Lunar Shadows: Awaken

Selene

The week had passed in a blur, each day sort of blending into one another with every night resulting in the same dream and never progressing much further. Asteria has been acting strange, having reasons for me to stay home and being cooped up for three days has left me feeling restless. Mother has been scarce as well, only showing herself around dinner and usually eating mostly in silence. I don’t like to pry into people’s affairs, but both of them have been acting almost cagey lately. I’ve wondered if the wolf sighting has anything to do with the tension these past few days, although I haven’t seen one here myself. Only out in the distance when driving through the deep countryside I’ve glimpsed a few, but only a small handful of times.

Standing with my closet doors pulled wide, I sift through my clothes, debating on what to wear tonight when we go to the new club. Kyran’s nightclub. Ugh, I don’t have anything that feels good enough, he’s only seen me in my scrubby house clothes and I want to make a lasting impression, I groan at the thought and bite my lip, deciding to go to the mall to find an entire new outfit for the occasion.

I eagerly turn on my heel about to head over to Ria’s room and ask if she’d like to come with me when she opens my door with a grin. “Let’s go shopping!” she claps her hands, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

“Girl, you read my mind. I can’t find anything to wear!” I laugh, grabbing my purse and phone then follow her out to the car.

On our drive to the mall, Ria and I talk about her distance this week, how she feels bad about it and wants me to know that there had been some misunderstandings but everything should be okay. As cryptic as she can be, I think I understand what she means, for the most part. Ria is hoping that going out tonight will ‘spark some energy’, as she put it, which I’m assuming means she’s looking forward to it as well.

Glancing over with a smile, she informs me, “Hazel and Melody are psyched for tonight, they’ve both called me twice for input on outfits and their hair. They are also really excited to see you again, it’s been a while since we’ve all gotten out together.”

“Yeah, since leaving that ass-hat didn’t go so well, I thought it’d be best if I stayed out of the city nightlife for a bit, as you know. I feel ready though, he’s in my past and I fully intend to keep him there for good,” I say under my breath, looking out the window.

Around two months ago, when I had broken up with Bolvi, he’d grabbed me so hard I had bruises on my arms for two weeks, shaking me and screaming at me that no one would love me the way he did. How if I tried to go to any of the bars, everyone would know I was just a dumb whore looking for money. How if he ever saw me that I would regret it. Three weeks ago was the result of that threat, leaving me with my wrecked car. Asteria had never met him, and did not know the details of what I’d endured until it was too late. She was the reason I had the strength to leave.

Unwillingly, I recall the traumas he caused me as unwelcome flashes of memories flit through my mind. ‘You’re such a loser’. Liquor and vomit. Migraines. Screaming. Falling backward, ‘get up, bitch.’ Pain. ‘No, please,’ sobbing. ‘Nobody loves you the way I do,’ slap. Violation. Sleepless fear. Hollow darkness. Alone. Empty.

Flinching as Ria’s hand squeezes my knee firmly, I’m pulled back from the depths of despair. I only spoke about my experiences once, out loud, with her. I felt that I did not want to give life to any of it by speaking it into existence, which she has respected and supported me in healing, being with me through all of it. I have taken much time working through everything mentally, meditating and finding healthy outlets to release the negative energy that resided in me, some of which still lingers heavily. Even with the efforts to expel the traumas, it is all too easy to drown in the pain and darkness I had been suffering in for too long. I wish these memories would just fly away like ashes of fire in the wind, I sigh as I watch the woods pass by in a blur.

Glancing over at her, I take her hand in mine and give her a small smile, which she returns brightly. As we park at the mall, I open my door to take a slow, measured breath, hold it, and release it gradually, fully expelling the air. As Ria rounds the car, I genuinely grin with excitement building for the night ahead.

Each day is new, I will not let the woes of my yesterdays bring fear to my tomorrows, I say to myself with a smile.

We had spent the majority of the day in the mall, going through every store and trying on dozens of clothes, piecing together the perfect outfit head to toe. Ria bought herself an armful of bags, all sorts of items from blouses, skirts, dresses and accessories, using today as an excuse to ‘revamp her wardrobe’. Oppositely, I only have three bags for a jacket, dress and shoes, deciding today was only for my outfit and not my closet. Even if I wanted to, my wallet would scream at me, I mutter as I enviously think of my sister’s haul.

I eagerly lay my freshly cleaned clothes on my bed and sit at my vanity, unwrapping my towel from my head to comb through the tangles in my hair. I blow-dry and curl my hair loosely, leaving it down. I decide to do a more sultry look for makeup of smokey eyeshadow with black winged liner and black mascara. Contemplating whether or not I should do a red lip, I opt for a nude color a couple shades darker than my natural lips, feeling like I want to keep focus on my eyes.

Pawing through my drawers, I pull out my box of earrings. Holding a few sets up, I pick out a pair of simple square diamond studs gifted to me a couple of birthday’s ago from my mother. I go over to my bed, admiring the clothes I chose earlier and shimmy into my new, ruched, figure hugging black dress. It has a deep v-neck, full-length lace sleeves, and is cut above the knee. Sitting at the edge of my bed, I step into my new, black leather knee-high boots with a tapered heel, zipping them up the back. Standing, I slide my arms through the sleeves of my new black leather jacket adorned with silver metal zipper, snaps, and buckles, deciding to leave it open. Leaning over to my vanity, I grab my favorite perfume and spritz the air in front of me, leaping through so I’m not doused in it.

Turning to my body mirror, I am floored by my own appearance and mumble, “Damn,” as I give myself a grin, feeling better than I have in a very long time.

“Damn is right,” Ria startles me with a low whistle and I find her in the mirror leaning against my door.

Laughing, I turn around. “You look amazing! Are you ready to go?” I ask as I cross my room.

Ria twirls around with her wavy auburn hair flying and the thin-strapped, corseted, purple and black dress sparkles around her. The high-low hem shows off her spiked heeled combat boots. “Question is, are they ready for me?” she winks.

Rolling my eyes, I check my purse for my phone, wallet, and miscellaneous things that are always randomly needed. Couple of hair ties, a chapstick, lotion, a few band-aids, tissues, nail file, and pepper spray because you just never know. Better to have it and not need it, I muse as I snap the bag closed.

With a satisfied nod, we make our way downstairs, our heels clomping loudly on the hardwood floor. Mother looks up from a large book on the couch with her eyebrows rising in approval. “You two look incredible. Oh, Selene, come here a moment,” she stands, rummaging in her robe slung over the couch.

I step toward her curiously and wait with a small smile. Straightening, she holds out a long, shiny silver chain with a gleaming, diamond encrusted crescent moon charm. I gasp, pressing my hand to my mouth. “For you, dear, may it protect you in your transition into new beginnings,” she murmurs, pulling me into a hug.

My mother is always saying odd things that half the time don’t fully make sense and I take her words as an endearment. Grateful for my beautiful gift, I squeeze her back, thanking her with a grin. She slides it over my head and the pendant rests on the center of my chest. Fluffing out my hair, her violet eyes crinkle with her smile as she pulls back and gives my shoulder a pat.

“We’ll be out late, hopefully we’ll be back before dawn,” Ria jokes, grabbing the car keys and heading out the door.

With a shake of her head, my mother puts a hand to my face. “Be careful, but have fun. I remember my days spent reveling,” she says wistfully, pushing me toward the door.

Being thirty, you’d think it would be weird living at home with a sibling and parent. But I had lived on my own, and look how that turned out. I have grown to appreciate the close bond we’ve formed, the three of us living together as if we’re best friends.

Looking over my shoulder, I wave to my mother in the window and get in the car with Ria. “Alright, let’s go get the girls and have ourselves one hell of a night,” Ria declares with a grin, and we make our way toward the city.