Object of Obsession

Once we'd reached the sunny courtyard, Mae led me to the shade of a cluster of trees. She and I sat down, leaning against a particularly large trunk - and each other.

"...you know, the whole point of going to school was to actually go to school," I teased her.

"We are here... technically. And anyway, you've been away for how long at this point? No one's going to care if I steal you for an hour or five."

"Five!? You can't be serious."

"I haven't seen you in months, girl! I'm going through withdrawals, you gotta give me my fix!"

Hmm... to be fair to her, even before I'd ever had my suspicions about 'compulsion' Mae used to get like this at least once a month. She never wanted to hang out much, but when she finally did it always used to be for days at a time.

"Alright, alright. I'll sacrifice half a day for you... Though to be honest it's not much of a sacrifice since I've been wanting to see you, too."

A big stupid grin took over her face.

"Ha, I knew you couldn't get enough of me. But Norma... I'm sorry to say it would never work between us. We're both girls, after all!"

She held the back of her hand to her forehead dramatically.

"You're such a loser - You know those are the only circumstances under which it could work, if I'm involved. And you're interested in girls now too, aren't you? Or... has that changed?"

Mae immediately dropped the act, raising an eyebrow at me in surprise.

"...you're finally ready to talk about that? About us?"

"Yeah, but you're not going to like what I have to say."

I put a hand on her arm, bracing her.

"It's just not going to work out, Mae... I'm sorry."

Perhaps having expected this, she showed no reaction. Instead she studied me for a good long while.

"Alright. Since we're talking about this properly, though, I think I deserve to know why."

"It's... complicated, but I just can't see anyone in that way right now."

She sneered.

"Not even Luna?"

"...not even her."

She narrowed her eyes, as if she didn't believe me. But after a minute her expression softened considerably.

"Norma... Is this about what Quin...?"

She trailed off, but her meaning was clear. If I said 'Yes' it would be such an easy out. She would think I was too traumatized for intimacy and it'd buy me some time... But as tempting as it was, I couldn't lie to my best friend like that. We'd fallen out of touch lately, but I always used to go to her first whenever I had a problem, no matter how small. And this time, the problem was bigger than I could even comprehend.

"I already told you, Mae. You wouldn't understand."

"Ah ha ha! That's such bullshit. It's your choice, but if you don't answer me here and now? I'm going to resent it forever."

It was my turn to narrow my eyes at her. She really wanted to know what was wrong? Fine.

"...don't say I didn't warn you," I muttered under my breath. As if to ensure her physical, if not her emotional support, I leaned my head against her shoulder and looked up at the sky as I spoke.

"I can't look at you, or Luna, or anyone romantically ever again. And that's because, whether I intended to or not, I planted the seeds of compulsion in everyone I've ever loved. I don't know how long ago it happened, but those flowers of madness are finally starting to bloom."

I tilted my head to watch her reaction. Rather than doubt or acceptance, she simply nodded once to signify she was willing to keep listening. I decided to continue.

"The people in my life... they don't even feel like people anymore! More like... NPCs, or something."

"NPC...? That's that nerd word that means a random villager in a video game, right?"

"More or less. I'm saying that their thoughts and desires aren't their own. Somehow I've reprogrammed them, do you understand!?"

"Normie, I knew there was something different about you from your texts, something nihilistic and beautiful, but this is even better than I could have imagined!"

"This isn't a joke, Mae! How can I explain this... Look, Luna's crazy about me, you're already keenly aware of that fact. But her sudden, obsessive interest in me is simply too intense to have come to her naturally."

"Some girls really are just crazy, hun. I think she's one of them, much to my chagrin."

From her tone, it seemed she would be playing Devil's Advocate - opposing my arguments, but not out of malice.

"Sure, maybe that's true. Let's move on, then. When I was almost abducted the first time, it was in a deserted alley. And yet Raine showed up just in time and knocked my assailant out. I was too scared back then to think clearly, but... it was as if Raine had been following me. And if she was, I can practically guarantee that that wasn't her first day of it."

"Or maybe it really was a lucky break. Hell, even if it wasn't, she still saved you."

"Yeah. She did. I should be grateful, and yet..."

I hesitated. Mae leaned her head on mine, nuzzling our cheeks together ever so slightly as she waited for me to go on.

"Alright, you remember that Quin had moved quite a distance away before you and I went to middle school. But as soon as I told her about my near abduction she offered to come down to spend time with me for the first time in years, and she got to my house so quick that there's no doubt she left in a matter of minutes. But the things she had in her van, Mae... it was like she planned to kidnap me long before she ever came down..."

"That... yeah, that was pretty extreme, I can't deny it. All I'll say is these things do happen, though. Not to diminish what you've been through, but if we assume you're just the unluckiest girl in the world, we're still in the realm of credibility here."

"...I know. But I had a crime lord pull her gun on me, Mae-"

"What the hell? Are you just making shit up now?"

"I'm serious. It's a long story, Luna's mom owns half the country or something. Anyway, she pulled out a gun to try to intimidate me. I don't know what happened exactly, I kinda blacked out but subconsciously asked her to put it away... and in the next second, she did. And she was ready to make a deal."

"Okay, we'll come back to this 'crime baroness Norma' stuff later, but maybe she realized you weren't going to break as easily as she thought, and it would be more worth her time to just give you what you wanted. What the hell did you want, anyway?"

"...it doesn't matter. The point is, I think I compelled her to do it. As in, a telepathic command. Yes, I know that's batshit insane. This is why I said you wouldn't understand..."

Mae regarded me with concern.

"Even if I believe that frankly ludicrous story verbatim, I still don't see anything supernatural happening. You probably just couldn't read her as well as you thought you could."

Okay, I could work with this. Mae was on my side, but not to the point that it was blind fanaticism. There was only one thing to do.

"Alright, then what about this - My best friend who's been straight as a board since I've known her suddenly comes out to me. She has no notable girl crushes but wanted to make sure I knew she was bi. Later that night she makes a move on me, and when I don't rush into things with her she starts sending me obsessive texts that she conveniently treats as 'jokes' whenever I call her out on it. Explain that one."

Mae pulled away slowly, then stood up to face me. I looked up into her purple eyes as she struggled with the words - it was obvious that this wasn't going to be easy for her to say. I stood immediately.

"...yeah, you got me, okay? I can't stop thinking about you. And that's not hyperbole..."

Her husky voice came out between shaky breaths. She clearly felt vulnerable about finally letting this all out, but even more than that, she looked relieved to finally get it off her chest.

"My 'interests' don't interest me anymore. Before I do anything, I try to think up some way to involve you in it. I stare at pictures of you on my phone to fill the hours between your texts. I... touch myself while thinking about you. Often. I don't think of other girls that way, and I no longer think of guys at all. Only you. It's just you."

She took a step toward me. Unlike Luna or Quin, I didn't see desperation in her eyes. She said it all matter-of-factly, letting that naked truth exist between us for a moment.

"Mae... aren't you afraid?"

Another step.

"Not at all. I've never been more sure of anything."

"But... you're clearly aware of how drastic a change this is! I've forced this in you, Mae, you should be disgusted with me!"

"You don't get it, do you? You're not talking to someone who cares about right or wrong. You're talking to me. And all I want is you."

"I-I can't! I can't take advantage of-"

"Enough of that! I want you to take advantage of me! I'm literally asking for it! Please, I need your lips on mine so badly!"

Oh, god. Just hearing Mae talk like this was enough to get me wet...  B-but I couldn't give in to her demands!

"I'm not going to do that to you, Mae!"

"You think it's cruel to give me what I want? I think making me feel this way and then denying me is crueller by far..."

I can't give in... Can I...?

"I need this, Norma. I need you. It's okay! It's okay to touch me there! You know where~"

It's wrong... Isn't it...?

Another step. Only this one was mine.