MHA: Undying

Trigger Warning: Self Harm

(Izumi)

“Several hours ago, a mysterious fire suddenly engulfed the previously shut down school known as Aldera Junior High. Not long after that, before the fire department or any heroes could even be mobilized, the area was rocked by a sudden earthquake. Thankfully damage was kept to a minimum and no one was hurt. Though the fact that it was, once again, centered upon the abandoned school -which collapsed- has concerned citizens asking if there might be more to the two events.”

“For those unaware, it was nearly ten months ago that the school came under investigation for promoting quirk discrimination, as well as actively encouraging the young minds housed within towards actions that would lead them to villainy. The one who instigated this investigation was none other than the principal of the prestigious UA High, the number one hero school in the world! When asked for comments, Mr. Nezu refused, stating that it would be best to let the professionals handle the investigation.

But speculation has been running rampant. Was this a statement? Or perhaps villains had claimed the site as a hideout. Had this abandoned place of learning turned into the den of a mad scientist who perished after his experiment failed with explosive consequences? When we find out more, our viewers will be the first to know! This is Ryuko Majihame, ensuring you know what-”

I turn off the tv now that the interesting parts are over. This news station is pretty popular, and they usually cover weird events that heroes aren’t involved in. That might make them less popular than the hero-centric channels, but it definitely helps anyone who’s more concerned with staying safe than heroes keeping them safe.

I sigh, turning back to my computer. I’m not sad or anything about what happened to Aldera. Looking back at it with some perspective, it was a horrible place that encouraged a discriminatory mindset. The way Bakugou and my quirks were praised as being hero material while most of the others were disregarded as being ‘suitable’ for everyone else. That’s not even mentioning how nearly everyone bent over backwards for Shoko since her father is Endeavor.

Really, I’m glad it’s gone. Anytime I passed by it, it always felt like it was watching me. Reminding me of what I did. Who I was.

I’ve become a better person now. I know I have. But every time I caught a glimpse of that building, every time I thought of it, I heard the voice talking to me, taunting me. It always asked if I had really improved. If I truly regretted what I did.

And it would. Not. Shut. UP.

I found a way to keep it quiet though. And as a plus, I found it relaxing as well. I didn’t think I would, and the first time I did it it was… well, not an accident since I did it on purpose. But I wasn’t…thinking… when it happened. I was just listening to a stream of judgment and vitriol fill my head, and then I…

I take a deep breath with my eyes closed, throwing the thought away. It doesn’t matter how I started, what matters is that it works.

I look around my room, taking in how, while I’ve changed, for the most part my room hasn’t. There’s still a bunch of weights lined up against one wall, though I have been trading the lighter ones in for heavier ones as I’ve trained my quirk. I took down the All Might posters I used to have. I just can’t look at dad’s smile when he looks like that without thinking of what he could have done for Izuku.

Instead I’ve replaced them with mental health posters my therapist said would be good for me. I haven’t told her about the voice though. It just seems too…personal, to share. I know that she can’t help if I don’t tell her, but what I’ve been doing has been working to keep it quiet! And really, it’s just a manifestation of my own negativity, so once I start feeling positive it will go away!

I sigh again, reluctantly turning back to the computer. I know that I’m just trying to put it off, but I really don’t want her to ask about Izuku. We might not have visited all that often, but we did always make sure that we would stay in touch. Though I haven’t called since… that.

My hand starts to shake so I take a deep breath, hold it for five seconds, then let it out slowly. You are a better person. Guilt over your actions is proof that you aren’t the same as you were before. I repeat the process, the breaths and self encouragement, until my hand stops, causing me to let out a final relieved breath.

The voice didn’t even chime in to discourage me this time.

With a resigned swallow, I manipulate my computer mouse and type away at the keyboard until I get to the site I need to go. I send her a request, silently hoping that she won’t be at her computer to accept. Or that she left her phone somewhere and will miss it, letting me get away with an “Oh well, I tried”.

But I’m not that lucky as the video screen changes from the black ‘inactive’ to a livestream of the person I called. She has blown out, long blonde hair, some of which drapes over her shoulders. It frames a face that I have no problem admitting is pretty since I’m confident in my own looks. A pair of glasses help to highlight her deep blue eyes that light up in happiness upon seeing me, though she quickly pouts.

“Izumi, it’s been too long! You didn’t even call to wish me happy birthday!”

I chuckle, scratching my cheek. “Yeah, sorry about that, Melissa. Things have been kind of… hectic around here, for the past year.”

Her previous mock anger is quickly dispelled by her concern. “Really? A whole year of troubles? Is there anything me and my dad could do? Do you need us to fly over? We can be on the next flight out if you need!”

I smile warmly, reassuring my cousin that everything’s ok. “Don’t worry, it’s been over for a while. It’s just the after-effects have taken some time to settle down. But it means a lot that you’re so quick to offer. Really, I mean that.”

She doesn’t look convinced. “Well… if you say so. Just remember that you can rely on me. It’s a Shield’s duty to make sure you Yagis are protected from all the trouble you get involved in!”

I chuckle at the motto Melissa Shield, daughter of the famous David Shield, has adopted. “Hey now, it’s not our fault. It’s the curse of the Yagi bloodline!”

I never really understood how dad knew David Shield, All Might’s personal support specialist. After finding out about his identity though, it suddenly all made sense. Another example of what perspective can do.

She snorts. “Yeah, yeah. Blame it all on the curse. Beware of the  curse.” She smiles. “But I’m really glad that Uncle Might finally told you about who he is. I never understood why he didn’t?” She half asks half says.

I shrug. “Being the Symbol of Peace paints a target on your back. He said he didn’t want to put us in the line of fire for villains looking to hurt him that way.”

“But the villains wouldn’t know about you, you would know about him,” she points out.

“Yeah, his logic didn’t make sense to me either,” I concede, getting a laugh from her.

“At least I don’t have to watch what I say anymore. It was really awkward when you and Izuku would start talking about All Might like he wasn’t your dad and he was right next to us.”

A pang shoots through my heart at the reminder. Like the safe space I had thought his room was, I would always make sure to leave him alone whenever we went to visit the Shields. They were the only trips that our parents remembered to take him on, and I wasn’t about to ruin them for him. Even when I was mired in the deepest parts of my idiocy, I could still see how much he needed those infrequent breaks from our home city.

The only times I ever saw him come close to the levels of happiness he had on those trips was when he was with Shoko. But they were always tinged with worry, and when me and Bakugou would show up it would turn into resignation as his eyes dimmed.

“So, has anything interesting happened? The Entrance exam for UA is right around the corner, right?” I’m pulled from my thoughts by Melissa’s question. There’s the… obvious. And what happened to Aldera back around noon. But I can't tell her about anything relating to Izuku… Luckily there is one occurrence I can say that has no connection to him whatsoever. And it was really weird too.

“Yeah, it is. And, well, a few months back, a bit before Christmas, the pro hero Endeavor was patrolling along his usual route when an absolute flood of water poured down on him. It wasn’t raining or anything, it just came out of nowhere! Luckily he wasn’t in the middle of a fight or something, but it was super weird. Nothing else even happened, and it stopped as suddenly as it appeared.”

I shake my head. “There was no explanation from anyone, and they never found the person responsible, so it was eventually chalked up to a random quirk accident.” I chuckle. “The pictures that got taken are pretty funny though. Want one?” I offer, but to my surprise she frowns.

“I wonder how Todoroki felt about that…” She muses quietly to herself, but not quiet enough that her microphone can’t pick up on it. The wonders of more advanced technology. I snark in my head, though it’s vastly overpowered by the surprise of her knowing Endeavor’s daughter. Or maybe she knows one of her siblings?

“You know Todoroki? Shoko Todoroki?” I ask for confirmation, getting a nod in reply.

“Yeah! Izuku talked about her all the time whenever he called. Though he hasn’t called in just as long as you,” she pouts with puffed up cheeks. “Really, it feels like the two of you have forgotten about me!”

“Y-yeah. S-sorry about that.” I stammer out looking away guiltily. I didn’t have the nerve to tell her. I still don’t. That’s why I haven’t called her in so long. I only even managed to text her a week ago to arrange a time for the call and to ask if she knew about dad’s two forms.

She does, but it’s evident she hasn’t realized what they mean. To her, his quirk just transforms his body when he activates it. She doesn’t know about One For All, or about my dad’s injury limiting his hero time.

“Izumi.” The sudden seriousness in her voice causes me to jolt upright, all previous thoughts banished as I meet her piercing stare. “Did something happen with Izuku? You stuttered the moment I said his name.”

I look away, not wanting to lie while looking her in the eyes. “N-no? I’m stuttering because…because… I have a crush on Todoroki…?”

I don’t even have to look at her to know the deadpan expression on her face. But I refuse to look at her and eventually she sighs. “Fine. Don’t tell me.” She says, clearly dissatisfied. “But just remember, even though the two of you aren’t close, you’re still twins. That’s like a sibling bond jumped up to eleven. Even if the two of you are fighting right now, you still need to have each other’s backs.”

A lump forms in my throat. It’s getting harder to breathe, to move. The most I manage to do is a single jerky nod. It’s enough. She sighs. “I have to go, I need to get my school project done. Just keep in mind what I said?”

I don’t answer, my mind completely focused on the task I’ve set it on as the voice rings in my head like a church bell, saying it’s all my fault. After another sigh and wishing me luck with UA she turns off the call, and I don’t have to be careful anymore. I pull hard on my telekinesis as the object I was slowly floating towards me shoots forward.

I grab it with trembling fingers as I switch my quirk’s focus. Or rather what I’m going to focus it on. I scramble at the edge of my pants, frantically pulling them down as fast as I can as the voice gets louder. Once they’re past my thigh I bring my hand down, the object shaking as I press it against my skin.

I let out a slow, shaky breath, drawing the razor across my skin as I do. Once I run out of air in my lungs I stop the cut, a fresh bright line having been added to the myriad of faded and not-so-faded ones crossing down my leg.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper as the voice lowers its volume.

Another slice.

“I’m sorry.”

Quieter.

“I’m sorry.”

Slice.

Quieter.

“I’m sorry.”

Slice.

Quieter.

“I’m sorry.”

Slice.

Quiet.

“I’m sorry.”

Slice.

Quiet.

“I’m sorry.”

Slice.

Quiet.

“I’m-” I go to make another slice only to realize the voice is gone. It’s not accusing me. Not telling me what I already know. It’s quiet… Blessedly silent in my own head.

I look down at the additional cuts. Seven new ones. Though my leg is clean of blood, my telekinesis having done the job of pulling the blood free before it could flow too far as well as pinching the edges of the cuts closed to stop them from bleeding further.

I take a deep breath as I gingerly pull my pants back up, keeping the focus of my quirk on its task. By the time I get ready for bed the cuts will have healed over enough that they won’t bleed while I sleep. And if I have another nightmare and they open again?

Well, I think as I take the floating blood to the open window and send it out and down to water the tree in the backyard. It’s just some more quirk training for my fine control.