Please Don’t Die, My Lady

Chapter 11

A vision that felt too real to be true came to me in an instant.

“Mm? What’s wrong? Are you feeling unwell?”

“…No. It just feels like it’s been ages since we last met.”

“What are you talking about? We played together just yesterday.”

“Yeah… What could it be? My memory is still perfectly fine.”

The Hans in this illusion appeared as he had in childhood.

It made sense.

The last time I had seen him was when I was 14. 

Naturally, even hallucinations would be based on that memory.

He was young, and I was, too, as I stood before him.

I held out my palm before my eyes.

It was small. So very small.

Though my hands even now weren’t particularly large, back then they had been downright doll-like.

White, thin, small, delicate—those kinds of hands.

I had been healthier then, so they must have looked better, too.

I—or rather, I shouldn’t refer to myself like that yet, since this was before I had taken over this body.

The princess lowered her outstretched hand.

Hans’ gaze, which had been fixed on her, was beginning to turn puzzled.

It was only natural; this was not a side of her he was accustomed to seeing.

The princess of this era had never been one to follow his lead.

A calm response like the one just now would have been unthinkable.

Back then, she was unyielding and endlessly sharp.

She often directed her hysterical emotions at him, true to her title as a princess.

Whenever her mood swung, she took it out on him, who always stayed by her side.

Hans, with a troubled expression, would quietly endure her outbursts and then approach her again the next day as though nothing had happened.

He hadn’t been unaffected, of course.

Surely, he had been bottling it all up inside.

What had the princess done to her very first friend, instead of treating him with kindness?

The consequences of such behavior could hardly have turned out well.

The Hans of 14 years old, wearing a look of puzzlement, began to distort and swirl, along with the mansion, fading back into the past.

Back to my room at age 8.

Hans’ mother was having tea with mine.

The princess sat curled up on the floor, while Hans lowered his head and smiled at her.

That was their first meeting.

“Hello, are you Lady Remia Adelian?”

“…Who are you?”

“I’m Hans from the House of Dicardi.

I want to be your friend!”

Hans and the princess met due to their mothers’ friendship.

He was the second son of a count, while she was the eldest daughter of a duke—a clear disparity in status. 

Still, it seemed the princess’ mother wanted to provide her lonely daughter with a companion.

Naturally, Hans had likely been instructed by his parents.

Under no circumstances should he upset the princess or treat her rudely.

This was only to be expected; the only status higher than that of a duke was royalty.

Thus, from their very first meeting, Hans had been remarkably kind and amicable.

An eight-year-old child had gone out of his way to consider her feelings, smiling warmly and speaking sweetly, accepting everything she did without complaint.

At the time, she had taken it for granted, but looking back now, it was clear he had made a real effort before they became close.

Once again, it was my fault.

I don’t know. I’ll just do what comes to mind.

In any case, young me and Hans kept getting entangled, and though I initially pushed him away, I gradually began to open up.

“Lady, what do you think of this flower?

I picked it from the hill behind the estate because I thought it would suit you.”

“…I don’t like it.”

“Oh, I’ll bring you something else next time!”

“I said I don’t need it.”

“My lady~ Shall we go out and play?

It must be boring to stay cooped up in your room all the time.”

“I’m not bored.

You’re the most bothersome thing, so why don’t you leave?”

“You’re so mean! But since I don’t want to upset you, I’ll leave.

Oh, if you miss me, please call for me!”

“…Hmph.”

“My lady, by the way, is there anything you’d like for your birthday?

I’ve been thinking about it, but you seem to dislike everything you receive, so I’m at a loss….”

“I hate everything you give me.”

“Argh, that’s no help at all!”

“…Anything is fine.

I’m just saying I don’t care.”

“…Really? Was that it?”

“I don’t know.”

To the lonely princess, who had pushed everyone away and only ever spoke properly with her parents, the relentless approach of a peer her age was shocking.

At first, she found him annoying, but before she realized it, she started feeling affection for him. 

Over time, he became the only boy she knew, and her young heart began to hold him dear.

Besides, Hans was not only kind but also handsome.

It was the perfect combination.

Maintaining her relationship with Hans allowed her to form other connections as well.

Christina and Raymond.

Her “frenemies.”

“This is Christina Heston.

And that red-haired delinquent over there is Raymond!”

“Who’s a delinquent?”

“You are, with your dyed hair, you apprentice!

Ah, nice to meet you, Lady. I’m Christina.

I don’t really want to get too close, but let’s get along~”

“Hey! Be nice!”

The friends Hans introduced her to one day were unique in their own ways, which allowed them to get along with her.

Of course, they weren’t exactly the friendliest relationships.

At the very least, they were “frenemies”—bickering yet close.

Spending time with them brought Hans closer to her, narrowing the distance that had once existed between them.

Having already harbored feelings for him, she welcomed this change.

She even began to dream of closing the gap further, deliberating over it for the first time in her life.

Though, as the princess, her attempts were mostly missteps.

Still, her efforts bore fruit, and by her 12th birthday, she had made significant progress.

She recalled something he had said years earlier—when he’d asked her what she wanted as a birthday present.

At the time, she hadn’t answered, but now she knew exactly what she wanted. And there was only one person in the world who could give it to her.

She summoned her courage.

“Hans. There’s something I want.”

“Huh? That’s new…?

Whatever it is, just tell me.”

“Call me by my name.”

“…What?”

Hans’ flustered voice stung slightly.

It felt like proof that, despite all these years, he still thought of her as distant.

But if she backed down now, there would truly be no next time.

As a princess, she was bound by an arranged marriage.

If she didn’t share her feelings with him soon, the opportunity to begin anything would vanish.

Thinking this, she raised her voice.

“Stop calling me ‘my lady.’

Call me Remia.”

“Uh… Are you sure that’s okay?”

Fortunately, his reaction was positive.

The tragedy of falling before even starting remained confined to her imagination.

Still, it wasn’t enough.

If they were to grow closer, the barriers had to fall further.

Before she knew it, the words spilled out.

It was impulsive but desperate.

“…And drop the formal speech, too.”

“What? I mean—uh, that’s…”

“Think of it as a gift, and do it.”

Hans’ eyes wavered.

He seemed to be calculating something in his mind.

Whether it was truly okay to do as I asked, whether he would be criticized for acting thoughtlessly, or whether this might be a prank.

There was a pause of several seconds.

During that time, I endlessly regretted my impulsive action and wrestled with inner turmoil.

My face was flushed, and I couldn’t even imagine what kind of expression I was wearing.

If he had responded awkwardly, my torment would only have intensified, but fortunately, that didn’t happen.

“…Ah. Got it. Nice to meet you… Remia.”

Hans called me by my name, his face slightly blushing with embarrassment.

In that moment, I truly became his friend.

“…Yes. Hans.”

Now, all that was left was to become lovers.

A future of happiness awaited.

At least, that’s what I believed.

It was foolish to think so, having barely taken one step forward after so much resistance.

For a few years, life was indeed very happy.

Even though I never managed to escape the world’s label of a “villainess with an uncertain future.”

I started spending time outside my room, mingling with my three friends.

My relationship with Hans gradually deepened, giving me confidence that he, too, held feelings for me.

It was a joyful, peaceful, and blissful life.

And, as always, it was all overturned in an instant.

It happened on the night three days before my 14th birthday.

Hans and I had planned to meet late at night, so I carefully snuck out of my bedroom.

With the invisibility potion he’d provided, it was easy to avoid the guards.

As expected, Hans had arrived at the garden ahead of me and was waiting.

I took his hand and, smiling, led him inside the mansion.

Suppressing my excitement, we strolled slowly through the corridors when I noticed a light on in a small conference room that was rarely used.

Inside, by chance, were my father and his retainers.

By chance, they stepped out just as we were passing by.

By chance, there were no guests at the mansion, so the guards were lax.

By chance, they had been discussing treason.

When coincidences pile up like this, isn’t it fate?

I didn’t want to know.

I didn’t want to hear it.

At 14, I was young.

Even though teenagers think they know everything, I was objectively and subjectively immature.

I was mentally less mature than younger children and overly reliant on those around me, especially Hans.

So, it was only natural that I panicked upon hearing the news that would upend everything about my life and those around me in just a week.

Hans and I ran frantically.

When we finally reached a place where we were sure no one could see us, we stopped and faced each other.

“Wh-what do we do…? Hic. Hans… Father, Mother… hic, sob… at this rate….”

I clung to Hans, crying.

I was terrified.

It was obvious what would happen to me if the rebellion failed.

Hans quickly collected himself and comforted me.

He embraced me and gently patted my back.

His warm, soft hand traced down my spine.

“Don’t worry. Everything will be fine.

The Duke wouldn’t proceed carelessly, right?

And you’re a strong person.”

In hindsight, it was a slightly odd thing to say, but at the time, I nodded.

Hans couldn’t be wrong.

Hans would surely protect me.

“We shouldn’t meet for a while.

If we stand out, it could cause problems.

And don’t tell anyone about tonight, okay?”

So, I nodded without hesitation and let him go.

I returned to my room and hid under my blanket.

I didn’t tell my father or anyone else that Hans and I had overheard their conversation.

Hans had said it would be okay this way.

It was a mistake.

A foolish one.

Hans’ family wasn’t one of the five mentioned by my father.

And yet, I blindly believed he would keep silent.

That he wouldn’t tell anyone about this matter involving Christina’s and Raymond’s families.

My baseless faith was predictably betrayed.

The next day, the royal guards stormed in.

With my parents gone, as I fled with my two friends, I fell into an abyss of despair.

“It’s because of you.”

“You might still be useful.”

I knew it was my mistake.

Hans had made the rational choice for himself.

The one who had plunged me into this swamp was none other than me.

I knew that.

I knew it, but…

I could never forget Hans Dicardi.

Not even in death.

Never.

I cried in the endless nightmare of memories.

It was too vivid.

What kind of hallucinogen had they used…?

The princess’ memories, which I usually suppressed, were vividly displayed before me, and it was unbearable.

Hans, who had become a trauma. My parents, now a mix of love and hate.

Christina, who protected me until the end and died. Raymond, who silently followed me and cursed me in his final moments.

The people of Adelian, whom I had killed. The organization that had ultimately shaped “me.”

Fragments of the past, buried deep in my mind, surfaced, danced before my eyes, and vanished, only to reappear and repeat the torment.

Even the earlier sense of omnipotence would have been preferable to this.

At least that had felt good.

In this wretched experience, I intermittently lost my grip on reality.

“Ah, are you coming to your senses? I was startled by the unexpectedly intense reaction, but thank goodness—ugh!?”

As the hallucination subsided, I grabbed a thick textbook from the desk and slammed it onto Ariana’s head.

I couldn’t suppress the surging emotions.

Not at all.