Modern Monster

Only when we have experienced pain can we fully begin to appreciate happiness– Senseless

“Today is quite beautiful, isn’t it?” Asashi murmured to himself, the sharp, cold breeze causing his short hair to ruffle. He gritted his teeth unpleasantly, already feeling his nose dripping from the unfriendly weather.

His emerald eyes darted from side to side, noticing the green grass expanding for miles until he saw the silhouette of the skyscrapers towering far away. He stood at the exit of one of the many castles, overseeing the great view of the fields surrounding the academy. He just wanted to take some time off before his work was needed. Reaching into his pocket, he revealed a pack of cigarettes and eyed them briefly, debating what he should do.

Asashi always told himself that he’d quit but always ended up relapsing. He was simply too addicted to the short-term relief he would feel whenever having one. Letting out a tired sigh, dark bags of sleep deprivation shrouded his eyes.

After contemplating, he came up with a decision. Taking the cigarette out of the pack and placing it in his mouth, he flicked a lighter with his thumb to ignite it and block the wind to prevent it from blowing out. Taking a big lungful of the smoke, he breathed out with relaxation and gazed at the beautiful fields.

“I love peace and quiet,” he said, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the castle's back door. He was tired and exhausted from what he had to put up with, but moments like these helped him calm down and appreciate life a little more.

“To think so much had changed since then. These fields used to be ridden with dead bodies from the last war twenty years ago. And now, grass is growing like it never happened in the first place,” he murmured in a sleepy, low tone. “How old was I? Twenty? No, older? Twenty-one, yeah, that seems about right. What a shitty time that was, seeing every single person I knew either die or kill themselves from the stress,” he let out a dire chuckle. He couldn’t forget those times; they were going to haunt him for a long time to come.

But at least I have them. Asashi lifted his hand to the sky, trying to touch a cloud. As long as I have them, I—

“Creak!” The sound of the door hinges beside him paused his thought.

“Asashi, are you talking to yourself again?” A rather attractive woman with an hourglass shape walked through the exit door, finding Asashi smoking outside. The pretty lady had green hair with a bob cut, rectangular glasses to match it, and a tight business suit and leggings as she held a tablet in her arms.

“Well, there goes my peace and quiet,” Asashi grumbled.

“Wow, very polite of you to say,” she retorted.

“Sorry, Zizu,” Asashi apologized to her. “I'm just very tired right now. Whatever needs to be done, I’ll do it later.”

“Why so tired? You look like shit, if I’m going to be honest. Does it have to do with that infant your daughter saved? Are they causing some problems?” Zizu noted, hearing something about it. Asashi let out another sigh upon hearing that question.

“He is doing fine,” Asashi corrected. “My wife had to take care of the baby for a few nights before I sent him to one of my good friends. He was quite eager to adopt since his wife turned out to be infertile. Quite unfortunate, but at least now there's one less person in the world without a home."

"So those last few nights were rough, huh?"

Asashi shook his head. "No, quite the opposite actually. We still have all the supplies from when we had Kaiyo. It’s not so hard. Not to mention, my wife seems to be enjoying herself. It's been years since she last took care of a baby.”

“Hmm, so if it's so easy, why do you look like a raccoon?” Zizu remarked.

He rolled his eyes. “The baby was crying at night, that’s all,” he replied, his eyes shifting away from her. Zizu adjusted her glasses and scrutinized him with an amused laugh, noticing he wasn’t telling the full truth.

“Your eye bags tell me you haven’t slept an hour in the past couple of days. Even on sleepless missions, I don’t remember you being this sleep-deprived,” she observed.

He made a condescending click with his tongue.

“God, I hate people with Sight. You guys are so perceptive.”

“I never said I used it; I just made you think I did. You just exposed yourself; now tell me truthfully this time,” she insisted.

Grumbling with annoyance, Asashi caved in and stared off into the distance. “I wasn’t lying, partially, that is.”

“Elaborate, old man.”

“The child’s crying…” his fist tightened, “it reminds me of the past.”

The sounds of babies crying for their mothers and the crackling flames that consumed everything in its path were imprinted in Asashi’s mind. Every time he heard an infant cry at a train station or a public area, his heart would start pounding out of control, leaving him breathless and shaken. That very reason was why he never had more than one kid, and his wife was fully aware of that.

Zizu opened her mouth, then closed it awkwardly, realizing why he was acting this way.

“S-Sorry, I didn’t know.”

“It’s alright,” Asashi dismissed her apology with another inhalation of smoke as he breathed out. “I’m a horrible person, aren’t I.”

“No, you’re not. Stop saying th—”

“It's true… Khoff! Khoff!” Asashi coughed, clearing his throat after leaving Zizu silent. “If I don’t accept the things I've done, I’d just be living in constant delusion. The sins I've committed are incalculable. It might even take you a few lifetimes to catch up, Zizu.”

“You didn’t have a choice…” she muttered softly.

“Why is that an excuse?” Everyone had a choice, and Asashi had made his long ago. “Why do you think so many people killed themselves? They couldn’t handle the weight of their sins or the sins they were about to commit. I’m a selfish man; I valued my own life more than the thousands I’ve killed.”

Zizu avoided his glaring stare, looking downward, and whispered quietly as a mouse, “Is it wrong to value yourself over others? If not you, then somebody else would.”

Asashi pondered for a moment. “You’re right. If not for me, there would be someone else. But that’s what makes it even more depressing. It means the lives that I took amounted to nothing.” She stared at Asashi, sympathy and understanding distinct in her eyes.

“They were just sacrifices that meant nothing in the grand scheme of things—not for a better future, not for vengeance, not for some moral cause. They were merely pawns on the playing board sent to die by the king.” He yawned, jadedly rubbing his eyes. “Ultimately, that’s war. It's just greedy people expecting their pawns to do the work for them.”

“Then you shouldn’t tear yourself down over what you did. If everything amounts to nothing, that means your actions mean nothing, too,” she keenly countered.

Asashi rubbernecked her silently and chortled, not expecting that answer. “I suppose you’re right about that. I guess it makes me a hypocrite to keep worrying, doesn’t it?”

“It does,” After adjusting her glasses, she grinned with satisfaction. She had outwitted him.

“I guess I’m a hypocrite then.” He shrugged, continuing to breathe in smoke from his cigarette.

Zizu blinked, stunned.

“Wasn’t expecting that answer huh?” he mused.

“I…” she searched for words, then finally sighed, “Fine, you win. Geez, you're unbelievable.”

“I’m sorry, this isn’t something you can win over. Be in the AOK for twenty years and you’d understand.”

“Why haven’t you retired? All this time you’ve been suffering, so why keep going? You can leave all of this behind, start a new peaceful life, and just spend time with your family.”

He paused in the middle of another puff of smoke, thinking deeply about her question. What she asked was logical. Why did he torture himself with the same job that brought him so much turmoil and pain?

Maybe he had grown used to it and would feel lost without the agony. Or maybe, he couldn't imagine a future where the stress would disappear, even after retiring. In the end, the damage had been done. No matter what he did, it wouldn’t change what he’d experienced. But yet, he had this lingering buzz in his chest, yearning for something.

“Of course, because of Kaiyo. She had wanted to become a Knight for so long, and I didn't want to let her down. I want to protect her from the same predicament that I found myself in. Worse comes to worst she quits after realizing it’s not what it’s cracked up to be,” he shifted his feet and hummed with an upbeat melody. Zizu scrutinized him, realizing his lack of transparency.

“I guess that’s understandable, but I know that’s not the full reason,” she deduced.

Asashi couldn’t help but gripe like a teenager and roll his eyes. “Fine, you got me. Perhaps I want to see the outcome of all this,” he truthfully answered, keeping silent for what seemed to be a long minute. “I want to see if this world will change in my lifetime. Maybe a hero will come along and end the tyranny and bloodshed.”

“And are you that hero?”

Asashi shook his head. “No, I’m not. I will never be a hero, nor do I have the energy to be one. Trying to redeem myself now would be rather desperate, don't you think?”

Zizu didn’t muster up a response after his rhetorical question, nor did he expect one from her. It wasn’t really a question or riddle to begin with. It was simply his way of conveying his thoughts without flat-out saying them.

Asashi stretched his hands to the sky and yawned again, sleepiness taking hold of his body as the long day wore on. A hero? he thought to himself again. What does it truly mean to be a hero?

Over twenty years ago, Asashi showed formidable strength in the last world war with the US that could even rival a diamond-ranked Knight. But being a powerful force, he had to throw away his humanity to protect his status and power. He had been on the front lines, leading his comrades to certain death in the corpse-infested battlefields that stained his memory, only him being the sole survivor in many battles. Although robots and artificial intelligence played a more significant role than in the past, the agonizing conflict still claimed the lives of hundreds of thousands of people. However, that was only on his side. The pain he had inflicted on his enemies was far crueler and merciless.

“They are the enemy, they should die, morals don’t matter,” is what his past self had thought. Nothing really mattered when the adrenaline and anger kicked in. Little things like morals and God were barely given a second of consideration. Asashi had been blinded by the fake belief he was doing something good. He was just protecting his homeland after all. There was nothing more courageous and honorable than that, right?

… Right?

It turned out there was. The moment he laid eyes on Kaiyo's bright smile when she was born, something switched inside of him. He had realized what he had been missing. It wasn’t anger, it wasn’t vengeance, it wasn’t even power, which he had plenty of.

It was simply the true value of life…

He had grown detached and numb to what a human life was. He had witnessed life disappear one after the other and would take it from others far too often. Human life became callous and meaningless to him. The sins he performed became more of a regular occurrence, and because of that, he had grown used to it. No one truly talked about the effects of killing others; many just assume that as long as you have an honorable cause, you won't feel any remorse or pain. Sadly, that was far from the truth.

To even get to that ‘honorable cause,’ one had to commit unimaginable sins. The world didn’t go by the black-and-white logic of a hero defeating the villain. In reality, getting to the villain was the hardest part, and in the process, you became one yourself. The hero had to bloody his hands in order to save the day, and Asashi had grown tired of washing his.

“There is no such thing as a hero…” Asashi ended up murmuring out loud. “There are only villains and other villains who commit sins for the sake of others.”

Zizu looked at him with suspicion and breathed out heavily, exhausted by Asashi's constant riddles. “You seriously need more sleep, man. Look what insomnia has done to you. You’re losing your mind.”

“Can't argue with that,” Asashi reluctantly said, chuckling with amusement.

“You truly are helpless,” Zizu covered her face with a groan.

“Yep, can't argue with that.”

“You’re not supposed to agree!”

“Well, can't argue with th–”

Asashi felt a light strike his gut, which felt more like a small flick rather than a punch. He eyed the green-haired assistant, who had expected the attack to affect his sturdy body. Upon her failure, Zizu retreated and cleared her throat from humiliation while meandering away.

“Ahem… I uh… forgot you had a very sturdy body because of Touch. You’re lucky.”

“Sure,” Asashi said, feeling a thin smile form on his face.

“Anyway,” Zizu attempted to switch the subject, her cheeks turning red with embarrassment, “Your daughter should be in the middle of the first challenge any minute now–”

“Thank you,” Asashi mumbled, which perked Zizu's ears.

“For?” she asked, her back to him, far too embarrassed to look him in the eye.

Asashi took one last puff of his cigarette, or stick of death as he liked to call it, and dropped it on the stone ground, firmly crushing it with his dress shoes as it let out a small sizzle.

“These conversations,” he replied, then smiled wryly. “Let's have them more often.”

Zizu snorted. “You have too much time on your hands.”

“Well, can't argue with that.” He shrugged slyly.

“You bastard.”

Asashi laughed, barely able to keep a straight face at his own joke.

Entering the castle’s massive door, marble floors spread across the interior, glimmering white as his shoes made clank sounds upon contact. The high ceilings towered above him, with a skylight illuminating the gleaming marble as well as the statues that were precisely placed on each side of the large room. Balconies with railings were visible on the second floor as knights of various ages leaned over to observe the people below. Centered in the main room was a stunning fountain that shimmered, creating soothing sounds of splashing water as people chatted with each other.

The center of the castle was a hotspot for all knights to converse and share experiences with each other, and when people got hungry, there were even café and food courts to choose from, completely free of charge. Even now, he spotted a few low-ranking Knights– judging by their badges– sitting and eating at marble tables stationed in front of the stores. This particular castle was more of a mall than a practice ground for training or missions.

As Asashi walked by, the knights in their clean white and red uniforms, adorned with the academy-embossed insignia, bowed to him, noticing the gold badge on the left of his chest, which represented Asashi’s rank.

“Why do you always refuse to wear the Academy's uniform?” Zizu wondered, walking beside him. “Better yet, how did they allow you not to?” She noticed Asashi’s long black trench coat, which made him stand out among all the other uniformed Knights.

“Well, why do you wear a black one-piece business suit with leggings?” Asashi countered.

“Well, that’s because I’m not a Knight, I’m a manager and assistant. It's not required to wear it.”

“Well, I’m a high-ranking Knight, so I get to wear whatever I want,” he retorted rebelliously.

“Aren't you conceited.”

Behind his sarcasm hid an ulterior reason for abandoning it. He simply couldn’t stand wearing it more than he already did. It reminded him too much of the missions he carried out when he served. The instant he was promoted to the board of directors, he stopped wearing the memory-jogging uniform.

Asashi passed the splashing fountain and followed a broad marble staircase to the second level before entering more corridors. He noticed that the white marble floor vanished beneath him and was replaced with thin red carpet.

“Why are you following me again?” Asashi decided to ask, realizing that Zizu was still tagging along.

She fixed her glasses. “Aren’t you going to watch the challenge from the security cameras? Am I not allowed to or something?”

“No, no, just wondering,” He glanced at her from his peripheral vision and quickly looked away when she caught him. It wasn’t too far-fetched that Zizu wanted to see how his daughter did in the challenge. After all, she would often stop by their house after work to say hello.

He went through a sunlit hallway with windows replacing the side walls, exhibiting the colorful and beautiful green gardens outside that flaunted below. The bright passage connected to another castle, which only a select few, including him and Zizu, were able to enter.

Two knights stood at their post, guarding the entrance to a large door as they approached the end of the hallway.

“Mr. Asashi,” a young blonde-haired Knight on the right bowed, “And Ms. Zizu, please go ahead.” Upon recognizing them and opening the wooden doors with a creak, the two Knights respectfully showed them in.

Asashi nodded his head at them, “Thank you, Johan, Daichi.”

Entering the new castle, there was an obvious shift in the atmosphere. The corridor's artificial lights were white and duller, while the walls lacked any paintings or décor, feeling more like a motel than a prestigious castle. But he couldn’t blame the budget for being a little lower, considering the rest of the castle was constructed as part of the first challenge, with expensive trap doors and tunnels.

“I saw Kaiyo when she started the first challenge before I talked with you, actually. That’s the main reason I tried finding you. Hopefully, you didn’t intend to miss it,” Zizu asked.

He followed her silently, unsure whether to respond truthfully. Knowing Zizu, she was perceptive enough to ask that question.

“Me and her got into a little argument the other day when I told her I tried convincing the board of directors to pass her no matter what happens–”

“You what!?” Zizu gaped.

“I know, I know,” Asashi sighed. “It wasn’t the best move, and she’s still been a bit distant since she brought that infant home. I just thought it might be better if I didn’t involve myself any more than I already have.”

“What does that have to do with cheering her on? You're not interfering or giving her the upper hand?” Zizu said, stopping by a door in the hallway and unlocking it.

“I guess,” Asashi murmured gloomily, following her into a vast dark room where screens were the only source of light—the security room. Dozens of individuals with Bluetooth headsets monitored different screens to ensure the challenge went smoothly, shouting out commands in real-time.

“Alright, make wall B34 Sense Proof. I mean, scratch that, make it Sense Weak,” one person commanded another at the control panel.

“Team Hugro just got into tunnel 44. Shit, more people are fighting their way in, forcefully shut the door!”

Asashi murmured in amusement as he watched the staff coordinate the challenge.

“It looks like they're having fun,” Zizu commented. “Even Mr. Storm seems intrigued this year. He even asked for a private room to watch the contestants.”

“Well, that’s rare,” Asashi furrowed his brow.

“You should have seen him at the opening of the first challenge, too,” Zizu giggled. “He was quite the character.”

Asashi grimaced at the thought of the creepy masked man. No one even knew what he looked like, which was probably for the best; he likely looked as deranged as his personality suggested.

That man is severely unhinged. Asashi wasn’t even sure how he got such a prestigious rank when he only acted like a comedian, never taking anything seriously. However, having seen it firsthand, Asashi had to admit that his strength was no joke. The only word that came to mind was 'destruction.'

“Let's see how Kaiyo is doing,” Zizu said, approaching one of the security members. “Could you check on Team Sen? I think that’s the team she joined for the challenge.”

Her words didn’t fully register with Asashi. That name had been echoing in his head for so long that he hadn’t thought much of it until it finally dawned on him.

“Team Sen?” Asashi blinked at Zizu, who returned his gaze with a puzzled tilt of her head.

Asashi's throat felt dry. “TEAM SEN?!”