LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 40: The Breakdown Of The Central Premise In A Smut Novel
Lumeria POV
She doesn’t know how long she’s been here. Feels like days. Feels like weeks. Soril has been taken away. She can’t tell time anymore. She doesn’t care. She stares at the ceiling. Counts the cracks in the stone. Traces the moss growing in the crevice. Then when the Estelians come she closes her eyes and distances herself far away as possible. Aren’t they bored yet? When are they going to take her head? Then, she can finally be with him again. On a spike, together. Yeah. That sounds nice. That does sound nice. Or maybe if she’s lucky she may still run into him at Heaven’s Gates. That’s probably wishful thinking. It’s been a while. He most likely already reincarnated by now. It’s alright. She’ll settle for the spike. She’s suddenly dragged somewhere. This time, not of her own will.
She’s in pitch darkness. Staring straight at Bathory’s face. She’s squatting above her head,
“Is this how you look like? You’re a lot prettier than I thought you’d be.” Lumeria sits up. The space is black. But there are furniture here. A purple canopy bed above a rug. Beside it, a bookshelf full of novels. A rocking chair before a fireplace.
“Where am I?”
“I don’t know? A soul room? My subconscious? Wherever. I usually look through that to see what’s going on,” she points towards the standing mirror opposite them. It’s reflecting the outside world. She continues, waving five light balls of different colors over her, bobbing up and down in the air.
“You win. I’m getting sick of this. I hate being reminded of my death day after day so fuck this disgusting world. I’m ready to leave.” Lumeria flops onto the floor again,
“You called me in to say your goodbyes?”
“I called you in to offer you a final trade. Take your powers back. In exchange. Fuck them up. Fuck all of them up. I can’t leave yet unless I resolve this rage in my heart. I’ll be seething at Heaven’s Gates.”
“I actually don't care anymore. I want to die.” but Bathory yanks her up by the collar. Abruptly smashing her forehead into her, so hard, it draws blood,
“You really are such a shitty little prick! You have no idea how many girls can only dream of slaughtering their assaulters and now that I’m giving you a chance to avenge us, you decline it?” Bathory is unusually riled up. And she can’t help but to feel provoked,
“Hah! You called me a shitty little prick? You could’ve given my powers back when Soril was about to die! Even just one of them and I could’ve saved him!” Lumeria gets up to grab her collar too, headbutting her in return,
“You want vengeance now? It’s too late! I don’t fucking care about this mission anymore. I don’t care about this miserable world anymore. So, leave bitch. Leave unhappy.” and she’s surprised that Bathory doesn’t immediately snap back. Instead, she looks guilty,
“I’m sorry.” but it doesn’t quell this fire that’s blooming in her gut,
“Sorry? Sorry won’t cut it! Sorry won’t resurrect him! If only you weren’t so fucking greedy! You might have seen the Crown Prince by now!”
Bathory gets defensive, “You call me greedy? What about you? You knew that falling in love was going to kill him and you still did! You’re a selfish little cunt like I am! Maybe if you actually seduced Rakgar and wrapped him around your fingers then he would’ve spared Soril.” Lumeria punches her across the face. Knocks her back in the stomach,
“You are an actual piece of greedy shit!” Bathory retaliates, pulling at her hair. Now they’re just wildly tussling in screams and insults until they both exhaust themselves to the ground. Hyperventilating for air. Bathory starts after a while,
“You’re right.” she admits softly,
“You’re right to say I’m a greedy piece of shit. I’m sorry I didn’t give you your abilities back in time. I regret it. Honestly. I do. The past few days I’ve been reflecting on why I didn’t do it. And I realized, it was because I couldn’t relate to you. I don’t know what romantic love even is and how deeply you felt for him. I heard those thoughts of yours. And... It’s really sad.”
Lumeria looks at her, positively stunned, she stutters,
“I... Woah. I never thought I’d hear something like that from you.” but Bathory is just staring at the darkness above her when she asks,
“Want to know my backstory?”
“Sure. Go ahead. Tell me.” There’s something bitter in Bathory’s face when she recalls,
“When I was a child, the only person who paid attention to me was my handmaid. She was this frail old lady. Used to read me fairytales of Gods and Goddesses. She would tell me, love is this beautiful, magical thing.”
“And you realize it’s all nonsense when your fiancé sliced your face up and burnt your Kingdom down?” Bathory gives her a wry laugh,
“Pretty much. But what scarred me most vividly wasn’t my face getting sliced, or my family being murdered. I don’t even know my own family that well. But... when he had the soldiers rape my handmaid and made me watch. Something broke inside me. She was seventy years old for god’s sake. I can still remember how she held my hands and told me to close my eyes whilst tears ran down hers. It was awful.”
She returns an obligatory, “I’m sorry you had to experience that.”
“After that. I held this perpetual disgust. Towards men.”
“Bullshit. You lust for hot guys.”
Bathory frowns at her, “Don’t retort me, I’m trying to be vulnerable here.” before going back to her sullen voice to elaborate,
“They’re rotten all the same on the inside. At least the hot ones are pleasing to look at so that’ll suffice. Point being, I’m trying to say, I can’t allow myself to empathize. I can’t allow myself to love.”
Lumeria preens away her spines, “But do you want to?”
“I don’t know. Because of what happened, I associated love with something extremely negative. A weakness, a vulnerability to weed out. Nothing like those, beautiful and magical feelings my handmaid spoke of. But deep down, maybe I do yearn for it. That’s why I made such an unreasonable request of you, that’s why I was such a prick to you. I wanted to get what I want at your expense. But I was short sighted. Now both of us are miserable. I’m sincerely sorry.”
Lumeria sighs, “I can’t entirely blame this on you. You’re right to say I was a selfish cunt to fall in love even though I knew this may be the outcome. Love has always been a painful thing for me too. Something to desperately try to hold on to, before it gets ripped out of my hands. You know-” she opens her heart up to Bathory,
“This isn’t the first time I came to this realm.” Bathory turns on her side to fully face her,
“Was it because of the mortal that you fell for?” she bitterly laughs at the recollection,
“His life was tragic to say the least. A frail boy. His mother died giving birth to him. His father abhors him to the bones for it. He grew up being bullied and shoved around by others because he was born with a caved in skull. They made fun of him.”
“And you interfered?”
“Yeah. At first, when he was about eight, I stepped in to stop a few older children from breaking his leg. Then, when he was ten, I gave him some food when he was about to starve to death after he was abandoned on the street. At twelve, I persuaded an orphanage to take him in and at fifteen, I healed his birth defects. Either way. I got more and more entangled. As he grew older, the pity I initially held turned to affection. I began spending more and more time here. And eventually God found out.”
“But why exactly is God so shitty about it?”
“Because my influence creates butterfly effects. Changes the fate of others around him. The children I stopped went to break another child’s leg instead. That in turn, made that child suffer and turned him into a heinous serial killer who slaughtered the lives of countless more innocent children before he was caught.”
“Wait. Was that child killer Gregory the limp?”
“Yeah! How did you know?”
“I read that in a book! He was infamous in Genocian history.”
Lumeria laughs sourly, “You get my gist. In Heaven, we are not meant to change something out of our own personal feelings. We must obey God’s judgement and command. He decides what is best.”
“God just sounds like a prick then. Everyone’s influence creates butterfly effects. You know, he could’ve just as easily killed off Gregory the limp instead of punishing you for trying to make a completely innocent boy’s life less miserable.”
“That was the way in the days of the Old Gods. The Elders told me we got to freely smite all the rapists, the murderers, the pedophiles straight to hell. We also got to freely love as we please. But that too, has its own flaws because the Gods and Angels frequently got into fights over who should and shouldn’t be smite.”
Bathory looks excited at that, “Oh! Hold on a minute. That is exactly like the kind of stories my handmaid used to read me! Are they real? I vaguely recall there was one about a God falling in love with a mortal, but that mortal ended up being slaughtered by another God, so he started a war to avenge her. It was crazy romantic!” that surprises her,
“I didn’t think our histories ended up circulating as novels here. A situation like that did transpire.”
“For real? Tell me!”
She elaborates with a soft laugh, “Rubatosus the Lovelorn. He was one of the Old Gods. And the other God was Father himself. The Elders told me Father killed Rubatosus’s mortal lover, Annalyse, out of jealousy and spite because Annalyse chose Rubatosus over him. Whereas Father said it was simply out of judgement. Annalyse was a cruel woman for smothering her own child to death. It became a complicated situation. No one could truly prove what really happened. The evidence and the souls involved got quickly reincarnated. So, the only thing we knew for fact is, there was a dead toddler, and a dead woman murdered by Father. The rest is a situation of naysays.”
“So, what happened then? It seems way cooler to have multiple gods than just one.”
“The disagreement started an internal war between Rubatosus and Father. Then it later escalated into the Divine War when Rubatosus got the Demons involved too, God’s own brother. But Father won in the end and overthrew them all. He thinks we immortals have too much power and are too influenced by the mortals, so he made new laws when he came onto the throne. No more killing mortals and no falling in love with mortals as to prevent the same conflicts of the past from happening. Imprisoned any Angel who broke them.”
“But what about himself? Your Father’s laws are self-contradictory. He killed Rubatosus’s lover, and he killed your previous lover. He just sounds like an enemy of love. Did he also kill Soril just to punish you?”
“I won’t be surprised if he’s involved in pushing fate this way.”
“That’s just petty and tyrannical! What’s all these rules for thee not for me bullshit? Don’t you despise him for it? What about your free will?”
“Sometimes, I want to say fuck it. Fuck Father. But if I do, I may catalyze another war in Heaven itself. To keep the peace, I have no choice but to submit and obey.”
“What? Are you like some big shot in Heaven?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Well. You’re not in Heaven anymore, are you?” Bathory seats up to lean over her, “We’re already midst a war in Astoran. It can’t get any worse. There’s no punishment for you if you went wild here.”
“I can’t slaughter out of hedonistic rage. Angels cannot carry hatred in their hearts.”
“Who cares? Your God slaughtered just because you challenged his authority. That’s far less reasonable.” Bathory flicks her chin toward the mirror. The four motherfuckers are at it again, she gives her a sly smile,
“Avenge Soril. Avenge us. Avenge those poor Feror girls. Reignite the days of the Old Gods.”
Lumeria looks through the reflection. They really do have very revolting faces that makes her sick to her stomach. Unconsciously, she reaches towards the bouncing balls of light, Bathory gives her a nudge of encouragement,
“Do it. You know you want to as much as I do. Stop holding yourself back because of what some shitty tyrant says.” Something feels extremely liberating when she hovers her hand over it. It’s warm. She grabs it within her palm, sitting up,
“Alright. Why the fuck not. Let's go. Let’s show these clueless Estelian motherfuckers hell.”