Chapter 43.1: Nola’s thoughts
Nola’s point of view:
I can't believe what I've done. I can't believe it.
I really didn't think I was going to make it, thinking with a cold mind now that I'm driving, what I did and said sounded even stupider than it did earlier in the morning when I was wet and horny.
But in reality I didn't think it would be like this, I expected to be slapped or arrested in the worst case, or dead in the very, very worst case. Maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but you can never underestimate how rapists are treated in society or in prison. I have heard of cases where a rapist goes to prison and is murdered. But even with all this going through my head, I just had to get out what was inside me about my feelings for Alex.
Looking at him out of the corner of my eye and seeing his thoughtful face made me sigh again, maybe the monotonous daily routine was finally driving me crazy and that's why I did what I did.
Waking up at the same time all week, going through the same routine without looking at myself in the mirror because I was disgusted with my appearance, being grateful for having a car and not having to walk in the street and feel the disgusted or mocking looks of people, answering the phone all day, watching my colleagues make plans and ignore me, watching my boss overload me with work while she fucks the secretary. I just needed to get out of my routine.
I wanted to be seen, recognised, and what better than my beautiful younger brother who looks like something out of a fairy tale? Seriously, did the doctors switch him at the hospital or something? How did someone like that come from our family? Maybe he sucked all the beauty out of the family... and speaking of sucking... I shook my head, pushing the lewd thoughts out of my head and getting back on track.
Either way, if my plan had gone wrong, I would have been recognised one way or another, and I would have put the possibilities out of my mind; what if I had been brave that day?
But now all these possibilities are being answered and I can't say that I'm happy. I have changed our relationship forever, how would our mother see me, how would Luna see me? She would probably hit me, or rather they would probably both hit me, hell, I feel like hitting myself.
It's probably all the stepbrother porn I watch. It has fucked up my brain.
"Nola, open the door for me please."
I heard Alex's voice to my right, I hadn't unlocked the car door due to my distraction and we were already in front of our house. As soon as I unlocked it, Alex came out. I opened my mouth to speak to him, but closed it quickly, I had no right to tell him to keep it a secret or anything like that. No matter what he said, if he wanted to tell our mother, that was his right and I had to take the consequences.
I let Alex out of the car on his way to our front door and tried unsuccessfully to keep my eyes off his ass as he walked away. As he crossed the threshold, I sighed, ran a hand through my hair, shook my head at my behavior and pulled out my phone.
When the screen lit up, I was surprised to see a notification. It wasn't spam from my email or work, it was a notification from Slowgram; a like on one of my only old photos. I went to my profile with my wonderful 15 followers and 400 following and was surprised to see that it was from Peyton, Alex's friend and the guy I used to have a crush on.
Why did he like an old picture of me? Did he check out my profile? Or was he just making fun of me with his friends? No, he wasn't that kind of person, that's why I liked him, he never judged me on my looks.
Why then?
I looked at Peyton's profile, his almost ten thousand followers and his many photos, maybe he was just mistaken?
I sighed, shook my head and opened the car door.
Boys are complicated.
(***)
"Nola." I heard my mother's angry voice as I entered the house.
I felt my blood run cold, I knew it was a possibility, but I was still a little sad that Alex had given me away and quite scared because Mom can be quite scary.
"I, yes uh, listen mom, I'm sorry, I-"
"When you talk to me like I'm going to hit you for not bringing an essence tank for the house, you make me feel like an abusive mother." She cut me with a sigh, standing with her arms crossed in front of me and giving me a look that was somewhere between angry and amused.
Essence tank? Oh yes, she asked me to buy it on the way home, the slightly dimmer lights in the house were a sign that it was running low.
"I, I got distracted on the way, sorry." I quickly explained.
"It's okay, just get it later." She said and went into the kitchen.
I sighed in relief and planned to go to my room and get some sleep, the night shifts were killing me. But when I tried to go upstairs, I was intercepted by Luna, her arms folded across her almost flat chest, her best feature and my constant torment whenever we had a fight.
"Yes?" I asked, a little annoyed just thinking about her perfect chest.
"Alex is acting weird, did something happen?" She asked, frowning.
Although my nervousness was growing, I covered it with anger. "No, out of my way."
Luna scowled at me and didn't move. "Grumpy."
"Out. of. my. way."
My younger sister's golden eyes scanned me for a moment before she shrugged, "I'll go ask him then," she said, turning and walking up the stairs.
"Good luck with that. " I said, but as she started up the stairs I quickly changed my mind and stopped her by grabbing her wrist. "Wait, you better not go, he might be changing or something. I'll go check."
Luna's eyebrow almost reached the line of her scalp at my words. "Why can you see him and I can't if he's changing?"
I crossed my arms and lifted my chin slightly. "Because I'm his big sister."
"That's stupid and creepy!" Luna complained.
"Creepy? Remember who I found peeking in the bathroom door when Alex was showering?"
"It was just once, a long time ago! My body was changing, I was just curious!" Luna growled in frustration.
"A year ago is not a long time." I snorted.
Luna sighed when she realized that we were at an impasse. "So..." She started and continued hesitantly, "Why don't we both go? Then, uh... if he is changing his clothes, we can cover each other's eyes..."
I gave Luna a blank look at her stupid suggestion, but shrugged my shoulders. "It's fine with me."
I let go of Luna's wrist and she nodded, "Good, good," she said quietly, rubbing her hands together like a thief about to commit a crime.
"Don't do that, it's creepy. "
"Look who's saying it, you brocon."
"Touché."
Luna gasped and looked at me as we walked up the stairs. "You're not even denying it anymore!"
"I love my brother, what can I say."
Luna shuddered. "Weird..."
"Brat." I replied.
"Dirty old lady."
"Nerdy girl."
"Busty."
"Take that back."
Luna stuck out her tongue. "Nope."
I felt my eye twitch slightly. "You'd better run."
"Why? Your knockers are like extra weight for you, you'd never catch me."
"You!"
Luna started laughing as she ran up the stairs, I tried to chase after her, but she was actually right.
At least Alex liked them.
I thought as I tried to catch up to my sister who was already opening Alex's bedroom door to try and hide from me.