Maybe a Fake Gintama

"Huh?" Umibouzu was once again taken aback, then hurriedly offered a smile and said, "No, no, no, it's strange indeed; Christmas Eve needs Santa Claus. No matter how I look at your party, it lacks a real Santa who can bring dreams to children, ahahaha..."

"Indeed, we are missing a Santa who can bring happiness!" Kondo took over the conversation, "Please consider it again, Yoshiwara!"

"The real Santa who will bring happiness to Tae-chan is me!" Kyubei shouted earnestly.

"Speaking of Gintoki..."

Unnoticed, Sacchan, who had climbed out of the pond wearing a woman's Santa outfit, had just begun to speak when Gintoki once again kicked her out.

"That, uh..." Kawaki complained with a sigh, then simply laid his cards on the table, "Look, we don't need that stuff anymore. A real Santa? No, we don't need one. Speaking of real Santa, wouldn't your kids need him a lot tonight? Why are you only fretting here? Isn't that neglecting your duties? The children still waiting for gifts will be sad."

"No, I just want to be Tae-chan/Miss Otae's Santa alone!" Kyubei and Kondo said at the same time.

"Are you two idiots?" Kawaki looked at them strangely, "You're stalking her openly and still shamelessly claiming to be Santa? Besides, why are you so obsessed with becoming Santa? If you can't express your feelings without becoming Santa, there's no need to express them; I'm serious."

"The feelings you want to convey can be conveyed directly at any time; there's no need to wait for some silly Christmas, nor to wear those ridiculous clothes, there's absolutely no need! Whenever you want to convey something, just do it! If you insist on this unnecessary method of conveying feelings, your feelings will never reach the person you want to understand. Do you not get it?"

"But..." Kyubei started to argue, but Kawaki didn't give her the chance.

"Are you trying to talk about subtlety or special days?" Kawaki sneered, "The former is just your excuse for being too embarrassed to speak, and the latter is pretty much the same. Honestly, Kyubei-kun, I'm a bit disappointed in you. Haven't I told you before? If you like someone, say you like them. If you dislike them, say you dislike them. Don't you understand?"

"I understand! Yoshiwara!" Kondo, who had removed his Santa outfit by then, spoke earnestly, "There's really no need to cling to Christmas or Santa Claus! Or rather, every day can be a Christmas and a Santa Claus! Now, I finally understand!"

"That... Let's talk about understanding later..." Kawaki commented as he glanced at Kondo, whose censored appearance only left mosaics, "I just want to know what full nudity has to do with you. Why did it suddenly turn into just mosaics?"

"Showing sincerity means being fully naked!" Kondo answered thoughtfully, then showed a grateful face, "Thank you, Yoshiwara. You made me realise, Christmas? Santa Claus? No! There's no need! Love should be boldly declared!"

"Say your piece, ah!" Otae furiously kicked him, sending Kondo flying into a nearby pond, "What filthy thing are you showing us? Do you want to disgust us to death?!"

"That, Kawaki-dono, I understand too." Kyubei nodded, "Although I'm not quite clear, I feel like I've understood. Does this mean I must wear this outfit every day of the year from now on?"

"Ah, yes," Kawaki replied with narrowed eyes and an expressionless face, "You can be a mascot in the mall wearing that outfit all 365 days of the year. You haven't understood a thing! How could you conclude that? Or do you mean to say you can't express your feelings without wearing that outfit? Are you that type? What does this outfit mean to you? Can it increase your courage?"

"That, Kawaki-dono. I don't know why you mentioned this, but this outfit suddenly boosts me..." Kyubei's expression became more serious, "Could it be this is the Gold Saint..."

"No way!" Kawaki exclaimed irritably, "Why would it turn into a Gold Saint? At most, it's just a dirty, old-smelling red cotton jacket! Once you put it on, not even Athena would notice you, let alone children over twelve who would disdain this red cotton jacket!"

"No! That's not it! It's stained with the blood that Gintoki [beep—] and [beep—]!" Sacchan, who had once again approached Kawaki, argued loudly.

As soon as Sacchan finished speaking, Gintoki kicked her squarely into the pond again.

"That... Even if your words make sense, there's only one real Santa Claus!" Gintoki spoke again, then glanced at Umibouzu, "Me... or him! We should clarify this issue first, right? If we don't sort it out, we might not leave easily..."

[Oh no! The worst situation ever! These guys don't care about Santa Claus at all!] Gintoki thought grimly, [In this situation, even a real Santa would feel embarrassed, let alone a fake one like me! If so, my entire afternoon of waiting would be like a joke. No! I don't want to become that kind of joke. Should I just leave? Just leave discreetly? No! I can't leave like that at a time like this! It's still a joke. What would a real Santa do at a time like this? What would I do?!! Tell me, real Santa!]

"Speaking of which," Umibouzu laughed awkwardly, "If we don't clear this up, we're not leaving easily..."

[This is terrible! Terrible! The situation has become so severe that even I, Umibouzu, find it particularly troublesome!] Umibouzu thought, [It's better just to leave now. After being spoken to like that, even a real Santa would leave discreetly, right?]

Meanwhile, Umibouzu glanced at Gintoki. [Hey! Santa! Can you endure such insults?! Enough already! Please leave! Please leave now! If you don't leave, I can't just leave like this either! It's too embarrassing! Although their way of leaving might seem strange, it's still the best way to leave! No doubt, they no longer need to worry about this! They could naturally join the party! It's essential for you and me!]

[Please! Leave quickly! Any reason will do! Just, please, go first!] Gintoki and Umibouzu thought at the same time.

"The real Santa Claus?" Kawaki pinched his chin and looked at Gintoki and Umibouzu in front of him, "Although I don't know why you need to pick out such a trivial thing if you care that much, I can help choose the real Santa Claus, as I happen to know the method too."

[Eh?! Does this idiot know that method?!] Gintoki was shocked.

[No, no way! Does this punk know how to identify the honest Santa Claus?!] Umibouzu thought in surprise.

"That... shouldn't be, right? You don't look like someone who would think of such a method," Gintoki's face began to sweat profusely.

"Speaking of which, you don't seem like someone who would know that method, ahahaha..." Umibouzu tugged at the corner of his mouth a bit awkwardly.

[No! No way! This guy is an idiot, but even if there's only a one percent chance, we can't use his method to choose!] Gintoki thought.

[Choosing the honest Santa Claus doesn't matter anymore! What's most important is finding a reason to leave! That's the most important thing! If we keep stalling here, it will be terrible! It will seem like the party turned unpleasant because of the Santa Claus issue! No! I don't want to become that kind of atmosphere-ruining presence!] Umibouzu thought.

"Perhaps my head isn't that smart, but I'm quite confident about how to identify the real Santa Claus," Kawaki nodded, then seriously continued, "You only need to ask one question and the true and false Santa Claus can be instantly distinguished."

"Ah—! Kawaki-san has such a skill?" Shinpachi exclaimed in surprise, "Can you distinguish the real Santa Claus with just one question?"

"Ah, yes," Kawaki nodded.

"It doesn't matter anymore, really, it doesn't matter," Kagura waved her hand impatiently.

"No, they both seem to care quite a bit," Kawaki pointed to Gintoki and Umibouzu and explained, "And I think it's better to clarify for them otherwise, even if they leave, they will still fight. Alright, I'm going to start asking now. The question is straightforward."

[No! I don't want to hear it! If I can't answer at this moment, it will be terrible! I'll be regarded as a thief!] Gintoki's entire face turned utterly black.

[No way! I absolutely can't let him ask! If I can't answer, today's face will be gone entirely!] Umibouzu thought, his head bowed and face dark.

"The question is..."

At that moment, Gintoki and Umibouzu simultaneously thought of a method and simultaneously swung their fists at Kawaki's abdomen.

[Letting him not ask the question is the way to go!!] Both thought at the same time.

"Oof!" Kawaki spat out a mouthful of blood, then slowly knelt and collapsed to the ground.

"Ahahaha, today isn't the time; if you don't need Santa Claus, I'll leave first. There are still many children waiting for me! Everyone, Merry Christmas! Ahahaha..."

Saying this, Umibouzu waved to everyone in the room, then turned and strode away.

"The reindeer parking spot outside seems about to expire, and if I stay any longer, I'll have to pay a fine so I won't disturb everyone any longer. Everyone, Merry Christmas! Ahahaha..."

Saying this, Gintoki also turned and walked briskly toward the door.

After the two left, Kawaki slowly got up from the ground, wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth, and gently raised the corner of his mouth.

"Kawaki-sama! Are you alright?!" A group of Hyakka hurried forward to show their concern.

"Yes, I'm fine," Kawaki squinted his eyes and smiled gently, then turned and walked toward the door, "Well, I have a bit of business to attend to; everyone, continue the party; I'll be back in a bit."

…

When Kawaki arrived outside, he saw Umibouzu and Gintoki crouching against the wall, sunk into dejection.

"Hey, the party's about to start; how long will you stay here?" Kawaki spoke casually to the two, "We're just waiting for you two; today's party won't be complete without you~ Although I'm sorry, could you let me be Kagura's exclusive Santa Claus just for today? Just for today, Gintoki... and you, baldy."

Gintoki and Umibouzu raised their heads, looking incredulously at Kawaki.

"It's not Gintoki; it's Katsura Claus! And it's not baldy, it's Elizabeth Reindeer!" Suddenly, Katsura's voice came from the side.

Seeing Katsura and Elizabeth also crouching by the wall, cosplaying Santa Claus and a reindeer, the corner of Kawaki's eye twitched uncontrollably.

After taking a deep breath, Kawaki finally yelled out.

"Why is there another one here?!"

…

"Merry Christmas!" ×n

Kagura: "Hey! You natto woman! What are you adding to the hot pot-aru?! Do you want to die-aru?!"

Sacchan: "Gin-san! For you, I specially prepared a natto hot pot; open your mouth, here, ah—"

Kondo: "Miss Otae, marry me to make me happy!!"

Otae: "You gorilla, go die, ah!"

Kyubei: "My exclusive Princess Tae, please accept a year's supply of Haagen-Dazs. I specially prepared it for you today!"

Baldy: "You punk, stay away from my wife! Too close! Picking dishes is something I, her husband, should do!"

Kawaki: "You baldy should roll farther away! No, better die! Go die now!"

"Yikes, yikes, before we knew it, it turned into the usual scene~" Watching the commotion, Shinpachi smiled wryly and commented, then looked at Katsura, "By the way, Katsura-san, how long are you going to play this role?"

"It's not Katsura, it's Katsura Claus!"

…

Tonight, the noise of the party in the Shimura dojo continued until dawn…