Maybe a Fake Gintama

In the afternoon, having skipped lunch, Kawaki sat in a dango shop on the streets of Yoshiwara with a table piled high with chocolates in front of him.

Kawaki didn't know how many cups of tea he had drunk to help him eat through just half of these chocolates.

Beside him, Seita looked on with a face of disappointment—or perhaps defeat—watching the chocolates on the table before Kawaki, wanting to say something but not knowing what.

"It's convenient to have a body that doesn't gain weight no matter how much you eat," Hinowa commented as she watched Kawaki.

"Of course!" Kawaki mumbled through mouthfuls of chocolate, "I properly convert everything I eat into energy! Oh, can I have another cup of tea, please?"

"Sure, here you go." The dango shop's waitress brought a cup of tea and set it on the table.

"Oh, thanks." Kawaki took the cup and guzzled the tea down.

"But seriously, all of these are homemade chocolates," Hinowa continued. "Not a single one bought from a store."

"Does it make a difference?" Kawaki, planning a mid-snack break, asked curiously, "Is there something special about store-bought chocolates compared to homemade ones?"

"Of course," Hinowa nodded affirmatively, "The sentiment in homemade chocolates is much heavier than what you can buy with money. It seems you are popular in Yoshiwara."

"Ahahaha, I've always known I was an outstanding man," Kawaki chuckled, patting his head, "It's just one of those things... Ahahaha..."

"By the way, what about women attracts you the most, Kawaki?" Hinowa suddenly asked.

"That's a sudden question," Kawaki stopped laughing and mused with his hands clasped and eyes closed, "What about women attracts me the most..."

Tsukuyo, leaning against the wall, involuntarily pricked up her ears.

"It's the face and Op..."

Before Kawaki could finish, Tsukuyo threw a kunai that hit him squarely on the forehead. At that exact moment, a mysteriously strong little girl appeared out of nowhere and kicked Kawaki in the stomach.

"Why is Kagura also...?" Kawaki groaned as he fell to the ground, eyes rolling back.

"Talking dirty in broad daylight-aru?! Perverted OTAKU uncle!" Kagura shouted angrily.

"Tsk, what a pathetic man," Tsukuyo spat disdainfully.

"Why do I get criticized for telling the truth?" Kawaki, resurrecting on the spot, pulled the kunai from his forehead and sat back down, his face full of displeasure, "I don't get you people. What I said is what all men think. Are you only happy to hear sweet words? Isn't it better to be more honest? Instead of saying, 'I like you, please go out with me' during a confession, which is just sickening! Why can't you honestly say: I want to [beep] with you?! Is that not okay?!"

As soon as he finished speaking, Kawaki was knocked down again by Tsukuyo and Kagura.

"What are you saying in front of children?!" Tsukuyo shouted, "If confessions turn into that, the world is doomed! No woman would ever agree to date a man again!"

"No, cavemen probably confessed like that," Kawaki sat up again and defended himself earnestly.

"You can become a caveman then, little uncle!" Kagura shouted angrily.

"Tsk, whatever. I'm not going to be one of those disgusting, insincere men who just sweet-talk women! I hate those types the most!"

"Women hate men like you the most," Kagura coldly retorted.

"I like that about Kawaki-sama! Right! I also hate those disgusting, insincere men!" A Hyakka suddenly popped up.

"Kawaki-sama, I want to [beep] with you!"

Several Hyakka jumped out at the same time.

Seeing this, Kagura asked, "All of them... cavemen?"

"No, just hopeless idiots," Tsukuyo responded casually.

...

After the commotion, Kagura sat on a nearby bench and casually pulled out two boxes of chocolates, throwing one to Kawaki on the table and the other to Seita.

"Sister Kagura, is this... could it be?" Looking at the beautifully wrapped heart-shaped chocolate box, Seita was overjoyed and began dancing on the spot, "Mom, I got a chocolate!"

"That one's for you too, little uncle," Kagura said casually to Kawaki, but seeing his disgusted face, she grew angry, "Hey! What's with that look?! Why do you only show disgust for my chocolate-aru?! Give it a rest!"

"No, no, just not used to it," Kawaki waved his hand, "I didn't expect to receive chocolate from Kagura. This turn of events is quite unexpected. But are you okay? You're not sick, are you?"

"Go die!" Kagura shouted as she smashed Kawaki's head into the table again, breaking a part of it.

"Does this have snot or something in it? It's safe, right?" Seita asked Kagura, holding the chocolate.

"How could I put that in there? Watch it, or I'll throw you out, you brat!" Kagura shouted back, her veins throbbing, "Why does everyone make me so angry!"

"I never thought you'd follow trends too," Hinowa said with a smile, "Maybe in the future you could become a top courtesan."

"Really?" Kagura casually replied, "Then maybe I should quit that crappy place and join you guys."

"Can I eat this?" Seita opened the chocolate box, peeking inside at the small cake-like chocolates sprinkled with something that looked like sesame seeds.

"It looks like Kagura had sesame seeds for dinner last night," Kawaki, appearing beside Seita, took the box of chocolates from him.

"Hey! Even I'm getting grossed out by what you said!" Kagura shouted.

"How could it be? It's more likely to be boogers," Tsukuyo casually added, "Eating it might give you diarrhea."

"Hey! Even though that's a bit better than what little uncle said, it's still gross!" Kagura stood up, shouting, "Haven't you had enough?! What kind of impression have I left on you guys?"

"Take it back then, whether it's boogers or the sesame seeds you ate last night," Kawaki said as he closed the box of chocolates and handed it back to Kagura, "You meant to give it to those guys, right? Why the fuss? You're not a middle schooler."

"I... I never intended to give it to Gin-chan and others!" Kagura protested loudly.

"No, I never mentioned Gintoki, did I?"

"Hey—! That's too sly!"

"Go on, send it. Even though it might cause diarrhea, if he receives it, he might be pleased," Kawaki said casually, "That guy... since I've known him, he's never received chocolates on Valentine's Day."

"No need!" Kagura turned her face away, huffing, "Even if I don't send it, the others will give it to them! This chocolate is good enough for Seita!"

"Hey, did you hear that? Gintoki, Shinpachi," Kawaki spoke into his phone, "Kagura said she'd give the chocolate to Seita and not to you guys."

"What?! Damn it! Give me three minutes to bring the chocolate back to Yorozuya! It's my chocolate! Mine! And that brat, if he dares to eat my chocolate... I'll kill him!" Gintoki's voice erupted from the phone.

"Kagura-chan, if we receive your chocolate, we'd be delighted too!" Shinpachi's voice followed from the phone.

"You idiot little uncle!!" Kagura yelled before delivering an uppercut to Kawaki.

...

Watching Kagura storm off with the chocolate, Kawaki stood up from the ground like nothing had happened and dusted off his clothes.

"Really, what's with that unforthcoming kid?" Kawaki shook his head and chuckled helplessly.

"Kawaki seems concerned about Kagura," Hinowa noted with a smile.

"I just hope Kagura can live like a slightly capricious normal girl," Kawaki said softly, "to do what she wants, say what she wants to say, and convey what she wants to convey, living carefree and heartlessly. It is not just me; many people wish she could live happily like that. Worry, pain, sadness, loneliness, confusion... let others carry those burdens."

"I see..."

"My only chocolate... gone..." Seita crouched on the ground, a picture of misery, "Who will bear my pain..."

"A man should take responsibility for his own life," Kawaki scoffed.

"That kid's issue might be resolved," Hinowa said, glancing at Tsukuyo's departing figure, "but another person's feelings haven't been conveyed yet. And with what I said earlier about homemade chocolate... it seems I've made it even harder for that kid..."

"Huh?" Kawaki looked puzzled at Hinowa.

"Never mind," Hinowa smiled and shook her head.