Object of Obsession

It was finally lunch time, and Raine and I were sitting together at a table in the school cafeteria. Ever since the morning's events I'd been in something of a daze - despite the intensity of what Mae and I had done, it was her words that had left me in this state. According to her, I was simply a ravenous 'wolf'. And given the way I'd pounced on her at the slightest invitation, I was in no position to deny it.

Even harder to swallow was that she was almost certainly right about the futility of trying to 'save' anyone. How could it be remotely possible to reverse things now? I struggled with the morality of having used the compulsion for my own benefit - but because of that feeling of futility, Mae's idea that I could just say 'fuck it' and do whatever I wanted was gnawing incessantly at my sanity. Especially because, in a way, that idea of giving in had come from the compulsion itself using her mouth.

Raine glanced at me every few minutes, looking like she wanted to say something but never quite working up the nerve. This was made all the harder for her by the twenty or so members of her gang that took up the tables surrounding us, their boisterous conversations and wild laughter making conversation nearly impossible even if she did manage to say something. I definitely wasn't being a good friend to her at the moment, but I found myself extremely grateful for her presence - grappling with all of this without anyone in my corner may have proven too much for me. Just as I thought to try to prompt her to say what was on her mind, my thoughts went into complete disarray...

Making no effort to hide the 'smile' that nearly split her face in half, Luna casually walked over to our table and helped herself to the seat next to mine, her lovesick eyes gazing deeply into my own. A few of the delinquents stood up and threw menacing glares at her, but Raine just waved them off.

"Norma, my darling...It's been far too long, hasn't it? I've found myself counting the very seconds we've been apart..."

This was the main reason for my guilt. On the cusp of entering into a proper relationship with her, I had pushed Luna away 'for her sake' while I tried to figure out what was happening to the people around me. Discouraged by my lack of progress, I had let Mae whisper her defeatist ideals into my ear and simply went along with her advances. Though Luna and I weren't technically dating, I still felt dirty nonetheless.

"Luna, I-"

"Back off, Lun. She doesn't want to see you right now," Raine snarled, having suddenly found her nerve.

"Oh, Miss Raine! I didn't notice you there, hello to you too. Anyway, there's a club meeting tonight, darling. That's all I wanted to say. Good day to you both."

Luna leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, lingering for a while as if it were difficult to pull away as I simply sat there, frozen. Raine cleared her throat and Luna finally separated from me, heaving a deep, contented sigh as she did so before happily skipping away.

So this is how she's decided to cope with it...

Pretending nothing had changed between us that day I ran away from her was far from healthy, but when I considered a few of the alternatives I couldn't help but feel relieved it had turned out this way. Selfishly, being the object of her obsession had always made me feel special, and I had no idea what our relationship would look like without that dynamic.

I doubt we would have had one at all...

"You okay?" Raine asked quietly.

"Y-yes, I was a little surprised to see her out of nowhere like that, but I'm fine now."

I realized that while spacing out with Luna's warmth still on my cheek I had been smiling for the first time in a long time, and that fact had probably not escaped Raine's notice. Suddenly serious, she stood.

"Come with me."

I tilted my head as I looked up into her golden eyes, but she didn't elaborate. Deciding to trust her I nodded and stood as well, following her through the hallways until at last we reached the roof. The calm, sunny sky was at complete odds with the inner turmoil that had become my default mental state. The fight or flight instinct was in full force as I waited in agony for her to speak her mind.

"I'm no good with this stuff, but it's obvious I gotta do this sooner than later so I'm just gonna say it."

Without missing a beat a smile lit up her face as she held her arm out to me.

"I like you. Please go out with me."

My heart was torn as it soared and sank all at once. I couldn't believe someone as cool as Raine would have any interest in a disaster like me, and in any other circumstance I would be thrilled to receive her sudden confession. But this was almost certainly due to the compulsion once again.

"You... you can't mean that," I said.

"I meant every word. I know I'm a good-for-nothin' punk, but I also know how I feel about you is real."

I closed my eyes as tears threatened to stain this beautiful vision of Raine baring her heart to me. The pain on her face at my doubt was mirrored in my heart. But if there was a chance she could still be reasoned with, I had to smother this in the cradle before it grew into something monstrous.

"Raine, please... You're an incredible woman, but you simply can't know for sure that what you're feeling is real. And anyway, just look at you! You could date anyone. You should date anyone but me!"

"Nah, but we already talked about this, right? I've felt this way for you even before you became aware of me, so there's no way you could have forced it!"

I wanted to believe it. So badly did I want to believe that this unequivocally proved that the compulsion hadn't forced her feelings. But it was so much more likely that my understanding of this power was simply lacking.

"I... I'm sorry. I can't accept your feelings. Not right now."

Raine narrowed her eyes.

"I'm on your side, Norma! All I want to do is stand by you through this, protect you! Please, you gotta let me!"

"As friends," I begged as my tears finally flooded my eyes. "What I need right now is a friend-"

Raine chuckled darkly.

"Friends, huh? Is that what you call Mae? Luna? I know exactly what you've been doin' with 'em, and if that's what friendship means to you, then sign me the hell up."

"N-no, that's-"

"Oh, but Lun doesn't know what you've been up to these days, does she? Gettin' down and dirty with other girls. Since we're all just pals, maybe I should fill her in... Or, I can just tell her you and I are goin' steady instead. So, what'll it be?"

Blackmail... This could only be the compulsion after all. There was desperation in her eyes, and even I could tell this was never how she'd wanted her confession to end up. Perhaps once upon a time Raine actually had taken an interest in me of her own accord... but now, whatever existed there had been twisted far beyond recognition.

"There's no need for that, I always planned to tell her myself. I may be an asshole, but I'm an honest one."

Raine was quiet for a while as she studied my face. Shame and regret were etched onto her own.

"So... you're still hung up on her, huh? I can tell Mae's been on your mind, too. And here I actually thought I might have a chance. I'm such an idiot..."

I wanted to say something, but there were no magic words to fix this situation, to rebuild the bridge between us. Shaking her head, she walked past me, pausing to gently pat my shoulder on her way by. Words failed her as well, however, and she left through the roof access door. Snake and Killer were there, evidently eavesdropping, and they made cutthroat motions with malicious smiles before following their boss down the staircase.

I sighed, walking over to the meager railing separating me from a 20 foot free-fall and leaning heavily against it. I gazed down at the students walking to and fro, chatting idly or messing around without a care in the world. I pushed my body even harder against the barrier, still trying to hold back my tears.

I had no illusions that a fall of this height would solve anything. Though it might kill me, it might not, and dealing with the consequences of the curse while confined to a hospital bed seemed like even more of a nightmare than the one I was already living.

What about a longer fall...?

It was morbid, but I couldn't completely rule out the possibility of my death as a solution to the curse. Maybe it would even magically free everyone I had in my thrall.

As if.

Knowing my luck, it wouldn't be that simple. And if I really were dead and gone, what would happen to those who were compelled to care for me? Could they recover after a time, or would I merely be sentencing them to a lifetime of madness?

I sighed, pushing away from the railing. Unless I knew for certain that it would help them, this option would simply be running away from the vow I made to free the people I cared about. As long as I lived there was a chance I could do something to help them. Even if Mae were right and it was completely and utterly hopeless, I'd never know for sure if I gave up now.

I looked up at the sky, emptying my mind for a while. In this state of inner peace, a thought came to me.

Book club, huh? That's kind of nostalgic. I'm somehow... looking forward to it.