LIGHTNOVELONLINE Arc 3, Ch.8: Old, awkward memories
“You tempted me”, I grumbled, exhausted. “What did you expect would happen if you told me to bite you, fully aware you’d react like that?”
“I didn’t think I was that sensitive, I thought I’d moan at most”, he complained without any force behind his voice.
I giggled. “Satisfying to know you weren’t aware of your masochistic tendencies.”
“Why? ...And fuck you, I don’t have masochistic tendencies.”
“Either your past partners couldn’t figure it out or I am your first.”
Another half-hit.
“It’s the nicer answer.”
“I’m your first?”
“Hm.”
“Good.” I giggled again. “So I’ll be teaching you about your own preferences.”
“You’re a rather possessive boyfriend, aren’t you.”
“Isn’t it normal that I want to have your firsts? And I think it’s romantic to figure out what you like, together.”
“... Not sure if I’d call that romantic, but alright.”
I felt him wiggle next to me, adjusting his position. Talking stupidly like this was helping me in clearing my mind and I guess the effect should be similar for him.
“So far I already know that your ears and neck are super sensitive and that you like it rougher.”
I was talking with my cheek squashed against the bed again, my eyes fixed on him. He gave an unresponsive hum.
“And I know that you like teasing me with this dirty talk way too much.”
“Bullseye.”
“You’d think someone who worries about our relationship wouldn’t do that.”
“Wrong.”
“Hm?”
“Any time I cross the line, where you don’t snap at me for doing it, is calming.”
I was complaining.
“I just never understood why you agreed to go out with me. I know it’s probably annoying that I act like this, but I can’t help myself.
“It sure is annoying.”
He turned his face towards me again. It was still slightly flushed from the previous pleasure and fully relaxed, his eyes gentle.
“Look, I just enjoyed spending time with you. I liked hearing you talk and felt - which I rarely do - that I want to be part of that conversation. That I don’t just want to listen. I enjoyed having you close to me. I thought that, even if you had kissed me on the train I wouldn’t have resisted, or even responded. So I kissed you, and felt it was comfortable. Since all of that was the case, I just decided that it makes sense to go out with you, since that’d bind you to me.”
He paused, then his lips curled in a smile. “Well, pull most of that from past tense to present tense. Is it so weird to imagine that I like you?”
My eyes burned at his words. Like you. My voice was hoarse when I spoke again, swallowing hard to keep myself from whining.
Instead, I scrunched my nose like a sulky little kid.
“Yes.”
Got hit again.
“How long are you going to be like that?”
I hummed in thought.
“Until you trust me so much that even if I say I have some kind of supernatural something throwing a game UI into my vision and is giving me tips on how to date you… you will still believe me.”
I talked completely monotone, looking at him. He stared back at me for a while without moving his face, then puffed a strand of hair away.
“...I mean, there’s a lot of weird stuff in this universe. And while I don’t think you like lying to me, I’m not at the point where I’d unconditionally believe anything you say.”
“Fair enough.”
“So, you gotta stick around me until I believe you.”
I smiled.
“That’s the plan.”
“Now that I had to go through that awkward moment, you have to do it as well. When did you come to like me?”
Oh Yikes. With a capital Y.
“...Can I confess something else?”
“No.”
I whimpered and pulled a pillow in front of my face while he stared at me.
It took me some moments before I could talk.
“I… You- uh… A while after the first year started… You were going out with your violin to, uh, I dunno where…”
I peeked over the pillow and looked at him frown as he tried to guess what I was going at. I continued.
“That day… I had had a really bad day, because the teacher had scolded me for talking too quietly and a lot of other small stuff… And then Haru called, reminding me that I had promised her to help out with a stall on a convention in the evening.”
Usually, that would have been bad enough, but that day was worse. My nerves had worn out and Haru hadn’t warned me that the doujinshis would be Boys Love.
All of a sudden, there were dozens of people squealing around, asking me if I was the artist, what kind of tropes I liked, if I was actually gay.
I fled out of the building. Just ran into one of the tiny parks nearby.
“I wasn’t feeling well, so I was sitting in a corner in the park, pretty much about to cry. I just hoped no one would notice me, but then you came by.”
I paused, remembering the scene.
“You still had your uniform on and the case for the violin in your hand. You walked over and just said ‘You alright?’ and I started bawling.”
“Ah”, he whispered slowly, eyes gazing into nowhere.
I had worn a hoodie over my head, but it seemed he remembered that.
“Instead of asking what was wrong, you just watched me for half a minute and then asked if you could help somehow. I somehow managed to ask you if you could play, and you just pulled out your violin and started playing.”
“Because my little sister always asks me to play it when she feels bad”, Mizuki added. "It didn't feel weird."
“After you were finished, I had stopped crying. You came over and patted me on my head-”
And said, in a quiet but gentle voice:
“It’s alright. Crying will help you feel better. Don’t give up.”
Mizuki paused.
“I remember… I felt like whoever was sitting there was a bit like my sister, because he was hiding in the bushes and curling up. That’s why I felt bad for you.”
I was a complete stranger, but he did some stupid things just to calm me down. A guy he neither knew or had any idea why he was crying.
Just a bit of kindness and support for someone he had no knowledge about.
“So, well, that was how I first met you. After that, I just noticed you at school. I don’t… really have… good reasons for liking you, but I just do, so isn’t that okay?”
For example how he throws trash away when he finds it on the ground. Or how he always appreciates the effort, even if the result isn’t overly good. Or how he seriously studies in the library, no matter how boring the topic. Or-
…
“Uh, topic change?”
The mood is getting a bit too flowery.
“My father loves you, by the way”, he suddenly inserted. “He’s ridiculously happy about the fact that I’m going out with someone. Imagine Haru-level happy.”
“Yikes. What’s he so happy about?”
“You’re a decent person.”
“...That’s a low bar.”
He chuckled and shook his head. “His niece, my cousin, just got her first boyfriend. First lover of a child in the family.”
“And?”
“He leads a small biker gang and I’m pretty sure he sells drugs. My uncle is wailing every night on the phone.”
I certainly don’t deal with drugs and I can’t ride a bike for money. Good for me, I guess.
“Also, I talk more, something that he has unsuccessfully tried to make me do before.”
“I’m honoured.”
“Well, if I didn’t learn how to talk so much, you’d die of uncertainty, you nervous wreck.”
“...Hm.”
“And he can tell I’m happy. There’s nothing else he’d ask for besides my safety.”
My heart throbbed warmly. “Can I convince you to sleep in my bed?”, I boldly asked. “I just want to wake up and see you. I'm emotional right now.”
“Good god you are so mushy sometimes, it’s ridiculous. Even if that’s a nice thought, can you not say it out loud?”
“I can’t exactly invite you otherwise without it sounding like I’ll try to keep you up all night.”
He grunted in reply.
“I’d say keep your fingers to yourself, but I don’t mind you playing my body pillow so let’s just say, keep your fingers where they belong.”
“Promise.”
We didn’t stay up long after that. I was looking forward to it, so not too much later, I tugged him under my chin. He wasn’t leaning on my arm - I feared waking up with it dead - but was still so close that I could wrap my other arm loosely around him.
For once, I fell asleep almost immediately.
