Maybe a Fake Gintama

"You..."

"Tsukki, can you help me out for a bit?" Kawaki turned his head and smiled at Tsukuyo, "I need a favor that will let Sister Kouka leave Earth with peace of mind."

"What kind of favor..."

Before Tsukuyo could finish speaking, Kawaki suddenly stood up and approached her, pinning her against the door with a dramatic wall slam.

"Tsukki, I... I've finally realized my feelings," Kawaki expressed with a tender look.

"What... what are you talking about..." Tsukuyo's face turned utterly red in an instant, "I..."

"Indeed, I'm a useless person, but even so, I want to say it: I can't endure it anymore," Kawaki's face showed a look of reluctance, "I've been sorry for always taking you for granted because we were too close. But now, right now..."

"Um..." Tsukuyo's eyes were spinning like mosquito coils, bewildered, "Why... why are you saying all this suddenly... I... I..."

"So... that's enough, right?" Kawaki's voice was unusually gentle, "We... don't need to say much anymore. The over five hundred chapters we've been through together have made me realize how much I care about you. Can you give me an answer now?"

Watching Tsukuyo's incoherent response, Kawaki secretly smirked, thinking: [Not bad, Tsukki! Your acting is so convincing; Sister Kouka, watching from the window, can't tell! It's just like you to get into character so quickly.]

Indeed, at that moment, Kouka was standing outside Kawaki's window. Kawaki had only approached Tsukuyo after noticing Kouka there.

"Other things... might not be possible yet..." Tsukuyo said quietly, her head lowered, "But... holding hands... we can start with holding hands..."

[Perfect! Such perfect acting! I knew you could do it, Tsukki! Even I was nearly fooled! Well done, well done, Tsukki!] Kawaki greatly admired her performance internally.

"If it's just holding hands... I'm a bit unsatisfied," Kawaki moved closer, his lips curving into a mischievous smile, "Can we do something more intimate than holding hands?"

"No..."

"Not possible?" Kawaki continued, while his eyes stealthily glanced at the window behind him, [That's enough, Sister Kouka! Isn't this level enough? This intense acting scene can only last for a while! Tsukki's body is already shaking! She's trying to hold back laughter; she can't take it anymore! Please, that's enough!]

"It's... not that it's impossible..." Tsukuyo's voice was as faint as a mosquito, "But... we should start with holding hands to get used to it; I've never gone through that kind of thing, so... so..."

"Don't worry, I'll teach you everything," Kawaki said with a sly grin, "Trust me... no, your body will remember it soon enough."

Pfft! Tsukuyo's face instantly steamed up like a boiling kettle, emitting puffs of white smoke from her head.

"You... be gentle..."

As soon as Tsukuyo finished speaking, Kouka, standing outside the window, circled Tsukuyo's name on the last remaining profile sheet and then turned to leave.

Feeling Kouka's departure, Kawaki finally let go and took a deep breath, gratefully saying to Tsukuyo, "Thanks for playing along with me for so long."

Upon hearing this, Tsukuyo's expression changed instantly.

"But seriously, your acting is excellent," Kawaki praised, "Being able to sync with me instantly, that reaction looked just like the real thing. But then again, as the leader of the Hyakka, it's just like you to notice Sister Kouka immediately. Honestly, I only noticed because of the shadow at the window."

As he spoke, Kawaki extended his right hand, somewhat relieved, "It was a close call. Fortunately, I had memorized the script in advance. Otherwise, it could have gone south. Thanks again, Tsukki."

Tsukuyo lowered her head, let out a light chuckle, and suddenly pulled several kunai from her bosom and flung them straight at Kawaki's head.

"Damn it!"

"Ah—!!"

On the rooftop, Kouka stood smoking outside, listening to the commotion inside and slightly curling her lips.

"Mommy, that's why I told you-aru," Kagura spoke up with squinted eyes and an expressionless face, "Little Uncle just doesn't understand the heart of a woman-aru. No matter how much dating experience he has, he's still just a fool."

"But even a fool has good girls around him," Kouka said softly, "This way, I can rest assured. I thought having just one person who could see that kid's pain would be enough. But now, it seems it's not just one..."

"Pain?" Kagura puzzled.

"No, never mind..." Kouka gently shook her head.

...

An hour before Kouka's departure.

In a small izakaya on the streets of Edo.

"What happened to your head?" Umibouzu asked, looking at Kawaki, whose head was wrapped in several thick bandages, "You're not at that age of hair loss, are you? Using this as a disguise for hair loss?"

"No, just the consequences of acting too realistically," Kawaki waved it off casually and then pulled out a small glass bottle from his bosom, placing it in front of Umibouzu. The bottle was filled with colorful pills resembling M&Ms.

"You don't have to pretend anymore; even if you're known as the universe's number one alien hunter, your body can't take staying in that kind of place for long. Don't argue; I can tell if your condition were that of a normal person, you'd have died countless times by now. Use something I made by chance that can extend your life by a few years. One pill can..."

Before Kawaki could finish, Umibouzu unscrewed the lid and swallowed all the pills in the bottle.

"Damn it! Can't you listen to someone finish speaking? You baldy!" Kawaki exploded, veins bulging as he shouted, "One pill a month is enough! Why didn't you listen before swallowing them all!"

"Oh! My body feels so much lighter now!" Umibouzu moved his body around, saying, "All the old injuries from over the years have completely healed! Is this like the Senzu Beans from Korin? It's amazing."

"Really..." Kawaki nodded, somewhat helplessly smiling, "I don't get your family's brains all like Saiyans from Dragon Ball."

"I... appreciate it," Umibouzu poured himself a glass of white liquor, speaking slowly, "But honestly, I'm also a bit jealous. Unable to do anything while staying by my wife's side, just waiting for someone else to save her. This sense of powerlessness is a lifetime's shame for Umibouzu. It shouldn't be like this..."

"Everyone has something only they can do," Kawaki took the bottle Umibouzu handed him and poured himself a drink, "Honestly, I'd quite like to switch with you, to be by her side instead."

"I'm not so senile that I can't detect a kid's lie," Umibouzu downed half a glass of liquor, "Don't treat me like some old fool."

"You have things only you can do, and I have things only I can do," Kawaki spoke softly, "So, don't feel bad or anything; only you can be by her side. Haven't you given up a lot too? You gave up the title of the universe's number-one hunter long ago to be by Sister Kouka's side. Giving up your job to choose family, you're already an outstanding husband."

"I don't want to be complimented by a kid who's not even married," Umibouzu scoffed lightly.

"Honestly, I don't want to compliment a baldy like you," Kawaki chuckled, "Trying to find a good point about you; it feels like if you weren't bald, I wouldn't be able to think of anything."

"So... how far along is it?"

"That's not for you to worry about," Kawaki replied casually, "But I can tell you, it's just the last step. The key technology for the synthetic core hasn't been broken through yet, but it's close..."

"Can it be done? Turning Kouka into a human..."

"Am I not an example?" Kawaki glanced at Umibouzu, "You don't need to ask more about that. If Umibouzu goes back to dealing with matters related to Altana now, it would attract their attention. It's not time yet. Just relax and stay by your wife's side."

"You make it sound like I can't do anything but stay by my wife's side," Umibouzu remarked softly.

"No, there's still something you can do," Kawaki pulled out a communicator from his pocket, "Discussing various teenage troubles with your daughter who's hitting puberty, isn't that also a father's duty?"

"This is..."

"Ah, I saw that brat last time, but he doesn't need it. Just leaving it lying around seems wasteful.

"You're a reliable nephew, haha!"

"Hey, if you pull my hair again, I really will kill you..."

...

At the Edo terminal, Umibouzu stood next to Kouka with a package several times bigger than himself, waving goodbye to everyone.

"Kagura, Sister Kouka I have one more gift for you," Kawaki pulled out two brand new phones and handed them to the two, "Version 2.0 communicators, not only retaining the original messaging function but also adding call and video call capabilities."

"Thanks, Kawaki-chan," Kouka gently ruffled Kawaki's hair.

"Wow, thank you, Little Uncle!" Kagura cheered as she took the phone.

"What do you mean?" Umibouzu's veins throbbed as he gritted his teeth, "What's this about version 2.0? Compared to version 2.0, was the original version too shabby? I knew there was a reason you kindly gave me that convenient communicator, so you had a better one, huh? Hey, explain this to me, you brat!"

"Goodbye, Papi, Mommy~" Unlike last time, Kagura's face did not show much sadness this time.

"Goodbye, Baldy, Sister Kouka." Kawaki waved to the two.