My Upgrades are Invincible. Rewrite

I honestly didn't think Hephaestus was keeping that close of an eye on me... But it didn't take long after I arrived back at my apartment in the Hephaestus Familia's quarters with Tina using the magic stone-powered shower to get cleaned up that I got a series of rough knocks on my door.

Walking over to the door and opening it I had to slightly look down as a dwarf with an evil smile was looking up to me. "Uhh can I help you?" I asked awkwardly as I didn't recognize him at all. But it seemed that it didn't matter as he chuckled and responded dryly.

"Yes, I am actually here to help you in fact." He said with a teasing glint in his eye as he handed me two vials filled with purple liquid that made me raise an eyebrow as I recognized it as an antidote potion.

I held the potion and behind the door I took out of his sight I held a weapon in my off hand as I spoke coldly. "And what is the meaning of giving me an antidote?" I asked with finality and the dwarf rolled his eyes as he retorted.

"Dumbass, you brought some pallum off the fucking street... Hephaestus knows adventurers and smiths need to burn off steam lest they go mad or get sloppy either in their craft or in the dungeon, which in either case is a death sentence for themselves or someone else in the dungeon." The dwarf said flatly and I couldn't help but flush as he pointed at the antidotes in hand.

"The gods and goddesses in all their glory when they came down this lesser world did two things... First, they made magical sewers powered by hints of divinity and magic stones so their city wouldn't smell like shit and the gods made mass-producible antidotes for all sexual diseases and infections so the gods could enjoy using their mortal forms to fuck whores..." He pointed at me now with his face filled with irritation.

"You got an extra one in case you decided to sample the merchandise beforehand but these are kinda expensive so if you decided to pick up more fuck holes you have to buy these yourself!" The dwarf explained with zero patience seeing my flat unbelieving face and before I could react with speed beyond anything a Level 1 could have he slammed the door in our faces leaving me standing there with the two vials in hand like a dumbass.

After a moment of staring at the antidots and without a thought I put them in my fusion space and took a look at them with my combination ability and yeah... The god's depravity made this with no doubt.

[Skinboat to Tuna Town] - The clap trap is a rusty jagged painful mistress... But with this wonderful concoction, you can stick your dick in anything or have anything like a dick shoved inside of you! Warning just because you won't get sick by sticking your dick into a mermaid, doesn't mean you will be able to tame the mermaid with your dick. She will still likely rip your throat out or worse.-

I literally just stared at the description of the item dumbfoundedly as no other item I had, had such a... Such a colorful depiction. Thus I knew this was a creation of the gods as no other item was just so damned wacky.

'Well, I guess, I don't need to worry about STD's or whatever.' I thought snickering as I drank one of the vials to get it out of the way in case Hephaestus asked me if I did so. But as I chugged the vial I shook my head at the taste and as I was shaking my head at the fucking weird taste of the potion which tasted exactly like a tuna melt sub on five cheese bread exactly.

I heard the door to my bathroom open with Tina coming out wrapped up in the comically oversized for her spare towel I had. Like the towel for me at six feet tall went around my waist and down past my knees a good bit... But for Tina who was a Pallum at a grand height of fucking 3 and almost half feet, the towel was a literal toga for her that went from her shoulders down past her knees.

But after I saw her cleaned up. I actually blinked in appreciation for her form, as she had for her height ample sized breasts that pushed out the towel, and her blond hair was actually clean and nice looking with a healthy glow to it while her previously downtrodden green eyes had a stronger vibrancy with her little makeover in not being caked in dust and debris.

"Thank you very much for allowing me to use your shower Jake, I needed to wash my hair a couple of times so I hope the soap I used wasn't an issue?" Tina spoke with a truly grateful smile and that heartfelt smile made my conscious hurt. But either way I held out the antidote to her and she eyed it's green color with confusion as she asked what it was obviously. "Uhh Jake, my stomach doesn't hurt anymore and we didn't come across anything poisonous or toxic?" She asked in confusion and I closed my eyes as I counted down in my head.

Like how do I say? 'Here, cock-sock drink the STD Vick's Vapor Rub as I think you are a walking medical textbook of diseases in how you lived on the streets.' Yeah no, even for me saying it to whatever she was to me, or even saying that online in my past life was too damned much.

I sighed popping open the lid to the vial, and held it out to her again as I said with a wry smile. "Look, just drink it. It's to help you clear up any sickness you might have caught while living on the streets." I said and she blinked in confusion before she shrugged carefully taking the vial from my hand and drinking it while also making a slight face at its taste.

"Good girl." I said with a tired smile as I patted Tina's head and she flushed looking up at me past her blond hair and I realized my insult to that other Pallum was horribly right as with her right at that height and with her being only in a towel that I could see into, I was popping a bit of a stiffy and with her height...

She was literally at the perfect height with the bulge right next to her mouth.

Tina bit her lips as I froze at the realization and then before I could react her small soft hand gently grabbed the bulge and her words abandon any idea of just chivalrously providing for my auto looter. "Sir, is this to be my first meal before I make dinner for you?" She whispered as her hand squeezed the head of the bulge.