Natasha the Halve

“Help him?” I gestured at them, lifting my brows in confusion. “Man's got at least three hundred levels on her. She doesn't even have a third class. What's she going to do that he doesn't want happening?”

Pokora stared at me for a second, “Sorry, that last sentence made no sense at first,” she shook her head, “Yeah, forgot about his level. Anyway, we... well, found him.”

I unashamedly stared at the giantess tongue-choking the catboy from the other side of the room.

“Don't Tigea have, you know,” I turned to Pokora, a little concerned at something. I pointed at my mouth, “Spiky tongues?”

“I... don't really know, to be honest,” she looked like she had a small moment of enlightenment. “Would they have... you know,” she gave a weak shrug. “The same down there?”

I gave it a good thinking. Though I'm not squeamish, picturing that gave me the shivers.

“Should we interrupt?” Pokora sounded a bit unsure. “I don't want to ruin the moment.”

I shrugged, not sure myself, “You know more about the social gymnastics of this world compared to me, Pokora.” I nudged her shoulder with my elbow, “I'll follow your lead. What's the worst that can happen, anyway?”

She groaned, “She'll bow to you and say, 'I'm sorry, Your Excellency. I didn't know he was your man'. Or something along those lines... maybe. Add to that the accent of whatever language Goliaths speak.”

My brain itched at the absurdity of her words. Then cringed at the possibility of that happening. I sighed and shrugged, “No way. You're too imaginative.”

“I'm what?” she sounded a bit offended.

I deftly ignored her and walked towards them.

Where is Bromisnar? I wondered as we got closer, not seeing the man. Some bathroom quicky? Nah, can't see that happening with him.

I ignored the looks people gave me on the way. I glanced back and found the Elf following me closely. Once in front of the table, which was adjacent to the wall, I felt the initial shock go higher.

The Goliath was not simply pinning Bonte to the wall. She had him up in the air, supporting him by the armpits.

Bonte's legs dangled freely, and his arms were around the woman's neck with eyes closed, ears down to the sides, and reciprocating the affection.

Oh shit, I bit my tongue to avoid laughing. That had to be the most emasculating thing my eyes had had the misfortune of witnessing.

The woman was wearing a pair of leather pants and a white linen shirt. Metallic boots covered her large feet, and her red hair... or rather mane, was tied with a strap of what seemed to be leather.

“Ahem,” I cleared my throat, loud enough to be heard over the soft noise people around us made with their conversation.

Pokora facepalmed next to me, then shook her head.

The display of wanton desire halted with the woman pulling back. She turned around and a pair of gray eyes glared at me.

“What?” she barked.

The Goliath didn't have any accent, funnily enough. Her voice was pretty husky, though.

I ignored her, looking at my feline buddy, “Bonte, you good?”

He looked at me and his face flushed, “Oh, Natasha. Uh, yeah. All good. You finished already?”

I nodded, “Yeah.” I glanced at the Goliath, who was trying to drill a hole through my head with the glare. “Thought we'd join you and Bromisnar.”

“Oh, yeah. He, uh,” he turned to the woman still holding him up, “could you put me down, Thelea?”

Fitting name, I smiled.

Thelea gently put him down and crossed her arms with an annoyed expression. She was definitely not happy about the interruption.

Sorry, sis, I shallowly apologized in my mind.

“He went to the bathroom a couple of minutes ago,” Bonte gestured to the side of the counter to our right.

“I see, I see,” I nodded. “Do you mind if we join you? In drinking, I mean.”

The Goliath scowled.

“Sure!” Bonte smiled. “The more the merrier,” he looked at the giantess and cleared his throat, “Ahem, so. Uh, Thelea,” he gestured to the woman, then at me, “This is Natasha. Me and Bromisnar joined her group last month. This,” he gestured to the Elf next to me, “is Pokh'Orra, who recently joined us.” he hesitated for a second, then his face turned complicated, “This is Thelea... I just met her.”

Oh, this is good, my smile widened even further.

“Nice to meet you,” Pokora gave Thelea a nod.

“Same here,” I wiggled my eyebrows at the Goliath.

The edges of her mouth trembled slightly, almost forming a smile.

I took a seat and Pokora followed suit. The other two sat down as well and took a glass each from the table, then drank.

The image was pretty funny. Even while sitting, the Goliath towered over the Tigea.

“Anything you recommend?” I asked, nodding at the glasses in their hands. “Besides choking on tongue.”

The two literally choked on their drinks, covered their mouths, and coughed for a few seconds.

“Haaa...” Pokora sighed.

Bonte recovered first, “They have a very good potato spirit here,” he gave me a look. “You should definitely try it.”

I noticed the Goliath smile at his words.

“You drink potato spirit?” Thelea turned to me, cleaning her chin with a large handkerchief I presumed she retrieved from a storage item.

“I like it the most,” I nodded. Then smiled, “But had a small... incident... a while ago. Someone put nikontia in my drink.”

Her eyes widened.

“How was the taste?” Pokora joined the conversation. “What is it like?”

“Hmm...” I remembered the physical feeling. It wasn't pain but rather a burning sensation. I settled with the description I previously used, “Sweet at first, then like the spiciest pepper in the world.”

A collective groan came out of them.

I stared at the Goliath, Guess she's staying, then?

Pokora stood up and looked at me, “What are you having? I'm going to the counter.”

“Potato spirit, please,” I nodded.

She raised an eyebrow, then turned around and walked off.

'Going' Lapia's voice entered my mind through the Bond.

'Kisses' I sent back.

“The rest are coming as well,” I grabbed a napkin from the table and started folding it origami-style. “By the way, what do people smoke?”

“Hemp leaves,” Bonte answered. “Smells pretty bad, in my opinion.”

So no tobacco? I wondered with a nod, making a crane with the napkin. Maybe it doesn't exist or people found other uses. I don't remember much about drugs.

“So...” Thelea began, sounding unsure. “Can I call you Natasha?”

I looked up from the crane and met her eyes.

“That'd be nice,” I nodded with a smile, then took another napkin and started making a frog.

“Um,” she gulped, “Are you and Bonte... you know?”

I glanced at the man in question, who gave me a 'don't fuck this up for me' look. That, I realized, was universal no matter the world.

Ask him, not me, I retorted in my mind. Then a mischievous thought made me smirk.

“Are me and Bonte... what?” I looked up at the Goliath and made the frog jump in her direction.

“Fucking,” she went for it raw, grabbing the frog and crushing it.

Bonte rolled his eyes.

“No, we aren't,” I shook my head. “And that's something I think you should ask him instead of me.”

This shit is too different, I groaned in my mind. I can't even compare this to Earth's standards. Well, people are honest and open enough that the norm is polyamory, then perhaps it stands to reason, I concluded. Who am I to talk, anyway. I got three girlfriends in less than a month.

“Good to know,” she sighed and relaxed.

Ah, right, I remembered. One woman for many men. Yolin did say having more than one is kind of straining. Must be making sure.

“So,” Bonte interjected, his voice sounded amused for some reason. “Now that you finished talking about me like a piece of meat, how about we play some cards while we wait?”

I chuckled and stored the crane, “Sure, you have to teach me the rules, though.”

After a quick rundown of the rules by the Tigea, my face morphed into the cockiest smirk ever to be seen by thinking life in the universe. I would even go as far as betting all my wealth in favor that no smirk could be as cocky as mine even until the heat death of the universe.

Pokora returned with two bottles while the man was explaining, and her face betrayed her confusion at the Goliath staying even after the interruption.

There were four of us to play as Bromisnar hadn't returned from the bathroom yet.

The Tigea dealt the cards and I inspected my hand. I got a pretty mediocre one, unfortunately.

Bad start, I lamented. Still winnable, though.

Pokora began her turn, placing a card down in front of me on the table. It was a two of E'er.

Hmm, starting pretty low. Maybe she doesn't know the game that well.

I glanced at her and let out an exquisite scoff. Enough to taunt her, but not mock her. I picked a seven of E'er from my hand and placed it on top of the two, successfully defending the attack.

We were playing a Galeian version of Durak. The game had very similar rules, but the deck lacked the non-numbered cards so it was a little easier in a way. The extra symbols made it a little more complicated; with seven different symbols and numbers from 1 to 10. I assumed each round would last longer than normal.

“Ho?” Bonte nodded.

I leaned forward, going into serious mode. Never had I lost a game of Durak and this new life was not the time to make exceptions.

***

As expected of me, the greatest Halve to ever set foot on Galeia's surface after toiling in Hell for a million years, I ran out of cards first. I looked down from my throne at the puny mortals still trying to reach the greatness of I.

Right when I was starting to worry about the missing member, Bromisnar showed up. I was free of the peasant-like activity that was fighting for second place and chatted with the Satyr until the end of the first round.

Right then, the rest showed up.

They approached our table and their faces showed a little confusion and interest at the newest, and biggest, addition to the group.

Alyssa gave me a 'who is this?' look, and I shrugged with a smile.

Other than the basic introductions, I knew nothing about the Goliath.

Yolin, however, had the most interesting reaction. Her eyes widened, then squinted, then arched a single eyebrow.

Thelea noticed her and smiled, “Six-”

“Just Yolin, please,” the Oni interrupted with a tight smile, sitting down at the table. “Been a while, Thelea.”

We all looked at each other, not knowing what to say.

“It has,” the Goliath nodded, then looked at the Tigea next to her.

The man was avoiding eye contact. His face was a clear example of 'what the fuck is going on?'.

Bromisnar used his right hand to hide the massive grin that was forming on his face.

Oh, this is getting better, I leaned back and enjoyed the show. What a coincidence.

Yolin sighed, then let out a short chuckle, “I met Thelea at the arena back when I won the tournament.”

The woman in question nodded, “You beat the shit out of me,” she smiled widely, “The fight was really good, too.” she turned to me and continued, “We made quite the noise back then. Two tanks fighting for over three days. Haah... What a battle it was!”

So, another battle maniac? I took reality as it was.

“I see you haven't wasted any time,” Thelea continued, inspecting Yolin with a satisfied smile. “Can't see your level anymore.”

Lapia looked between the two with a cheeky smirk, “How about a re-match?”

Alyssa shook her head, “The difference in level is too much.”

The two tanks nodded.

“Not like that,” the Wizard chuckled, then turned to me. “The two of you against Natasha.”

Oi! I raised an eyebrow at my girlfriend.

A moment of silence took over the group.

“You're not really considering that, are you?” I looked at Yolin and Thelea, hoping some sense was left in them.

They were smiling at each other.

Oh, fuck me to the moons, I sighed.