.

With those detached thoughts, I reached for the doorknob.

“…Huh.”

That’s when I realized the door wasn’t locked.

I was sure I had locked it this morning before leaving.

Suppressing the wave of unease that washed over me, I pressed my ear against the door.

Inside, I heard unmistakable signs of someone’s presence.

Someone… had entered?

Into my room.

My sanctuary.

My escape.

A place meant only for me had been invaded by someone else?

The previously emotionless void in my mind twisted violently.

The pounding of my heart echoed in my ears, and my breath began to grow ragged.

What… What was I supposed to do?

Could Ariana’s grand plan have been to invade my room?

She had said “next time,” and I’d let my guard down.

Even if it wasn’t her, any other reason for this intrusion could only spell more danger.

There was no way I could resist on my own.

I’d probably collapse before they even laid a hand on me. What could I possibly do?

In that case, I needed to ask for help.

Having reached that conclusion, I tried to let go of the doorknob.

That’s when reality—something I’d momentarily forgotten in my panic—hit me.

“Help… who would I even ask for help from…?”

There wasn’t anyone.

Everyone who might have helped me had either died or left a long time ago.

I already knew this well enough.

The faces of professors, familiar students, and even Sena briefly flitted through my mind.

I stuffed all those options into the mental trash bin and shook my head.

No. Absolutely not.

The professors and students wouldn’t lift a finger to help me, and approaching Sena myself had never been an option to begin with.

In the end, there was only one answer.

I clenched the doorknob so tightly that my fingers ached, cutting off circulation.

I had to open it.

Even if it meant my death, I needed to protect my home, my sanctuary.

If I lost this space too, my life at the academy would truly be over.

My heart pounded so violently I thought it might burst. My vision spun with dizziness as I slowly turned the doorknob.

Once I was inside… First, first… what was I supposed to do?

My mind wasn’t working at all, yet my trembling hand continued to move as if guided by a will not entirely my own.

And when the door swung open, inside was—

“Oh, I’m a maid. Just cleaning the room… huh?”

A petite young maid with dirty blonde hair was dusting off the table.

“…Ah.”

I collapsed to the floor, feeling like I had just plummeted to the very depths of hell.

So that’s what it was.

The maids made their rounds cleaning the dorm rooms during class hours.

And since I had skipped my afternoon class and returned early, it wasn’t strange to run into one now.

In fact, it was sheer luck that I hadn’t encountered this before.

I was so terrified that I worried I might’ve wet myself, but I managed to calm my racing heart as I sat there on the floor.

The maid, who had been watching me curiously, noticed the blood dripping from my forehead and knees. She let out a small, sharp gasp.

“Ah, oh!”

Then, pointing at me in apparent realization, she exclaimed loudly,

“Please clean up the blood and lie down on the bed, miss! It’s really hard to clean up after you, you know!”

…Oh, right.

Memories of all the times I’d soaked my bed with bodily fluids and blood flashed through my mind.

Every time I returned from class, the bed was always clean again.

So, this girl was the one who had cleaned up after me all those times.

As the misunderstanding cleared and embarrassment rose within me, I hung my head low in shame.

This was all my own doing. My karma, really.

Serves me right.