Monster

I had just seen Autumn and Carter in their backyard. The first night after I brought Eleanor back to life and returned her to the living world. Well, I made the trade, but it was the dark figure that actually transferred my own life to her.

The Entity, or Being as I came to call it, was the one who pulled the strings. Jon, the creature before me, had told me of my chance to escape the monster I had become. It would be a way to return to my life and family. I would have been free. However, I gave all of that up to save Eleanor from her own death. I felt responsible since it was Phineas, one of the three immortals, that killed her. The three immortals had come for me, and my adopted family got caught in the crossfire. They found out about the Wicklow gypsies somehow, and that linked them to the Chasses. So, I made the trade. Now, I was the monster… period. It was the only thing that kept me alive. If I didn’t have the beast inside, then I’d pass on. Yet, I found myself not wanting the death I craved for so long. I wanted life more now than I wanted death before. I had a new hope in my future after the Chasses new the truth and wanted me around.

After leaving Carter and Autumn in their backyard, I wanted to meet up with Martin in his bar. This was the first time I had gone to the vampire on my own. After everything that had happened, I knew he’d help me with what I wanted.

I made my way to that part of town about an hour after I left Autumn and Carter. I was in no hurry. I went straight from their house to Martin’s Bar, taking in the world after accepting there was no escape. To my surprise, the bar was lively. People were walking in and out, the neon signs were lit up and glaring across the darkened parking lot that was littered with vehicles. Music was thumping through the walls and into the night. It was not what I expected. I had only been there once, during the daytime when it was closed.

I walked into the structure for only the second time in my life, blending in with some young college-age kids that looked like they were already having too good of a time. Then, as I came inside of the large room that rumbled with voices being drowned out by the music, I could smell something familiar. Concentrations of blood swirled the buildings atmosphere as far as my senses could reach. It was vampires. I glanced around the room, but I couldn’t tell who they were. There were so many people packed in the small building that the scent of the blood combinations was blurred by the humans. I knew they were there, but it was like they had camouflage that they hid behind in a crowd like this. It was interesting.

I made my way through the expanse of tables and chairs to the bar, keeping my eyes out for any vampires that needed killing. I couldn’t understand how there were vampires and humans in the same confined spaces so close together. Why did Martin allow this?

Behind the bar was a woman with very long hair that was obviously dyed this powerful red. It was too red to be natural. Her arms and back were covered in tattoos. The only skin showing that wasn’t inked over was her neck and chest, which was revealed in a very low-cut tank top. Then, once I stood in front of her, I knew what she was. She had a posture and a look that drew people in, especially the young frat boys that wandered into this place. She was a vampire. The smell of many others came from behind the bar, right out from her. The sea of people behind me cloaked the patrons in a massive cloud of conjoined scents, but she was far enough from the crowd by herself to stick out. The concentration of her blood was an extreme that I hadn’t experienced before. Standing in front of her felt like I was in front of horde of human beings.

I knew what she was, but she had no idea what stood before her.

“You gonna order something, or just stand there?” she asked as she cleaned a glass.

“No,” I replied. “I’m looking for Martin. Is he back there?” I asked, secretly plotting to kill this murderous bitch. How many humans had she killed to get her blood level so concentrated?

The girl looked surprised that I knew Martin, even more, that I knew he’d be back behind his massive door that kept him hidden from the world.

“And how do you know Martin?” she challenged. She seemed like she was protecting him.

“We have mutual friends.”

She looked hesitant for a moment, judging the size and musculature of my human form, but then sighed, “Well, it’s your funeral.”

She thought I was human, she could sense nothing about me that led her to the supernatural like her, so she had no worry for her boss. She picked up a little phone that was laid flat on the counter behind her. I heard through the chaos that littered the air, only one ring sounded through the speaker.

“What’s your name, guy?” she asked.

“Just tell him, Sam’s here,” I told the red-haired vampire.

She didn’t say anything else and didn’t really seem to care either way.

“Hey,” Martin’s voice reverberated through the little phone.

She spoke quickly, “There’s someone out here asking for you.”

“Who is it?” Martin asked.

“He said his name was Sam,” she told him.

There was only a pause for a second, and then the phone hung up. She pulled the phone away from her ear and looked at the screen. She raised her eyebrows, curious why her boss had acted the way he did at the sound of my name.

Then, the large metal door squealed from behind the kitchen corridor that hid the secret living quarters of the old vampire. As Martin passed by the small food window that connected the kitchen and bar, he glanced through quickly at the bartending vampire, and then right at me. His eyes went wide, and his steps almost stuttered. It was enough of a reaction to my presence that made the bartender notice. She was curious about Martin’s response to me.

Martin pushed through the double doors and into the large bar area. He looked to the vampire, “Thank you, Alex.”

Alex, the red-haired vampire, nodded to him, eyeing me more carefully now.

“Sam,” Martin said. He didn’t know what to say and was probably still unsure about my status. He probably never thought he’d see me again after the violent encounter with Phineas and Mercy, not to mention if he knew of what happened with Eleanor. Of that, I was unsure of what he knew, or what even she remembered. He glanced around at all the humans and vampires. “Why are you here?”

“I actually wanted to see if I could get your help,” I honestly spoke.

His eyes looked hesitant but willing to hear me out. He motioned towards a table just a few feet away from the bar. Nobody was sitting there since it was right beside the kitchen door, which would swing open and smack the side of the table every time someone passed through.

I sat calmly, and he followed. I glanced over to Alex, who eyed us intently as she pretended to focus on cleaning used glasses and pitchers.

“I have a lot of questions for you, Sam,” the old dark-haired vampire said.

“I’m sure you do. I only got one for you,” I took control of the conversation. I didn’t want to get into any of his questions with the eavesdropping ears behind the bar.

“What do you want from me?” Martin asked inquisitively.

“I need a place to stay. I’m not living in that abandoned factory anymore. That time is over. I want somewhere that I can actually live in, not hide from the world.”

“Okay…” he had a million things running through his mind. “Have you spoken to Carter?” he whispered as to not let Alex hear through the humming voices and music.

“Yeah. I just came from there.”

“And?” he wanted more.

“We’re on the same page, but our relationship is…” I tried to put it into words. “They have a lot of questions too, but I don’t have the answers they’re looking for. They know I’m something, like you, but they don’t know anything about me.” I added, “They know I only want to protect them… like you.”

“So, they want you around…” he pondered on the thought, lightly tapping his finger on the table.

“Yep, so if I’m going to stick around, I want somewhere to live out of where animals and bugs don’t have free roam. I figured you might be able to help me out there,” I said, pumping out a little intimidation from the beast within. “I’m supposed to be dead. I can’t just put in an application at an apartment complex.”

He smirked as he nodded, “I think I have an idea.” He led me back into the depths of his own hideout within the bar.

Alex, the bartender, eyed us as we disappeared into the back. She was curious.

Martin told me of a place he had as a kind of safe house he had used in the past. He had it for times that he needed to stay off the grid when he thought he was being hunted by other creatures of the night.

As I was leaving the bar, I asked Martin, “Why are there vampires and humans inside of this place together. Aren’t you just letting them become a free meal to these vampires?”

Martin almost looked insulted, “Do you think I would protect the Chasse family as fierce as I do, and then condone the hunting and killing of humans out of my very own business?”

I probably looked dumbfounded, “I don’t know… you tell me? That girl, Alex, she’s a vampire, and she looks like she’s just waiting on one of these dumb college guys to fall all over her so she can suck the life out of them.” I showed no mercy in my words.

Martin sighed, but then actually softened his stance on the subject. “I guess it does look that way when you don’t know anything about this place. So, let me educate you. This place is a middle ground for humans and vampires. The humans obviously don’t know what is going on, but every vampire that steps foot in here knows that they cannot kill anyone in this place. They are mostly younger, and much weaker than I, or Alex. If I find out that one of my kind has hunted someone from here and killed them somewhere else, I will deal with them.”

“What about her,” I asked about Alex.

“She’s different… like me. She doesn’t feed on humans, she never has. She has had a very dark past, and I offered her a place here. She helps me run this place, and keep order when things get out of hand. She is a very special kind of vampire.”

“How so?” I asked, very intrigued.

“She is what we call an Anthropophagus. She is as strong as she is rare. It’s a type of vampire that only feeds on other vampires. It can only happen when a newborn never tastes the blood of a human, and only drinks the concentrated blood of vampires. If she drank from a human at any point in the first few years of her life, she would have lost that strength. It can never be regained once it has been lost,” Martin explained.

“How does that happen when you’re that new? Aren’t newer vampires weaker than older ones?” I asked.

“Yes. Older vampires gain strength with age as the blood concentration intensifies. I still don’t know everything about what happened to her, but she was found by other newborn vampires. From what I know of her story, they did unspeakable things to her. Then they turned her so she could never escape the pain of this life. I think they thought they could keep her around as some kind of toy… or pet.”

“I didn’t know vampires were that fucking deranged. I thought all they wanted was blood?” I was shocked by what Martin told me.

“These were newly created, very newly created vampires that didn’t know how to manage their emotions and urges that are so potently charged in the beginning of this second life. They were on the loose and thought they were invincible. When she awoke after being reborn as a vampire, her anger and rage against them was too strong for them to fight against. She killed and drank them all until there was nothing left. She hates vampires. If she ever knows of one that breaks our rules, I don’t usually have to do a thing. She’ll hunt them on her own. She’s always looking for one she can lure in to kill. She doesn’t feed as often as a normal vampire, but she still has the need. The intensity of vampire blood sustains her for much longer.”

Strange… I never read about vampires like her in the bestiaries. I was curious just how strong she was. I made a note of that in my mind.

After Martin gave me the keys to the hideout, I left the buzz of the nightlife behind. Alex and Martin eyed me intently from behind the bar as I left his establishment. I knew he’d tell her what he did know about me. I’m sure, now that my secret was out with the Chasses, that he’d tell his trusted companion about me, if only to protect her. They seemed close. I wondered if Carter or any of the Chasses knew about her.

I made my way to Martin’s safe house. It sat in the densely grown trees directly west of St. Louis. I didn’t veer off the main road I was following until I hit the exit for Allenton Road. I was trying to follow Martin’s instructions so I wouldn’t get lost and end up knocking on some civilian’s door.

Down in the trees of this small winding road was my new home… for now. In a little piece of land just off the small road was where I stopped. It was very well hidden in a thickly covered plot of land. No driveway branched off from the main road, just two tire tracks that carved into the dirt. Only the occasional driver turned around here because they had gone too far down the wrong path. The small house was totally blacked out. No lights were on, the trees and brush had grown over the place so extensively that I was starting to have flashbacks of the abandoned factory where I used to live. It looked weathered and run down.

“Thanks a lot, Martin,” I huffed as I examined the new dump that I’d call home. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

I sighed and just walked to the front door, catching a vine or some kind of plant in the face as I pushed through the growth. I came onto the porch and felt the surprising sturdiness beneath me. Then, I placed the key in the deadbolt and turned over the locking mechanism. It looked like shit but felt sturdy. When I opened the door and entered the front room, I was astonished. The whole place on the inside was insanely modern and clean compared to how the outside appeared. I shut the door quickly like if I left it open too long someone might see how nice this was.

I found the light switch and flipped it on to reveal how much nicer it really was. This place was a very well-kept secret out in the shadows of the forest. I paced every room of the small house. It felt more like a small apartment than a home. The kitchen, the living room, the bedroom, and the little closet with a washer and dryer looked like it was built for only one person. That person probably being Martin.

I wondered if the Chasses made it themselves through there company, CWT Construction. It had a similar style to the things I saw built in my short time working for them. That was when I was pretending to be the unsuspecting human employee by day, and the monster hunter by night. All while hiding the truth from them, that I was a merciless killer of killers. A monster of unknown origin.

I sat on the living room couch and felt a sudden calm wash over me. I felt relaxed. For the first time since all the chaos of my secret being exposed, I felt like I could just sit still. I closed my eyes and decided to go to sleep. I didn’t need to sleep anymore, but it was nice to escape the world for a while.

This was the start of my absence from the Chasse family. I wanted to go to them so bad. I wanted to see Autumn again, to figure out our relationship now that the cat was out of the bag. She said things would be different, and she didn’t know if they’d ever be like they were, but she and Carter wanted me around. They didn’t want me to leave. So, I stayed away, but close enough if they needed me, or just called to have me come over… I hoped.

I wanted to see Eleanor as well. I felt something strange about it all. I wanted to give Eleanor space after everything that happened, but I worried that it wouldn’t stick. I needed to make sure that the deal I made was real, and nothing would slowly happen to her as time went on with her living off my life force. I had also heard that she didn’t remember everything about what happened in the fields, the place between places. That is where my “maker” maintained his presence and applied his will into the world.

I knew what Jon had told me, but I also knew that he was waiting on me to be ready to fully take the mantle of the monster from him. A part of me began to think everything that had happened was just a ploy for me to take over as this ruthless killing machine. He told me that the being would offer me a way out, and then Eleanor just so happened to get killed. I started to think that it was all made to happen that way. Jon said that our maker could manipulate things to occur on earth from the fields, so maybe he had a hand in it all. Maybe they knew I’d make the trade and stay as the beast. There were a lot of questions that came up after everything happened. I wondered who the being, entity, or person was… if he was a person. The control they had over me was concerning. It always left me feeling just out of reach of being in control of my own actions.

The witch, Mucia, also known as Mercy Lewis, could do all manner of strange and formidable things with her power. I started to wonder if this being was just some other kind of witch, or something like it. In any case, I was stuck now. I was the monster, I killed and fed off the deaths of others. That was the only thing that satisfied the beast within me. As soon as I killed, I could feel the need fade. But, when I was given a name and a vision by the one in the fields, it was my only goal in life. I had to find the person he sent me for, I had to transform into the unstoppable monster that I had been made into, and I had to kill them with no hesitation.

I waited those few weeks for the Chasses to call, but I also waited on him to call. If I received a vision and a name, I would be up and moving as soon as it had passed. So as much as I wanted to be with the Chasses, I also had to be ready to leave at a moment’s notice. I hoped I’d get a vision because if I didn’t, I knew I’d have to hunt my own prey. It wasn’t a problem; I just knew if I had a target, I would satisfy the beast in a way that was far more powerful than my own hunting.

Unfortunately, as time passed, I realized that the visions were not coming as soon as I’d hoped. So, I took many trips into the city to hunt for possibilities, just as I used to. It took a few days, but I was able to find a corner of the town that had been frequented by a particular drug dealer. I felt all nostalgic and shit, like I was going back to my roots. Drug dealers and criminals weren’t on my radar for a while now, but when times get tough, I guess you have to make do. I only watched him for a few days before I came for him. This man looked rough like he lived a hard life. He had blonde hair that looked coarse and dirty. A few tattoos lingered on his knuckles and neck. He was the epitome of a drug dealer. I had heard things about shootings and disappearances in that part of town, and sure enough, it was him. Drugs were the initial starting conversation, and then things got a little more twisted. He wasn’t just a drug dealer. He dealt in many things.

One night I trailed him through the city. A storm was brewing; lightning traced across the sky, and the wind had picked up drastically. Every few moments as I shadowed the movements of this creep, a flash of electricity would bounce back and forth between clouds. As the light flickered and streaked overhead, my figure was revealed to the world for a fraction of a second while I stalked the rooftops. The thunder rolled across the city, making no need for stealth.

Eventually, I witnessed a drug deal that took a strange turn. The transaction was made with a man that looked like the typical suburban dad. He had a beer belly that was covered with a stretched blue polo, tightly tucked into his khaki cargo shorts. His flipflops really made him look like a stupid asshole in the middle of this part of town. He looked too leisurely and calm to be on this side of town, buying drugs like he was at the farmers market. Even through his family man façade, I could see he had some kind of addiction. My senses picked up on things not quite right with his vitals. His body just slightly off kilter from something in his blood stream.

Money was exchanged for some kind of mind-altering substance, but then another conversation started. The tone obviously shifting, even from my point of view on the rooftop. The drug dealer I had been following had something else to offer. The blue polo man followed him behind a building to a pocket that the surrounding buildings hid from street view. There was a van parked back there. Only one other person was there, standing guard in the silent area around the large vehicle, tucked away out of sight. I could see it fine from the aerial view I had atop the building once I made a leaping adjustment through the darkness.

The dealer swaggered past the hulking guard, who loomed like a silent monolith, and yanked open the side door of the van. Inside, a grim sight came into view. Boys and girls, ranging anywhere between ten and twenty-five years old were crammed inside. A twisted array of terrified faces staring back at the dealer, their mouths gagged, hands bound. Each pair of eyes was wide with panic, pleading for mercy that would never come. The air reeked of fear and hopelessness, a thick stench that clung to the scene like a suffocating fog. It reached out and infected my mind.

The massive guard, a brute who seemed carved from stone and chiseled with tribal tattoos, moved with chilling efficiency. He gripped his gun like an extension of his own arm. He shoved it in their faces, one after the other, dragging each victim from the van as if they were nothing more than cattle. The silent ritual played out with a practiced ease, an awful familiarity that turned the horror into routine. This wasn’t a first-time operation… it was business as usual. They weren't just selling product; they were trafficking in human lives. Stolen, shattered lives. The horror of it was almost unbearable, yet it unfolded with a calmness that made it all the more sickening. They knew not to resist, fearing the wrath of their captors.

Then, there was the buyer. He was a man who didn’t belong, at least not by appearances. The suburban dad, camouflaged to look so utterly ordinary, stood there with eyes that gleamed with a dark hunger. He fumbled with his wallet, ripping out bills with trembling hands, his eagerness betraying him. It was like he couldn't pay fast enough, couldn't get what he wanted quick enough. He pointed feverishly, picking out a girl. She looked away, leaned back, trying to hide behind someone like she could disappear. There was recognition in his gaze, an implication that went beyond the transaction. He’d done this before. He knew her. He’d bought time with her before…

And just like that, the mask slipped. He was not some hapless fool stumbling into a nightmare. No, he was part of this hell. Just as complicit. Just as vile. He wasn’t a customer; he was a predator, lurking behind the veneer of normalcy. The sight of his frantic, greedy motions, the way he eyed the girl like she was nothing more than a possession for him to have… it stoked a simmering rage, a disgust that clawed at the throat. Every second dragged out like an eternity, the sheer depravity of the scene pounding in my mind, stoking a rage that was impossible to ignore. This wasn’t just a crime. It was an abomination.

Fury boiled in me so fast that I didn’t even think before I reacted. I dropped like a rock from that building’s edge, smashing into the pavement so hard that it got all three of the men’s attention. I ran in human form straight at them. The large one with the gun got off only one shot as I ran at them like a wild animal. Lightning lit up the sky right before I got to them, thundering out instantly as the storm swirled overhead.

I didn’t transform since there were innocent people present. I had to keep my identity a secret as well as the monster’s existence. I couldn’t have more immortals sent from the pits beneath the city for me. The ancient elders down there thought that I had been taken care of were still a threat… for now. So, I charged as a human to end these people. The shot rang out and hit me in the cheek as I ran. Blood erupted from my face as the bullet glanced off of my hardened skull and ricocheted down an alley.

I never stopped. I hit the one with the gun first, caving in the side of his skull and sending him flying away from the van. Before the dealer could recover from the shock of the gunfire right beside his head, I pulled my silver blade from behind my back. I stuck it up through his bottom jaw and into his skull from below. The fat belly under the blue shirt bounced away as the goofy looking guy fled in his flip flops. He only got a few steps away before I moved like a wraith to his side and kicked in his right knee. He screamed in agony as his leg folded over on itself, bringing him to the pavement in a flat thud.

Lightning flashed again, and two bodies lay dead on the pavement, another writhing in agony.

Beer-belly screamed as he held his leg, still scooting away with his remaining three limbs. I couldn’t have that. I stepped over to him and stomped his left-hand flat, turning his bones into splinters.

I slowly walked back to the van where the drug dealer lay motionless just outside of the door, with my blade still wedged up through the palette of his mouth and into his brain. I pulled it from his grey matter and used his own dusty jacket to wipe the blood from the knife. I also picked up the gun that lay only a few feet from where the first guy was standing when he still had a skull that held its form.

With the two dead, and the fat man disabled, I calmly walked to the van filled with terrified eyes. They watched me as I slew the men that took advantage of them. They saw me kill their captors, but they didn’t know what I intended for them. I walked up to the entrance of the opened van and calmly reached out for the closest one’s hands. All the rest wedged themselves in the furthest corners of the vehicle as they could. They were scared of me. The one that didn’t move looked frozen in fear. Trembling like she was about to be eaten whole.

As I stood in the open door’s frame, I reached up and pulled the cloth gag out from the girl’s mouth.

“Please!” she begged. “Please don’t hurt us… we won’t tell anyone!” she was scared and crying.

I never said a word to them. I just reached up to her hands and pulled her rope bindings towards me. She slowly eased forward as I pulled, too scared to stop me. I put my silver blade against the fibers of the bindings and sliced right through them. As soon as she realized she was free, I stepped to the side and let her out, guiding her out of the van with my right hand. Once she was standing beside me, I looked back at the others and held out my hand. One by one, they all slid forward, and I cut them free.

“What do we do?” one of the older girls asked.

I turned and paced over to the drug dealer, who I knew had a phone. I saw him use it multiple times and put it back in the same pocket of his jeans since I had been following him. Just as soon as I reached into his pocket, I pulled it out and dialed 911. I handed it to a teenage boy I cut free. He barely looked at me as he opened his hands for the phone. Then I grabbed the gun by the barrel and gave it to one of the other girls standing right beside the boy with the phone. Her hand shook nervously as she reached for the gun, still scared of the demon that came from the shadows, even though I saved them. They saw what I did and how I moved in human form. They saw me take a bullet in the face and keep on moving. They also noticed that the facial wound had already healed and was completely gone.

They knew, even though I saved them, I wasn’t right. I was something to be feared.

As the police dispatcher answered the emergency call, and the one girl was armed with her pistol, I backed away into the shadows. I faced them the whole way out of the scene, watching them watching me.

“You never saw me… you heard them scream, and you heard something kill them.” Then I looked to the last of the three men laid out across the pavement with his two shattered limbs. “All of them,” was all I said before disappearing into the shadows.

It was only moments before I heard a loud shot rip out across the night. The bullet found its way inside of Mr. Suburbia. Then, not shockingly, the girl emptied the rest of the clip into him in an emotional furry. She then started crying. They all did.

I waited that night for the police to arrive. It took a while since none of these poor souls knew exactly where they were, but they were found.

I had to back away from the scene quite a way since sirens and flashing lights lit up the scene like Christmas in times square. Patrol cars, ambulances, even a fire truck turned the once dark place into a bright rescue. Once the authorities had them taken care of, I vanished from the area completely. I faded away under the cover of the encroaching storm, yet surprisingly, as soon as I saved them, it seemed like the winds died down, and the lightning had vanished. It was calm in the city, and the monster was quiet under the surface. Almost like the storm mirrored what was going on inside of me.

Winter had fully set in, and my hunting grounds took on a biting atmosphere that covered the city in frost and ice. My first visit with the Chasse family was about four weeks after I had seen Carter and Autumn in their backyard. Only a week had passed since I killed those two human traffickers and the one man looking to buy some alone time. My adoptive family had gotten wind of what had happened. The details spoken by the young abducted made its circles through the media and had their suspicions that it was me. Eleanor was feeling better and, after seeing the story on the news, asked Carter to give me a call. I chomped at the bit to get back to them, excited to return to the way it had been before. Or whatever our new normal would be. Yet, I could quickly tell that things weren’t the same. I felt different after I made the deal to save Eleanor’s life. I still felt like myself, but there was something different. Something I couldn’t put my finger on, but anytime I got close to returning to the Chasses, the feeling returned to my mind. It was a nagging feeling of… I don’t know. Resentment maybe. I didn’t understand the feeling, so it was hard to put a name to it.

I arrived at their sprawling family estate. a grand property tucked away against the skeletal woods in the far reaches of west St. Louis. Winter had cast its grip over the land, the trees stripped bare and shivering under a pale, overcast sky. The house loomed at the end of the drive. It was an imposing structure of aged brick and stone, where the old world met the new in a clash of work from different eras. Weather-worn gables and heavy, arched windows hinted at its storied past, while sleek, modern additions whispered of wealth and transformation. It was a place that carried the weight of history, every corner bearing the layers of time. Some parts revered and untouched, while some were reluctantly grafted on.

The driveway curved gently off the street, its edges lined with brittle, frost-kissed grass that crunched under my feet as I made my way toward the house. The air was crisp, biting, with the scent of sleet lingering in the wind’s sharp breath. The driveway hooked around the side, revealing an open three-car garage that stood like a quiet gateway. Its concrete walls echoing the solitude of the season. I paced forward, as ready as ever to see them again. My breath fogging before me in the chill of the air. Each step on the cobblestone walkway felt deliberate, measured, like I was treading on the echoes of the past. The things I had done. I felt that strange resentment bubbling deep within… I didn’t understand it. I forced it down.

I approached the heavy front door, its frame adorned with tiny icicles clinging to the edges, a thin dusting of snow nestled in the corners. I knocked, the sound a dull thud that seemed to linger in the quiet stillness of the afternoon. The door swung open, and warm light spilled out, chasing away the cold. It was a welcome sight compared to the harsh, unforgiving world outside. The interior was bathed in the soft glow and fragrant aroma of candles burning deeper within. I stepped inside, shaking off the last remnants of winter’s chill, and let the door close behind me with a quiet click, sealing me in the embrace of the Chasse’s welcome invitation.

Eleanor and Carter looked just like I remembered, maybe even younger and more revitalized. They seemed rested… rejuvenated, although a lingering strain was just behind their eyes. Carter was still solid as a rock, the kind of strength that comes from years of dealing with things most people never even dream about. His dirty blonde hair was cut short, giving him a no-nonsense look, and his blue eyes were sharp and alert as he watched me step inside. He gave me a nod with a silent exhale, welcoming but cautious, like he was sizing me up even as he smiled. He was smart to be careful. They still had many questions.

Eleanor, on the other hand, was like looking at an older version of Autumn, their resemblance almost uncanny. Her dark brown hair, nearly black, was tied back in a loose braid that hung down her back, a few strands escaping to frame her face. Her deep brown eyes widened when she saw me, recognition flashing across her features. She looked a little more tired than Carter, but still full of that same warmth I remembered.

As soon as I walked in, Eleanor jumped up from where she was sitting. She rushed over, crossing the room in a few quick strides, and before I knew it, she had thrown her arms around me. She hugged me tight, like she’d been waiting for this moment for a long time. Her grip was firm but gave away a slight tremble. It felt like she was making sure I was really there, not just a memory she’d been holding onto.

“Sam… I’m so glad you came,” she said softly, like I was the prodigal son, finally returned.

When I hugged her, I felt something weird. It wasn’t the monster… it was me. Just looking at her and talking with her made me feel something unexpected. Something about her seemed odd as well. Something deep within me stirred, hazing my clear mind and muddying the waters inside.

“I’m glad I’m here too,” I forced out. I was analyzing myself so hard to figure out what was happening in my mind.

“I’m sorry we haven’t had you over sooner. We’ve just wanted El to adjust a little more before seeing you,” Carter explained.

“I still don’t remember everything about what happened,” Eleanor said. “I wanted to talk to you… if you were open to that.” Eleanor looked hopeful, but unsure how I’d react.

“Annabelle has offered to open her mind up to relive the experience, but we’re not sure if we want to do that. She might be repressing those memories for a reason,” it was a statement from Carter that was actually geared more like a question.

“You want me to tell you what happened?” I knew what they wanted, and just the thought of it brought up an emotional response in me. I felt something strong building in me, and I didn’t want to talk about it.

“Yes,” Eleanor jumped at the question, hopeful.

“I…” I shook my head with apprehension. I couldn’t talk about it. Standing in front of them made me feel like I was back there in the fields giving my life away again.

Just looking at Eleanor stirred a deep anger inside me… not the rage of the monster I’d fought so hard to control, but the raw, simmering fury of my human side. It hit me then, that constant, nagging feeling that had been gnawing at the back of my mind for so long. Watching her walk around, talking, breathing, living her life… it all made sense now. She was living the life that should have been mine.

Every step of my existence had been stolen from me, piece by piece. It started that day when I was first taken from behind my house, ripped away from everything I knew. Then again when I left my family for the first time, walking away from the people who should have been my safe haven. The second time was when I found out about Caydee, my daughter—a truth that tore open a whole new wound. It was a realization that I had lost way more than I originally thought, and it hurt in a way I didn’t know I could endure pain. The third was when the Chasses discovered my secret, unraveling everything I had gained in this second life, leaving me scrambling to pick up the shattered pieces. And… the final blow was when I handed over what little was left of my life to the being, all for Eleanor's sake.

She was walking around with everything that had been stripped from me, every choice and every moment I could never get back. It wasn’t just jealousy. It was the bitter sting of realizing that my sacrifices had given her what I desired most. What I would never have.

I knew, in the back of my mind, that I was the one that decided to do it. I chose this outcome, and I knew it was the right thing to do. But I still felt manipulated by Jon and the Entity in that other place. I realized that I was putting all my anger and frustrations into Eleanor. I wanted to stop… but I was too angry. I couldn’t figure out what else to do with it. Something was happening inside of me, and I couldn’t stop it. Then I felt a switch in my mind flip. The resentment landed on the Chasse family.

“I can’t do that,” I said coldly with no emotion.

Eleanor was shocked. Her eyes were wide with concern that they had offended me, but also disappointed that I refused. She was stuck in a kind of fog of her own that she hadn’t been able to escape since she came back. A part of me, the good part, wanted to help her, but the angry part didn’t give a shit what anybody wanted. I wasn’t going to help anyone but myself… at all. I had given enough in my life.

“She can’t sleep,” Carter said sullenly, trying to convince me. “She hasn’t been able to escape those thoughts of that day. It’s like she’s stuck there… in that place.” Then he started telling more than Eleanor wanted to reveal. “Somedays, all she does is sit out on the back patio and stare at the woods. It’s like she’s still there… waiting for you to bring her back again,” he was interrupted by Eleanor.

“Carter… that’s enough!” Eleanor barked at her husband. “If he’s not ready to tell us, then we won’t push.”

Just then, Autumn came down from the second floor. Her eyes were wide with surprise at my arrival. She tried to maintain her emotions since she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to feel about someone like me, but I could tell she was eager to see me again. Still, she quickly reigned in her distinct emotions. She could also sense the tone of the room.

“Hey,” Autumn said to me like she always did. She was beautiful. Her long hair was swept around to hang over her left shoulder. Her scent wafted over to me and filled my lungs. I wanted to move in on her the moment I saw her, but I knew we weren’t in the same place as we once were. I also had too much anger and resentment towards… all of them. Even her… I knew I was wrong to feel this way… but I couldn’t stop it.

“Hey,” I responded, a little too much edge in my voice from the anger towards Eleanor and Carter.

I really fought the feelings, but they just flooded me as I looked at Eleanor. She had my life. This was a mistake… I shouldn’t have come.

“What’s going on?” Autumn asked, aware that something was off.

Eleanor answered earnestly, “Sam isn’t ready to talk about it.”

“Why?” Autumn asked quickly. She looked taken by surprise, and a little annoyed. “We’re all aware, we know you’re not human,” she belted out too quickly. I think she realized how it sounded as soon as she said it, but it still pissed me off.

Everyone tensed at her words. There was a moment of silence, each of us taking a breath, trying to regain positive momentum in the situation. The tension was palpable, and everyone was confused at how this was playing out. No one’s expectations included what was transpiring.

“I thought we were all in a good place. Why can’t you tell us?” Autumn wanted answers for her mom, who was in apparent mental torment after everything she went through.

“It’s complicated…” I raged inside and my voice showed it. I wanted this conversation to be over. I knew it now. It was a huge mistake to come over so soon. They may I have been ready… but I was not.

“So, uncomplicate it!” Autumn was showing her frustration openly, unsure of how to deal with everything that was happening.

I was getting angrier. Just hearing Autumn’s tone set me even further over the edge. I felt like everyone was against me, everyone wanted something from me, but I never got what I wanted. I felt stripped down of everything I ever had in my life, and it had all been building up to this very moment. At first, it was just me, but then the monster’s natural fury started feeding my rage. It was like a bad friend that hyped you up to do something you’d later regret.

“Sam, I told you I wanted you around. I told you that you could protect my family in ways I couldn’t. This is one of those ways. You can give Eleanor something I can’t. You can give her the answers to what happened. You can give her peace,” Carter tried to reason with me.

I snapped, “What about me? When do I get peace? When does this end for me?” I barked in fury.

I was actually yelling loudly at all three of them. My eyes pulsed out quickly as the first bit of my own strange transformation warped my face. My eyes bored into them as solid black voids of wrath.

We all stood in silence for a moment. They were visibly shocked by my explosive attitude. They had only caught a glimpse of the bestial power that dark night, and they feared it. They were right to. My eyes had fully blackened, and I could feel my mouth burn as I clenched my teeth, fighting the shift. It all happened very fast, but I quickly reversed the process, shocked and ashamed of my anger towards them. I turned so they couldn’t see my twisted face.

Just like that, my first meeting was over. How did it go so wrong?

“Sam… just go,” Eleanor spoke calmly. “I don’t know what’s going on, or why you won’t talk to us, but I’d rather you leave than make things worse.”

Leave? She wanted me to leave. After all I did for them… for her. I could feel the cage being rattled inside. The beast was agitated. I had to get out of there.

I shook my head, “This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come back at all.”

Autumn's face fell quickly out of her angered expression and into one that looked unsure. Carter looked unhappy with the results of our first encounter, let down, even.

I pulled the door open quickly. I felt my hand clench around the doorknob so hard that I crushed in the fancy metal orb. I was angry at myself for letting this unexpected feeling take me over as it had. As soon as it happened, I knew that it was me that fucked up. All the rage I felt simmered, and I started to think more clearly.

I never looked back at them, I only said one thing before I left their house, “I’m… sorry.” I left before anyone else could say a word. I had to get out of there. I had to cool down and think.

“Good job,” I berated myself as fled into the shadows of the trees.

Then… I went into quite the tailspin. One night, shortly after my first encounter with the Chasse family, I found myself back at Martin’s bar.

I was pacing the city and approached his place on foot right after sunset. It was barely open for the night when I came in. I had a question pop into my head. So, I walked right inside and who did I find behind the bar, Martin, the vampire.

“Sam,” he said after spinning too fast at the appearance of his first customer.

“Can you get drunk?” I asked, hopeful.

He eyed me curiously for a second, “Drunk?”

“Yeah. Can we get drunk?” I amended it. “I’ve never really tried since I turned into this, and I could really use that right about now.”

“Well… there is a way for vampires, but I’m not sure if it will work for you…” he was thinking about something. “Is this about what happened the other night? Carter told me,” Martin informed.

“It doesn’t matter. What do I need to do?” I asked curiously.

“Um… sit down, I suppose,” Martin waved to a seat and disappeared, too fast for a human’s eye to see, behind the kitchen. When he reappeared beside my table, Alex appeared just as quickly behind the bar to greet the first patrons into the establishment. They both registered the college kids come in and put on the guise of humanity.

“What can I get you guys,” she asked as two frat boys stepped inside. She shot a quick glance at me as I talked with Martin. The two men sauntered up to the bars edge, entranced with the redhaired woman’s provocative figure; enticed and completely oblivious to her true nature.

Martin held up a glass jar of a fine yellowish powder for me to see. “This is a concentration of an herb. Hunters used to employ it as a poison for vampires back in the old days. It’s called mentzelia laevicaulis, or blazingstar. They’d concentrate it into a powder and then use it for various traps and weaponry. Until they discovered how much more effective silver was than this,” Martin explained as he dropped a couple pinches of yellow dust from a small vial into a glass of water. “Now, a little goes a long way here,” Martin warned. “A little bit will put a vampire on their ass in a few drinks… so I gave you double.”

I laughed, “You going to charge me double?”

Martin eyed me with an uneasy glance. “What’s going on with you?” Martin asked, obviously concerned. “This isn’t the Sam I’ve seen over the past few months.”

I tilted the cup of water back and drank the entire thing. Every speck of the yellow dust flowed down into my stomach and started doing something strange. I felt it almost instantly as I set the glass back on the table.

“Holy shit,” I exclaimed. “Oh, I feel it!”

Martin continued to eye me with curiosity, “What happened that day… with Eleanor?”

I looked up at the ceiling, feeling buzzed for the first time in a long time. I sighed at his questions, “You too, huh?”

“They just want to make sure Eleanor will be alright. Can’t you help them… give them some kind of answer?”

“Eleanor will be fine,” I exhaled angrily. “She’s not the one who had to give something up,” I stopped myself before I spoke too much, but it was too late.

“What? What did you give up?” he asked quickly.

“Look, I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to sit here and drink more of this shit,” I spoke slowly, not even looking at Martin. My eyes drilled into the center of the table as I calmed myself, really trying to relay the message that I didn’t want to be fucked with.

“Okay,” Martin agreed, “you can stay here as long as you want. I’ll bring you a pitcher of water, and just sprinkle a little bit into your glass at a time. You don’t want to overdo it. A little bit goes a long way.”

“Make it a pitcher of beer!”

His warning meant nothing to me, and he shouldn’t have told me I could stay for as long as I wanted. I fell off the deep end, hard!

I spent a few days in Martin’s… literally. Every day, once he closed up, I would sleep in the booth he sat me down in, I’d wake up about mid-afternoon only to continue my daily bender to escape from the world I hate. It was a very destructive few days of doing absolutely nothing but feeling sorry for myself. I stopped going to the safehouse altogether, except to shower and change clothes. Any other time, I was going to be as close to the source of the yellow dust as I could so I could escape the world for a while.

Days turned into weeks, and I continued this way of living. Almost every night, I’d grab a new vial of yellow dust, a pitcher of beer, and an empty glass to bring to my secluded table in the back corner of the bar. There were a few times that people got too close to my table, curious about the lone stranger who always drank by himself, and they wanted to investigate. Vampires and humans would wander over from time to time over the course of the bender I was on, but Martin would ward them off quickly. A few times, even Alex stepped in, at Martin’s request, to keep people clear of me. I wasn’t sure how much she knew, but she did as Martin asked. She even refilled my pitcher a few times. She didn’t question why I was sleeping there, or how the herb affected me when she sensed me as only human.

A few nights, before I poisoned myself at Martin’s, I skulked in the shadows outside of my friends’ homes. I followed Carter and Eleanor around town, watching them continue on with the business and the family life after I left. I traced Autumn’s steps as she continued living out her life with her family and friends. She’d go to school at the college, come home and train, and later on in the expanse of time I was absent, she started going out with friends. She was moving on… and I hated myself for it.

I came upon Frank and Jane one day, realizing that they had started to live together in Frank’s house. Jane split her time with the pack and Frank pretty evenly now. She was very much in love with the burly red-haired hunter. After everything that happened, when the immortals came and almost whipped everyone out, they both just decided to jump in with both feet. I envied them. It seemed like while she was away, she put Bran in charge of the pack out in the Rockwoods area. I guess he really was her second. I still didn’t like him.

I listened in on a conversation once between Wayland, Clara, and Carter. Clara and Wayland didn’t like the idea of me continuing to be around the family. Clara was more hesitant about writing me off completely, but Wayland was very protective of Delilah. His little daughter meant everything to him, and he wouldn’t risk her around me, especially after my outburst in the Chasse house. He heard about how I let a little bit of the monster slip out and twist my face in rage. I had done severe damage to my relationships with them all. It didn’t help that I cut contact with them while I hid away in my drunken pity party. I even made Martin keep my presence a secret. I told him if he told Carter where I was that I’d burn down his bar… with him in it. I was drunk when I said it, but I’m pretty sure in the moment I really meant it. He hadn’t told him anything yet, but I don’t think it was because of the threat. The way he handled me when I was there was like he knew what I was going through. Maybe he had done something similar and knew I had to work my way through it on my own.

I sat in that booth countless nights, reliving memories that played through my mind. I’d whisper to myself like I was speaking to my brother, Seth, or my wife… Vicky. I’d talk to Caydee inside of my mind sometimes, apologizing to her for what I was, and for abandoning her that night. Then there were other times when I’d replay the memories I had with the Chasses before they knew I was a monster.

I regretted so much how I treated the Chasse family on my first trip back to their house. I hadn’t spoken to them since that night. I was ashamed mostly, but then sometimes I’d feel the resentment charge back into me. Carter called. Autumn called. Eleanor called, and even Frank. They were all looking for me. They wanted to know if I was okay and try and figure out what had happened that night. They knew that something was off with me but couldn’t figure out what it was. They wanted to talk to me and help me through it. They still thought of me as family… maybe. Maybe that was just my hope hanging on. Perhaps I was just a friend now… or an acquaintance, or maybe they were just scared of what I’d do now that I didn’t seem so friendly. However, their calls faded over time, and eventually stopped. I felt alone again.

I had ruined it. I just knew it. I sat in that booth every night, reliving my time before I fucked it all up. I didn’t think they could trust me anymore.

On a random night, Martin came and sat down at closing time. It was about three in the morning when they closed. Usually, he’d let me stay until I decided to leave, but this night was different.

“Sam,” he said as he sat across from me. “This has gone on long enough. Almost every night, you’re in here wasting time. I know what you want, and I know that you think you’ve lost them all, but you haven’t.”

“What are you talking about, old man,” I spoke through my welcomed haze.

“Carter, Eleanor, Autumn… you can still be a part of everything. I know you think you ruined it. I hear you talking to yourself every night you sit in this booth. But I can guarantee you that if you just come with me, and we talk with them… together, we can work this out.”

“Just leave me alone, Martin,” I pleaded with him through my haze.

“How long can you keep this up?” he asked. “If you wait too long… they might move on. You’ll just be a memory of a strange time they had with a strange man. Is that what you want?”

His words hit me harder than I thought they would in my drunken state.

I shook my head, “No…”

“Well then, get up, come with me, and let's go talk to them,” he said insistently.

I had been coming out of the darkness that had cast itself over me since giving my life away. At first, it didn’t hit me, but after some time passed, everything had started to set in. The reality of losing my life and having no escape darkened my personality. It angered me beyond words. With the way I was living I should have just returned to my hole in the forgotten structure of the factory. But… I didn’t want that, not really. These past few weeks of isolation had cleared my mind, not to mention the yellow herb that I had been consuming. It made me feel and think things that I’d usually keep tucked away. I began to think I was finally ready to tell them the truth. To tell them what happened that early morning, when Eleanor came back from the dead.

“Okay,” I agreed.

“Wait… really?” Martin was shocked at my response. He thought I’d probably just tell him to fuck off.

I was tired of feeling the way I did, and the herb was making me forget all the reasons I told myself to stay away. I needed to get everything off my chest. Maybe… if I told them what I did for Eleanor, I could return. But, if I did tell them everything, then they’d know it all. Even about my past life. Could I do that? Should I?

“I’ll do it,” I told Martin.

Martin smiled to me, “Okay son, let’s go right now. I’ll take you there myself.” Martin stood from the table. I think he was afraid if we waited, I’d change my mind.

I readied myself in the booth, nodding my head as I made the final decisions to do it. I put my hands on the table to lift myself from the seat. Then, all my plans were destroyed.

“RISE!” The dreadful voice of my master calling from the void. The words absolute.

There in the emptiness of Martin’s bar, I locked up. My hands gripped the edge of the table, crushing the wooden tabletop as my body froze into position. My muscles flexed and went rigid, stealing my ability to move. It overtook me before I could say a word. For the third time in my life, I got a vision.

The world was ripped away and I was in darkness. Then images ripped and scrambled my active thoughts, force-feeding me information.

A man stood in the privacy of his own home, cleaning a large, bloodied hunting knife. The crimson coated, stainless steel knife glimmered in front of his face, reflecting the flames that roared in his fireplace. His evil eyes reflected in the mirror finish of this weapon.

Then I saw him swinging the blade somewhere else, slashing a blonde woman’s throat in the damp greenery of the woods. He hacked away until she was limp, and blood slung from the blade with every stroke. Then, he was in a crowded subway station, shoulder to shoulder with everyone as they boarded a subway car. He pushed the blade violently into a young Hispanic boy as the subway lurched to a stop and everyone began moving. He faded away into the crowd as the boy dropped to the stampede of feet. The images flooded my mind. He killed, over and over again, taking and taking, destroying lives of countless people. He hid in crowds, isolated his prey, and remained untraceable by police. He was a chameleon, blending into the environment after the murders to never be suspected.

He was standing in front of the fireplace again, the knife shiny and clean. There was an altar of wood with strange symbols carved into a circular pattern. The knife was stabbed into the altar. The man spoke strange words that I’ve never heard before. The knife became red-hot like it was just pulled from a fire, smoke arose from the alter as the wood smoldered and then burst into flames. The symbols were glowing with power from the flaming wood. He reached out shakily, into the flames, for the blade he had killed so many with. He was hesitant of what would truly happen when his hand touched the weapon. Ultimately, he grabbed the blade. Then, everything returned to black.

The voice spoke from the darkness, “Timothy Grant!”

My eyes returned to the world of the living, seeing Martin standing just as he was before the vision took me from this world. The moment the waking world rushed into view, I sucked a rush of air into my lungs, followed by some kind of unseen force that hit me like a truck. I exploded backwards into the booth, cracking the seat and wall behind me. A loud thud reverberated down the wall as I came to a stop.

“Sam,” Martin snatched the table out of his way, tossing it across the empty bar. “What was that? Are you okay?”

Alex rushed close to Martin, unsure of what I might do. She was there to protect Martin from me if needed. She didn’t know anything, but she knew from the way Martin acted that I should be feared. She had no idea what had just happened, neither of them did.

After that few seconds of recoil from the vision. I stood. I never spoke a word to them. I got up and started moving towards the door.

Martin followed me all the way into the parking lot feverishly trying to figure out what had happened to me just then, but I never responded. I didn’t feel the need. I only had one need. I had to find Timothy Grant… and kill him.

Once in the clear air of the parking lot, I stopped. I felt the beast pulse out a wave in my mind. I knew what it was, my senses were opening, and I was searching. In only the time it took me to take in and expel one full breath, I knew which direction I needed to go.

I never looked back or spoke to Martin. I just ripped forward in a rush of speed, never slowing or stopping. I left the city of St. Louis behind me and was going to the only place that mattered. I was hunting.

Visions came, bodies piled up, and I stayed away from my friends for a long time. After Timothy Grant, I thought I’d go straight back to St. Louis. I didn’t. They kept coming; more visions, more killers that needed to be delt with. All of them involved in twisted, supernatural shit to make themselves more than they were supposed to be. It never ended. There was way more if it in the world than I ever thought or imagined. The world was big… and there was evil creeping in every corner.

After maybe twelve names or so, I had been back and forth across the country a couple times. San Francisco, Detroit, New York, small towns I’d never heard of. I went everywhere on these hunts. When I found them, and the drive to kill cleared, I realized that no matter what I wanted… this was my life now. I would always be on the move, until the dark voice gave me time to rest.

So… I stayed on the road. I lived out of wherever I could. I didn’t have to wait long before the visions came again. Names and images were constantly flooding my head. I only ever had maybe a week, two tops, before a new person had their fate sealed and the minutes numbered until I could get to them.

I was more in tune with the monster inside now than I ever had been. I had been doing this nonstop for about six months or so, give or take a few weeks. It was hard to really keep track of time when I was in one of my hunting states. Time wasn’t a concern anymore. I had nowhere to be, no matter how much I wanted to be other places… with other people.

One night, when I was free from the call of the being, I rested against a large oak tree in the middle of some nameless woods. As I sat on the ground, I opened a small bag I had with me. In it were the few things I couldn’t part with. They kept me human, reminding me of the good things I had in my life at various points. The bag helped me remember that there were things other than this life of killing. The items kept me grounded, leaving the door cracked enough for me to step away from the monster again, if I ever got the chance to feel normal once more. I had become very protective over my bag. I made sure to hide it places when I knew things would get bloody. I had a few pictures of the Chasse family, and a few other mementos that reminded me of good memories. I stole the photos from their house in the beginning of my drunken haze at Martin’s. I was creeping on them, feeling sorry for myself, and saw an opportunity to rush in while no one was looking. I just wanted something to remind me of them. Maybe it was a little weird. Stalkerish, but fuck it… I did it anyways.

I looked to a picture of Autumn. I reached out and touched one of her more recent photos. I missed her, not just the physical attraction, but I missed the way I felt when I was around her. At first, it started out as just a reminder of how I felt around Vicky, but it had evolved into something personal with her. I no longer compared her to Vicky in my mind. My time with her was precious and personal. I wanted it back. It had been a long time since she saw me… and I honestly didn’t know if anything would still be there for her. I didn’t know if she, or any of them, would recognize me anymore. I had so much blood on my hands.

Then, I glanced at a family picture from years back. It had her whole family, even her older brother, Allen. Carter had told me that he had passed away on a hunting trip with the family. I felt horrible for them the night he told me that. They had lost a lot in their lives as well. They too were just trying to survive in this dark world. Their son was taken… dead.

Then, I felt a pulse in the back of my mind. The monster inside was feeling something.

I picked up the picture and held it closer to my face. I was drawn into the image of Allen for some strange reason. When I looked at his face, I felt something. It was like a force that I could feel emanating off the small photo. I knew what it was in an instant. It was almost as powerful as when I felt a name being given to me by the voice. However, it wasn’t a death that was required. When I looked at Allen’s face in the photo, I felt life. Like what was in my mind didn’t agree with what the beast felt from inside his cage. I couldn’t explain it, but I started to realize that he was alive. Allen Chasse was not dead. I could feel him.

I was so focused on what I had just uncovered that I hadn’t realized I was already returning the items to my small bag as I started walking. I had already formulated a plan and was about to carry it out.

I knew Allen was alive, and I was going to get him back. I felt something in me that manifested quickly. I was going to get Allen back for them, no matter where he was or what was going on. They were my family, no matter what they thought of me. I loved them all, and this was someone that they loved. I’d go get him and bring him back, even if they didn’t want me around afterward. I prayed they would.

I saw everything so clearly now that I couldn’t understand why I was so angry at Eleanor before. I made that decision… not her. I’d make it again, right now if I had to.

I wanted to do this. I had to do this for them. I had to do this for Allen too. I didn’t know what had happened to him entirely, but it didn’t matter. I’d find him, and I’d bring him back to his family. I had been killing for so many months on the road that it felt beyond good to know I was going to do something different. I was going to directly save a life.