Maidenless No Longer (Elden Ring)

He hears them, before he actually sees them. Trouping up the hill together, making their way to his Church of Vows. Ah, it’s been a while since he had guests, hasn’t it? Certainly, the Church had long been a neglected house of worship, unfortunately. He just wasn’t as young and spry as he used to be.
 
Still, if nothing else, Miriel, Pastor of Vows, could be a good host. And so, as they enter the Church properly, the old wizened turtle raises his head, atop which sits his ever-present mitre. He opens his mouth to welcome the visitors, only to stop as a young demi-human monkey clears his throat and overrides him.
 
“PRESENTING THE FOLLOWING! Lady Fia, the Deathbed Companion!”
 
Through the door steps a softly smiling woman clad in an all-black dress. If Miriel didn’t know any better, he would say her dress was meant for a wedding ceremony. But it was the wrong color, surely? Even if it did have the veil and the train and everything. Ah, but she’s not the only one to walk in.
 
“Lady Zorayas, of Mt. Gelmir!”
 
Oh, that Volcanic Region? Oh… oh dear, this was interesting. The tall Snake-like woman that steps through takes Miriel aback just a bit. She too is wearing something akin to a wedding dress but done up in all forest green tones. She’s also very much not human, but then neither is he, so who is he to judge, right?
 
“Lady Millicent, the Tarnished Blade!”
 
The next to step through into the Church is a red haired woman wearing a red wedding dress. Her golden arm, an obvious prosthetic, goes quite well with the color, not clashing in the least. She looks somewhat unsure of herself though, as if she’s unused to wearing a dress, and more than that, unused to NOT wearing a sword.
 
“Lady Roderika, the Spirit-Tuner!”
 
The next one through is wearing something a bit closer to a normal wedding dress. Still not the pure white that Miriel would be expecting, but instead something of a cream-colored outfit. Still, it too has the veil and the train. Taken together with the previous three, she seems to be here for a wedding.
 
They’re ALL here for a wedding, are they? How… intriguing. It’s been a long time, since Miriel presided over such a ceremony. He quickly begins rummaging through his memory for the right words to say.
 
“Lady Nepheli Loux of Limgrave, and Lady Irina of Castle Morne!”
 
This time through, there are two women. The reason why becomes immediately apparent. One of them is clearly blind, being helped along by the other. The blind woman wears a salmon, pinkish colored wedding dress… while the final woman, dark of skin and strong of body, is clad in the customary pure white for her own dress. Miriel immediately marks the first as Lady Irina, and the latter as Lady Nepheli.
 
After all, even as remote as his Church is, Miriel has heard the rumblings. The Paster of Vows has heard tell of it all, the goings on of the Lands Between. They had a new Lady in Limgrave… and a new Elden Lord upon the Elden Throne.
 
“And finally, it is my privilege to present his Grace, the Tarnished Lord!”
 
Miriel’s wizened eyes widen as a man that positively radiates power steps into his Church. He’s dressed in official-looking clothing, as he steps forward to meet with the six brides the demi-human has already announced. He doesn’t look entirely comfortable in his current outfit, but then, neither do half of his brides. And yet, they’re here… and they’re looking at him expectantly.
 
Right. Yes. Aha… of course.
 
“I welcome you all, to the Church of Vows. I am Miriel, steward of this sacred chamber.”
 
The large turtle glances around at his surroundings and clears his throat.
 
“My apologies, for the unseemly state of affairs. I imagine you all know the origin of this place, yes?”
 
Lady Nepheli steps forward and bows her head in greeting.
 
“We do, Pastor Miriel. Tis why we’re here. You have before you the Lady of Limgrave and her Court… as well as the Elden Lord who has brought us altogether. It is our intention to be wed this day, the seven of us.”
 
… Weird, but not a sin he supposed. Indeed, twas Miriel’s belief that heresy was not native to the world, but simply a contrivance. All things could be conjoined… ah, not that any of these fine people likely wanted to receive a lecture from him. No, they wanted him to join them all in holy matrimony.
 
It did make Miriel wonder what was going on in the Capital. Last, he’d seen, the Erdtree was on fire! But then, soon after, in the following weeks, the fire had gone out and the Erdtree had not burnt, not fully. Then, there was this new Elden Lord… the very same man who stood before Miriel now. And yet, the only other two Elden Lords Miriel had ever heard of were Consorts to the God, Queen Marika the Eternal.
 
Where was she in all of this, that she was allowing her newest Lord to marry these six mortal women? Ah, but more importantly, was it Miriel’s place to question the latest Elden Lord’s decisions? No, of course not. He was the steward of this Church, no more, no less. And as the Pastor of Vows, he had a duty to bring together anyone who wanted it.
 
“Very well. I assume you have the rings?”
 
Lady Roderika is the one who answers that, stepping forward with a wide smile and unfurling a handkerchief to reveal seven exquisitely crafted wedding rings inside. Each of them seems to be specialized in some way, even Miriel’s ignorant eyes can see that, though he cannot guess at what the customizations mean.
 
“Yes, they’re right here. Crafted by Master Hewg himself, if you’ve ever heard of him.”
 
Miriel blinks slowly, before offering the pretty blonde a soft smile.
 
“Unfortunately, I have not, my dear. But they appear to be quite the finely crafted pieces all the same.”
 
Lady Roderika’s smile falters for a moment, before resurging as Miriel pays a compliment to her ‘Master Hewg’. Clearly, she appreciated him for more than just his skills as a jeweler. Regardless, with the rings present, there’s not much left to do but begin.
 
“I assume, given your combined presence on this day, that you all want one ceremony? Or is it to be six different ceremonies?”
 
Please say just one. He’s not sure he has enough sermons for six weddings back to back without repeating himself, and that would be dreadfully embarrassing. Thankfully, Lady Nepheli nods her head in easy agreement.
 
“Just one ceremony shall be fine. We do not simply share our Lord… we share each other as well.”
 
Oh dear. How very forward and blunt. Why, if he were a century younger, he’d be blushing up a storm right now. As it is, Miriel simply rests his eyes for a moment, humming to himself.
 
“Mm… very good. Please, arrange yourself as you wish.”
 
They do so, eagerly. When he opens his eyes next, they are arrayed before him with the Elden Lord in the center. To his right is Lady Nepheli and to his left is Lady Irina. Past Lady Nepheli is Lady Roderika and then Lady Fia, and past Lady Irina is Lady Zorayas and then Lady Millicent. All of them stand at the ready, anticipation thick in the air as they stare at him.
 
Having taken the moment to compose himself, Miriel is ready to begin. And so, begin he does.
 
“The Shattering caused all of us to lose sight of something very dear. It is here, at the Church of Vows, that the great houses of the Erdtree and the Moon were first joined.”
 
Once he starts, it’s all too easy to get going. Even as old as he is, the words flow easily.
 
“This is why our Church holds in view the monuments of both houses.”
 
Tilting his neck, he directs his head first towards the Erdtree in the far distance, and then the Academy of Raya Lucaria, in the opposite direction.
 
“Some would call the Night of the Black Knives the beginning of the end. But I would argue that the beginning truly came when that peace was initially shattered. When Godfrey, first Elden Lord, was hounded from the Lands Between, and Radagon left Rennala to become Queen Marika’s second husband and King Consort.”
 
There’s a little bit of shuffling, and Miriel has to remind himself not to get too preachy. Can’t be getting up on his soapbox and inserting too many of his political views into his sermons. Still, he can’t help but linger for a moment on the sentiment, allowing himself the chance to watch as his words wash over those assembled before him.
 
The new Lord in particular… he has quite a lot of power to him. Power… and a certainty that his cause is righteous and right. Hm, it’s strange. To someone of Miriel’s senses, the new Elden Lord, this ‘Tarnished Lord’, feels both at once as if he’s cleansed himself with the celestial dew many, many times, and also as if he’s never had to do so even a single time.
 
His hands, far from clean, have at least never acted in base treachery and betrayal, or so he believes. And yet, there is a heavy weight to his heart. If Miriel is not mistaken, this Tarnished Lord has quite the past. Still, that’s none of Miriel’s business… and its high past time for him to continue on with the sermon.
 
“We come here today in defiance of that betrayal, to show that peace can be achieved once more. A union between these six Ladies, and the Tarnished Lord. A marriage not of convenience, but of love, pure and refined through the weight of actions and shared experiences.”
 
He’s definitely making up some shit on the spot, but at least they’re educated guesses. And to be fair, from the smiles spreading across faces, and the unconscious nods he’s getting, he’s clearly right on the money. Perfect. Time to bring it in for the close, Miriel.
 
“If there is anyone who has cause to reject this union, speak now or forever hold your peace.”
 
He waits for only a moment before continuing on, not truly wanting to encourage any last second interrupts. None are forthcoming anyways, and so Miriel nods to Lady Roderika.
 
“Present the rings, if you will.”
 
There’s no way to do the traditional exchanging of rings when the wedding is seven people. So, Miriel doesn’t even have them try. He simply lets them all pass out their individual, customized rings and watches as they all put them on their fingers. At least, the women all do. For the new Elden Lord, the six girls come together, each of them touching the ring at least slightly in a bit of very quaint, very lovely ceremony, as Lady Nepheli and Lady Irina in particular are the ones who actually fit it onto the Lord’s finger.
 
Once that’s done, Miriel waits for them all to get back into their positions and smiles a big smile.
 
“Do you all vow to love and to cherish your Lord Husband, for better or for worse, from this day forward?”
 
They don’t even hesitate, all answering in unison.
 
“”We do!””
 
Miriel nods, and then looks to the Tarnished Lord.
 
“And do you, my Lord, vow to protect these women, to have and to hold from this day forward, in sickness and in health, until parted by death?”
 
All eyes swivel from Miriel to the new Elden Lord, and he blinks at the sudden intensity that the six mortal women are showing to their soon-to-be husband. Completely unfazed, the Tarnished merely smiles, nods… and says the words.
 
“I do.”
 
There’s a massive exhale of breath from the six newly wedded wives that Miriel doesn’t quite understand. Still, he’s happy for all of them.
 
“Then you are all now wedded!”
 
Even before he’s got the words out, there are some squeals of happiness, some cheering from the demi-human who’d accompanied them, and finally, as he pronounced them all married, a large group hug. Miriel just smiles, his old wizened heart feeling quite big in his chest in that moment as the aged turtle enjoys the happy moment for what it is, as well as all of the emotions it invokes. Ah, to be young again…
 
-x-X-x-
 
“Oh? Bo the Seamster, are you? And you made all those dresses? They looked positively lovely, young man.”
 
The demi-human monkey who Miriel finds himself striking a conversation with after the ceremony is clearly a nervous little thing, from the way he wipes his brow. But at hearing Miriel’s words, he gives a hesitant smile.
 
“O-Oh, thank you Pastor. Thank you kindly. I-I just did my best, you see. It was the least I could do, when Master freed me from life as a tree and returned to me my sewing needle!”
 
Miriel just slowly nods. Boc was a lively, easily excited fellow. He’s not entirely sure about some of the things Boc has told him, but still… it’s clear the demi-human needs someone to speak to.
 
“And to think, he truly doesn’t have any problem with… well, with demi-humans like me. I mean, obviously or he wouldn’t have married Lady Zorayas, her being what she is, but still! Still, it’s something of a shock to me.”
 
Chuckling, the Pastor of Vows shakes his head.
 
“The new Lord seems to be quite the decent sort. I don’t think you have anything to worry about from him, little one.”
 
Boc wrings his hands together at that.
 
“Honestly… it’s not him I’m worried about, Pastor. You’re right, after all. Master isn’t the kind to raise a hand in anger against a defenseless wretch like me, no matter how useless I am. Nay, it’s not him I worry about… but his women…”
 
Miriel blinks slowly at that.
 
“Oh? His women all seemed fine to me. Polite and respectful, one and all.”
 
They’d moved out of the Church of Vows and onto the field just outside to have a picnic, one that Miriel could hear from here. He appreciated that they’d vacated the Church before doing so. As the steward of this place, he’d done his best to keep it from ruin… but obviously he’d failed. Still, it was nice of them not to make it so readily apparent just how badly he’d failed by having their picnic within the confines of the open-roofed Church.
 
Besides, Miriel had Boc to keep him company, and indeed, the little demi-human had been quite the companion so far. To think that he had managed to make all those lovely wedding dresses… it was quite something.
 
“I don’t mean those mortal ladies, begging your pardon. I more mean the… well, the others. Master has the eye of quite a few very powerful women, you see! There’s the Eternal Queen in Leyndell, the Full Moon Queen in Raya Lucaria, the Lunar Princess Ranni, the Blade of Miquella, Lady Malenia… and more besides!”
 
Wait, what?
 
“I just don’t know how I’m ever going to make their wedding dresses! I… I couldn’t! I’ve never worked with demigod garb before! I’m not a royal seamster, not yet. I’m afraid that when Master realizes I can’t help with all of that, he’ll finally know me for the useless wretch I am, and rightfully set me aside!”
 
Queen Marika… Queen Rennala… Princesses Ranni and Malenia… coming here as well to be married? And MORE besides? Who else could the little seamster possibly be talking about?! For the first time in centuries, the large turtle feels a hint of panic. The Church of Vows has never looked so terrible! How is he ever going to make it presentable in time?!
 
While Boc very openly frets beside him, Miriel is silently fretting right along with him. Until it hits him… a solution to both their problems.
 
“Little seamster, I might just have something you can use. Over there, in that chest. Go and get the contents and bring them back to me.”
 
Blinking, Boc scurries to do as he’s told. In truth, Miriel would have happily given Boc the contents of the chest with no need for anything in return under different circumstances. As it is, when the demi-human returns with the items in his hands, staring at them in awe… Miriel knows he has to take advantage of the gratitude while he can.
 
“Use that Golden Sewing Needle, and those Golden Tailoring Tools, to make dresses fit for Goddesses and demigods, little seamster. And in turn, I ask that you do one thing for me.”
 
Looking up with wide eyes, Boc nods hurriedly.
 
“O-Of course! A-Anything!”
 
“Good. I need you to whisper in the ear of your Master, little one. If it is as you say, if this place is soon to host a wedding of Queens and Demigods alike… then ask of him to see to the repair of the Church of Vows, won’t you? As it is now, this place is not fit for such an important Royal Wedding, anymore than your old tools were fit for the position of Royal Seamster. But with the resources of an Elden Lord…”
 
Miriel trails off. He’s too old for all this scheming. It’s taken all the air out of his lungs, just to do this much talking. But thankfully, Boc is in agreement with him, the little demi-human slowly nodding in wide-eyed understanding.
 
“You’re right… of course. And… it has to be here! I’ll let him know at once, Pastor! Not to worry, we’ll get this place in tip-top shape in no time!”
 
As Boc scurries off, his precious treasures in tow, Miriel lets out a low sigh of relief. And then stiffens again a moment later as he realizes he’s going to have to come up with a sermon for the wedding of an Elden Lord, two Queens, two Princesses… and more besides?! Damn it all, he should have asked Boc what the little seamster meant by that!

-x-X-x-

If you'd like to read more of my work not seen on this website, check out Hentai-Foundry.com and QuestionableQuesting.com where I have over a thousand stories!

If you'd like to contribute to funding my writing at all, check me out on Patreon.com/Cambrian

Thanks for reading!