Natasha the Halve

 

“HAHAHAHA!”

Alyssa, Lapia, and Yolin burst out in laughter at Pokora's silly words, Bromisnar shook his head and sighed, and Bonte let out an amused chuckle.

“What makes you think that?” I asked the dumbfounded Elf.

“I mean, yeah... kind of stupid to just blurt that out,” Pokora said, rubbing her forehead. “My bad, the stress is getting to me.”

I nodded. It was indeed a pretty stressful night so far. All I wanted to do was drink and let loose as far as my annoyingly resilient liver allowed.

“Okay,” I chuckled, running a hand through my hair. “I'm fine with a drinking party at your place.”

I turned to the rest and approving responses were given. It seemed like everyone wanted the night to continue.

“Let's make a stop at the Church to buy alcohol and we can go,” Alyssa cheered, wiping a tear of joy.

Yolin held my hand and we walked at the front of the group, spearheading the quest for alcohol. Bromisnar and Bonte started making conversation with Pokora, and Alyssa walked next to Lapia, holding hands and talking.

“Were you scared?” Yolin asked me out of the blue as we turned a corner.

People were going home, a few drunk women singing on the street a bit far from us.

“Extremely,” I nodded, biting my lips. “Then, I calmed down a lot when you showed up.”

She smiled and her sky blue eyes got me smiling back. She put an arm around my shoulders and gave me a tight squeeze.

“Thank you for depending on us, Natasha,” she whispered, kissing my neck. “When we get to this level of power, we tend to forget how important it is to maintain relationships. I'm glad you decided to ask for help.”

“I'm not indestructible, Yolin,” I said back, hugging her waist. “At least not inside, where it matters.”

She nodded, taking my chin with her free hand and giving me a long kiss.

Being a Halve, having super strength, being super respected, and being super high level were nothing compared to having lovers that cared for me. That's where I thought of myself as a fortunate woman. I felt giddy and lifted her body, spinning a few times as we kissed. Her warm tongue was delicious, and her hard body made me feel safe in a way I had never felt before.

I put her down and we laughed, then continued walking to the Church. We bought fifty bottles in total, as high constitution increased alcohol tolerance. Pokora then brought us to a small, cozy inn ran by a Tigea couple.

Sitting on the floor of her apartment's living room, we resumed our night.

Bromisnar sang a couple folk songs about Halves that speculated on our origin, claiming golden Halves like me came from the suns, and the silver variant came from the white moon. Pretty silly nowadays, but interesting nonetheless.

Bonte told us about a young lady that courted him some fifty years ago, and I remembered the catboy was actually 143 years old. His high pitch voice and cheerful attitude with a penchant for edgy names really confused me.

Alyssa shared some dungeon horror stories from her time in the Koluum Kingdom, going into unnecessary detail when talking about a doppelganger that almost caused a party wipe. The creature had copied her, and some pretty scary shit went down.

Pokora told us about one of her chases where she tracked a big monster through the mountains to the north, through cold peaks and dangerous valleys full of dangerous plants.

We laughed, gasped, and screamed in fear at the many stories that were shared. The alcohol was quickly consumed and, as usual, Bonte got drunk beyond measure and blacked out. Alyssa healed him enough to not have a hangover, but didn't heal the entirety of the effect. The Tigea enjoyed being drunk a little too much. Bromisnar tucked him in a traveling sleeping bag and retreated to a room Pokora lent him for the night after a few wine bottles.

I had a step in the drunk realm after around seven bottles of vodka, and a really nice buzz clouded my mind. Lapia was her usual horny self and, along a slightly drunk Alyssa, showered Yolin with affection and kisses. The Oni was happy about it, and the three flirted in their drunken stupor.

Alcohol is indeed the best thing any civilization can produce.

“Natasha,” Pokora called to me as I watched them laugh and talk nonsense.

“Yeah?” I asked, turning to her with a smile on my face.

“Could we talk for a bit outside?” she asked, her cheeks flushed by the alcohol.

“Sure,” I nodded, standing up.

I followed her to another room with a balcony. Fortunately for my heart, we were on the first floor, so the street was less than two meters below us. The lake was in sight, the two visible moons reflected on the surface made a stunning picture.

She leaned on the veranda after closing the window that separated the apartment from the balcony, and I squatted down with two bottles next to me.

“You really are Russian, huh?” she joked.

“That's a stereotype, you know?” I said back. “The entire world squats to relax. It's the ultimate position.”

She chuckled at that, shaking her head and taking a sip from a whiskey bottle.

“A Halve, huh?” she said, looking at the lake.

“An Elf,” I replied. “How was it?”

“Haaa...” she sighed. “Infancy, childhood, and puberty again do incredible things to one's mind.”

“Right,” I nodded, looking at the lake. “How old are you?”

“Forty-nine,” she said. “I'm still in puberty. Haven't had my first period. Can you imagine that?”

“No, I can't,” I said, shaking my head. “It's been almost two months since I got here and I haven't had my own. But it's pretty nice, not dealing with that shit.”

“True that!” she laughed. “Cheers.”

She turned and we knocked bottles.

“To not having periods every month,” I toasted.

We took long sips from our bottles, and sighed after.

“One thing I have to admit,” she said in a low voice. “Men.”

I nodded.

“It's refreshing, isn't it?” I asked with a long sigh, looking up at the moons. “They cry, are sensible, and so much more.”

“It's like a utopia,” she confirmed, looking down at her bottle. “If any man from Earth reincarnates here, I'm sure they'd find a measure of freedom.”

“So you think that way, too?” I asked, looking up at her.

Her dull silver eyes looked into mine, a smile on her face.

“How many times did you see a man cry on Earth?” she asked, her face turning serious.

“Less than I would have liked,” I replied. “Here, though... Bromisnar cries when he sees beauty, affection, and when he hears good music.”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “And there's no religion to repress sexuality either. Shit, even the Gods promote love for literally everyone. If only...”

She sighed, not finishing the sentence. I understood the meaning either way.

“When did you die?” I asked the hard question.

“2040,” she replied, shaking her head. “Fuck pandemics.”

“Fuck pandemics!” I cheered, raising my bottle and then drinking more.

“I...” she began, struggling to continue. “Didn't... want to die.”

I let out a long sigh.

“Who wants to?” I countered, standing up and placing a hand on her shoulder. “Life was already hard, with how Earth turned out to be.”

She nodded, her lower lip trembling.

“I had a pretty successful career, you know?” she said with a sniff that threatened to make her cry.

Evelynn Heart, I thought, trying to remember if I had heard the name before.

Then, it hit me. My eyes went wide.

“2032 Olympic games, Evelynn Heart,” I blurted out. “Gold Medal for the United Kingdom in Archery!”

She nodded, a few tears rolling down her face.

“Yeah...” she said with a shaky voice, then her face turned sad as she turned my way. “That... was me...”

She tightly hugged me. I returned the hug, rubbing her back and saying 'it's okay' as she cried for a few minutes. She was quite shorter than me, her head reached my shoulders.

“Even though I already mourned my own death, it hits different when talking to you,” she said, breaking the hug and wiping her tears. Then, she laughed, “I must look like some stalker.”

“Without context, yeah,” I replied with a chuckle, patting her shoulder. “I understand you, though. You wanted to meet someone from Earth. There's nothing wrong with that.”

“Yeah... nothing wrong with that,” she agreed. “I consider myself an Elf through and through, though.”

“That's good. You look really different,” I commented, looking at her and remembering the tall British woman I saw on TV. “You're whiter than before, for example.”

We laughed at that.

“And you're golden all over, except those rapper's silver teeth,” she replied with a smile.

“And you don't sound posh,” I said back, raising an eyebrow.

“I don't even remember how that sounded,” she said with a chuckle. “Speaking Elvish for fifteen years straight was enough to made me forget.”

“Blimey, oh golly. Let's eat some fish and chips. Pretty rude of you to shank me in broad daylight, laddy,” I said, poorly imitating the accent. “The London bridge is falling, mate. Bo'ol o' wo'ah. How can you tell I'm Bri'ish? Let us commence forth. Oi luv, I've 'ad me instafans set up, yeah? Wif me nyudes and it's quite cheap innit, 5 quid to see me bum and fanny.”

She was unimpressed, with a raised eyebrow and squinted eyes.

“You made fun of my accent first,” I said with a shrug.

“Because you say your r's harder than reactor number 4,” she said with a smirk.

“Holy shit, that's evil,” I said, my eyes going wide. “Don't make fun of that! People died.”

“Didn't you say you don't care about Earth?” she asked, crossing her arms.

“That doesn't mean I disregard the deaths of innocent people,” I shook my head with a sigh. “Let's not talk about Earth.”

“Yeah, let's,” she agreed with a nod.

I took a long sip of my bottle since the effect was wearing off.

“Well, I know a little about Galeia,” I admitted. “Lapia teaches me about E'er every day, Alyssa sucks at explaining the Laws of Life, and I haven't read on history at all.”

“Ah,” she nodded. “So you're the 'born sexy yesterday' type, huh?”

“From their point of view, yeah,” I chuckled. “I told them I lived on Earth before, though.”

“I see...” she muttered, leaning on the veranda. “So, are they your harem?”

“No,” I replied, looking at the moons. “Alyssa, Lapia, Yolin, and me are in a relationship. It's not a harem, however. Bromisnar and Bonte are our friends. I haven't told the two about Earth, though. I'd appreciate it if you don't mention that around them.”

“Reasonable,” she said with a nod. “So you got three girlfriends in two months... that's pretty alpha.”

“What can I say,” I laughed. “What about you? Did you come alone?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “Haven't been in a relationship once.”

“In forty-nine years?!” I asked in shock. “How come you're not a Wizard?”

She scoffed.

“Women are too pushy, and men are too soft,” she said with a long sigh.

“Yikes.”

An awkward silence followed. I drank more vodka.

“So, you're an Archer?” I changed the subject. “Putting archery to good use, nice.”

“Yeah,” she nodded, and took a swig of her bottle. “I still had to learn a lot, this skill system thing is pretty complex.”

“Which God was it for the Archer path?” I asked.

“Pitela,” she replied. “The Eternal Huntress. And now Nilenna represents Archery within the Halves.”

“Have you seen her?” I asked. “Nilenna, I mean.”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “She's a looker, like you but silver.”

“You won't get under my panties with that weak game,” I chuckled. “Sorry, didn't mean to make it like that. Gotten used to my girlfriends.”

“It's fine,” she shrugged. “Things are very different here. For one, Halves are... pretty damn important, you see.”

“How so?” I asked, drinking more.

“Your species banned war one million years ago,” she said, looking up at the moons. “Can you imagine that? One million years without war. 'If you go to war, we'll join the slaughter' Filestra declared. She was a pretty brutal Warrior Halve. Almost brought Giants to extinction by herself.”

“That's... hard to believe,” I admitted with a chuckle.

“Not if every Warrior Halve said the same after that,” she said, looking into my eyes. “Imagine the entire pantheon of any religion went down during WWI and slaughtered the armies. There's no bigger deterrent than absolute annihilation without compromise from a very real powerhouse.”

“But a million years...” I muttered, rubbing my forehead. “How many generations ago was that?”

“One thousand years is considered a generation for the long species. So around one thousand generations ago,” she said, thinking for a second. “If you think of one Human generation on Earth as forty years, that'd be around 40.000 years.”

We don't protect you so you can kill each other! A thought surfaced on my mind. I recognized the Halven instinct it came from.

“Haha...” I chuckled. “I can see that happen. You're pretty quick with math.”

“They teach it better here,” she said with a shrug. “Math is way more useful when you have stats, levels, live for thousands of years, and more. There's a lot that you have to think about if you want to go around the world for six measly months, for example.”

“Also, people don't really act their age,” I commented, thinking of my partner's and how old they are.

“Well,” she whispered. “Being a wagecuck in a collapsing society is what kills the kid inside, not age.”

I exhaled through my nose while nodding. Though her view was more on the negative spectrum, she wasn't completely wrong.

“What about armies, if war is banned?” I asked, resting my hands on the veranda.

“They're there to gain time before you Halves get there in case of an emergency,” she replied with a wince. “I had to get into the army to get my Archer classes. At least the ones I wanted to get.”

“So you're a soldier?” I asked, surprised.

“No,” she sighed. “I reached a rank similar to Lieutenant. But it's not the army experience you may think about. We're mainly trained to fight monsters, not other people. There's no... honorary status for being in the army. It's just a specialized organization of pest killers and bandit hunters. An army is tied to a country, unlike Chasers.”

“That's... disappointing,” I muttered. “So that's how you got to your current level?”

“Nah,” she shook her head. “I left after reaching five hundred, then traveled around. Risking my life got me this far.”

“I see,” I nodded. “Well, do you have anything planned for the future?”

“Not much,” she replied. “Monsters get too big the higher level they are. I don't fancy dying this young. Maybe look for more people from Earth if there's any.”

“Want to join us?” I asked. “We could use an Archer...”

Her dull silver eyes stared into mine for a few seconds, probably contemplating on the offer.

“Sure. That sounds like fun,” she answered. Then, she gave me a smirk, “You really want to make me part of your harem?”

We laughed at that.

“How is it, being in a relationship with three women?” she asked.

“Pretty nice,” I replied with a smile. “They're incredibly loving and accepting.”

“What was the term when you got your lover stolen? The thing you used to draw a lot?”

“Netorare,” I supplied.

“That one,” she nodded. Then, she started singing, “In anime, where love is lewd~ A poor boy's heart shall soon be screwed~”

“When you dwell on the past while he pounds her sweet ass, Netorareeee~” I continued.

“When you fuck her in bed it's his face in her head, Netorareeee~” we sang together, locking arms and bouncing from left to right. “When she's taking his cock when you're out on the clock, Netorareee~ When she's fucked by four guys and you're still none the wise, Netorareee~”

We laughed after finishing, the ridiculous concept of being fucked into addiction too far detached from reality to be taken seriously. I thought of it like that, at least.

“What if that happens to you?” she asked, wiping tears of joy. “You know, your girls leaving your for another person?”

“If we talk about sex, that won't happen,” I replied with a smile. “First, I learned Bachata when I lived in Spain. That's like, a huge plus when having sex. I doubt anyone can copy my moves let alone be better at sex.”

“But you're a woman,” she insisted. “Bachata is not enough to keep them safe from some 'evil cock'.”

“Second,” I continued, pointing at my crotch. “I doubt any man has an absolute unit of a cock like mine.”

She smiled, not understanding. I realized I fucked up and blurted out having a penis in my drunk stupor. Then, her expression slowly turned to that of shock. I felt my face burn in shame.

“My bad,” I quickly said, raising a hand. “I didn't mean to say that. The conversation just went there.”

“You have... a dick?” she slowly asked.

“Don't call it a dick,” I groaned. “Sounds weak. Better yet, let's not talk about it...”

“Ookaay,” she turned to the lake. “I mean, that's quite the 'surprise'. I have a lot of questions, but I'd be crossing the line.”

“Thank you,” I muttered, covering my face with a hand.

“Pretty weird,” she said, then quickly added as I gave her a look, “You dying before me and me getting here first, I mean.”

I nodded.

“I'm not really that clever to think about potential timelines or the space-time continuum and shit,” I said with a sigh. “I'm just trying to enjoy life. With three girlfriends and people trying to kill me.”

The window opened, and we turned around. Yolin stood there, drunk and looking at me with a funny face.

“Naaataaashaaa...” she called my name. “You sneaky little Halve.”

“Haa...” I sighed. “Not this again.”