Natasha the Halve

The Elf had her 'polite smile' on.

Three Tigeas moved to serve the food, taking plates from the trolleys and placing them in front of us.

Another one served water in one of the glasses. I was served first, then the Queen, then Lapia.

I wasn't exactly happy with that, but I wasn't about to challenge thousands of years of tradition because of my feelings.

The plate in front of me was a bit confusing. Three small 'spoons' made of some sort of bread held a gray paste. It didn't look as appetizing as the dude had said. The amount was straight up offensive, too.

Lapia moved and I glanced her way in the most discrete way I could manage.

She took a napkin and opened it, then placed it on her lap.

I copied her and noticed the Queen had already done so.

“Your Excellency,” the Queen did not read the mood and addressed me. “I read on the newspaper that you have quite the skills with art. Your drawing was breathtaking.”

I nodded, turning to her, “Thank you. You could say I'm a bit of an artist.”

The Queen gave me a small smile and a respectful nod, “What does Your Excellency think about the art around the palace?”

“Good,” I replied. “Pretty tame in intent.”

Her eyes widened a little, “I see.” She took her glass of water and took a tiny sip. Then slowly took one of the three small bread spoon on her plate.

In the corner of my vision, I noticed Lapia do the same. I copied them.

I brought the morsel of food into my mouth and took a small bite.

The taste of olives, anchovies, coriander, and quite the number of other stuff I don't have the knowledge to discern tickled my tongue. The Mushrooms weren't as bad as Lapia said they were. There was no taste of death or smell of raw meat. There was also no sweetness that would indicate nikontia.

It was pretty meh. Lapia's soup is objectively superior.

While lowering the rest of the spoon, I noticed the paste grew in volume.

Oh? Automatic refill? I was amazed. Cool.

I discreetly glanced at the two women, checking if taking small bites was the appropriate thing to do. Their spoons were similar to mine, so I let out an internal sigh of relief.

As I continued eating, however, I noticed the taste of the mushrooms became increasingly overpowering. It didn't get bad, but by the time I finished the first spoon the entire thing was mushrooms.

That's odd, I pondered, looking at the next one.

The Queen brought her napkin up and gently cleaned her lips, then turned to me. “What does Your Excellency think art should be?” she tilted her head a little, then took another tiny sip of water.

Lapia turned to me as well with interest in her eyes.

“Art...” I cleaned my mouth, imitating the Queen, then took a sip of my glass and swallowed, “should terrify.”

The Queen blinked a few times then her eyebrows scrunched up a little and her ears twitched once, “Pardon?”

“Art should never have an answer. It should always ask questions,” I looked into the Queen's turquoise eyes. “When you look at art, you should feel terrified and uncomfortable so you can experience catharsis. Artists put their souls into art. To look at their creations should be the most frightening thing to do. Only then does art transcend. If you don't feel like you're violating a taboo when looking at the canvas, the artist has failed to touch the depths of your heart. And that's fine since not all art should push this boundary.”

She took a second to process my words, “And you see a lack of this in the art around the palace?”

“That's right,” I nodded, moving forward to rest my elbows on the table.

'Wrists' Lapia sent through the bond.

I naturally shifted my movement to rest my wrists on the table.

“Hmm... I see,” the Queen nodded with a thoughtful expression.

The Queen took another spoon and we followed her actions.

The amount of mushrooms in my second spoon increased once again by the time I finished it. That time, I noticed a slight shift in the E'er to my right... where Lapia sat.

The meal continued in silence, and I was certain something was going on with the mushrooms. It definitely wasn't an automatic refill as I initially thought, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

I carefully imitated Lapia's movements when cleaning my mouth, sipping water, resting my arms on the table, and all the little things I had no clue about.

The Tigeas behind us took the plates once we finished and replaced them with flat plates that had an offensively small portion of steamed fish and a yellowish clear sauce on top of what looked like asparagus that went through the desert by how thin they were.

I paid close attention to the utensils Lapia picked, choosing one of the many forks and knives in front of me.

The Queen was silent for most of it, only complimenting the dish after the first bite.

By the time the main dish was served I was growing a little annoyed with the etiquette. I powered through nonetheless, taking the opportunity to learn as much as I could.

I realized what the whole mushroom deal was when I brought a mushroom from the plate to my mouth and noticed a new one where I had previously left an open spot. It happened every time I ate a mushroom. Lapia did the same. She was copying me.

The woman was shifting her mushrooms to my plate. The event was so imperceptible that I could only applaud the Elf's mastery of magic if anything.

The Fenivis, as I found out, was pheasant or something very similar to it. It definitely was a bird at the very least. Of that I was absolutely sure. The texture was pretty nice, but my tastes are not as refined to accurately review food literally served for a Queen.

After finishing that, a criminally small salad was placed in front of me. I once again copied my girlfriend.

Much to my surprise, the Tigeas served us red wine and placed cheese on equally small dishes in front of us.

The delightful smell of blue cheese tickled my nose and I smiled while eating.

Once the salad was done, the cheese was next.

I took a whiff of the supposedly three hundred year old wine and had to use all of my willpower to prevent my facial muscles from scrunching in absolute disgust. It had the invasive aroma of rotten wood.

And Bromisnar said a thousand year old wine is better? That's total bullshit. Man's lost his tongue.

I thanked the beings ruling the universe for granting me a resting bitch face. My inner conflict would have evidently shown on my features otherwise.

I witnessed acts of bravery to my left and right. Lapia and the Queen took sips from their glasses and gave a small nod each.

The things I do to fit, I lamented and took a sip.

My eyebrows went up at the gentle taste of... many things. There were a lot of flavors kissing my tongue, and none were bad.

Still... nothing beats my Kvass, I concluded after comparing the two.

The cheese was nice, regular blue cheese. I was immensely relieved it wasn't some century old cheese or some insanity along those lines. I wasn't even sure it'd be cheese after that long.

After finishing the cheese, which was admittedly the nicest part of the whole meal, the Queen turned to me.

“What does Your Excellency think an artist needs to create a masterpiece?” she asked with a smile.

I shrugged, “Tragedy if I'm to put it in a single word.”

She looked down at the table and slowly nodded.

I looked up at the chandelier and sighed, “Talent is important, but it eventually burns out. An artist translates their experiences into their medium. That has more impact than anything else in my opinion.”

Lapia let out a tiny sigh.

The Tigeas took the plates away and I noticed another one cutting the big pastry.

I bet Alyssa would like to try that one.

“Uhm,” I turned to the Queen with a shy smile.

She perked up and met my eyes, “Yes, Your Excellency?”

Fuck it, I put my embarrassment aside. “Do you think I could take a piece of the cake? One of my partners really likes pastries.”

She gave me a wide smile and chuckled, “Naturally, Your Excellency.” She turned to one of the Tigeas and gestured to the cake, “Cut a portion for Her Excellency to take with her, Lino.”

The Tigea in question nodded, “Yes, Your Majesty.”

I felt my cheeks burn a little, then turned to Lapia for moral support.

She had a big smile on her face, making my cheeks burn hotter.

I smiled and felt warmth spread in my chest.

The Elf took a small fort and I copied her, then ate a bit of the cake.

It was surprisingly good. It barely had any sugar, finding the sweetness' foundation in the many fruits it had. The texture was fluffy in a way I lacked words to describe, and the flavors complemented each other in an explosion of colors that danced in my mouth with the smells of spring. I had to hold a moan back. It was that good.

Lapia hummed, “This is sublime.”

The Queen nodded with a smug smile, “Our Patissier is level eight hundred total,” she bragged.

“Impressive,” I nodded.

“Indeed,” Lapia agreed.

The Tigeas moved again and served us a pinkish wine along with avocado slices.

Oh, so these are tericas. Should buy some for myself... I concluded.

The dessert wine was pretty mid, as all wines are.

I continued my quest of imitating my girlfriend until the very end.

The Queen gracefully wiped her mouth and placed the napkin on top of the table. Lapia did the same and so did I.

“Your Excellency,” the woman turned to me. “Thank you very much for joining me. It has been a pleasure to share a table with you.”

“The pleasure was mine,” I gave her a smile.

She chuckled, “Tradition dictates a Halve is to stand up first from the table, Your Excellency. Your status is higher than Royalty.”

I took a deep breath through my nose, then sighed, “What are we not above?”

“The Gods,” she answered.

Lapia nodded, “You are equals.”

I sighed, “Well,” I stood up and nodded, “There.”

The Queen covered her mouth and laughed, then stood up.

Lapia was last, standing up with a smile.

“Your Excellency, Lady Lapia,” the Queen gave us a respectful nod with a serious face. “I won't take more of your time. Thank you very much for helping my husband, and I wish you plentiful spoils of war.”

“I'll be sure to find a solution, Josalia,” I replied with a nod.

Her chin trembled a little and gave me a complicated smile.

Lapia curtsied, “Thank you for the meal, Your Majesty. Have a fruitful day.”

“Thank you, Lady Lapia,” the Queen smiled.

A Tigea walked to me and bowed, offering a small, decorated box, “The portion that was requested, Your Excellency.”

I took it and stored it, “Thanks.”

Well, I turned around and placed a hand on Lapia's back, then left the room.

After closing the door, I let out a long sigh. I used the deeply disturbing feat of cleaning my mouth with E'er and winced a little.

“You did really good, Natasha!” Lapia cheered in a quiet voice, giving me a hug. “I'm so proud of you!”

“Thanks, Lala,” I hugged her back, enjoying the scent of lavender coming from her hair. I separated and smirked, “But I noticed a little something...”

She gulped and her face turned playfully serious, “Whatever could that be, Natasha dearest?”

“Oh, merely a little detail, my treasure,” I waved a hand.

She blushed a little.

I closed in and gently poked her ribs, “It seems the kitchen did a little mistake with the food.”

Her eyes widened a little and her blush spread down her neck and up to her long ears.

“Somehow, I got a curiously large portion of mushrooms,” I squinted at the Elf.

“Outrageous!” she shook her head.

I brought her close into a hug, “For an eighty year old woman, you do pretty childish things when it comes to food,” I teased her, whispering in her ear. “That's a cute thing to know, Lala.”

“How...?” she whispered.

“I'm a Halve, darling,” I kissed her cheek. “Most sensitive to E'er and all that, remember?”

She scowled, “Fuck.”