Life of Change

First of all, I got used to referring to myself as a girl pretty quickly. I'm even surprised at how easy that was. I feel like I'm enjoying this new experience, I truly am. It's the opposite of how my previous life was, so because it's such a different experience, it's got me pretty excited about everything new there.

Another important change is in the way I think about things. My mind tends to lean little by little towards more "feminine" things.

Let me explain.

Sometimes, when mom, Makila or Sarka comes over, they usually wears quite flashy dresses. One of the first thoughts I usually have at those times is, "I want to wear something like that", or, "I hope when I grow up, I have the same figure as them", simple things but things that reaffirm in my mind that I am a girl now.

My personality itself hasn't changed much, I still have the same silly thoughts as always, but my way of talking (in this case in my mind), is still the same. Even my tastes remain the same... well, with some slight changes as I already mentioned regarding the new taste in clothes. But as far as romantic tastes are concerned, yes, I still prefer women. No changes.

But I'm kind of afraid regarding whether my body will end up "conditioning me” and changing that. For now, it doesn't look like it's going to happen, but when I grow up... well, I don't want to think about that.

Considering that now that I know I am part of the high nobility, an arranged marriage has a very high probability of occurring. Again, being high nobility, just makes it that much more difficult to have any way to escape. I just hope there are other options. If I used the relationship between my Mother and Makila as an example, then there is a way of "escape" but not understanding what their relationship is, it could just be a false hope.

I am putting that aside for now.

There are a couple of other things that have been going on. The main one would be about my own body. Considering what my parents look like, I'm a little worried about "certain extra parts" I might have. Sarka and Zenya don't have those horns, so unless it's something more random, I doubt I'm going to have them. It seems like something unique to men since Losward does have them. As for the rest, well... I only found out a little while ago.

A week ago, while Makila was getting me ready to take a bath in my room, Zenya and Mom showed up. Both adults were talking for a moment, while Zenya was with me, trying to make me laugh. Then Mom held Zenya and out of the blue asked her if she wanted to take a bath together. The little girl almost fell out of her arms with excitement.

Then the 4 of us headed for a room on the first floor. A bathroom in the style of a Greek bath. It had a large pool that covered almost the entire space, which, from my point of view, was huge.

The space itself was divided into 3 sections. The first, at the entrance, had several baskets and drawers. There, we take off our clothes and place them in the baskets. After that, we went to the second section of the bathroom.

The whole place had stone carvings in different tones, from white, and reddish, similar to terracotta, and some gray and blue tones. There were different statues of animals that I could not recognize, carvings of naked women (a real classic), which, I imagined, would be representations of Higher Ones, and 2 tall "guards" on the sides of the bath, on the left and right wall. They looked like Valkyries, in full armor, each holding a spear and shield.

This place had some benches that looked like they were made of marble, and in front of them, a basin, made of white stone and rectangular, with some buckets placed on the floor next to the benches. Above these basins, there was something like a water fountain that kept them filled.

The four of us made our way to those benches, and we sat in pairs, Mom with me and Makila with Zenya. Since I had grown quite a bit, I was able to sit without any problems, so Mom carefully placed me on the bench and began to clean me up. There was a towel and something similar to a bar of soap inside the buckets.

As my mother wiped my back, I felt something there. Strangely, I never noticed it until that very moment.

"Oh my, Orinthya, it looks like it's already started to grow."

Growing? What started to grow?

"Certainly, a great relief. The last few days I was worried that, when I changed her, there was no sign of it showing up. But now I feel calmer." Makila spoke in a relieved tone, sighing calmly at the good news. I was confused, as I didn't know what they were talking about.

Zenya approached curiously, placing herself right next to me, and then I noticed it. Behind her, there was a little tail swaying. How come I hadn't noticed that thing until now? Zenya went back and forth every day, I saw her back multiple times and never noticed it. Did she hide it inside her clothes? Although that would be too uncomfortable. But then, how come I never seen it?

With the thing snaking close to me, tempting me, I couldn't restrain the urge to grab it with my hand, though I did it harder than I intended. Immediately, Zenya let out a loud cry of pain that frightened me terribly, causing me to let go of her from fright. Makila ran to pick up my sister who started to cry.

"Orinthya, no, you can't do that. Your sister's Valah is still very delicate." Mom changed my position so that I could see her from the front and scolded me like that, showing a rather angry face. Honestly, I was confused by all this that was new, and now I felt scared because I ended up hurting my beloved sister. Whether it was because of that or because my body's influence was still strong, I ended up crying just like Zenya.

It took some time before we both calmed down. Zenya came up to me and hugged me from behind. She didn't say anything, and I for obvious reasons didn't either. Mom sat down across from both of us and began to explain about the "Valah".

According to what I understood, the Valah; our tail, we do not have it at birth, but it appears for the first time around 5 or 6 months. From that moment on, it grows from the coccyx slowly until around 7 years of age, when it reaches its maximum size. From then on, it begins to grow at the same rate as the rest of the body.

During this period, is very sensitive, so children are usually taught to wrap it around their waist and keep it as close to their body as possible.

When we turn 8 years old, there is something similar to a coming-of-age ritual, where they are given "permission" to let the Valah go out freely. The Valah is something unique to our race and is of great importance. Well, not so unique, since I have already seen other maids with tails, quite different from each other, but it does have its own name and a growth different from the rest.

I understand a bit why Makila doesn't have one, as I believe is not part of our race. If what I have seen of her becoming a fox girl is real and her current appearance is some sort of illusion. But what about Sarka's and Mom's?

Zenya felt the same way and decided to ask her directly.

"That, honey, is because we lose our Valah when we have children. My Valah, just like with Orinthya, has to start growing again."

Yes, now I understand it even less.

Makila immediately continued the lesson.

"The Valah is a physical manifestation of magic. During pregnancy, it covers the baby, protecting them, that will help them adapt to the environmental mana once they are born."

There seemed to be something more about it, but they didn't go into any more detail. Zenya didn't ask any more questions, and since I didn't know how to speak, they didn't have to start with the “flowers and the bees” conversation.

But then, what about Sarka? As far as I could see, she was already about 15. Shouldn't she have her "Valah" free? Zenya didn't seem to notice and Mom didn't try to explain either. I decided to leave it for now, I would ask again once I had the chance.

A while later, when Mom and Makila finished washing up, we moved on to the long-awaited third section. The huge pool of warm water. Which luckily was not very deep. Mom had me lying on her chest, Makila was sitting next to her and Zenya was swimming around the place while playing. I thought she would get scolded for that, but it seems that swimming or playing in the bathroom was not considered bad manners here.

That hour we spent there really helped me relax and understand a little more about the relationship between Mom and Makila. While the latter did not undo the illusion she had, they were very affectionate with each other during most of our time there. A few nice phrases were said between them, the occasional kiss and lots and lots of physical contact, to the point that I felt a little embarrassed and unsure how to react.

While I was happy to see them so incredibly... in love, it also made me feel very uncomfortable to see it. I didn't understand exactly what their relationship was and it bothered me a lot. They were constantly giving each other displays of affection, in a very free and carefree way, but strangely they always seemed to do it in relatively hidden places. Which caused me to wonder even more about what was between them meant.

In the end, I had no choice but to focus on the little girl playing in the water without a care in the world, hoping that when I grew up, they would be able to answer all those questions.

When we finished the bath, we went back to the first section, where there was a door that I had not seen before when we arrived. As we entered that new place, we came to something resembling a huge clothes closet. Tons of dresses wherever you look. Makila went ahead and grabbed a teeny tiny t-shirt and a cloth that I assumed was my diaper, then dressed me while Mom took over dressing Zenya. I had expected some maids to be here to do all this, but for some reason, it was just us.

While they were getting dressed, I was sitting on the floor waiting for them with my sister. As I was bored, I explored the whole place with my eyes, and in the back, as if it was calling me, I saw something I was expecting to find. A mirror. A big mirror. I didn't hesitate for a second and started crawling as fast as I could.

I heard Zenya's footsteps behind me but I paid no attention to it as I hurried to my destination. I know Mom and Makila also watched me speeding towards the mirror, but they did nothing to stop me, so I figured it would be okay.

As I arrived, I stopped right in front of it. It was a standing mirror with a large cloth covering it. I looked toward my mother and Makila and pointed toward the mirror, trying to ask them to remove the cloth covering it. Makila seemed to understand me and came over to help. The instant she did, I closed my eyes. I rested my hands on the mirror and got ready to stand up. If I wanted to see myself for the first time, I wanted to do it standing up. I heard Mom's gasp and a "huh?" from Makila, but I ignored them.

There I was, standing, feeling nervous about seeing my appearance for the first time. I wondered what my new face would look like, would I feel gender dysphoria when I saw myself for the first time, and if it didn't happen, would I be satisfied with my new look?

I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I wanted to avoid the thought that, looking in that mirror, I would see Allan again. I would see myself in my former body and realize that this was nothing more than the delusions of a dying man in the hospital. There was a part of me that knew that couldn't be so. My life so far was too real to be a coma-induced delusion. But, still, I was afraid.

I decided to face it. I mustered all the courage I could and slowly opened my eyes.

I saw a girl with tousled hair, black just like my mother's. My eyes were very different from what I expected, a shade of ash gray. A tiny, round nose on a chubby face, just as a healthy baby should be. Pink skin and cherry lips. I had the usual pointed ears and a mole under my right eye. That same mole I had before in my other life. A strange coincidence. And that immediately reminded me of something important.

I remembered hearing once that birthmarks were the wounds you suffered when you died in your previous life.

I immediately lifted my clothes to check my chest...

There it was. A red mark, like a scar right over my heart. The biggest reminder I could have of what happened to me... how I died...

It feels strange and a little scary to discover this. It happened, I really died and reincarnated. I spent a long time just looking at myself and thinking.

There was a feeling of nostalgia for my old life, but also relief. I felt at ease with my new appearance. I wasn't beautiful, at least for now. I was... normal. Above average at best, but I didn't look like the type that would grow up to be a stunning beauty, and that made me feel relieved. I didn't want a perfect body; I didn't want people's attention. I just wanted something normal, something I can be comfortable with.

"Do you like the way you look Tya?"

Mom suddenly came over, snapping me out of my thoughts. She already finished changing and now had a couple of colorful dresses in her arms, surely for me. I liked my new look, I really did. It felt like... well, like me. I felt happy, I could see myself having a big smile.

Both Mom and Makila were surprised to see me smile like that. Well, I usually smile quite a lot, especially at them, and much more at Zenya. But this time, I guessed it was different.

Zenya, who was quiet for a long time, came up to me and hugged me from behind. I honestly didn't know why she did it, but I wasn't going to complain. Actually, I was relieved. I thought maybe she would be mad at me for what happened in the bathroom, but it seemed like I had been worried for nothing.

"Zenya, what's wrong honey?"

My sister didn't answer. She just kept hugging me.

At this point Mom was worried, she bent down to get a better look at her and used her hand to push away the hair that was falling over Zenya's face. Then she asked again.

"Zenya, honey, what's wrong?"

Even I was now feeling worried that she wasn’t responding or reacting. Then I noticed her face reflected in the mirror. "Is she...is she pouting?” I thought and continued to watch her expression. Her eyes were a little moist, her cheeks a little puffy and pinker than usual, and her hug was a little tighter than before. Yes, she was upset about something, the question was why?

Makila approached as well, seeing that the situation was going nowhere. As soon as she arrived, she looked towards the mirror and, like me, noticed Zenya's expression. Something in her head must have clicked, because she immediately let out a soft laugh.

"Dri, are you feeling jealous?"

Huh? Jealous? Zenya? Of who?

The force of the hug intensified, almost confirming to me that this was the reason. But why would she be jealous? Without giving me time to think, Makila got down on her knees on the floor and started stroking Zenya's hair...

"Zenya, are you upset that your little sister has never smiled at you like that?" Mom said, with a sigh of relief and covering her face with one hand.

Thanks to the fact that she had her head resting on the back of mine, I could feel her nodding at her words. I felt... wow... my sister, annoyed that my smile, which shocked Mom and Makila, wasn't directed at her. I didn't know whether to laugh or scream with tenderness. It's amazing how that little girl made me love her more and more every day.

Both adults started laughing. Mom bent down next to us and hugged us too. Then she started tickling and kissing Zenya on her head.

It didn't take long for the little girl to burst out laughing, releasing me from her embrace.

"Don't worry sweetie, if you keep acting like a good big sister, I'm sure it won't take long for Tya to give you a much bigger smile."

"Really!?" shouted Zenya very excitedly. I had to admit that most of my smiles are thanks to her, but I was surprised at how much she seemed to treasure it.

"Yes, really. Now, let me put some clothes on her, I don't want her to catch a cold."

With that said, Mom put on me one of the dresses she picked out earlier. It was a cute frilly dress, a goth loli one. It was dark blue, with purple and white ribbons and bows. And, of course, it had that headband that I have no idea the name of.

With everyone fully prepared, we left the room, ending the day. But not before receiving another direct blow to the heart.

My sister was walking hand in hand with Makila, and she seemed somewhat subdued, despite how excited she was just a moment ago.

"Makila."

"What's wrong Dri?"

Zenya hesitated for a moment. A little reluctant to speak. With Makila waiting patiently.

"Will I be able to be a good big sister?"

The two adults stopped at that moment. I for my part, in my mind put my hand on my chest and tried with all my might not to smile like a fool.

"Aww, why do you think like that? Don't you think you are already a great big sister?" Makila responded, trying to comfort her as she lifted her close to me, where I watched her curiously. She gave me back a shy and somewhat worried look.

"But, what if I end up doing something that makes her hate me?"

"Sweety, that's not going to happen. You're already a great big sister. You always play with her, tell her stories, take care of her so she doesn't get hurt. You're doing a great job Dri."

Zenya didn't look convinced, so it was my job to make her understand that she was a great big sister. I started moving in my mother's arms, stretching out towards my sister. Makila seemed to understand and stood as close as she could, allowing me to touch Zenya. Although it was awkward, I managed to hug her as best I could, getting my hair in her face.

"Hahaha, Tya, you tickle me." The girl started laughing in response to my actions.

That's my intention, big sis.

I thought, as I kept doing it until she seemed satisfied.

As uncomfortable as I was, she kissed me on my forehead and told me with a smile that she would be the best big sister in the world. And my heart could no longer bear such sweetness.

After that day full of situations that made my heart feel warm, we return to the present. It's a few days before the end of autumn and the beginning of my first winter, and from what Zenya has told me, it seems that there are some festivities during the first days. One of them was her fifth birthday. I can't wait.