Modern Monster

“Emotions make us human; that’s why we fear people who are void of them.”– Senseless

Fight…

Fight….

Fight……

Those were the only words Baru remembered from that day. The last remaining glimpses of his family seemed to fade away as he grew older. Baru often wished he had a perfect memory. Not because he wanted to have an advantage or be smarter in school. He just wanted to remember his family.

He wanted to hear their voices and reminisce about the small, mundane arguments they used to have together. Now, the only thing that remained was the last remnants of hatred and grief, overshadowing every happy memory his dull heart hung onto. He always wore a smile and acted like a no at all in front of people, but it was just a mask. Maybe if he convinced himself that everything was going to be alright, it would eventually come true.

What a good lie that is…

The world didn’t care about self-deception; eventually, it would brutally murder that fantasy.

Baru was envious of others. He often would spot kids playing on the street with their family or, better yet, friends. They looked so happy, so carefree. Baru only wished that feeling would continue in their life, and he wished for them not to take it for granted as he did.

Like I did, huh? Baru thought to himself. I want to remember. I want to remember them. My heart is slowly healing because I'm beginning to forget more and more of that day. I want to remember it, even for a moment, so It could give me the will to keep pushing forward and make something of myself.

Without guilt and grief, he had no direction to go, and without the dying words of his little sister, he had no drive to atone. Remember… remember, I have to remember them…

...

Baru woke up in his bed, a few sets of tears falling as his eyes were forcefully acquainted with the white ceiling. His dark red hair was muddled and clumped, a clear sign he was restless during the night. The true question should be, when was he not restless? He couldn’t even remember the last time.

Baru covered his eyes with his forearm, hoping to block out the sunlight from the window and continue sleeping. But his attempt was hopeless as the city's bustling streets kept him from falling back asleep.

“F*ck the city man…” He couldn’t help but laugh at his own words. The irony in that statement could only make sense to Baru alone.

Getting out of bed groggily, he made his way down the long hallway and spotted the door to a bathroom. But as he attempted to twist the nob, he was gloomily met with a locked door.

“Oi, who’s in there?” Baru knocked on the bathroom.

“Occupied, this is Jamie!”

Baru sighed and murmured, "God I hate living in an orphanage. I always have to share shit with other people. And I mean literally, Share SHIT, with people. I can't even take a morning dookie, man.”

“Waiting on Jamie too?” a blonde-haired teen walked over to him, rubbing his eyes with a yawn. The young blondie, just like everyone in the building, was an orphan.

“Yeah, Kazi,” Baru grumbled to the kid. “Every single morning, this kid takes a shit that lasts hours. Now I get why no one wants to adopt him; he had the digestive system of a dog!”

“Hey, I heard that!” Jamie retorted in the bathroom. “And shut up, Baru, you’re one of the oldest in the orphanage, don’t be a hypocrite.”

“Yeesh,” Kazi covered his mouth, obviously trying to keep himself from laughing. “He kinda got you there, Baru.”

“Yeah, Yeah,” Baru rolled his eyes, not taking the jab to heart. All the orphans made fun of each other, it was a symbol of friendship, and some were even like brothers and sisters to him.

Like brothers and sisters, huh?… Baru stared lifelessly at his palm; his heart had gotten used to the never-ending aching he felt.

“Big bro?” Kazi noticed Baru’s troubled expression as they waited by the bathroom.

“Huh?” Baru blinked, coming back to reality.

“Nothing, it's just you look…” Kazi had a hard time coming up with the right words, “sad.” There was a pause of silence before Baru lightly smacked him behind the head.

“I’m not, idiot!” Baru let out a fake laugh. “I’m just trying to figure out what I should eat for breakfast once we go to the food court.”

“Oh, If you say so,” Kazi looked slightly relieved to hear that. Baru ruffled the young boy's head like a big brother.

“Can you stop that?” Kazi pouted. “You always mess up my hair!”

“Hehe, never!” Baru cackled.

I don’t want to trouble others with my problems. They all come from difficult backgrounds. I’m not the only one who suffered, so I must be strong for their sake, Baru thought confidently, then couldn’t help but wince at his words. It's hard, though. The only thing that gives me the motivation to keep pushing forward is remembering. But at the same time, whenever I remember it, new wounds appear. It’s a cycle that never ends, and I'm the one that keeps continuing it. And it’s not like I have the pleasure of trying to forget it, either. I will never allow myself to move on. This pain is merely a reminder and atonement for what I have done. Baru was a slave to his past.

“Come on, Kazi,” Baru nudged him, “let's get some breakfast!”

“I thought you needed to take a shit–”

“Hahaha, it appears you don’t know the art of Holding Your Shit Together. After holding my shit for this many years, I have the ability of– Shit on Demand!”

“Wow, so cool,” Kazi rolled his eyes sarcastically as they both went down the broad wooden staircase.

A few hallways later, they were met with a large food court akin to something a school would have. It made sense because the orphanage had the capacity to take in a large number of children and naturally had to sustain them. But it wasn’t homey at all. It felt stale, like a prison, except for replacing felons with fatherless children.

I remember calling other kids fatherless whenever I played online FPS games, and here I am. Haha, things really do go full circle. That’s so f*ckin depressing that it’s almost funny.

Baru approximated that at least a hundred kids were gathered in the food court. Most sat on the stationed tables, chowing down their meals as they talked, and some just stood around yawning. Seeing so many kids gathered in one place, Baru took a second to realize how lucky he was that he had his own bedroom.

The majority of the kids had at least ten sleeping in the same room, but Baru was quite the exception. He wasn’t certain why he was given special treatment, but he had a good guess.

I guess awakening a Sense at seven years old is a big deal. He shrugged.

As common knowledge stated, a person only awakened their sense when hitting puberty, but Baru, for whatever reason, awoke his way earlier. Government officials check up on him once in a while for that reason and conduct tests. However, they were always left disappointed and more confused about his genetic phenomenon. It wasn’t like Baru knew how, either. He just knew when it started, and unfortunately, it was one of the painful memories.

“Dang, this is disgusting…” Baru murmured with disappointment after eating a few bites of his meal. The orphanage had bland food, nothing like his mom had cooked.

“I don’t know what you mean. Tastes fine to me,” Kazi said between bites.

“Once you eat good home-cooked meals, you can never go back,” he told his blonde-haired friend. Kazi blinked in confusion, noticing Baru’s unintentionally bitter words.

“You miss your home-cooked meals that much, huh?”

“Of course, I do,” Baru truthfully told, “but I also wish I never tasted them either.”

“Wutcha mean by that?”

“That way, I wouldn’t miss it so much…” Baru looked down at his plastic plate and picked up a soggy broccoli with his fork, forcefully eating it with a flat expression.

“I guess that makes sense,” Kazi shrugged, then added, “But wouldn’t that make the memories you have even more special? Sure, eating bad food is probably more bearable if you've never experienced home cooking, but the fact you can compare something and decide which is better is special on its own.”

Baru froze. “Shit, bro, you should be a motivational speaker,” he sobbed.

“Eh, I’m not into that. I’d rather make a lot of money, to be honest.”

Baru took a mouthful of food and pondered. “Like what, a Knight?”

Kazi shook his head. “No, that’s way too dangerous; plus, I have Smell as my Sense. I’d be a laughing stock,” he grimaced. “But you would be perfect for a Knight and have Touch! Not to mention, you're so hot-blooded that all you think about is hitting stuff.”

“Not too sure if you’re complimenting or roasting me,” Baru eyed him, then briefly sighed,

Being a Knight, huh? he pondered that thought for a few seconds, then stood up from the table, startling Kazi. “Sure, I guess, not like I have anything else to do.”

Kazi blinked. “You serious? I was partly joking. Shouldn’t you think about such a decision? Do you even have a reason for joining–”

Baru snorted. “I don’t need a reason. I'll make one on my way to the top…”

Truth be told, Baru had long forgotten to have a reason for anything. He’d never had his own wants or aspirations but chose things that would make it appear that he had done something with his life. Mostly, it felt like he was living his life according to someone else's script. Baru didn’t want to disappoint his dead family, and it was his way of atoning for what he did.

“All I have to do… is fight…” Baru expressionlessly stared through the large windows as he ate. His voice became low and threatening. “Just fight…”

That was the moment he decided to become a Knight. His goal? It was bland and simple: becoming the diamond-ranked Knight and calling it a day. This goal would keep him busy for a little while, and maybe it’ll even be fun. All he cared about was doing something.

And that something turned out to be far more fun than he was expecting.

#

“HEY! Someone let me join your party!” Baru furiously screamed out loud amid thousands of people.

God damn, out of all these people, not a single one wants me in their party? Baru looked left to right, groups of people already forming teams of six.

F*ck me, man; how will I even be a knight if I can’t find a team to pass this stupid challenge?

Baru groaned, scratching his own head with stress. This is so bullshi–

A white and partly black-haired boy was staring at him through the frenzy of people. The moment their eyes locked, Baru felt something inside of him click.

Why do I get the feeling… that I’ve met him someone before? He couldn’t take his eyes off him for some odd reason. I'm sure I'm not gay, so it has to be something else.

“HEY YOU! LET ME JOIN YOUR PARTY!” Baru pointed at the snowhead. Something told him he needed to join that boy's party, and he wasn’t sure what….