Natasha the Halve

The light around the Luzo smelled like a shape with 24 flat faces holding a very interesting joke that had both criticisms and flattery to the ever-growing problem of housing in Dwarvish Monarchies around Galeia despite having the highest density of Geomancers, implying that there was no problem at all to begin with.

I wasn't quite convinced, so I nodded and looked away in hopes it wouldn't insist.

It clearly wasn't being that serious.

My eyes met Yolin's, and her sky blue eyes told me the joke was lame anyways. The Oni was over two hundred years old, after all. She must've heard that one at least a hundred times, making her a trusty source in such circumstances.

Bonte, Bromisnar, Thelea, Hanna, and Elena walked over to us, standing a meter behind Alyssa and Yolin.

I faced them and raised my eyebrows. “What is it?” I asked with genuine interest, wondering why they approached us.

The group's faces flashed momentarily with confusion, betraying their uncertainty towards life and the end goal of death that we must all encounter innumerable times for as long as we exist.

Mortals, I concluded in my mind with an unhealthy amount of derision that came out of nowhere. Shaking my head and letting out a sigh, I turned around, facing the hole in the ground where a tree once stood. “So,” I began, pointing at it. “There was a tree here. I... put it out? No... Uh... took it out?” I wondered at a loss of words, forgetting the words in the English language.

“Removed?” Yolin offered, stifling a laugh.

I snapped my fingers and clapped. “Exactly! Removed. So, I removed the tree and the Tulmi Elves told me....” I stopped and shook my head. I had gotten the order of events wrong. “I removed the tree with Lapia's help. It was pretty big, too. Around two hundred meters tall and sixty wide... or around? I didn't check, to be honest.”

“Right,” Alyssa muttered with a nod.

“Is wide from one edge to the opposite one? Or is it around like how you measure circumference?” I inquired, not sure if the story could move on without that crucial piece of information.

“Wide, Natasha,” the Oni replied.

I nodded. “I lifted the tree while Lapia kept it together so it didn't collapse.” I stopped and went over the events in my mind to know where to go next. After a second, I continued, “Then some Tulmi Elves got here since they live nearby and probably saw the thing vanish. They spoke Elvish with a very thick and guttural accent, but Lapia did a fantastic job at translating my and their words. Superb, actually.”

“Good thing you weren't by yourself,” Alyssa commented with a giggle. “That would've been an awkward situation.”

I shifted my weight a little, feeling my hips slightly numb. “True, but I'm sure we would have found a way to communicate. I can draw what happened, for example,” I offered, gesturing in the air with a hand as if holding a pencil. “The Elves told us the tree got sick, and that there's something beneath it that caused the sickness. So, we dug and found a dungeon gate.”

Yolin walked past me towards the hole, peeked over the edge, and hummed.

Alyssa went next, standing next to the Oni.

At that moment, the suns started looking at me in a suspicious way.

I looked up and stared at the giant balls of fire in space. Fuck off or I'll kick your asses, I threatened the celestial objects in my mind. I had to be quiet, of course. My companions might attack the suns if they heard my beef with them.

The pair stayed quiet, signaling my victory over them.

“A sideways?” Alyssa wondered out loud, moving her tail from side to side. “Have you seen one before?”

My eyes fixated on the appendage immediately, following its movements.

“I've seen inclined gates before,” replied Yolin. “But none to this degree.”

“Were they any different from other dungeons?” Bonte, who was standing behind me, asked.

“Not really,” the Oni answered. “Just your regular dungeon.”

“Only one way to find out,” Thelea stated, walked to the hole, and jumped in.

Alyssa's tail hid in her dress, breaking my focus.

With nothing interesting to do, I walked over to the hole and looked down at the sixty meter wide chasm.

The Goliath was standing on the gate, inspecting the surface. “Didn't give in,” she pointed out in disappointment.

We observed in silence as the giantess climbed her way up.

I hummed, recalling the leftover boulder in my storage after Lapia cut it. Pulling it out, I held it up like Atlas did the world. “Okay, let's see if this works,” I suggested and threw the thing down.

The large object impacted the flat surface of the gate, shattering the material and going through without much fanfare other than dust and the loud bang it produced.

Alyssa turned to me with raised eyebrows. “How are we going to close it later?”

I tapped my temple and revealed, “We'll kill everything inside. No need to close it.”

Lapia and Pokora looked over to us with surprise. The Elves made their way to us and looked down.

Yolin nodded. “Let's get to it, then. Come with me, Natasha,” she concluded and jumped in.

High on drugs, and knowing I would survive the fall from my experience in the mine, I followed after the Oni.

The air felt nice against my face, tickling and caressing my skin.

My glow illuminated the way, revealing a stone floor some thirty meters below me, which I landed on with as much delicacy as one can land.

“Superhero landing!” I announced, making a pose.

“Superhero?” Yolin inquired, changing her attire to the combat wear I gave her.

“People with odd powers,” I explained, standing up and looking around. “A pretty good genre of fiction,” I elaborated, wearing my helmet from my storage.

The chamber we landed on was empty, dark, and full of E'er. A large gate that reached the ceiling stood some fifteen meters in front of us.

“There's nothing here,” I let her know.

“Empty!” Yolin informed the rest of the group still up.

They jumped in one at a time.

The second tank came first, then our healer, the Wizards, the Scouts, and finally the Archer.

“Веди, Покора, нас смелее в бой,” I urged the party leader with a big smile.

The Elmari Elf gave me a confused look. “I don't speak Orkish, Natasha,” she reminded me.

“Her Excellency is telling you to lead us into battle,” Hanna translated for me.

Pokora nodded with a shrug.

“Соня!” I called my mount.

“Alright, listen up,” the Archer called for attention. “We'll do it like always. Yolin and Natasha go first, then our ranged support, and finally the rear tank. Bonte and Hanna will divert and, if possible, kill anything that sneaks past the the tanks. Natasha is high on drugs so don't expect much from her.”

The group glanced at me.

I gave them a peace sign. “It comes and goes, but she's right,” I confirmed.

The Ratnak jumped into the dungeon and trotted my way.

I mounted up and stretched, suddenly hyper aware of my bones.

Our leader whistled. “Call your mounts. We don't know if the dungeon is big enough to need them, but I hear the norm is they are.”

My companions nodded and called their animals.

“Hey,” a voice next to my ear whispered.

I turned to look but found nothing. No way, I sighed and produced a healing potion to negate the drug's effects.

Auditory hallucinations were my limit.

A red hand caught my wrist, stopping me from removing the flask's cork.

“That's going to amplify the effect,” Yolin warned me with a serious face, reaching up from the ground. “They gave you medicine, so I assumed it was similar to a potion. You don't neutralize medicine with more medicine.”

I sighed and stored the elixir. “Thanks for telling me. What do I do to get back to normal, then?”

The Oni shrugged. “Just ride it out,” she simply replied.