Monster

I was standing in the kitchen beside Eleanor. Her dark hair lay over her right shoulder as she poured a few glasses of wine for her family. She wouldn’t let me out of her sight since I had arrived at their home. She wanted to make sure I was alright. She wouldn’t stop thanking me for what I did for her, and Allen. Bringing them back to their lives and family. Every few minutes she’d say it.

“Sam, truly, thank you for all that you’ve done for us,” Eleanor would say. “Without you… our family would be in shambles.”

I understood how important it all was for them. They had family returning from death. They were feeling things much differently than I was; I went numb to most things that others felt so strongly about. It was easier for me since I had so much taken at once. When most others lingered in the emotions afterwards, I was already back to a calmed state.

I kept telling her she didn’t have to thank me, and that I just wanted to help when I could. I threatened her if she kept saying thank you that I’d leave. She smiled but had a hint in her eye that she’d try and stop me from leaving.

I sipped the beer beside the kitchen counter with Frank, even though it didn’t do anything to me, but I kept up appearances like it did. I needed some more of the blazingstar if I wanted to actually feel it. It had been a while since I had some, but that was probably for the best.

Then, I started to wonder why the yellow herb affected me at all when silver didn’t. It made me start to think harder on the subject of weaknesses. Why did one thing have an effect, and another didn’t. Who made these rules, and why was I such an oddball compared to the rest of the hidden world?

I wanted to keep Autumn right beside me as I sat in her family’s home, but we hadn’t seen each other in months. As far as I knew, she didn’t feel the same anymore. I missed her. As Frank talked to me at the counter, I kept her movement across the second floor closely tracked in my mind.

Allen and Eloise had left for the night. They had been staying with Jane at the Talbot property. They stayed with the pack most nights so far. They would up until their first full year with Jane, especially now that they were away from everything they had known before. Jane wanted to see how they behaved on full moons. She’d work with them and teach them how to be like the Talbots. She had to know it was safe for them to be out and about, and they had to be ready for the approaching day, so they left for the Rockwoods Reservation.

The two werewolves acknowledged me as they prepared to leave but kept a safe distance. I think that even still through all of the conversation with the family they had reservations about me. They knew the small flashes and images they saw while transformed were real. The few moments of absolute carnage they witnessed was hard to forget, and even harder to understand. I knew it would take time.

Eleanor patted my arm as she walked Allen and Eloise out, assuring me she would be back. She also wanted to make sure I knew I couldn’t escape and disappear again. I think they all thought I’d vanish again.

Then, when no one else was around the immediate vicinity, Frank asked, “Sam, tell me…” He turned in his chair as everyone vacated the area in preparation for the cousins’ arrival. “Why did you do it?” he asked. “Eleanor said you had the chance to be human again, but you gave it away to save her…” he thought about what she had told him. “Why did you do it?” Frank asked, seeming very emotional on the subject.

I formulated the words before I tried to say anything I didn’t mean. Frank, behind the jokes and light-heartedness, seemed like he thought very deeply about things.

“I knew what I had become since I was transformed into… this. Not literally, I still don’t fully know what I am. But I knew what I had been doing since I was turned, and what I felt inside. I gave up everything I had to keep my family safe. They moved on and continued living. I spent the next two years alone. I had no one until the night I met all of you. I grew a lot closer than I ever meant to with your family. When I knew Eleanor died… all I could think about was protecting the people I cared about, again. I had to get her back, and when they told me I could trade my life… I just did it. I had thought for so long that I was already dead, so when they dangled that in front of me… I just gave it right back.”

“That’s…” Frank didn’t have the words ready to speak. He didn’t know what to say. This was one of the few rare times I saw Frank visibly emotional.

“There’s a lot more to the story. What I am… what I’m supposed to do… I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know if I believe it all one hundred percent yet. I’m still trying to figure it out.”

“Well, I can’t speak for the rest of my family, but I can speak for myself,” Frank added. “As long as you want to stick around, you’ll always be welcome with me.” Frank clinked his beer into mine after he finished talking. He spun to face forward at the counter, “And don’t worry about Wayland. He’s a good dude. He just knows what his number one priority is: that’s Delilah. He’ll do anything to protect her, even if it doesn’t agree with everyone else.”

I nodded because I understood. I thought I would be the same with Caydee. I hoped I would…

“They're here,” Carter said as he came around the corner into the kitchen. “Sam, you and Frank head into the dining room and wait. I’ll bring them all in there for dinner, and we’ll make introductions.” It was all very orchestrated.

“Can do,” I said, getting up from my chair and heading to the familiar, massive oak table just a few feet away in the dining room.

Frank followed me into the low-lit dining room, where I was first introduced to the joined family. That was the night my second life changed.

After a few minutes of waiting, Autumn appeared in the entryway of the dining room. My entire body went into a rigid shock at the sight of her. Just seeing her so frequently throughout a day was too much to handle after being away from her for so long. I felt the monster inside pushing me forward to her. I felt my hands pushing myself out of the chair, my feet taking my weight to stand. The monster wanted control. I quickly snapped out of it once I realized what I was subconsciously doing.

As soon as Frank saw her, he asked, “Hey, can you stick with Sam? I need to hit the bathroom and then get us another drink.”

“Yep,” she answered quickly, and unemotionally as she paced over to us.

Frank rounded the corner, and Autumn and I were alone. She stared at me for a minute, and I stared back. I don’t think either of us knew what to say.

“Autumn…” I started.

She just eyed me intently, unsure of how we were supposed to act around each other now.

“I…” I didn’t know what was best. I tried to think of something to say without sounding like I was making excuses.

We stood there for a minute, both of us trying to figure out how this was supposed to work. Part of me wondered if I hadn’t done what I did for her mom, if she would even want to be around me?

I could hear everything. Every little sound she made, from the beating of her heart to the hum of voices throughout every corner of the house. Even her breathing seemed louder, catching slightly as she got closer. Her scent was a mix of flowers and something sharper; it filled the air between us, making it impossible not to notice how close she was. My heart was pounding faster now, a nervous, uneasy beat as I tried to brace myself for whatever she might say.

She moved slowly, making her way around the table, trailing her fingers along the edge. I could hear the squeak it made as it glided across the polished finish. I watched her, caught between wanting to hear what was on her mind and dreading it at the same time. She finally reached my side, and when she pulled out the chair beside me, the loud scrape of the dark chair against the hardwood floor made me flinch. She turned her chair to face me, her eyes flicking up to meet mine for a second before she glanced away, like she wasn’t sure if she wanted to look at me or not.

The silence was starting to get to me, stretching out awkward and tense. I couldn’t read her at all. Was she nervous, upset… angry? My mind raced, running through all the things she could be thinking, none of them good. I opened my mouth, ready to say something, anything, just to break the silence, but she spoke first, her voice soft and unsure.

She hesitated before speaking, her voice coming out soft, almost shaky. “Do you think… we could talk? Sometime soon, maybe…”

Her words hung between us, and my mind scrambled to keep up. I’d dreamed about reconnecting with her, hoping for a moment like this as I bounded between kills across the country. But now that it was happening, all I could feel was a twisting, nervous fear; something I never felt while I was on the hunt. I nodded automatically, not fully processing, my mind still caught on everything she wasn’t saying.

I couldn’t believe she was asking me this… it was everything I’d wanted, everything I’d hoped she might want, too. My voice came out too fast, almost stumbling over the words. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

She hesitated, then reached over and placed her hand on mine, her touch tentative, almost fragile. The warmth of her skin seeped into me, and I could feel her pulse thrumming through her fingers, quick and nervous, matching the erratic beat of her heart. I could hear it, feel it—her adrenaline pumping, her skin flushed with the anxiety she was trying so hard to hide. To anyone else, she might’ve seemed calm, collected even, but I could sense every little crack in her composure.

“You still… feel human to me…” she said, more inwardly to herself. It was like she was touching me to see if I was real; or maybe to see if I felt cold and dead, or inhuman in some way.

Her eyes met mine, dark and familiar, and I was struck by how much she was still the same, yet somehow different. Her dark brown hair was shorter now, just past her shoulders, and it took me a moment to realize how much I’d missed these details, how they all seemed to blur together in my memories until now. Her scent filled the space between us, fogging my mind, making it hard to focus on anything else but her. It was overwhelming, being this close to her again… was almost too much to handle.

“Mom and Dad told me everything you talked about with them,” she started, her voice faltering slightly, her eyes searching mine. “But I feel like… I don’t know…” She trailed off, struggling to find the right words, her feelings clearly bottled up, hidden just beneath the surface. “I feel like we were so close before, and I just want to hear certain things directly from you. If that’s okay…”

I swallowed, nodding quickly, desperate to give her whatever she needed. “Whatever you want… I’ll do it. Everyone’s here now, so when do you think we can talk?”

“I honestly don’t know,” she admitted, her voice quiet, almost drowned out by the sound of her own heartbeat pounding in my ears.

“Whenever you’re ready, just tell me. I can come to you…”

She glanced up suddenly, her attention snapping toward the entrance of the dining room, her expression shifting as she picked up on something I couldn’t quite sense yet. “Someone’s coming.”

The moment shattered, the fragile connection between us fraying as the weight of reality crashed back in.

She snapped up out of her chair, and the closeness we had for a moment, as Frank rounded the corner. She paced back around to the other side of the table to let Frank have his seat beside me. I didn’t even hear him coming I was so distracted by Autumn’s closeness.

“They’re almost here,” he warned.

I eased back into my chair as Autumn found a seat adjacent to me. The oak slab separated us, but my eyes were trained on her as she calmed herself. She couldn’t let her family see the break in her demeanor.

She looked back over at me once she gathered herself. Our close intimacy had been interrupted, and for the time being, was gone. She half smiled and nodded a few times, assuring me we’d work something out where we could talk… alone.

The monster was thrilled inside his cage. Prying on the walls of its cell. It felt like it was reaching for the wheel. It wanted control.

I breathed long and slow as I readied myself for dinner.

Only moments later, Eleanor walked in, eyes wide as she prepared mentally. She sat down as the family was transiting through the house. Only a moment or two later, Carter and Wayland were passing into the entry of the dining room with many different people.

“Hey,” everyone let out in unison as soon as they were in sight. They had all seen each just a few hours earlier, as they were staying in the guest wing. Still, I could tell they must be close at their jovial reaction to everyone coming back to the house after only leaving for the day.

It made me wonder; was being around them going to cause a problem within their family. I didn’t want to be a problem for them.

“How was it?” Frank asked from beside me.

“Good,” the eldest man answered as he walked up to a chair on the other side. “We visited a few friends in the area and even met up with Bartley.”

Just then, Bartley, his wife Sarah, Patrick, and the elusive Shelta appeared behind them in the dining room. They all walked inside of the low-lit room in good spirits as they reunited with their extended family. They all hugged and greeted one another as they entered. It took a few moments for Bartley, and the rest of the Wicklows, to realize I was sitting smack dab in the middle of the table. I sat casually, leaning on the left armrest as everyone greeted one another. I just waited, tried to blend into the environment, and most importantly stayed calm. Act as human as possible, like Carter wanted.

Bartley’s face almost went white as he saw me, “Sam!” He maintained his composure pretty well at the sight of me. “It’s been a while.”

The uncertainty was apparent on his face as we looked eye to eye. I could only imagine the things he thought as he saw me for the first time, especially after Annabelle relayed all of the things she felt about my existence. I was probably the biggest mystery that any of them had ever come across. It surprised me that they had no idea I’d be here. Or, maybe Annabelle sensed the void in her sight that I created but felt safe about it. She was odd.

I could see the looks the Wicklows were passing between themselves as they knew Carter needed them to just play it casual. They quickly joined in with the ploy, acting as natural as possible. No lies, we just weren’t spilling all of the beans. Not yet.

Patrick seemed more distressed than the rest of them about it. I didn’t have to guess why. He was worried Autumn wouldn’t give him the attention he’d had recently, now that I was back.

The Wicklows all looked the same since the last time I had seen them, Except for Shelta. I hadn’t seen her in a very long time, but I could tell she seemed different somehow. Her black hair was longer than before, and it was impossibly straight. She had a more modern look to herself than the rest of her family. Her face looked strained, and her eyes were far off like before… but something was different. She looked livelier, more assertive than what I remembered of my short interactions with her before. She spoke when needed during greetings but turned silent most of the time. Even compared to Annabelle, Shelta was the strangest of her family, and I hadn’t even seen what she was capable of yet.

Patrick got his long dark hair cut as well. No longer was he that ponytail wearing asshole. Now his hair was shaved on the sides and swept towards the back. It still looked ridiculous. I really wanted to slap the shit out of him.

“So, this is Sam,” the unknown man said as he looked to me blankly. “That was you… the other night.” His eyes looked like he didn’t believe the lone person looking back at him murdered that gigantic demon-bat from the cave.

The crowd of people all took a seat at the slam packed dining room table. Total, there were fifteen of us sitting around the table, after Allen and Eloise left. I didn’t recognize a few faces, so Carter made some introductions.

“Yeah,” I said simply, trying not to talk too much.

“And you killed that Olitiau?” a rougher man behind the first said.

“The what…” I was confused.

“The bat; that thing at the cave. That’s what it was called,” Carter quickly explained.

“Oh... yeah, it’s dead,” I admitted.

They all looked at me, waiting for more information. They wanted details; how I did it, was it hard, what was it like? It didn’t seem like my answers where what they wanted.

Carter cut in, “Sam, this is my cousin Zeke.”

Zeke reached his older muscular arm out across the wooden table, shaking my hand with a firm grip. He tried to seem unafraid.

“Nice grip,” he smiled. “I guess Carter wasn’t exaggerating.”

Zeke was a little older than Carter, closer to Frank’s age, but he had a few grey hairs tracing out the sides of his head. He seemed like he had been seasoned by hunting. Seen more death and tragedies than most, just like his family. He was almost as tall as I was, leaning all the way across the table as we shook hands.

He had a weird look on his face as he spoke, like he was sizing me up. He looked like he had questions, but he seemed to be holding back. I think Carter front loaded him, told him to be calm. This was definitely just a meet and greet.

I just nodded, unsure of how Carter wanted me to respond.

“I’m Zeke, nice to meet you, Sam,” he eventually continued. “This is my daughter Kayla,” he motioned over towards a girl with blonde hair that reminded me of Vicky. She was just as physically honed as the rest of the hunters. She looked about the same age as Autumn and Patrick. They were all three sitting in a row, with Autumn sandwiched between them. Kayla looked like she kept eyeing Patrick, picking at him in various ways. I could tell that they all had known each other for a very long time.

She was taller than Autumn, not by much, but I could see the similarities as Kayla plopped down beside her. She whispered something in Autumn’s ear as she sat, making Autumn smile and blush. Kayla let out a soft laugh at her cousin’s embarrassment, shooting a glance my way. I wished I would have tuned into what they were saying, but Zeke kept talking.

“This is my brother, Arthur,” Zeke waved towards a man with a similar build to Frank, but he never said a word.

He had black hair and a scar that traced around the outside of his left eye. His look was accompanied by a “do not fuck with me” attitude. He just sat in his chair and nodded as his name came up. He seemed rougher than the rest, and very serious. He didn’t look like he took too much bullshit. Yet, for some reason I liked him the most. Maybe because he didn’t talk too much, and he didn’t seem like he liked people that did.

“It’s nice to meet you all,” I said.

“Sounds like everyone has high hopes for you to stick around?” Zeke asked, having no time or patience for anyone beating around the bush. He seemed pretty outspoken and firm in his personal beliefs. The way he said it let me know he wasn’t of the same opinion as everyone else; not yet.

I didn’t say anything, just stared aback at him.

“I guess we’ll just have to see…” Zeke said roughly. “It’s a hard life what we do. You think you’d stick around if you were human?” He was brutally honest, and I don’t think he thought I’d make it.

“I don’t know.”

“If you didn’t have all that strength, you think you would’ve fought that bat?” he asked, seeming like he was trying to let me know he didn’t think I was worth a shit… or something like that.

“Probably not.”

“So why should we let you join our family now?” He asked, creating more and more tension with every word.

I had done a fairly good job of not giving him much to this point, so I figured I’d just keep that going. If nothing more than to just get under his skin. I’m not sure if this is what Carter had planned, but ole’ Zeke was really starting to piss me off.

He was blunt and unapologetic. It made me want to let the monster rattle its cage a little, pumping out the dominating presence that made grown men shit themselves. Then we’d see if he thought I’d make it as a human in his world.

Maybe that’s what he was doing. Was he trying to see if he could rile me up? Maybe he wanted to see if I was a threat… if he could get me to show my dark side here at the dinner table, maybe that was all the ammunition he needed to make things hard for Carter with the rest of their family.

“I think I know what you want me to say,” I told Zeke.

“Oh yeah,” he said. “Tell me. What is it that you think I want to hear,” he smirked, cockiness in his voice.

“You’re welcome,” I said bluntly.

His eyes bugged out a little, “Excuse me.” He didn’t like that.

I explained calmly, not even looking at him anymore, “If I didn't show up when I did, you, and all of your family would be dead.” I left it at that.

Zeke stood there for a moment, frozen at my words. I think he partly didn’t like the way I talked to him, and also realized what I said was true.

He smirked, and then sat down.

The rest of the evening passed in a strained calm. My friends tiptoed around the topics, and I kept my head down, letting the family steer the conversation. It was obvious they were sizing me up, eager to see the person from all the stories, trying to judge for themselves. This whole thing seemed like more of a “let me get a look at this fucking guy” kind of deal. I added my voice here and there, but it was all things everyone already knew, at least on the surface. Some details were new to the cousins and maybe even the Wicklows.

It felt like they’d discussed it all before, just going over facts and filling in blanks about what happened when I first roamed St. Louis months ago. They mentioned the three immortals and Eleanor being hurt by the chimera, Phineas. I clenched my teeth when they talked about that, twisting the truth into some vague poison when it was the manticore venom that really killed her. Those truths were still buried. Secrets they weren’t ready to reveal yet.

Autumn looked to me periodically as they all spoke, hoping I was doing alright after what happened with Zeke. I think she worried about me as I sat silently for most of the night. I know I probably seemed cold in the moment, but I thought what I said was best. Zeke was a bully, and he thought he knew best. I will say though, he had some balls talking to me that way; knowing what I did to that Olitiau… or whatever that thing was called.

Sitting there, listening to them all talk about my dark side. The part of me that killed relentlessly for the last two and a half years, made Autumn and Eleanor worry. I never looked up to them when I could feel their gaze on me. I think they thought I’d get upset or something if I heard them talking about some of the things I had done… at least that’s what it felt like. I think it might be more upsetting for them.

“I really wish you’d introduce me to Martin,” Zeke told Carter. “I’m honestly interested in meeting him. None of us have ever met a friendly vampire before.” Zeke seemed serious with what he was saying. “Only ever the ones at the end of our blades.”

I was curious if Martin would even go for something like that. I still hadn’t talked to Martin yet. I needed to stop by, seeing as I might be around, visions pending. Now that I was more out in the open, part of me had been thinking about dipping my feet into the supernatural world. See what the real night life was like, if only to see some possibilities… for when the time came. Autumn surprised me at dinner. She was either a really good actress, or it was real. You could tell there was something between her and Patrick. Nothing out in the open, but it was subtle little cues that tipped me off. Was it real, and I had no future chance with her? Or was it a distraction that would easily pass if I reestablished myself in her life? Then I wondered… should I? Was it right?

I could tell by Patrick’s body language that he felt like he had a claim on her. I felt the monster boil underneath my skin as I watched him inch in towards her. It roared and thrashed in its cage. Autumn would shoot a few glances my way as she tried to act normal, I assumed. She kept enough distance for me to think she was trying to keep him at bay. However, she was close enough that he, and everyone else didn’t suspect anything unusual. His shoulder leaning into hers as he sat slightly angled beside her. They all thought that whatever was going on with us before was over. I think that she had been genuinely reconnecting with him after I just ghosted her and the family. She probably never thought she’d see me again and tried to move forward. Then I showed up again. Here to fuck shit up… I guess.

I wondered… should I have come back? Would she be better off with him instead? He could offer her things I couldn’t. He could give her life, when all I brought was death. I never really liked Patrick, but at that moment, I felt a slight gratitude for what he could do if she did want something… human, a normal life. He would be there as an option to make her happy. I hated even thinking it, but I couldn’t deny the thoughts. Just looking at Autumn all night made me realize… I wanted her to be happy. In this life they lived, this hunter’s life… she deserved it. Just looking at her, across the table, she seemed like she was happy. In a way.

I shook my thoughts clear and tried to focus.

Thankfully, I had made it through dinner and was standing at the door with Frank. He offered me a ride like multiple times in the late evening and eventually just said yes. I think for some reason it meant a lot to him. I liked Frank, and honestly, I was ready to go. Things were happening inside of me, and it was all new again. Ten months on my own again was a long time to be away. All this was a little much for me, if I was honest with myself.

I took a deep breath as Frank and I left the house, saying goodbye to all of the family. Autumn had just gone upstairs with Kayla to show her something, and Patrick followed right behind them. I wasn't sure what to think but, in any case, I left with Frank.

Carter and Eleanor told me goodbye and said they’d let Autumn know I had left. Eleanor was afraid in her eyes like she wouldn’t see me again.

“You’ll be at the safe house?” Eleanor spoke softly as I inched out the door.

“Yeah,” I promised. “I’m not going anywhere, yet.”

“Okay,” she accepted, letting go of my arm after she had grabbed me at the door. “If you need something or anything changes, let me know,” Eleanor urged. “You still have our numbers?”

“I do, and I will,” I smiled as I answered her many questions.

She treated me like a mother would a son. I loved it.

Then, Frank and I headed out. We paced through the yard to his big rusty truck, “Hop on in there, Sam. Let’s get the hell out of here.”

“You alright to drive?” I slightly chuckled.

He let out a snort, “Yeah, I think I'm alright. I only had enough to distract myself from Zeke. He’s hard to listen to,” Frank admitted.

I closed the door to Frank's rickety truck, shutting myself inside with him. The old rust bucket sprang to life shockingly fast, and very loud.

“You don’t like Zeke?” I asked.

“Zeke’s family,” Frank admitted, “but he can be an asshole. He doesn’t like the idea of Jane and I, and he’s very opinionated. So, he’ll let me know what he thinks every chance he gets.”

I realized something, “Is that why everyone is…” I tried to figure out how to word what was going on.

“Pretending like you’re a harmless rabbit?” Frank asked.

“More or less,” I chuckled.

“There are a few other aspects to it. Autumn’s one of them.”

“Autumn?” I spoke out in the rumbling shake of the truck as we cruised away from their house. I thought about it for a minute as I rested my head against the rumbling glass in the door. “If they knew she was with someone like me before you all knew the truth, they’d react badly, wouldn’t they?” I asked.

“They would,” Frank admitted.

“So that’s the reason you’re not laying everything out for them?” I said out loud.

Frank spoke truthfully, “The Wicklows… yes. The rest of us… no. Eleanor has made it adamantly clear that you’re with us from now until she says otherwise. The Wicklows are protecting Autumn and Eleanor by keeping your secrets too. We don’t know how the rest of the family would react to knowing about you with Autumn or bringing El back to life. It’s just too hard to explain. Hell! We don’t even know how you did it.” Frank laughed loudly in the truck, definitely still a little buzzed. “So, for now, we are all keeping certain things under wraps.”

“Gotcha,” I understood.

“Our family is very close, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. We take secrets and lies very seriously. But sometimes, you need to filter the truth, so it doesn’t hit all at once. That’s how we do it with new hunters. We can’t just dump a truckload of scary shit on them at once. They’d run for the hills. Even with our extended family we don’t see that often, we have to restrict the flow of information to them.” Frank sighed as he breathed between his words. “We all want what’s best for one another with this life we lead, but not all of them might be okay with you… not at first anyway. Don’t get me wrong, though, Sam. We do want you around. You grew into this family by the things you did for us. We are keeping your secret so we can keep you with us.”

I nodded at his honesty, and a peek behind the curtain to his family. I was happy with what he said, but it was still my usual story, just staying on the outer fringe of everything and everyone as they all lived their lives. I was meant for things other than a typical family and a normal life, even though that is what I still craved more than the kills of the monster.

We were silent in the truck as we bounced down a bumpy, low-lit road.

“What would happen if they didn’t agree? If they thought I was too dangerous?”

“Ultimately,” Frank thought for a moment. “It wouldn’t change us. We’d still have you around. But…” his next words were measured carefully. “There are other parts of our family that have spread out across the country. If they found out about you… we’d have more of them coming down here. They may come to hunt…”

I actually smiled, “Me?”

Frank looked at me and grinned, “I know. It wouldn’t work obviously. They’d have no way to kill you. But it would create rifts, between us and family branches, maybe even with you.” Frank said truthfully. “Things would get… complicated. Very complicated. We’re trying as hard as we can to not let that happen with Zeke and Arthur. One word from them… and others will come.”

I thought long and hard about what he said. It made me worried about the situation my presence alone put the Chasses in. It was a lot I didn’t know was going on. We sat in silence for a while.

“You can let me out here,” I offered in the silence of the night.

“You sure?” Frank asked as he slowed down on the side of the highway.

“Yeah, you don’t have to go all the way out there. I can walk the rest of the way,” I assured him.

“I really don’t mind,” Frank asserted. He could tell I was having some kind of emotional crack rip through my usually thick wall.

“Yeah. I need the walk,” I told him as I thought about Autumn, and the possibility of not having the same closeness I once did with her. Then the potential I had to crack the Chasse family apart. It started building on me.

“Okay,” he agreed as his tires came fully to a stop.

I opened the door and started preparing to leave him in the middle of that dark road. His cab light was the only luminance out there, lighting our conversation up for a moment on the side of secluded shoulder.

“If you ever just want to get out of there and meet up, call me. You can come over anytime. I’ll always have a few of those nasty Coronas for you,” Frank smiled. “You don’t have to stay alone all the time.”

I stopped my exit from his truck, looking back to him. I hoped I wouldn’t regret what I was about to say, “Yeah… I’d like that.”

“Well, hop back in, kid,” Frank said enthusiastically. “We can head back to my place and have a few more beers. The night’s still young.”

I had a moment where I just stood there, almost swimming in self-pity. The thoughts of everything I had and was scared to lose weighted heavy on me. Then, I took the offer without thinking. I just wanted to be close with the family, no matter what that looked like. Then, I got back in the old truck.

The tires skidded through gravel as we took back off. I pushed the fears of what I was doing to them down, and out of sight.

It was only another couple of minutes after Frank dropped his truck down into the grassy median and busted a U-turn, illegally. Then, we were at his house. He didn’t really live that far from Carter, or me. He was actually kind of smack dab in the middle of our two houses. I never realized he lived that close to my new hideout, once I had started living there. The one time I had come before, I wasn’t that well oriented with the safehouse.

We stepped out of the creaking, rust-bitten pickup, the old engine wheezing its final breaths as we made our way across the dusty, uneven yard toward Frank’s front door. His place was tucked away in a thin slice of woods, where the trees thinned just enough to let in slivers of fading moonlight, casting long, dappled shadows across the ground. The front yard was a rough patchwork of grass, more dirt than green, worn down by time and frequent footsteps. It felt secluded, forgotten, and yet somehow lived in. A hidden corner of the world that Frank had carved out for himself.

Near the center, a makeshift fire pit sat on a bed of dry earth, surrounded by a ring of scorched stones that had seen countless flames. The grass around it was trampled to bare dirt, a clear sign that this was more than just a fire pit. This was a gathering place, a spot where Frank must’ve spent his nights, maybe with company, maybe alone. Charred bits of wood and ash spilled over the edges.

An axe was sunk deep into a weathered tree stump nearby, the handle splintered and worn from use. Around it, stacks of neatly chopped firewood were piled up. The stump’s surface was pitted and scarred, evidence of relentless chopping, each mark a story of Frank’s routine. The whole place felt raw and practical. It was built for function, not appearance. It held the faint, lingering scent of smoke and pine hanging in the air.

Frank’s house itself was modest, almost blending into the landscape. It was a small, weathered structure with a sagging porch and faded paint that peeled away in patches, exposing the bare wood beneath. It looked like it had been standing there forever, stubbornly resisting the creeping decay of time. A couple of mismatched chairs sat haphazardly on the porch, one missing a leg, the other tipped back against the wall. A pile of old boots and tools gathered in one corner, left behind like forgotten relics of work done long ago.

It was a humble, unpretentious place, built for a man who lived simply and without frills. Frank’s world was here, out in the woods, where the noise of the world fell away, replaced by the quiet crackle of a campfire and the steady rhythm of a life lived on one’s own terms.

“Have a seat,” Frank offered, pointing to a large section of a felled tree. There were four of them equally spaced around the firepit. “I’ll run in and get some drinks.”

I sat on the log and looked up into the abyss above as Frank disappeared into the house. I thought about what was happening to me lately. Just talking to Zeke had the monster infect my mind, making me more mentally resistant. It didn’t want me to play human. It wanted me to run wild. It was subtle but I had been feeling things different lately. Ever since my return to St. Louis.

Frank arrived again with a metal bucket that was full of ice and assorted beer.

“Take your pick,” he offered.

I stayed there with Frank for about two hours. We just talked. I felt like I was sitting with an old friend, reliving old times. He talked a lot about Jane, some about Carter, Autumn, and Eleanor, and towards the end he bad-mouthed Zeke again. He didn’t dig too deep into my strange situation. I could tell he wanted to, but he wouldn’t ask.

It was easy with Frank. It felt like I was with an old friend. Sometimes we would just laugh, and he’d tell me funny shit that cracked him up over the last few weeks. It wasn’t always serious. We could both just relax and slip away from everything.

I started to think though. If Frank was the oldest, why was he here? This seemed like a far cry from the Chasse family home. Why was he living here? From the looks of it, he had been here for a very long time. I thought they all lived on the same road, right near Carter and Eleanor back when we first met. They spoke like they did, but I guess this place still wasn’t that far away.

I glanced around the quiet yard, taking in the solitude of Frank’s place. It was a stark contrast to the Chasse family house, that sprawling mansion full of space, voices, and constant closeness of the hunting family. Out here, it was just Frank, the trees, and the occasional crackle of a campfire. I couldn’t help but wonder… why did he chose this? Why had he left all that behind for a life that seemed so solitary? Their company had money, so it wasn’t like he had to stay here.

As we drank in the moonlight, I finally broke the silence. “Frank, why’d you come out here? You’ve got that big family house, everyone there… Why live all the way out here by yourself?”

Frank paused, small twigs creaking beneath his boots. He looked up from the ground to me, his expression clouded, as if my question had touched on something he’d tried to bury. He set his beer in the dirt and rubbed his hands together, eyes drifting over the yard like he was searching for the right words in the dirt and leaves.

“It wasn’t really about the house, or the family,” he said, his voice low and rough, tinged with an undercurrent of regret. “I love the family more than anything… I just needed some space. After Jane turned… it was like everything changed overnight. One minute, she’s my one and only. I would have died for her… my best friend. Then the next… she’s something else entirely.”

“A werewolf,” I said, knowing what he meant.

“No,” Frank said, “distant. Disconnected from me. She acted like I didn’t exist. Like nothing we ever had was real.” He leaned against a tree that his log bench was sat in front of, looking out into the darkness of the surrounding woods. “It got hard, being around everyone. I wasn’t… me anymore. When I’d force my way out there to the Talbot’s… she wasn’t Jane anymore either. Not the way I knew her. She was this… force, unpredictable and dangerous. It felt like every day was about managing her image to my family, protecting her, trying to keep things from falling apart. But all she did was push me away.” He shook his head at the thoughts. “I couldn’t handle it. It felt like she threw me away, and my life would never get better. I didn’t feel like I could stay around everyone back then, not in the same space where we’d all grown up. Not where every corner reminded me of how things used to be.”

Frank’s gaze dropped, his fingers tracing a knot in the log he sat on. “I loved her, still do obviously, but I couldn’t stay there and pretend for everyone. It hurt too much, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. The family tried to keep it together, but I needed to get out. Being in that house, it felt like I was suffocating under all those memories and the constant fear of what my family thought.”

He gestured toward the fire pit, the stacks of wood, the little corner of the world he’d carved out for himself. “So, I came out here. Built something that was just mine, away from all those memories. It was quiet, peaceful. Out here, I didn’t have to think about any of it. I can just… exist, without all the noise.”

Frank’s voice softened, carrying a mix of sorrow and resolve. “It took a while, but I went back when they needed me. But I never thought about leaving here.” Frank looked around at all his land and took a great breath. “Out here, I’m just… Frank. And that’s enough.”

He looked at me, his eyes reflecting the weight of his words, a flicker of something fragile but fiercely held onto. “It might seem lonely, but it was better than drowning in what was left of the past.”

I could hear footsteps at one point in the night that were approaching through the woods. It shot me into an alerted state, but then I caught the scent that flowed past my nose. It was Jane.

Jane had dark, wild hair that fell around her face in straight lines, contrasting sharply with her tanned skin. Her presence was powerful, intimidating for a human. She commanded every space she entered with an undeniable, primal energy. Even in human form, she moved with quiet power and grace. An underlying threat of the werewolf she had become, her sharp eyes always scanning, always aware.

“I didn’t realize we were going to have company,” Jane’s voice appeared behind me, transiting the darkened forests barefoot.

Frank shifted out of his reminiscent tone, shedding the slight sadness that crept into his voice and put on his jovial tone.

“Jane… honey bunch,” Frank teased like they were the average suburban couple. He attempted to jump up, stumbling a little from the alcohol.

“Frank, how much have you had to drink?” Jane asked with concern, then eyeing me intently. My initial thought was that she didn’t like the thought of Frank alone with me. But… I think she liked me more than I realized.

“He’s had almost all of them,” I motioned over to the empty beers we had tossed into the dirt. “They don’t really affect me by themselves, so I’m drinking slowly,” I grinned. “No need to waste them. I’m only on my second.”

“I drank all of those,” he laughed, looking at the pile of empties in the dirt. “You asshole.”

I laughed out loud, just a little. “Sorry, I thought you realized. No reason for me to drink too fast. I need that yellow dust Martin has if I actually want to feel it.”

“Blazingstar has an effect on you?” Jane asked as she steadied the stumbling Frank, taking a seat beside him.

“Yeah. Martin gave me some a while back and I hit it pretty hard for a while,” I admitted.

“We all do… at times,” Jane said, hinting at her own internal struggles. “It is interesting though.”

“Yeah, especially since silver doesn’t do anything to you…” Frank spoke next.

“Sorry I’m late,” Jane looked to Frank intently.

“Better late than never,” Frank smiled.

They leaned in and kissed each other quickly. They actually looked very happy with each other. I could tell that they both had wanted this for a very long time. Now that they had it, they were enjoying every second of it. They weren’t taking anything for granted.

“Thank you, Sam. What you did for Bran, bringing him back like that… I didn’t think we’d get to bury him. Really, thank you.” Jane spoke very seriously.

I nodded to her, unsure what to say. It was always weird for me when people thanked me. I felt like I didn’t deserve thanks after all the killing. Sometimes I thought the good things I did were so outweighed by the murders that I could never break even.

“Can I ask you two a question?” I interrupted.

“Shoot, buddy,” Frank quickly agreed.

“What do you think about me?” I asked. “Be as brutally honest as you can!” I wanted his real truth, and not some sugar-coated version to spare my feelings, or keep me calm.

They both looked to each other on their side of the fire, curious why I asked such a thing out of the blue. I waited for their responses. They took deep breaths as they prepared their thoughts for my serious question.

Frank began, “I think you’re a threat to everything we know. The rules don’t apply to you like other creatures, and you’ve done things that no one else can…” Frank was looking into his mind as he spoke, remembering everything about me that made him say these things. “If I had to say one thing to describe you, it would be that,” I braced myself for his opinion, “you’re a good soul.”

I wasn’t expecting that after his initial blasts.

“I agree,” Jane nodded. “In the end… you don’t kill and end the good in the world. That’s what monsters do. They live for themselves… you don’t seem to.”

“When El told us what happened, once she remembered, it shook me hard, man,” Frank spoke openly. “When she told us that you gave up your own life so she could come back…” he just shook his head. “Then, she said you had a family… a kid?”

I nodded at the ground, never speaking as they talked.

“Could you have gone back, really?” Jane asked.

I nodded again, taking a sip of the beer to take my eyes off of them. I felt exposed as we talked about these things so honestly. It was more of an anxious tick.

“A monster wouldn’t do that, Sam.” Frank said it slowly, really wanting me to understand how he thought. “I know that’s why you’ve been gone all this time. You think you’re a monster, and you don’t know how to be around us. But you were with us before and I felt like, even though you weren’t honest about what you really were, that person we knew back then was you. Now, we only see glimpses of that guy.”

I nodded again, more to myself this time. “It’s hard not to think about the cards I’ve been dealt, and the things I feel inside of me, what it wants me to do. A lot of the time I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Should I even be around you guys…”

“Yes, you should,” Jane answered shockingly. “Just the fact that you have saved their lives. Autumn, Eleanor, Allen, and Eloise; these are lives you have saved for the family. If you weren’t around you wouldn’t have been able to do that. If you leave, you won’t be able to protect them, and continue to do that.” Jane explained bluntly, “I’ve met my share of monsters, Sam. They’re cruel, selfish, and evil. That’s not you.”

“You’re something, Sam, something we don’t know or understand. There are fears about what you could turn out to be, and what it could mean someday… but to me, to Carter and our family, you’re one of us.”

They stopped talking, and I stopped talking. We all three just sat in the flickering light of the campfire and listened to the crickets play their songs.

“What about Autumn?” I asked. As soon as I said the words, I felt like it was a mistake. But there was no taking it back.

Frank looked back up to me, “Autumn is my niece. I love her like my own, and I want only two things for her; to be safe and happy. If you can give her those things… then I have no problem with that…” Frank’s opinion soothed a hardened part of my soul that kept me away. “Now, others will have other opinions… like Zeke.” He looked to Jane, kissing her lips one more time, “But like me… I don’t give a fuck what he thinks.”

Jane smiled. I could see that it made her very happy that Frank didn’t care that others did not approve of her. His acceptance of her, no matter what other people thought, made Jane latch onto Frank emotionally like she needed him for air. I could see it in her eyes as he spoke.

“But…” Frank added, “Autumn has to make that decision for herself. I don’t know how to read her lately, and she was pretty torn up after everything that happened after we found out about you. She won’t admit it, but she blamed herself for El dying, for you making the trade, and then leaving for all those months. She took everything really hard,” Frank said. “I don’t know what she’s doing with Patrick, but we think it’s all bullshit.”

Jane admitted, “It is very out of character for Autumn. She’s been different these last few months.”

I’d never really thought about how everything had affected her. I was so focused on my own sacrifices, on what I’d lost, that I’d shut out everything else. Every time I saw Autumn after the trade, she carried this weight, like she felt responsible for what had happened… for all the fallout. I hadn’t realized it until now.

In that moment, it was like I was seeing her in a different light. I couldn’t understand how she could possibly blame herself for any of it. It was my choices that set everything in motion, my lies, my actions. She had no control over that, and yet, she was carrying it as if she did. I wanted to reach out; to tell her it wasn’t her fault, that she didn’t have to bear this guilt. More than anything, I just wanted to talk to her, to let her know it was okay. I just had to find a way to make that happen. It was a conversation we both needed.

It was almost daylight, we three had been sitting out at the dwindling fire all night as we talked about the recent events. Jane and Frank asked about the specifics of my trip to get Allen, how I knew he was alive, and where he was. I told them I didn’t know how it worked, I just saw his picture and could feel he was alive, and I just followed that feeling in my mind until I saw him.

The being from the fields came up in conversation, but I kept that part light. He was still such a mystery to me that I didn’t want to tell them much, since I didn’t know jack shit, in all reality.

“I guess I should head out,” I said, brushing the dirt off of my pants as I stood.

“Yeah,” Frank said as well, “I should probably get some rest, too. Carter’s going to want me functional at work, and at this point I’m thinking about calling in. I don’t think he’ll fire me,” he laughed.

Jane stood with Frank and surprisingly she came in to give me a light hug.

“Thanks for everything, Sam. We really can’t say it enough,” Jane smiled. “Allen and Eloise are doing good with us so far. They’re still a bit wilder than most of my family, but we’ll get them adjusted to our pack. They’ll be just fine.”

Frank grabbed me tight, “Come over again, kid. Anytime you want, just text me so I know to be here.”

“I will,” I patted his back. “Thanks for the talk. I feel better about things than I did before. “

“You’re welcome, Sam,” Frank said.

“I’ll see you guys later,” I waved.

I was through the small trees and at a road. When no cars were blazing past, I bounded across the multiple lanes of highway to the other side of the road where the thick trees encompassed me all the way to my new home.

I walked back to my house slowly. I took my time, thinking about my night with all of them, and of what I had felt and spoke.

I paced the woods as I stayed inside my thoughts. I felt a buzz in my pocket earlier in the night and had never checked it. As soon as I was stepping over some protruding roots at the base of a tree, I looked to see Autumn’s name appear on my screen. It was a text message.

‘Hey, I didn’t get to say goodbye.’ Autumn texted me once she had realized I was gone and got a free minute from Patrick and Kayla.

I wanted to text her back, but I couldn’t. The next time I spoke to her, I wanted it to be in person. I had to look her in the eyes when I told her that she had no blame for what had happened to her mother, me, or my decisions. It was all on me, and me alone.

In the shadows of the woods, in the cold of the early morning, I had so many questions. There were many things I needed answered. What was the right thing to do? Should I be putting myself back around the Chasse family?

Everything boiled down to one question that I still needed an answer to. It was an answer I needed to know the consequences for the things I was doing. It was the same question that seared itself into my thoughts since the very moment I first opened my eyes to this new life…

“What am I?” I asked myself.