Natasha the Halve

After a short shower, me and Alyssa walked out of the cabin wearing a new set of swimsuits since the previous ones were in the laundry basket. We made our way towards the lake shore and passed next to Lapia who was sunbathing on the lounge chair I was previously on, with her back to the suns.

“Them birthday cakes do be stealing the show, though,” I commented as we passed her, looking respectfully.

Alyssa turned to me with a confused face.

“Birthday cakes?” she asked, tilting her head.

We left the front yard and moved to the sandy shore of the lake, where I stopped and stretched. Alyssa did her own version.

“You’re right, Alyssa. My bad,” I nodded, reflecting on my mistake. “Those are not cakes, but the whole bakery. I’m a fool for downplaying the sheer volume of her assets.”

“You’re confusing me, Natasha,” Alyssa said with a sigh.

I straightened and looked around.

Yolin was chatting with Bonte, and Bromisnar was writing something on a thin notebook. The three were a few meters away.

“It’s like this,” I began, closing in on Alyssa who leaned to listen carefully. “A cake is a slang used to refer to someone’s butt. A birthday cake is especially known for being a big cake since it’s usually made to celebrate someone’s birthday. With this, we can infer that a birthday cake is particularly large, thus meaning the ass one is talking about is of large proportions.”

She nodded as we walked closer to the water.

“However,” I continued. “There is a bigger cake out there.”

“A bigger cake?” she asked, incredulous as to the existence of something even bigger.

“A wedding cake,” I declared. “When two people get married, a cake of colossal proportion is made to celebrate the union. With this, the ass would need to be of cosmic size, even going to unhealthy extremes.”

She nodded in understanding.

“However!” I raised a finger, and her eyes widened. “When talking about an ass that is particularly beautiful or attractive, you can say it’s not a mere cake but the whole bakery.”

“Oohh!” she exclaimed with a nod. “Then yours would be birthday cakes as well, right?”

I shook my head, this Luzo required further education.

“No, mine is pure muscle. I’m really fit, but I’m still thick... even if it sounds narcissistic,” I explained, and she nodded. “You see, a ‘cake’ needs a little fat. You know, the healthy fat that helps in keeping the cold away, not the one that can cause heart failure.”

“Heart failure?” she asked, confused again. “How much fat would be needed for that?”

“I don’t know, Alyssa,” I replied with a sad voice. “I really don’t.”

We were silent for a few seconds, looking at the lake as we contemplated on the tragedy that was health problems. The waves were gentle, and a literal metric ton of birds flew all around. I didn’t even bother appraising them. A few looked like seagulls, but had extra things like every single animal I’ve seen so far. Most had bright blue feathers, however.

“We don’t celebrate birthdays with cake,” Alyssa said, breaking the silence. “Depending on the species and race, those rituals vary. Back in O’lu Keer Ren, we have festivals once a month to celebrate those born in that specific month. Our clans have a lot of members, so its customary to celebrate them all at once. We prepare feasts with songs and dances.”

I hummed. That sounded like something I wanted to see.

“Also, we compare people’s butts with bread,” she giggled.

“Why?” I asked, turning to her.

“Because you knead bread,” she explained with a smile, lifting her hands and flexing her fingers as if fondling butt cheeks.

My eyes were opened. Certainly, that’d make sense if cake is not used for celebrations.

“Like… tight buns?” I tentatively asked.

She nodded, closing her eyes and slapping my ass with her tail.

“Exactly like tight buns,” she said with a laugh.

I joined her in laughter.

“Yo!” Yolin’s voice came from behind. “What are you two delectable ladies doing?”

“Contemplating on the mysteries of the universe,” I replied, crossing my arms and looking at the horizon.

“Tits or ass?” the Oni instantly asked.

“Butts,” Alyssa nodded.

I nodded in surprise.

Is this woman a mind-reader?

“Also,” Alyssa continued. “Marriage is celebrated by fasting for a whole day. It symbolizes the abandonment of pursuing other partners by abstaining from food.”

That actually shocked me.

“So if a person marries someone, they can’t… ‘add’… more people to the relationship?” I asked.

“Oh, no,” Yolin interjected. “They can, but only through marriage. And the joining individual is the one who begins the relationship. Marriage is a statement of stability,” she explained. “People marry when they settle down for life.”

“That’s right,” Alyssa nodded. “A person buys or builds a home, then they perform their species or race specific rites and start a family.”

“What if they’re all the same sex?” I asked. “How do they start a family?”

“They have the option to adopt orphans,” Yolin replied, standing next to me. “Having children is not limited to married people only. And people die of either old age, illness, or they are killed.”

“Hmm…” I hummed in thought.

“Remember the children you played with in Riverfield?” Alyssa asked, and continued after I nodded. “If their parents go out of the city and encounter a herd of Me’ik, for example, and die to them, the children become orphans. The Church would then take care of them until they’re of age. If the child agrees, they can be put for adoption. It’s a sensitive subject.”

I sighed.

Doesn’t make much sense to me.

“Is the marriage blessed by the Gods or something?” I asked.

“Of course,” both replied.

“I have had the fortune of joining people in marriage on behalf of Danuva,” Alyssa shared. “It’s an important procedure.”

“Hoo…” Yolin was impressed. Then asked her, “You’re above the fifth rank?”

“Seventh,” Alyssa replied with a smile. “There are less than a thousand Cardinals in Leks, after all.”

I was confused for a second until I remembered Alyssa is actually part of the Clergy, for all intended purposes.

“How many marriages have you… made possible? If that’s the right wording?” I asked her.

“Thirty two,” Alyssa replied.

I nodded.

Not only is she a fantasy doctor and ‘lawyer’, she’s also a minister? I really hit the jackpot with capable women.

I laughed for a bit and then turned to them.

“Wanna go for a swim?” I asked.

“Sure,” Yolin said with a smile.

“Do you know how to swim?” Alyssa asked me.

I scoffed.

“Of course I know how to swim.”

“You better drink one of your Water Breathing elixirs, your body is denser than fresh water,” Alyssa teased me with a giggle.

“I have already floated in water, but I will follow your advice,” I chuckled.

I took out a glass bottle with purple liquid inside and popped the cork, then drank it. My face contorted in disgust as the taste of overly sweet coffee invaded my mouth.

“Why are elixirs so foul tasting?” I whined with a shiver.

Yolin shrugged and pulled an elixir of her own, similar in color. She drank it and scowled.

“Don’t you have better-tasting elixirs?” the Oni asked. “The ones you gave us to increase E’er affinity were tasteless at least.”

“Haven’t tried them all,” I replied while shaking my head.

“Well, let’s get going!” Alyssa cheered and pulled both of us into the water.

The water was nice, cold but not too much.

“Haaa,” Yolin sighed as we reached shoulder-level depth.

I relaxed and let myself float.

“See?” I said out loud. “I’m not sinking!”

“Buha!” Yolin came out of the water and ran a hand through her white hair. “I sank! I used to float twenty years ago!”

I laughed and turned to Alyssa. The water reached her hips.

What?!

I put my head underwater and looked in her direction. The woman was using her tail to stand up. I swam towards her and put her legs on my shoulders, then stood up.

“Nice!” she cheered.

We played around for a while, swimming, trying to catch fish, making out, and all in all having a great time.

By the time we left the water, one of the suns was disappearing behind the mountains to the west, and soon the other one would follow. I remembered Lapia mentioned days were longer during summer, and it made sense when witnessing that.

I noticed a few bonfires in the distance along the lake shore, probably other people staying in nearby cabins. While there were around one hundred cabins, they were far enough that people wouldn’t meet each other, making it comfortably private.

Lapia was drinking something while watching us dry ourselves, and the two men were chatting and laughing.

“Had your fun?” the Elf asked as we walked back into the front yard.

“We did,” Yolin replied, wearing a short sleeved shirt and a pair of shorts. “We managed to catch fish.”

“I bet,” Lapia chuckled with a smirk. “What did you get?”

“Punites, mostly,” Alyssa answered while drying her hair. “We figured you could make something with them?”

The Wizard nodded.

“I can manage something,” she sat up and finished her drink. “But I was thinking we could go to the tavern later and have some drinks.”

“Ayyy!” Bonte perked up at the mention of alcohol. “Did I hear you talking about taverns?”

“Yeah,” I replied with a laugh. “How does that sound?”

“Good to me,” Bromisnar replied. “I wrote a song I need some feedback with.”

“Cool,” Yolin laughed. “How about we leave in half an hour?”

Nods were shared, and we went to prepare for a night out.

We showered and I performed my duties of resident body-cleaner. Lapia’s thighs were a treasure as usual, her long ears felt amazing, and her butt was certainly a birthday cake.

Alyssa’s scales were pretty and hard, her tail was a wonder, and her breasts were a blessing from the Lord.

Yolin’s body was just marvelous. Her hard muscles were delectable, her firm butt was precious, and her laughter when I cleaned her ribs was revitalizing.

Then, we got ready, but Lapia stopped me once she noticed what I was wearing.

“Why do you look like you’re attending a Royal Ball?” she asked, eyeing my white dress and high heels.

It was a New Years costume. I have it all!

“Huh?” I was taken aback. “We’re going out, so I dressed up. What about your own clothes?”

I gestured at her revealing dress. I had gotten used to them, and noticed people didn’t really stare at us when we wore light clothes, but it still didn’t feel like clothes worn to go drinking.

Alyssa giggled and Yolin laughed.

“Natasha, this is an Ezh’de. Everyday clothes from my culture,” she explained with a smile. “I think you’re a little overdressed for a night out at a tavern.”

I tilted my head in confusion.

“But you’re the only Elf I’ve seen wearing an… ejde?” I butchered the pronunciation.

“It’s like Low Tongue’s ‘wych’ from that skill you have,” her smile turned gentle. “It’s a voiceless uvular fricative.”

“Ohh!” I nodded in understanding. “You really are a teacher, huh?”

Yolin laughed harder, and Alyssa covered her face.

“Excuse me?” Lapia raised an eyebrow. “I’ll have you know I graduated the Royal University with honors, something only achieved once every century.”

“I didn’t mean to offend you,” I hugged her. “It’s just that you’re a really cheeky, horny, seductive, and beautiful Elf. I tend to forget you’re a genius.”

“Hmph!” she harrumphed with mock dignity. “As long as you understand.”

“So you don’t deny being cheeky and seductive?” Yolin asked, smiling widely.

“I can’t deny the truth,” she said with a shrug. “Anyway. I don’t know every Elf in the world, but those born in the Queendom of Maaruhk wear Ezh’de as daily clothes. We haven’t met that many Domi Elves, but they may have been born outside the Queendom, or simply adapted to another culture.”

Okay, that’s a little complicated.

Alyssa and Yolin went out of the room after getting ready. Alyssa wore a white dress with golden embroidery, and Yolin went for the sporty vibe with a tight blue shirt and black shorts.

“I see,” I nodded. “So what do you recommend I wear?”

“A simpler dress,” she sighed. “The one you’re wearing is too high quality for going to a mere tavern.”

I nodded, and changed to a summer dress more in line with fantasy instead of something that looked like designer’s clothes in Paris. It had a healthy cleavage, and my golden legs were displayed in full.

“That looks really good on you,” Lapia praised me.

I felt my cheeks heat up.

“Thank you,” I chuckled and kissed her. “You look really good in that Ezh’de.”

“Okay, let’s go.” she said and held my hand.

I replaced my high heels with my regular belted boots. Those held on pretty good and were incredibly comfy.

Like that, we were ready to leave. However, we had to wait for the two men. They didn’t exactly take longer to get ready, but their… hairy bodies delayed them.

It wasn’t just hairy due to being male, not at all. Bromisnar had hairy goat-like legs, back, and chest. Bromisnar’s feline ears required special care and he didn’t swim in the lake even once. I had managed to catch the catboy once as he cleaned his ears, it took him around half an hour to carefully dry them even when being high level.

I guess getting rid of sand with that much hair is a real pain in the ass.