Marriage First, True Love Later



182 Self-torture

Lin Li felt that since last Friday’s sports meet, her interaction with the child seemed to have improved a lot. Although the child still didn’t like to talk much, still didn’t like to smile, and had a precocious maturity that didn’t match his age, the subtle changes made Lin Li feel that the child was no longer as repulsed by her as before. It was a very small detail, and he didn’t hide when she subconsciously reached out to touch his head. Although he still didn’t want to talk to her, he would nod or shake his head, and look at her very seriously. After a few times, Lin Li could also understand a few simple meanings from his eyes.

In any case, all of this was a good start for Lin Li. Since she had already made up her mind to run this marriage as a job, a good working environment was of course one of the important factors for how long this job could last.

However, what made Lin Li feel more and more uncomfortable was her stomach. It seemed that she had really hit the mark. Perhaps she had really eaten too much in the past, and her stomach was too powerful. As long as there was something, she would be able to eat it. Such a good appetite was like good luck. It wouldn’t follow you for a lifetime. When you used up all your good luck, bad luck would come. And now, for Lin Li, that bad luck was her bad appetite. Perhaps she was really anorexic and had no appetite for food. Sometimes, even if she was very hungry, she was not willing to eat. Even if she ate, she would vomit it out not long after, just like now …

Lin Li squatted on the ground. She vomited so much that she felt weak. Her chest heaved up and down, and she was still panting slightly. This afternoon, after she picked up Xiao bin from school, she asked Anran out. Because Anran was her best friend, she felt the need to tell her about her current situation.

Sometimes, fate was like this and played tricks on people. It was like this that made people guess and torture them. A few months ago, she couldn’t accept and understand an ran’s flash marriage. In her mind and understanding, marriage was sacred. Only two people who loved each other, with everyone’s blessings, made a promise to each other for a lifetime! The Union of two people who did not love each other could not be considered a marriage at all.

However, only now did she truly understand and understand Anran’s feelings and helplessness at the time. Anran had once said,’if you can’t marry the person you want to marry, it doesn’t matter who you marry.’ That’s right, just like the current her. Since she no longer loved, marriage no longer had any meaning to her. It was just a cooperative relationship. So, it didn’t matter whether she married or who she married!

Moreover, it was rare to find someone who ‘shared the same interests’ as him. This kind of cooperative relationship was too pleasant. He really had nothing to complain about.

She was sure that she wasn’t as lucky as Anran to have met su Yicheng, but she was also very happy for Anran for finding her own happiness after experiencing mo Fei.

Lin Li squatted on the ground for a long time, waiting for the cold wall behind her to be ready. However, because she had squatted on the ground for a long time, her feet were a little numb. Only then did she stand up. Her feet were soft, and she was about to fall when a strong force suddenly caught her arm from behind and lifted her whole body up. Then, Lin Li only felt a warmth on her back, and her whole body was pushed into a warm chest.

She looked up slowly and saw Zhou han frowning at her. In addition to his usual coldness, there seemed to be a sense of reproach in his eyes.

“Thank, thank you.” Lin Li thanked him and pushed him away, unable to guess the meaning in his eyes.

Zhou han didn’t let go. He looked at her coldly and said in a voice that was more than ten degrees colder than his eyes, ” “Do you think you can still walk?” Without waiting for her to reply, he picked her up by the waist.

Lin Li only felt a little dizzy. Coupled with the vomiting just now, it made her even more dizzy. Her hands subconsciously hugged his neck, but due to the bursts of numbness coming from her feet, Lin Li no longer pushed him away and said that she wanted to walk by herself, because she really didn’t have much strength.

When Zhou han carried her out of the bathroom, little Zhou Jiabin was standing at the door, staring at Lin Li with his big black eyes. Lin Li then realized that she was accompanying the little guy in the living room to do homework, but suddenly her stomach was churning badly, so she left him and ran to the bathroom. She was probably worried that something would happen to her, so she went into the study to call Zhou han over.

As she thought about it, Lin Li suddenly felt a sense of satisfaction. There was an indescribable comfort in her heart, and the corners of her mouth pulled up into a smile. She looked at him and comforted him, ” “I’m fine.”

The little guy didn’t say anything and gave way to Zhou han, but his eyes were still fixed on her.

Zhou han carried her to her room and placed her on the bed carefully. He looked at her and asked, ” “Do you want some water?”

Lin Li nodded. After vomiting just now, her mouth did feel a little uncomfortable.

Zhou han only glanced at her and didn’t say anything more. He turned around and left.

After a while, Zhou han came in with a cup of warm water and handed it to him without much expression.

Lin Li reached out to take it and softly thanked him, ” thank you. He took a big gulp of water.

Zhou han looked at her and said without any expression, ” tomorrow morning at nine O ‘clock, at the Department of Gastroenterology at the fifth hospital of the city. I’ve already contacted Dr. Tang. You just need to sign up when you go over.

Lin Li was stunned for a while before she realized what he meant. She directly glanced at him and said, ” “I don’t want to go. I don’t need to.”

“I’ve already made the arrangements.” Zhou han said. His tone and expression had not changed.

“I said I don’t want to.” Lin Li frowned, and her tone was somewhat determined. She directly put the cup in her hand on the bedside table, slid down, and pulled the quilt over her body.

“Give me a reason,” Zhou han looked at her in a daze. His eyes were so sharp that it made people feel an inexplicable fear.

Lin Li looked at him with wide eyes and said, ” “Mr. Zhou, if I’m not wrong, we’re only in a cooperative relationship. We signed a cooperation contract before we got our certificate, right? you have no right to interfere with my freedom. If I say I don’t want to go, I don’t want to go. I’m going to sleep.” After saying that, she turned her back to him.

Zhou han looked at the woman who had her back to him and frowned even more than before. He opened his mouth and said, ” I don’t care about your health. You can choose not to go, but please don’t fall in the bathroom like this again and ask me to carry you out. Also, don’t let others think that I mistreated you and didn’t give you good food.

“I didn’t ask you to carry me out.” With her back facing him, Lin Li muttered in a low voice, ” you don’t have to not give me food. It’s mental abuse to have a long face like yours all day!

Zhou han ignored her mumbling and said emotionlessly, ” “If you’re trying to punish yourself with the mistakes of others, then you’re a little too stupid.”

Upon hearing this, Lin Li’s entire body trembled. Her hands clutched the sheets tightly under the blanket, and her teeth bit her lips tightly.

Zhou han stood there and looked at him for a while. He didn’t say anything more and turned around to leave. When his hand was on the doorknob, Lin Li’s faint voice came from behind. Her tone was so light that it made one’s heart ache.

“I didn’t!”

Zhou Han’s hands stopped moving. He turned his head and looked at the person who was almost curled up into a ball under the blanket. The corner of his mouth raised into a cold smile and he said, ” “Don’t you have any? Aren’t you remorseful for not being able to keep your child? As you felt that it was your responsibility, you started to punish yourself. You even subconsciously felt that your life was an unforgivable mistake. Therefore, you started to be harsh to yourself and your stomach. Actually, it’s not that you couldn’t eat, but you didn’t want to. You felt that a healthy and happy life was a sin. Only by tormenting yourself and making yourself like this could you feel a bit comfortable, because you were atoning for your sins!”

Zhou Han’s words were like a sword that pierced Lin Li’s heart. That kind of pain was like a death by a thousand cuts. It was so painful that she couldn’t breathe. Lin Li hugged herself tightly under the blanket and muttered, ” “I didn’t, I didn’t …”

Sometimes, when the secret in one’s heart was discovered and exposed, the pain of the truth being exposed was always unacceptable. Even if one knew that what others said was the truth, one had to deny it as if it was safe to not admit it and it would not hurt. However, where was the wound? it was still bleeding. How could it not hurt?

“You’re the only one who knows if you did or not. No one can interfere with what you do, but is it worth it? will the people who love you feel bad for you? You’re so …”

“Don’t say anymore!” Lin Li interrupted him and gritted her teeth to stop herself from crying. She squeezed out her voice from between her teeth and said, ” “I’m tired and I want to sleep. Please leave!”

Zhou han looked at the trembling ball on the bed for a long time. In the end, he didn’t say anything more and turned to leave the room.

After the door was opened and closed, Lin Li, who was hiding under the blanket, covered her hands and finally cried. The tears that she had suppressed for a long time flowed down the corner of her eyes and wet the pillow. Perhaps it was because her heart was in too much pain, Lin Li cried so hard that she couldn’t control herself. Her whole body twitched, and the whole room echoed with a low sobbing sound. At first, it was very low and very suppressed, then the crying gradually became louder. Lin Li finally released all the pain that she had suppressed in her heart for a long time and cried bitterly.

Outside the door, Zhou han stood there for a long time before he walked towards the study room.