LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 41
[Content Warning: Murder/Violence/Abuse Ideation]
Rosetta walked down the black-stained cobble streets with her head high. She wanted so badly to grab onto Lena’s hand as it swayed back and forth just beside her, to entangle the girl’s fingers with her own. But that would be… improper. Significantly more so than she was already behaving by daring to walk directly beside her, as though they were equals.
The maid held back a sigh. It was something that Lena had never been able to fully understand, just how difficult it was for her to be the girl’s ‘secret’ lover. Lena claimed they were equals. Yet, no matter how much Rose wished it were true, they were most definitely not. Some parts of being a lady’s maid could be wonderful. She was her supporting pillar, the person who was always there, confidently standing by and assisting her in every way she could. As much as she loved being able to support her beloved, ultimately, she was also beneath her — a mere shadow following in the steps of its owner. Lena didn’t realize how much she often reinforced this very dynamic herself, despite her insistence that she wanted to do everything she could to put their relationship on equal footing. Standing and walking at each other’s side was just one minor example of that.
An elderly woman by the name of Chanice passed by them, giving Rosetta a notable frown at her apparent audacity. Rose chose to ignore her. She had much larger issues to deal with now, though she often wished that she could go back to when her biggest concern was how everyone in town perceived her. Many looked down on her for how casually she often interacted with Lena. She was supposed to be her lady’s maid — silent, invisible, and positioned several feet behind her unless she were leading her lady somewhere unfamiliar, at which point she would be up front. The exact opposite of walking boldly there beside her through town, close enough that their hands could touch.
Rosetta’s mother, Ilsa, had tried to talk with her about her impropriety, typically after public outings just like this. She’d always cared more about her going above her station than she did about the two of them being intimate. Intimacy was a private matter, easily hidden from the view of others. But her more public actions were improper; they made Ilsa and Kenneth look like terrible parents; and they just weren’t something that was done, even if a lady were to insist on it. Sometimes it was a maid’s duty to say ‘no.’
They passed by a man carrying several large rolls of cloth, and Rosetta fought back against her tendency to fret over what he might think of her. None of that mattered anymore. She had bigger concerns now, much bigger. Luckily, the man was so caught up in his own thoughts as he hurried by that he gave them no more than the barest glance.
Rose just hoped that after this outing, her mother wouldn’t insist on her going to speak with the temple priest again. As if she had time for that. She would need to visit her family soon, one last time, while everything was still normal and before her and Lena either escaped or...
She looked over at her love, seeing the pure intensity in the girl’s eyes as she stared forward, lost in troubled and fretful thoughts. Perhaps she was overthinking it, but everything felt as though their fates relied entirely on what happened once they reached her uncle’s old smithy. Rose’s eyes glanced down at Lena’s hand once again, and she wondered whether there was any point in hiding her affection any longer. The lingering shame and pressure that had built up inside her over the years was all that held her back at this point.
The maid had once tried to explain to Lena how the pressure from the town weighed down on her. Not so that her best friend and lover could do anything about it, but just in the hope that she could understand and be able to sympathize. Lena did not, in fact, understand. At least not fully. Rather than what she’d hoped for—a bit of sympathy and perhaps being slightly more subtle out in more public spaces—Lena instead insisted that she wanted to do everything she could to make them equals. She didn’t want Rose to feel like she was lesser — that she was beneath her in their relationship. She believed the maid needed to have an equal say in things and attempted to demonstrate that with minor gestures, like insisting they walk side by side and the occasional query for her opinion. In that moment, having not expected Lena’s response, Rosetta had agreed to her bid for equality. In retrospect, she couldn’t help but think about how there was a certain irony to it all, given how she had felt as though she had little say in the matter.
She didn’t have the heart to turn things back or to explain to Lena that what the girl wanted was impossible. Instead, Rose let her lady keep her illusions of equality and agreed to these small improprieties, like walking side by side. Lena had always been an idealist, the type to think things would work out for the better if she just put forth her best effort and dedicated herself to learning and self-improvement. When her betrothal to Silas was forced onto her, to say that Lena fell apart would be a vast understatement. It had nearly ruined her, but with Rosetta’s affection, she came back out of the oppressive gloom that had nearly devoured her. Then the optimistic girl did what she was best at, accepting the bitter responsibility pushed onto her by her family and giving her all in the belief that she could make the best of an unfortunate situation.
It was infuriating for the maid to see how easily she gave in to her parents’ wishes, but also eye opening. Lena wouldn’t even listen to Roses’s suggestion that they run away together, forbidding any further discussion about it before Rosetta could even fully make her case. It… was heartrending. Not only was the girl not willing to consider it, she had forbidden Rose from even bringing it up. At the moment where it mattered most, regarding something which would significantly impact both of them and their relationship together, Lena denied her the choice. If the young maid hadn’t realized the extent of their inequality before, in that moment, she did.
Lena believed she could overcome this marriage, as though it were a simple obstacle or a challenge that she’d be able to beat. Rosetta knew the truth, however. Silas would break her. He would kill the beautiful woman that she was, not in a literal death, or so Rosetta hoped at least, but a mental one. Day by day, he would beat at her will until she was the dutiful and subservient wife that Rosetta knew he wanted to make her into. She could see it in the way he looked at Lena when he came to visit. He would relish in it. Rosetta felt the urge to retch and had to swallow down the bile rising up her throat. Lena was strong, but was she that strong? The girl certainly had weaknesses, Rosetta being a major one. Silas wasn’t the most intelligent man, but he didn’t need to be smart to know how to abuse people.
And Rosetta couldn’t do anything to prevent it. Absolutely nothing.
The temple did not do marriages between women, but the two of them could have at least attempted to skip out of town and hide somewhere far away from the Reeve’s reach. Or at least talked about it. The maid had never felt so impotent, so powerless. It had taken many long agonizing months, but she had come to accept the reality in front of her. She could not convince Lena to change her mind. She couldn’t even get the girl to speak with her parents about it. And their relationship would inevitably end after the marriage. Either Silas would forbid it, or worse, he would kill the bright sun shining inside of Lena, and it wouldn’t matter anymore. Assuming that he didn’t simply take Rosetta for himself and subdue the both of them. The maid shuddered.
There was just one other alternative, and it was one that she had spent long sleepless nights considering and dreading.
She could kill him.
Probably with poison. She knew where the rat poison was there in the mansion. The difficulty would be in tricking him to consume enough for it to be lethal, or at least completely cripple him. Of course, she would never get away with it. Too many people knew about their relationship, and even were she to evade blame, they would instead place it on Lena.
And so Rosetta would hang should she go through with it. She would die a murderer, the greatest shame to ever fall upon her family. Worse, it would crush Lena. Rose wasn’t sure if her love would ever get past her murder and subsequent execution. Not to mention the impact it would have on her loving siblings. But… it would be better than the alternative, wouldn’t it?
She’d considered it, over and over again, continually more so over the last few days as the wedding loomed and closed in. It was only two days ago that she decided to go through with it. The poison was already hidden away, packed in a small closet near her room. She just needed the right opportunity, a chance to get Silas so drunk that she could force him to drink literal poison. The first step of her plan would have been to sleep with him, which she had hoped to do over the next day or so when she managed a moment alone with the boy. He was so completely full of himself that he’d easily buy the excuse of her wanting to get into the good graces of what would be her future head-of-house.
Rosetta visibly shuddered, and Lena glanced over to her, curious about what was on her mind. Rose shook her head, dispelling her lady’s concerns.
“It’s nothing. I’m just worried over how this will go.”
“Me too.”
Rose had been so close to ending the boy’s life, as well as her own. But then, Pearl — oh, beautiful and miraculous Pearl — had completely ruined it all. Rosetta could kiss her. In fact, she probably would! Somehow, beyond all expectations, the gods-damned girl had convinced Lena to run off with her! Of course, Rosetta had to do a bit of pushing as well, but eventually, Lena had caved. Rose wasn’t sure if she was dreaming, but if she was, she hoped it never ended. Of course, this whole thing didn’t come without a train-full of risks, but running away had never been a truly risk-free plan. And it beat hanging from a noose by a mile.
The maid took a deep breath. Hopefully, that would never happen. Not if things with her uncle and the smugglers went well. And she would make them go well, no matter what she had to.
Rose gave the world ahead a wild grin as her hand reached out to her lover’s. Their fingers became entwined, and Lena smiled back, curious.
Yes, either this worked out and they would run away, or she would kill Silas. Either way, Rosetta would ensure that Lena would never marry him.
Or she would die trying.
