Nova Wars

"Wherefore come ye here, Burgerlander?"

"From a ship beyond the stars to the Shores of Burgerland, where I was enticed and enjoined to swear fealty to The Burger King and pledge my very life to his Redheaded Bitch of a Daughter." - Firewatch Challenge and Response, Camp Burgerherd, Burgerland

"Forever more is my Home on the Range where the dear anthillopes play...

"But my armor is new, and there's fresh cud to chew...at least til they ship us away." - Graffiti from the inside wall of a Port-a-Patty, located beside and below a crude drawing of a giant human phallus with one big beefy arm belching fire on village with thatched roofs, North Range Recruit Training Facility Burgerherd, Burgerland

"What's an Anthillope, you ask? Don't worry...you'll know all about them soon enough. Intimately.

"They're like their smaller cousin the Jackalope, but bigger...MUCH bigger...with didgeridoos on their heads... and they like to run as fast as they can in a circle around any structures they find.

"All. Night. Long." - Fo'od'mo'oo, Chow Hall Supervisor, Camp Burgerherd, Burgerland

The ship in the middle of the flotilla had been designed, redesigned, built, rebuilt, scrapped, overhauled, refit, refit again, stripped to the frame, rebuilt again, and finally set on its way with an escort of twenty Strevik'al Dominion battle cruisers with full complements, bringing the task force up to nearly three hundred vessels.

The flagship was not in charge of the mission, just the Task Force, and the mission was to obey the orders, no matter how non-sensicle, of the rebuilt and refitted junkpile of a ship that was named DARK SCIENCE TASTER! (The capital letters were part of its name) and while it was Captained by a skilled and experienced naval commander, it was ultimately commanded by a being who was mad even among those considered mad.

One Taskapak-88542. Mad Scientist Grade - Omega. Visionary. Scientist. Researcher.

Sorcerer.

Mad Strevikik'al.

The mad scientist constantly moved about, poking his nose into everything, giving orders, asking questions, and performing tasks.

He was followed by the surly and almost uncommunicative Shraku'ur-553881. A disgraced soldier for the Strevik'ak Dominion military that many aboard the ship wished had managed to carry out his attempted suicide.

The insane researcher had gone down to the planets of the Path of the Traveler with only the infantryman accompanying him. Each time speaking with the terrible guardians that had destroyed all previous exploration teams.

Each time the mad scientist had returned excited, agitated, and set about decoding strange and terrible formula to emerge from his laboratories with the next set of jump coordinates.

While the Grand Admiral in charge of the Task Force had been angry that often the Grenklakail Empire vessels would arrive and leave before them, the mad scientist had waved away all objections and all commands to move faster.

"I care not what the Grenklakail Empire discovers," Taskapak would squeal in his irritating voice. "I care only what the Guardians whisper into my bloody ears."

The insane researcher in question was standing on the bridge of his ship, the DARK SCIENCE TASTER!, and staring at the gravity shadow of a singularity.

"She would not have ordered us to tread the Path of the Traveler just to show us a singularity," Taskapak squealed, his voice grating and nerve wracking to the other Strevik'al. "There must be a reason we were commanded to be in this place at this time."

Taskapak turned to look at Shraku'ur, wringing his hands. "There must be a reason," the scientist said.

The infantryman just shrugged, lifting up his bottle of fizzybrew and taking a drink.

Taskapak began pacing back and forth.

"Beacon scans ship, forces way into databases, downloads and parses lexicons, encylopedia, technical schematics of ships and estimates and analyses ship and weapon capabilities," Taskapak began muttering to himself, waving his hands in the air.

Shraku'ur just set his beer on the communications console (ignoring the glare from the technician) and pulled an 'apple' from his pocket, taking a big bite of the yellow fruit and wiping the juice from his chin.

"Beacon transmits technical, scientific, cultural data of approximate technological level of visitors," Taskapak muttered. "Not as one technological knowledge level, but estimation based upon medical, war fighting, energy production, transportation, communication technological levels entirely separate from one another."

Shraku'ur just took another crunching bite of the crisp fruit.

"Yet no data overlaps. There are no advanced energy generation technology in superluminal communications scientific data but how to use energy generation technology from the energy technology section with the advanced communication and transportation technology," Taskapak muttered. He stopped and looked at Shraku'ur. "Give."

Shraku'ur reached into his pocket, which was lumpy with other fruit, and tossed the scientist a red apple.

"Must be important. Not data. Data is cover. Data will make Strevik'al Dominion happy. No. Has to be time," Taskapak muttered, resuming his pacing. He took a bite of the apple, chewing on it as he paced. "Time and place important. Nothing more important than temporal and realspace coordinates. X, Y, Z, Q, R. Basis for everything in universe. All of universe mappable with those coordinate vectors. Why? Why this X, Y, Z? Why this Q, R?"

He stopped, staring at the holotank.

"What secret hold inside, oh singularity?" he asked. "Wish was soldier," he drew a pistol from a pocket. It had a narrow aperature at the end of a cone on one end and a bulbous rear with fins and sprockets on it. One sprocket was cracked. "Wish was soldier. Answers to soldier problems are this."

He pointed the pistol at the representation of the singularity and pulled the trigger several times.

Most of the bridge crew winced, expecting something.

The gears and sprockets on the spun. Sparks and confetti flew from the narrow end. The wheels made a 'fweeeee' noise.

There was a sudden surge and upheaval. A white flash that wiped away everything. The ship groaned and shuddered in the brightly lit darkness and every atom was pulled and pushed, squeezed and stretched, poked and pulled.

The bridge crew found themselves flung out of their seats, some phasing through their restraint harnesses.

Taskaptak fell to the floor.

Shraku'ur seemed to lean forward slightly, grabbing his beer as it seemed to replicate over and over along a path away from the console.

Shraku'ur took a long drink as everything suddenly collapsed back to normal.

Taskapak was immediately on his feet, rushing over to the holotank and turning it off at the internal breaker box, counting to fifteen, and flipping the breaker back on. He quickly went through menus, one hand on an I/O port, the hologram flickering, buzzing, sparking.

The holotank cleared even as other Strevik'al were getting to their feet and staggering back to their stations. Shraku'ur reached out and helped the comms officer to his station then shambled up to stand next to Taskapak.

"Clearing, clearing, parsing scattered and distorted data," the scientist was squeaking. The other holotanks on the bridge flickered to life. Showing the singularity. Showing it rupturing with a bright dark light. Showing a field of white energy and matter exploding outward. Showing a ten planet solar system with an asteroid belt around a yellow start, the planets and the moons creating rings around their orbits by showing overlapping versions of themselves.

The holotank Taskapak was standing in front of flickered and cleared.

"Ten planets. Two gas giants. Two of supermassive gas giants," Taskapak squeaked. "First planet, deep red zone - solar energy danger. Second planet, mid-red zone - solar energy danger. Third planet, deep amber zone - solar energy danger. Fourth planet, green zone. Asteroid belt. Edge of green zone. Supermassive gas giant - deep amber. Supermassive gas giant, correction, supermassive failed gas giant - amber zone. Gas giant, red zone. Gas giant, red zone. Planet, black zone. Planet, Oort Cloud."

Taskapak moved around the holotank, staring at it.

"No, no, gravity too low, orbital tides from moons too low," he looked up. "Terrors originate from third planet despite high corrosive oceans, close proximity to stellar mass, overly large orbital body in close proximity," he moved around again. "Terror biology, motivations, aggression suggests dangerous world. Competitive world. Danger danger danger," he looked up. "Designate Planet-Three TerraSol."

Shraku'ur touched the gas giants. "Look at the size of those shipyard lattices. They completely encase the gas giants."

Taskapak nodded. "Yes. Yes. Need mass. Terrans crave mass. Need it. Must have it. Gas giants easy mass. Complex mass."

"Many many ship signatures," the sensor technician call out.

"How many?" Shraku'ur asked.

"Too many, board keeps crashing. I keep running out of memory," the technician complained.

"Put each group into separate groups, count groups of only twenty or more. All ships with less than medium graviton signature set to below filter," Taskapak squealed. "Tap groups for separate analysis based on gravity distortion strength."

The lights flickered.

"We've been boarded," Shraku'ur said.

Taskapak nodded. He tossed the data from the central tank to one at the edge of the bridge, then ran over and grunted as he moved a lever to connect the massive quantum computer arrays welded to the bulkhead.

"Wait... wait... wait Terran... wait..." Taskapak said. He ran back to the holotank and put his hand against the I/O port. "Almost. Almost. Load memory doubler. Load optimizer. Done!"

He stepped back.

"I SUMMON THEE, DARK CREATURE OF TERRA!" he shouted.

"Well, I've never been called that," sounded from the speakers. The holotank flickered and a female Terror in a severe militaristic uniform made of flowing code stood inside. "Colonel Crystal Rectifier Barretter, Confederate Space Force and TerraSol Planetary Defense Forces."

"I am Taskapak, Mad Scientist Grade Omega," Taskapak squealed. He motioned at Shraku'ur. "This is my soldier, Shraku'ur."

"Nice to meet you," the digital being said.

"You are Digital Sentience. Code given life, sentience, and sapience," Taskapak said, practically quivering with joy. "Unmaddened, unEnraged, thoughtful and poised."

The Terror smiled, baring sharp meat tearing teeth. "Yes."

"We follow the Path of the Traveler, find you! Arrive when Mother of Dark Science tell us to! You emerge! BANG!" Taskapak squealed.

"Yes."

"Now here," Taskapak gave a sweeping bow. "We greet you, oh fearsome dark one from legends, myth, and the mists of time. You have returned after your forty-thousand year absence into a galaxy wracked by war and in mortal danger that threatens the entire galaxy itself."

The digital sentience nodded.

"All right. I'm kicking you up the chain. Stand by for the Admiral."

"We await his presence, oh fearsome and terrible dark one!" Taskapak squealed.

The holotank went blank.

Taskapak gave an exhale of relief.

"We survived, soldier. Another victory that allows us to continue to exist for more moments," Taskapak said.

"Yup," Shraku'ur said.

"I detect no ships, no mass, no gravity distortions near us," a sensor tech said.

"You would not. Singularity exploded in a white matter explosion, with a leading edge of doubling radiation that unfolded the space compressed within the singularity gravity distortion," Taskapak said. "Space is still rippling and shivering. Stellar system must have been inside space hidden by folding action of multiple singularities in a specific orbit," he looked at Shraku'ur. "We have sensor data proving doubling radiation. Happy day, solider!"

"Yup."

The holotank flickered and an image appeared. A Terran male in an armored vac-suit sat in front of a wallpaper that was a gradient from light gray to pale blue at the bottom that had the simple header of "TERRASOL DEFENSE FORCE" at the top in gold letters. The Terran male had dark skin and bright blue eyes.

"Greetings," the Terror said. He looked around. "Your species is not in our databases. We realize it is tens of thousands of years since our disappearance," his face hardened. "But we respectfully request that you move yourself to at least two point five light years beyond the Oort Cloud. With the stellar geography being what it is, I suggest you move galactic North to avoid other stellar nation's boarders."

It had the feeling of a standard order.

"As soon as possible, oh fearsome one," Taskapak stated. "We request and plead for your mercy and benevolence to allow us to live to be awed by your presence."

The Terran blinked. "All right."

"Ships may be damaged. Will move when can. Please, spare us your terrible wrath and your fearsome chewing teeth," Taskapak said.

"We will give you three hours. If you cannot reply, signal with red flares. All ships that can comply must comply or they will be fired upon," the Terran said.

"As you command, fearsome one," Taskapak said.

"TerraSol Defense Force, out," the Terran said.

His image vanished.

"You heard. Signal fleet. We move now. Not anger the Terrans. Death and pain will be their punishment upon us for disobeying," Taskapak said.

He turned to Shraku'ur. "She was wise with great foresight indeed to have us here at this moment."

"Yup."

TERRASOL

These weird ones are weird. The Strevik'ak Dominion guys.

/////////

TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS

Everyone is weird right now.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

HAT WEARING AUNTIE

We have a diplomatic team within the 1.5 light year expansion zone, led by Looks to a Bright Future Wearing Mirrorshades, to re-establish diplomatic relations.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TERRASOL

OK.

Right now, we're willing to pick up with the alliances that were in force when we vanished.

////////

LANAKTALLAN GREAT FREE THOUGHT GREAT GALLOPING FIELD NOW WITH MORE GREAT GREATNESS

What about us?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TERRASOL

You're a special case. Right now, we're looking at a non-belligerent status. A lot of your troops and the like became Citizens during the fifty years we were in The Bag.

/////////

LANAKTALLAN GREAT FUN ZONE

How many Lanaktallan are in residence?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TERRASOL

One point seven billion survived the neural scorching.

We had some female refugees.

And some cloning and other techniques.

You're up to two point one billion.

////////

PUBVIAN DOMINION

How many of you?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TERRASOL

Right now? Without kicking the cloning banks and the SUDS?

With the Sleepers being woken, and without waking the Dreamers, we've got twelve point two billion citizens, Terran Descent Humans, and two billion Earthlings.

We've also got three hundred and forty million greenies and another one billion and change other mantid castes, a half a billion Treana'ad, and two billion female Rigellians with four point two ducks.

We can give you a complete population breakdown later.

Oh, we've even got nearly two hundred thousand Tnvaru and eight hundred thousand Telkan.

////////

HAT WEARING AUNTIE

You woke the Sleeping Ones?

You did?

>wrings hands

Oh, please tell me you did.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TERRASOL

Awake and happy.

////////

TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS

Did you manage to get your friends before everything shut down?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TERRASOL

Legion cured the Friend Plague.

>deep sigh

It was like a missing piece of us being returned.

//////////

RIGEL

It is good to see you, old friend.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TERRASOL

And you, beloved one.