LIGHTNOVELONLINE Arc 3, Ch.4: Pillow talk. Heh.
I stayed under the pile but felt his weight sink the mattress next to me.
“Are you going to get one?”
“We're kinda thinking of agreeing for my second sister but... My mum is worried that Kirumi will overdo it with her hyperactive nature and mess it up.”
“I can see that happening. I might have fujoshi sisters, but they’re not too fidgety. Although you can’t approach Haru when she’s drawing, that’s dangerous.”
“That reminds me, is Prez interested in Haru?”, he suddenly asked and I hummed.
“On a surface level, I guess, but yeah. Kinda weird for me, but he’s not Haru’s type and to be honest, I’m happy he’s on her now…”
“...Huh?”
“He was going after you.”
Ah? Did he not notice?
“...”
He didn’t answer, so I peeked out from under the pillows to see him stare into nowhere.
“What, why did you think he was sticking to you so much?”
“...Lots of people do that. And he’s overly friendly with everyone.”
Not as overly friendly as he was with you, but sure, whatever makes you happy.
“Why are you happy he’s interested in Haru?”
“Cause that means he’s not into you anymore.”
“So?”
I actually looked out of the pile now, incredulously.
“What, ‘So’?”
We still looked at each other. I had a feeling we were not on the same page, so I slowly said it.
“I’m a jealous person. I’d prefer a perfect guy like him not hovering around you.”
That stunned him. Hey, is your boyfriend being jealous and worried such a weird thing??
“I’m not gay in the first place. Probably don’t count as bi, either”, he retorted. “And I can’t stand those perfect guys as you called him. I like normal people like you and your friends where I don’t have to feel like you expect me to be anything other than a normal person, either.”
Ah, I get it. If you appear perfect, everyone only expects you to be. Prez did indeed always act like Mizuki had to fit into his image of the perfect male beauty, too. He only stopped with that after the scene at the cinema.
“Uh, just saying, but you mentioning that some girl could steal you away from me isn’t helping that much. I can’t really fight against those.”
After all, it’s not even only the difference between being top or bottom when talking about me or girls.
Mizuki rolled his eyes.
“As long as you make me feel comfortable around you, I’ll stick around.”
I kept my silence and went back to hiding under the pile. After a second of me not answering, I felt Mizuki poke into the pile.
“Hey, say it out loud. I can’t retort to whatever thoughts you’re having right now if I don’t know what it is.”
“I think I’ll be hit if I say it.”
“Try me.”
“I don’t wanna get hit.”
“...I won’t hit you.”
“Promise?”
“Jesus fucking-... Promise!”
Even though he was already getting annoyed, I still hesitated for a moment. I really didn’t trust him not to hit me after this… He was totally going to hit me.
“If you say I need to make you feel comfortable, then that only makes me more worried.”
I stopped and frowned. He prodded me again when I didn’t immediately continue.
“Cause, uh, lots of stuff I’d… like to do isn’t really that, eh, comfortable at first.”
Wow, I put that nicely. Well said.
“...What stuff?”
His voice was honestly confused, but I kept my silence and started counting inside my head. By the time I reached seven, he hit my pillow pile and I squeaked.
“Goddamnit!”
“You said you wouldn’t hit me!”
“Well, you went back a fucking circle to the topic we were trying to change!”
“You asked!”
I heard him breathe in deeply to calm himself. I didn’t dare peek out again and just waited for my verdict.
“...That doesn’t count.”
“Hm?”
I couldn’t help but make a questioning sound when he mumbled an incomprehensible answer.
“I said”, he began, louder. “that that doesn’t count! I know that a guy’s body isn’t meant to be fucked, so how could it possibly feel nice from the start!”
He was snarling again but I could hear the embarrassment in his voice.
“So, just listen to my opinion when that comes and I won’t get mad at you, alright?”
“...Alright.”
He huffed audibly and I continued to breathe in my own, stale air.
“Sorry”, I mumbled. “I’m not exactly confident.”
“I can tell.”
“It just really helps if we can talk about things, cause the more I have to wonder about what your thoughts about things are-”
He sighed deeply, then part of my pile was lifted. Enough for him to peek under it and then reach out to grip my hand before letting the pile fall again.
“You’re the best boyfriend I could have, but that’s worrying in itself”, I whined, sighing as well. I had no qualms admitting how much I adored him by now.
“Then talk to me whatever you’re worried about, that way there’s nothing to misunderstand. Also, do you think I’ll allow myself to be pushed down by just anyone? Have some confidence that I’m not randomly going out with you.”
He snorted and squeezed by hand. I squeezed back.
“We sound like some old couple in a midlife crisis.”
“You are sounding like one. I’m just trying to calm you down.”
“Sorry. I’m just really nervous.”
Another sigh, this time softer and gentler.
“I won’t abandon you, so get out of that pile already. Is there anything I can do so that you feel a bit more confident?”
A loving confession scene maybe?
I crawled out from under the pile, holding his hand tightly and thinking.
Mizuki was leaning on one knee, his head tilted to the side to look at me with a relaxed face. I felt like there’d never be a day when I wouldn’t look at him and just be happy that I could enjoy his company.
“I dunno”, I admitted. “Talking is probably really the most helpful. For example, you just running out to take a shower was really scary for a moment, since I couldn’t tell if you were disgusted.”
His face turned into an embarrassed glare before he put his foot back on the ground, pulled his hand out of mine and gripped my cheeks to pull at them like I was a mischievous child.
“I have my pride as a guy”, he growled, leaning so close that I almost couldn’t see the flushing of his face. He blushed so easily. I loved it. “You can’t expect me to sit there and let you watch how I melt into a puddle! I'm not used to that kind of thing and I have zero resistance! Is that explicit enough for you?!”
I barely held back on shaking my head. I would love hearing more details on that.
“Sho itsh fa-in to do shtuff la-ik sh-at?”
I still prodded him a bit. He pulled harder.
“It’s fine but-” His expression turned to resignation. That was the obvious point where he decided that since we were beyond the point of embarrassing topics, he might as well talk about it. “I’m just as self-conscious as you, okay? I’m no girl, I’ve got no idea what would be me acting weird.”
He allowed me to unhinge his fingers from my cheeks for a moment in favor of me talking clearly.
“Eh, I like hearing your voice. And your reactions are cute. I couldn’t see your face but - generally, I’m completely smitten with how you react when I touch you, so you don’t have anything to worry about?" Contrary to me.
I gave him a crooked but honest smile. He looked a bit uncertain about my words, which made him all the more charming. I leaned over for a short peck on his lips.
“If anything, I’m completely holding myself back on touching you.”
He blinked.
“That bad?”
I lowered my eyes, making sure we were only inches apart before saying with absolute certainty: “Yes. Because I don’t know how far I can push you.”
Mizuki made an irritated noise, hitting his forehead against mine.
“I got it. I’ll make it more obvious as to what I’m fine with, when.”
“Greatly appreciated.”
