Natasha the Halve

After three pages of people looking for others to have children with, I came across a party recruitment section of sorts.

LF> WIZARD. OBILISTIC RAKETINGUS (THREE MEMBERS) IS RECRUITING A NEW TEAMMATE! WE SEEK A PERSONABLE AND CHEERFUL INDIVIDUAL TO JOIN OUR TEAM. WILL BE REQUIRED TO BE ABOVE LEVEL 400 TOTAL, AT LEAST 100 YEARS OLD, AND SPEAK DRAGON TONGUE. MUST HAVE UNIVERSITY/ACADEMY/ELSE DIPLOMA AT HAND AS PROOF OF PATH, AT LEAST MEDIUM QUALITY EQUIPMENT, AN OWNED MOUNT OR ANIMAL COMPANION FOR INDIVIDUAL TRANSPORTATION, AND A STRONG ENOUGH LIVER TO DRINK A SCOUT UNDER THE TABLE (NOT A PRIORITY). WE OFFER 30% OF EVERY REWARD EARNED DURING THE CHASE! IF INTERESTED, WE ARE STAYING AT OLINI PIMINI.

LF> CLERIC. DARKEST HOUR (FIVE LUPUM MEMBERS) IS RECRUITING A NEW SHADOW TO JOIN OUR EVERLASTING TWILIGHT. WE EXPECT AN APPLIED AND COMMITED HEALER TO SEE OUR GREAT AMBITIONS THROUGH. WILL BE REQUIRED TO BE RUTHLESS, VICIOUS, AND NEFARIOUS. 100 LEVEL TOTAL MINIMUM. POSSESSION OF THE PERTINENT DOCUMENTS THAT PROVE THE BOTOMLESS KNOWLEDGE YOU HAVE ACQUIRED IS MANDATORY. NON-NEGOTIABLES: FIRSTDAYS ARE FOR BOOK SOCIETY, THIRDDAYS FOR SWEETS APPRETIATION, AND FIFTHDAYS ARE FOR SCARY STORIES AROUND THE BONFIRE (BLANKET IS HEAVILY ADVISED). LOW QUALITY EQUIPMENT WILL BE PROVIDED IF NEEDED. WE HAVE A CART FOR TRANSPORTATION. WE OFFER 30% OF THE ENDLESS WEALTH WE RIGHTFULLY TAKE POSSESSION OF. IF INTERESTED, SEEK THE DARKEST TENT TO THE SOUTH OF LADANIA.

LF> PERFORMER. ENDLESS FOREST (10 MEMBERS) IS RECRUITING A NEW SAPLING. THE TIME FOR ACTION HAS COME. TOGETHER WE WILL CLIMB TO THE TREETOPS WHERE ABSOLUTE POWER EXISTS! FOR THAT, WE NEED YOUR HELP, O ELOQUENT WHISPERER! WE BESEECH YOU TO JOIN OUR GLORIOUS ENTERPRISE AND BE A VOICE OF UNITY IN OUR MOST DESPERATE OF TIMES. PROOF OF EDUCATION IS REQUIRED. WE SEEK YOUNG AND INEXPERIENCED SAPLINGS TO NURTURE. WE WILL TEACH YOU ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE CHASE IN HOPES THAT YOU WILL SPREAD YOUR OWN ROOTS IN THE FUTURE. WE HAVE TWO CARTS FOR TRANSPORTATION. WE OFFER 5% OF THE REWARDS WE ACCRUE. IF INTERESTED, COME TO VISIL'S PORT INN.

LF> ESCORT. TAZAAR'S BAZAAR IS A PEDDLING GROUP OF EXPERIENCED MERCHANTS THAT TRAVEL FROM CITY TO CITY, GREASING THE ECONOMY. WE REQUIRE TWO TO FIVE (3-5) CHASERS TO PROTECT OUR CARAVAN. PREVIOUS ONES TOOK A LEAVE OF PARENTHOOD. THE REWARDS WILL BE AS FAT AS THE MEALS WE WILL SHARE WITH YOU. IF INTERESTED, COME TO THE EASTERN MARKET AND ASK FOR TAZAAR. DETAILS ARE TO BE DISCUSSED.

LF> PARTY. HUMAN WARRIOR IS SEEKING A GROUP OF INDIVIDUALS TO HAVE A CHASE WITH. 513 LEVEL TOTAL. AM A TANK. I KNOW HOW TO FIX EQUIPMENT OF UP TO MEDIUM QUALITY (WITH UP TO 4 ENCHANTMENTS). I CAN MAKE A DECENT ROASTED BOAR. IF INTERESTED, I AM STAYING AT MAVER'S INN.

“Hmm,” I hummed after reading ten pages and put the newspaper on the table. Do all parties have a name like that? I wondered, tapping my lower lip. Should we pick one? I considered and looked at my companions. My eyes met Elena's. She'll come up with a cringe name, I bet.

The ancient Elf gave me a smile and went back to her breakfast.

What if having a name is important, though? I guess it's not since nobody has mentioned it? Is it a young Chaser thing? Not counting me, Hanna, Lapia, and Pokora, everyone is older than a century. As far as I know the only ones who've been Chasers for a while are Alyssa, Bromisnar, Bonte, and Yolin. I looked at the Satyr. I bet he has killer ideas for names. I nodded to myself. “Bromisnar, my dude,” I called out to him.

The man looked up from the newspaper he was reading and gave me a smile. “Yes?”

I gestured at the newspaper in front of my with my head. “I've noticed parties have names,” I began.

Everyone sighed, including him.

Bonte, however, perked up and his feline ears stood in full attention.

My eyebrows went up in surprise.

Alyssa wiped her lips with a napkin and spoke, “Natasha... It's complicated. You're a Halve so we'd have to take sociopolitical circumstances into consideration. We can't have a name that doesn't include your species one way or another. We'd be criticized.”

Lapia nodded, then said, “And you've kind of blatantly stated your dislike for all of that.”

“Let's come up with a name,” Bonte pleaded, giving me his best attempt at puppy eyes... which is a weird way to call it since he's a catboy. Kitty eyes? “Please?” he added.

“We'll come up with a name if Your Excellency wishes,” Elena joined the conversation. “A mighty one that will show off your absolute power both traditionally and physically.”

Pokora looked at me with narrow eyes. “The Golden Spear,” she proposed with a cheeky grin.

Yolin, who was drinking from a cup, choked and started coughing.

Alyssa smiled but covered her mouth with a napkin.

“That's actually a pretty good name,” Bromisnar considered, rubbing his chin. “Natasha is a golden Halve and uses a spear,” he pointed the obvious.

I frowned and shook my head. “That's not what she means,” I told him.

The Performer gave me a confused look, then his eyes widened and he turned to the Archer. “That is very inappropriate,” he sighed in disapproval.

“Brightest Shadows,” Bonte excitedly suggested. “Natasha glows, so it makes perfect sense!”

“No, it doesn't,” Thelea denied. “You'd have to make it a bit longer to fit the saying.”

I turned to her and arched an eyebrow.

“The brightest light casts the darkest shadows,” the Goliath explained. “Implying Halves carry the darkest secrets while being a guiding light for the people.”

“Spicy,” I commented with a nod. “A bit too spicy, though.”

After that, a long chat about a name took place.

I unknowingly triggered something I shouldn't have.

Names that were the epitome of cringe came out of Bonte's mouth. Similarly, Elena and Hanna suggested names that made my skin crawl a little as well. My companions voted on the names every time a new one came up.

As for me? I abused my power. Fuck democracy. Fuck the collective right to vote and express opinions.

“I veto that name with my authority as a Higher Being,” I said each and every time the votes were coming to a close.

“Oh, fuck off,” Pokora complained after the seventh veto. “You've become the thing you exist to destroy. A tyrant.”

I shrugged. “Don't care. Didn't ask. Plus, my ass is fatter.”

“HAHAHA!” Yolin hugged her stomach and leaned back.

“I'm not against us being referred to as Her Excellency's companions',” Alyssa pointed out with a shrug.

“It's not mandatory to have a party name,” Bromisnar supplied.

“Eh,” Bonte made an uninterested sound, looking away and pouting after I vetoed three of his suggestions. “Whatever.”

I shouldn't have asked, I lamented with a sigh.

Pokora checked a pocket watch and looked at each of us. “We depart in an hour,” she announced. “Gather your things, go to the bathroom, and go buy anything you might need for the foreseeable future.”

“I'll stay here,” I began, taking the opportunity to change topics, then bit into a sausage. “Waiting for you.”

My companions nodded, stood up, and left.

I sighed, chewed, and swallowed. Crisis averted. These sausages are absolutely delicious! I chuckled and ate more.

After around forty five minutes my companions returned.

We fetched our mounts and left Ladania unbothered.