Natasha the Halve

My perception of reality was mildly distorted. I saw, heard, felt, tasted, smelled, and sensed things that I knew were not there, but I could ignore with some effort.

The cave smelled like old man Vil that lived next to me in Saint Petersburg, always offering a grateful smile after helping him load his weekly groceries into his car whenever we bumped into each other at the nearby supermarket, which happened suspiciously often.

Was that the tree's lingering spirit showing gratitude for killing the Blood Fiends, or was that a hallucination of my own making?

I didn't even know how long we had been in the dungeon. It felt like a year had passed.

My stomach felt full, and an uncomfortable wriggle inside it told me the golden Blood Fiend wasn't quite dead, but that could've been yet another hallucination.

Was my stomach acid strong enough to overpower its regeneration? Was it even dead by the time I finished eating it? Did I get my hands on a never-ending food source? Did I swallow the main body and assumed it dead because appraising the mangled remains showed nothing?

Would it burst out through my chest like a Xenomorph?

My Halven instincts told me the threat was gone, but that, too, could have been a hallucination.

To connect with Galeia and see the higher truth my ass! I cursed in my sluggish mind while jogging between Hanna and Yolin. I'm never accepting soup from tribal people again! A memory sneaked into my mind, immediately dispelling the annoyance. Is this ayahuasca? Should I draw something?

A pair of hands grabbed me and moved me to the side, interrupting my thoughts.

“Careful!” Yolin warned.

A boulder the size of a Ratnak fell where I was standing a second ago.

I looked up and noticed large cracks on the ceiling.

“We should make haste, Your Excellency!” Hanna suggested.

Hah! Make haste! I laughed in my mind and continued jogging. The way she talks is so funny!

We reached the others and stopped.

They were looking at the ceiling, eyes full of caution.

“-few places,” Elena said. “It's not a complete collapse.”

“Got it,” Pokora replied with a nod. “We should leave either way. Can you hear that?”

I looked up and tried focusing on my hearing.

A plethora of whispering voices filled my head for a second, getting in the way of picking up whatever the Elmari Elf was talking about.

“Water,” Bonte warned with severity. “Lots of it.”

Lapia turned around and walked to the wall. “Let's get out of here,” she anxiously urged, then looked for the gate we crossed to enter the cave.

We all turned to the wall, looking for the gate as well.

Lapia was the first to spot it. She crouched a little and jumped, the aura around her body pulsing for an instant. In a clean arc, the Domi Elf quickly reached her destination.

Yolin followed, then Hanna.

Thelea carried Bromisnar and Elena, taking them to the gate in a single jump as well.

Bonte disappeared in a puff of shadows, then appeared next to the group.

Pokora carried Alyssa and jumped as well.

I squinted at the gate. That's around two hundred meters away, I observed and turned to the cave.

A loud crash came from the ceiling and a big chunk dislodged itself from the stone around the spot I got launched to back when I bit my tongue off. Uncountable tonnes of water followed in a violent burst that launched smaller rocks and debris in all directions, pushing the chunk of rock into the chasm below.

I walked to the edge and looked down. It's not filling up any time soon, I considered. What's the rush?

Pokora landed next to me and pulled me by the arm. “Natasha. Let's go!” she urged. “The staircase might collapse.”

“Ah,” I uttered in realization, then hugged her. “Can you take me up there? I'll probably miss the jump.”

“Sure,” the Archer agreed, then pulled my legs up in a princess carry. “Ready?”

“Such a reliable girlfriend!” I giggled and closed my eyes.

Pokora jumped, then landed a second later. “There we go,” she sighed and put me down.

I opened my eyes and noticed everyone had already gone up the stairs. “That'd be a world record,” I commented, eyeing the cave.

She nodded and wiped her forehead. “Already broke them all,” she casually replied with a grin and walked to the stairs.

I followed, catching up with her. “How long have we been down here?” I asked.

Her lips pursed for a second in thought.

I leaned into her and gave her pale pink lips a cheeky smooch.

“Ewwww!!” she exclaimed in disgust, backing away from me. Her face mirrored her tone, scrunched up in rejection and turning red in slight anger.

My eyebrows shot up in shock.

Pokora wiped her lips and spat at the ground. “Natasha, you daft cunt! Don't go pinching kisses right after eating a monster! That's bloody gross!” she cursed in horror.

I burst into laughter, supporting myself on her shoulder. “PINCHING KISSES!!” I howled in joy, hugging my stomach and laughing harder.

The woman huffed and produced a towel, then cleaned her mouth with it. “Ah, yeah. Have a laugh now...” she sighed, produced a potion, and drank a bit. “What if it carries some unknown disease? I don't want magical rabies!”

I gasped and wheezed, slapping my knees.

“And it's a Blood Fiend!” Pokora pointed out in exasperation. “What if we turn into blood-craving frenzied Zombies?!”

I took a deep breath and let it out. “Haaaa... That was funny,” I sighed.

“Or Vampires, Natasha!” Pokora insisted in dismay.

I gave her a concerned look. “Those exist here?”

“I don't know and I don't want to find out either,” she whined, shaking her head. She spat once more and groaned, “If you want a kiss that bad you might as well wait a bit!”

I shrugged. “Alyssa's spells are still working,” I assured her. “So I doubt you'll turn into a Zombie or a Vampire before we reach Danuva.”

She gave me a wary look, then retrieved a blade, stored her left gauntlet, and cut her palm.

The wound closed before blood had a chance to come out.

“See?” I taunted with a grin.

My girlfriend grumbled and stored her blade, then wore the gauntlet again. She hummed and arched a cheeky eyebrow my way. “You want to kiss me that bad, huh? Aren't you cute.”

I tilted my head and sighed. “No, not really,” I lied, not letting her tease me.

The Elmari Elf frowned and looked ahead. “To answer your question from before. We entered the dungeon yesterday at three in the afternoon. It's nine in the morning now.”

“Got it,” I uttered and appraised her.

[Pokh'Orra Pezh'Che – Bonded Partner – Elmari Elf, lvl 346 Sniper – 341 Hunter – 318 Ranger]

“You reached a thousand total,” I blurted out in surprise with a happy smile. “That's awesome, Poko! Congratulations!”

The Elf whipped her head in my direction, her eyes wide as they could get. “Huh?! You can see that?!”

I nodded and revealed, “For a while now. Why?”

She raised her brows and hummed. “I feel bit naked in a way,” she commented, looking at me suspiciously. “Can you see my stats?”

“Nope,” I replied, shaking my head. “Not yet, at least. I don't know if I will, to be honest.”

“That's...” she sighed. “Halves, huh...”

I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a good squeeze. “Anyway. A thousand, huh? That deserves celebration, don't you think?”

Pokora hugged my waist and leaned her hear on my shoulder. She hummed. “You'll reward me?” she cheekily asked, looking up at me with a tiny smile.

My smile widened and I giggled, “Is there anything you want?”

She gave it a good thinking while we climbed the stairs. “I have a few ideas,” she concluded. “I'll give it a proper thinking first, okay?”

“Sure,” I accepted and gave her another squeeze.

“How are you holding up, by the way?” Pokora asked. “Still high?”

I nodded. “Less than before, though. The whispers remain but I don't see things melt down anymore.”

“Have you taken drugs before?” she casually asked.

“Nope,” I replied. “First time on shrooms. It cleared a lot when I snapped back then, thankfully.”

“What possessed you to take acid, anyway?” The Elf questioned with a chuckle.

I sighed and shook my head. “I didn't know what it was. The dude told me it was medicine to see the higher truth, so I went with it without giving it a second thought.”

An understanding hum left her, then asked, “What do the whispers say?”

I leaned in to her ear and whispered, “Hashuhashuhashuhashuhashu. Hi. Hashushushu. Over here.”

She squirmed in discomfort and giggled, “That's annoying!”

I continued, “It's under your skin. Peel it off. Kill them. Wear their skin.”

Her eyes widened in concern. “Really?”

“No,” I laughed. “I'm joking. It's just the annoying whispers.”

Pokora clicked her tongue and slapped my arm. “Don't-”

RUMBLE!

The staircase, walls, and ceiling started shaking violently.

“Is that real?” I asked, not sure if it was a hallucination.

Pokora released me. “It is! Let's run!” she urged and shot forward.

I followed, running next to her.

The loud sound of water came from behind along with rocks and stone crashing and collapsing.

I laughed loudly. “We're like archaeologists after stealing an ancient artifact!”

“But we're faster!” Pokora retorted with a laugh.

Sure enough, we reached the Mind Flayer room in under five seconds, our high status allowing us to cover the many steps right away and without issue.

The rest of the party was already there, taking a short break.

With Pokora having reached level one thousand total, I appraised the others expecting similar results.

[Thelea Vathunith – Bonded Companion – Rodon Goliath, Lvl 314 Battlemaiden – 292 Moving Fortress – 261 Shield of Bal'Ogh]

Not quite there, but still gained a lot...

[Bonte Slirmy – Bonded Companion – Shishi Tigea, Lvl 341 Shadow Chaser – 335 Rogue – 320 Dusk Blade]

A bit more and he'll get there, I observed.

[Hanna Intarr – Bonded Companion – Ork, Lvl 336 Regicide – 335 Warped Blade – 330 Usurper]

Nice, just a bit over.

[Alyssa Pruvik – Bonded Partner – Kyrstaali Luzo, Lvl 340 Archbishop – 333 Cardinal – 334 Soul Warden]

I nodded in approval.

[Yolin Makav – Bonded Partner – Red Oni, Lvl 320 Monk – 340 Paladin – 350 Asura]

I arched an eyebrow. That's pretty even.

[Elena Pazh'Khun – Bonded Companion – Faeton Elf, Lvl 352 Entomancer – 348 Grand Archwizard – 339 Chitinothurge]

So the old cunt knows how to suck, I sighed.

[Bromisnar Bahadh – Bonded Companion – Khlyp Satyr, Lvl 335 Bard – 333 Minstrel – 330 Maestro]

Almost...

[Lapia Pofeta – Bonded Partner – Domi Elf, Lvl 362 Pyromancer – 347 Thaumaturgist – 341 Storm Ruler]

Ohhh! She passed everyone! I noticed with a smile. The Mind Flayers must've been pretty fruitful.

“Took you a while,” Elena sighed in disapproval. “Can't walk with how high you are?”

Yolin walked to us. “Shut up. We got here less than a minute ago,” she waved Elena away and gently pinched my cheeks. “Feeling okay?”

I smiled and nodded. “Much better.”

The Oni produced a towel and cleaned my face. “How's your tummy?”

“Good,” I replied, closing my eyes for a moment to let her pamper me. “I'm pretty full.”

Alyssa walked to us and inspected Pokora, taking the hand she previously cut. “Did something happen?”

The Elmari Elf shook her head, but smiled. “Natasha pinched a cheeky kiss and I thought I'd catch a disease from the Blood Fiend she ate... so I checked if your healing was still up.”

“Gross!” Elena muttered. “Doesn't surprise me coming from her...”

Yolin frowned and turned to the ancient Elf. “Where is Anuri? Mh?” she asked.

Elena's brows rose in surprise at the question.

“What about Alina?” the Oni asked, resting her hands on her hips. “Where are your lovers, huh? More than a month has passed by now. Why haven't they come see you?”

“What would you-” Elena started.

“You got dumped and now you take it out on Natasha?” the Tank interrupted, her voice conveying she had had enough of Elena's attitude. “Why? Does she look like Yulianna or something? Are you carrying some guilt you're hoping Natasha will punish because Anuri and Alina were looking for Yulianna while you got mind controlled like some dry and barren cuck!?”

I covered my mouth like a teenager watching drama unfold, then turned to Pokora.

She had an amused 'Oh shit!' expression on her face.

Bonte and Bromisnar turned their backs on us. The Tigea pulled Thelea to join them.

Elena looked down and frowned.

“What can you to show her after three hundred years?” Yolin insisted. “I mean... mourning the loss of Perculis and then returning to...” She gestured at the woman “...this... Fucking hell.”

Alyssa and Lapia simply observed with impassive faces.

The Entomancer huffed. “Stick to your lane, kid,” she deflected.

The Oni scoffed. “Oh, I am. Natasha is my business,” she declared. “So either shut up or leave.”