Naruto: Tango with Death

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I barely got the chill a few hours in Konoha before I was on the move again, as Spider, or The Owl considering that's how people have been calling me. Talk about being confusing.

In any case, I did not waste time on my way to Konoha's outpost, which I expected to be a boring endeavour, but I was proven wrong.

While I sped through the scenery of the Land of Fire, a face appeared in my field of vision. A face I recognized. Jashin.

"Hello my love."

Is that a French accent? How, why, when, where… the fuck?

… or, considering the fact I never heard anyone speaking in Japanese with a French accent, maybe I just wanted to believe it was French. Hmm, food for thoughts.

"What can I do for you, creep? And how are you appearing before me?"

Jashin smiled creepily and replied, "I used the part of my spirit in you as a gateway. Nothing too important."

I eyed him coldly and said, "That sounds dangerous. And I wasn't told about that."

Jashin looked like he was in the middle of an orgasm though as he moaned, "Yes! Look at me like I'm your bitch!"

Good old Jashin. Basically Hisoka from HxH on steroids.

"Answer the question."

"Yes my love! No need to worry about me, the most I can do is speak for a while, and you could send me away with a thought. BUT PLEASE DON'T!"

I focused a little on ejecting him out of my mind, and sure enough, he started getting blurry. I stopped before he could disappear, but he said weakly, "I'm too weak to stay… killing intent…"

Fucking useless spirit. Still, I spread some of my killing intent onto him, more than I wished to, but as a result he was back in tip top shape in a second.

"Thank you darling, I feel much better. Want me to reciprocate? I know everything about the pleasures of the flesh…"

A little exasperated, I did not slow down as I threatened, "I'll be fine. Just tell me what you wanted to tell me about."

Jashin clapped his hands and said, "Well, you see, I am here to offer you a new contract! Isn't that exciting!"

Frowning, I asked, "Why would I do that?"

Jashin scoffed, "Come on love, as awesome as I am, with this meagre amount of power I can't really do anything other than cutting old ladies' neck. By the way, her soul was awfully dirty, just like I like them. Thanks."

I took my eyes away from him and said, "Even if I wanted to, I don't have the necessary technique to sign a stronger contract."

That was true. Although I had different plans, because I started focusing on only my Suiton, I did not discover any other Gift of the Sages techniques.

But Jashin looked like he knew as he said, "I figured, when I didn't sense the presence of any additional spirit, except for the few you contracted along with me. They are really weak, by the way."

That also was true. I had tried to sign contracts with a few other lesser entities with the other contracts I had, but they all were more disappointing than the other.

Still, since he knew, I had to ask, "Do you have a stronger contract?"

Jashin shrugged and replied, "Yes and no. Yes because I have something much, much stronger, and no because it is not a conventional contract."

I asked, "Will it involve the destruction of my soul?"

Jashin chuckled, "Not directly, but like with about everything else, if you mess up then you will die. Like cooking, if you slip and fall on the knife, you would indirectly have died from cooking. Can you imagine a more boring death? I mean, I've seen quite a few…"

Making my annoyance clear on my face, I said, "Stop, I don't care. Tell me more about that unconventional contract of yours."

Jashin stopped, and after a second said, "Well, there is actually a lot to it. We can make the contract, and thus its stipulations, by ourselves, meaning we don't really have the limit of a single action like the scythe one we have right now.

"The fun thing about making our rules is that the power can turn into pretty much anything, and if done cleverly, there could be theoretically no limit to this power. Well, there certainly would, but not anything to worry about."

That did sound interesting, but there was always a but.

"What's the catch?"

Jashin replied, "Well, for this contract to work we would need to enter a more symbiotic relationship."

"I don't know if the way you called that should disturb me, or the fact that it is probably even worse than you made it sound."

Jashin smiled, "Come on, it's not that bad. In essence, we would form a relationship more or less similar to a Jinchuriki and their Tailed Beast! Doesn't that sound awesome?!"

"But?"

Jashin looked away and added, "Well, just like with Tailed Beasts, you wouldn't be able to contract another spirit, meaning you will be stuck with my power only. But that isn't even really a problem, because if you are creative enough, then my power only would be sufficient."

I thought about it for a second, before asking, "That does sound enticing, but why should I believe you?"

Jashin looked a little awkward as he replied, "Well, I don't really have anywhere else to go, to be honest. I was thrown off my place because I was… taking pleasure in watching you kill all those people a few days ago. I guess I was a little too expressive in my pleasure."

I blinked, utterly confused, before taking a breath, and asking, "Are you telling me you watched me kill people, jerked off to it, and did it so loudly and openly that you were thrown out of the gods' living place?"

"Kinda?"

"And I am supposed to form a contract with you, to now always have you in my head."

"Yes?"

I merely stared at him, but that only seemed to give him pleasure so I decided to ignore him. After a couple of seconds, Jashin said, "I swear I'm going to be a good boy."

I shook my head and asked, "For all I know, this would only be a fruitless endeavour that would end up doing me more harm than good. Besides, I don't want a pervert watching over me at all times!"

Jashin grinned and said, "Well, I can help with that! If we form a symbiotic contract, no spirit will ever be able to spy on you! And for the power, you definitely won't be disappointed! Last time someone signed that type of contract, they ended up becoming one of your God of Shinobi! Hashish Senju was his name I think."

Wait a goddamn second now. Hashirama signed a contract with one of the 'gods'? The sneaky bastard, I never heard of that!

Zeroing onto Jashin's face, I asked, "How can I be sure you aren't lying to me?"

Jashin smiled, "Is that your way of saying you accept?"

"Answer the question Jashin."

"Well, if you really need an insurance love, when we start working on our contract, our souls will sync up, so you and I will both be able to detect lies, among other things, from the other. You'll feel it yourself."

Of course this could be quite dangerous, Jashin was an entity of unknown power who was completely mad, so any interaction with him held some amount of danger, but I've honestly reached a point where those kind of dangers didn't really faze me anymore.

That wasn't to say I would throw myself into the wolf's den for no reason, but spirits had certain rules to them too, which I learned from Chiriku, and without a contract between us, Jashin wouldn't be able to do anything to me, so if there was something wrong when we set up the contract, I can always cancel it off.

So after making my mind up, I finally nodded at Jashin.