Life of Change

The ride back in the carriage was silent. It had become a little uncomfortable to stay like this, considering that things had gone much better than we had planned.

I could understand Neth's reasoning, but my heart could not accept it. Neth is someone I want to have by my side for my whole life and I couldn't accept anyone else but her. I know that, if I explain things to Nisire, she will agree with me.

Or at least that's what I'd like to think... I don't know how much she knows about the Atenosia and the existence of the Makila. But it's something we need to talk about eventually.

We arrived home safely, just as night had fallen completely. Evala was shining brightly in the sky, huge and with its ethereal bluish hue. It was in all its glory illuminating the world with its cold, dim light, highlighting the true beauty of winter nights.

We left the carriage and I headed to my room to change and maybe have dinner with the rest of the family. Neth was walking behind me. I looked behind me, worried about her, and noticed that her head was down, her antennae had lost their usual energy, moving barely enough to navigate the corridors. A depressive aura could be felt around her. I felt terrible seeing her like that. It was obvious that our previous fight had affected her badly, but she wouldn't say anything about it.

Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do about it now. I couldn't just tell her I would find a solution without consequences. Making empty and fanciful promises wouldn't do us any good, so I could only keep walking and hope that a night's sleep would relieve, if only a little, that heaviness.

Dinner that night was rather quiet. Nya was very excited about her birthday and Tya, as always, looked quite animated eating on Makila's lap. In some ways, she seemed much closer to her than to Mom. I know our mom has been very busy since she recovered, and the time spent with her is a bit short, but I hope that doesn't end up affecting their relationship in the future.

Oddly enough, no one asked anything about my walk around the city. A little strange, but in a way it was better for me. I needed some time before letting them know what I wanted to tell them, plus my feelings hadn't fully settled yet.

We finished dinner shortly after. Dad and Mom went to finish up some things they had pending. Makila took Tya to sleep, and Nya went after them, with the same intention. I went straight to my room, I needed to think about a lot of things that night. Neth helped me change and I ordered her to go and rest as well. She replied, but I told her I would be fine for tonight. She left, somewhat hesitantly, but without further objection.

I spent a good part of the night thinking of a solution to this dilemma. I needed to find something that would allow me to convince both Neth and my parents. At the moment, I could only think of researching in the mansion's library for the next few days. There must be some kind of condition or something that would allow me to marry Nisire and take Neth as Makila without too many consequences.

So much thinking and thinking ended up exhausting me, and it didn't take long for me to fall completely asleep.

The next morning was a complete surprise. Aunt Ven had arrived for a visit after more than three years of being gone on adventures. I understood that she was a high-ranking adventurer, but she doesn't usually tell us much about it.

Still, it was nice to be able to see her again.

Although it wasn't the most peaceful visit she could have made to us. Receiving that heavy murderous intent affected me more than I could have ever imagined. It's not nice to see illusions about your death...

Makila was there to calm me down, but that feeling of dread... it's something I never want to experience again in my life.

Learning that Tya was just like Aunt Anven was, for lack of another word, bizarre. To think that my little sister would one day become like her is something I never expected, let alone for all that; according to Aunt Ven herself, being a Revant entailed. The possibility that Tya might die young if she doesn't help her understand what she is sounds terrifying, but fortunately, Aunt Ven is responsible enough not to let that happen. Even though Dad doesn't trust that too much.

Seeing how they interact; ignoring the size difference between the two, one would expect that Aunt Ven would be the older sister, and from the looks of it, it's by a big difference. From what I had heard, Aunt Ven is around 80 years old, with Dad barely reaching 60. A difference was similar to that between my brother Losward and Tya.

The disturbing thing about that encounter with Aunt Ven was not that a fight almost broke out between her and Dad. It was the information she revealed to me and Makila.

Listening to it made me feel the same way as Makila. It's scary to know that the Raval fruit juice Tya has been drinking for so long is poisonous, at least to us. But it's... sad that they kept that from the rest of the family.

After Aunt Ven left, Dad, Mom, and Makila had a loud fight. She was so angry with the fact that they had both kept the information about Tya from her. Mom was able to calm her down after a long time talking, but she still looked resentful about it.

The next few days were exhausting, as I was constantly going between adjustments to the dress I would wear to the party, my studies, and searching for information in the library. But finally, the day of the party had arrived.

That morning, I woke up with more energy than I expected. My mood was also quite a bit better than in previous days, even Neth seemed to be much better than before. It was a day to celebrate after all.

The beginning of the party went perfectly. The entrance of the whole family was perfect and Nya's speech was touching. I didn't expect her to dedicate words to me and Tya, but it was a pleasant surprise.

Again, Losward did not attend. He didn't show up for my fifth birthday, so I would be very surprised if he had shown up for Zenya's birthday. She is a kind, sweet, and very loving child to our family. That she chose not to mention him in her speech speaks volumes about how much she resents him and it hurts that he didn't attend.

Dad had tasked me with taking care of Nya while she gave her greetings to guests, and that's what I did...at first. With each new person we approached, it made my nausea worse. Keeping a deadpan face and enduring the continuous empty compliments they threw was not easy. Fortunately, Neth arrived at just the right moment, alerting me that Nisire had arrived.

"Nya, it's time, do you think you can go on your own?"

"Yes! You can go, sis, I'll try not to let Mommy find you out."

"Thank you, Nya, I promise I'll make it up to you."

Zenya replied with a smile. I gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and slipped out through the middle of the guests with Neth leading the way.

Soon after we arrived at a guest lounge. Aria was standing guard at the entrance and as soon as she saw us, she knocked on the door announcing us. Neth stood next to her and, after hearing Nisire's voice, immediately opened the door. I entered; leaving both maids in the hallway, and found Nisire standing with a smile in the middle of the room.

"My Lady, I am glad-"

As soon as I saw her, I couldn't help but go straight into her arms and kiss her. I hadn't realized how much I missed her until I had her in front of me.

Her flushed face and surprised expression made me smile immediately. I felt her arms wrap around me in a very comfortable hug.

"I missed you too Sarka." She whispered directly into my ear, which caused a shiver to run through my body.

"Did you have any trouble arriving?" I asked, trying to ignore the heat that was beginning to rise in my face. A feeling was starting to form inside my chest, one that told me to jump on it and... I should keep that under control.

"No, as soon as I showed the invitation, they let me in with no problem. I-I thought they were going to ask me why I was so late, but I'm glad they didn't."

I nodded in agreement. We broke the embrace and walked to a sofa placed at the side of the room.

This rest lounge, like the others, was quite simple in design, but beautifully decorated. Several paintings were hanging on the walls; art made by artists with hands blessed by the pillars, depicting landscapes, animals, or historical moments of the empire. Brightly colored curtains, made with soft colored fabrics, masterfully woven by the best tailors, combined with warm colored tapestries gave a homey feeling. The floor had soft carpets on which you could feel as if you were walking in the sky.

Furnishings made with exotic woods, of varied colors that left an essence similar to a living and lush forest. Even the luceria stones set in the chandeliers; made of gold, silver, and other precious metals, emitted their warm light, giving a soothing feeling to the room.

"How has the party gone so far?" she asked, curiosity painted on her smiling face.

"So far it's gone well. You should have seen my little sister giving her speech, she looked so cute!"

"Hee, I can't wait to meet her. Every time you mention your sisters your face lights up with dazzling joy."

"I-is that so? Well, they're my dear little sisters, it would be strange if I didn't feel that way about them."

"Certainly. Although I'm surprised that your sister can do something like that at her age."

"Right? I feel so proud of her!"

Those were my true feelings about it. Seeing how much she's grown up and how well she can handle this kind of situation without making a mistake, and keeping her smile, what a wonderful little sister I have. But...

"But?"

"..." Surprised, I looked up at Nisire. I was silent trying to understand how she could-.

"Is it so surprising? That I can know what you were thinking, I mean."

"Y-yes... the truth is... I can't do that easily."

"I see. And why do you feel that way, My Lady?"

"I... I'm not good with crowds, you know? Sometimes, I feel like I'm suffocating when there are too many people around me. I feel much worse when..."

"Is it the stares?" I nodded sadly.

"How do you...?"

She let out a soft sigh. Her gaze traveled to the ceiling. She seemed to be thinking deeply about something. Then she looked down at her hands, clasped together and resting on her thighs, and then she looked up at me, with calm eyes and a slightly sad smile.

"I can tell, My Lady. From the moment I met you, my eyes have looked only to you. I have listened carefully to every word you have said, I have seen every little detail of your face, your gestures as you are upset, uncomfortable, sad, angry, happy."

I was surprised by her words, to the point that my heart began to beat faster and faster, and it made me lose the sadness that had begun to emerge. Her voice was like a melody that filled me with peace and relief. How was she able to say such things so easily?

Nisire really... even though she spoke so formally at first; an "act" to get my attention, that gallantry she always radiated... in the end, it wasn't a lie. She really was like that, just, in a different, more natural way.

She moved slowly, getting closer to me, and continued her words without hesitation or stuttering.

"I can know all that perfectly well because I have made it my business to learn about you, to understand you."

Another small close-up, now our bodies could touch. Her face was right in front of me. My gaze went down from her eyes to her cute upturned nose, then to her lips, glossy and soft looking... those beautiful lips that spoke beautiful words.

"Sarka." She uttered my name in a sweet tone, much sweeter than honey, or any dessert I had ever tasted in my life. Her face moved even closer to mine, and her hand traveled to my hair, combing it and removing a small lock that fell across my face.

Another small close-up, now our bodies could touch. Her face was right in front of me. My gaze went down from her eyes to her cute upturned nose, then to her lips, glossy and soft looking... those beautiful lips that spoke beautiful words.

"Sarka." She uttered my name in a sweet tone, much sweeter than honey, or any dessert I had ever tasted in my life. Her face moved even closer to mine, and her hand traveled to my hair, combing it and removing a small lock that fell across my face.

Time had slowed down. I could see every little detail of her face. Her beautiful eyes, her soft, beautiful cinnamon skin...those lips again. I swallowed audibly as a gasp struggled to escape my throat. I felt a little shaken, very different from how it was when other people stared at me so intently. Nisire felt... good. I liked that. I wanted her to watch me that way always.

The tone of her voice became softer and slower, more direct and... "You have always been my highest priority. Of course, I'm going to know how you feel and what you think. Because that's how intense the love I feel and wish to express to you."

And just as she finished saying those words, she brought her lips to mine and kissed me. Full of need, passion, and indescribable warmth. As quickly as he came, he left. She separated just a little from me. Her face was flushed and her eyes glazed over. There was an intense desire in that look and... I was sure I was the same way. Those delicious lips that had now intoxicated me with that drug called lust. I wanted to keep savoring them.

She had taken the initiative, which was the trigger for that explosion of heat in my body.

She immediately moved in to kiss me once more. Lightning exploded inside my body and light spasms from my fingertips to my head.

Then another kiss, this time deeper and wetter. Our tongues engaged in a struggle to see who would take control, and I was losing, she was dominating me and I was letting her do it. I moaned into her mouth, a clear sign that I didn't want this to end, that I wanted this as much as she did.

At some point one of her hands traveled behind my head, holding it tightly, while the other caressed my arms, and slowly descended my body, searching for a specific place. I had given myself completely to her, letting her do with me as she wished. The little I had done was to wrap my arms around her neck, giving in completely to her desires. I simply let myself be carried away by her passion, enjoying her every touch, her mouth's taste, and the sound of her gasps and moans.

I fell onto the couch, with her on top of me, which interrupted the kiss and left us breathless. We gasped for air as we shared a gaze, which then drifted down to my chest where Nisire's hand was, cupping my breast with barely any strength in her grip. A shiver ran through me the instant I realized what I was doing. We looked at each other again and, I could see that intense passion in her gaze. There was a primal hunger reflected in her eyes and... I wanted it to happen, I wanted to be devoured by her.

"haa... haa... haa... S-Sarka."

I swallowed nervously. If we don't stop now, there will be no turning back. But... I didn't want to stop, and I didn't want her to stop either. We were talking about something important, weren't we? I couldn't remember what it was, I just knew I needed her to keep doing what she was doing to me. Causing the heat inside me to be even more intense. That this feeling of release, that thing inside me would explode.

Slightly, ever so slightly I nodded towards her, and that small instant was all it took for her to attack with all her fury.

Her fingers wrapped around my hair, pulling it and exposing my neck, which was the victim of her lips and tongue, which she licked like a hungry wolf devouring its prey.

I was being devoured by this wild beast. I felt soft bites on my shoulders that made me moan with pleasure. I clung to her back, digging my nails into her skin, causing her to moan as well. That only intensified her actions even more. We had been caught in a cycle in which, the more passion we put in, the more we encouraged the other to continue, to be rougher.

"N-Nisire, not so... haa... hng... hng... so hard, please... I... ahh!" I moaned, trying to beg her not to leave marks on my skin, as I couldn't go back later to the party like that. But my voice wouldn't come out. Only the moans of pleasure that echoed in this lonely room we had turned into our little world.

"No... haa... I can't help it... you're so... sweet, so... delicious."

Of course, she couldn't, just as I didn't want her to stop. Ah, I could feel the wetness between my legs, that uncontrollable desire to allow her to take me completely, to make me hers.

As soon as I had that thought, her hand gently massaged my breast, making sure to fill her hand with my flesh and knead it like clay in the hands of a sculptor. I could feel her warmth through the fabric, and with that, I let out a choked cry that represented how much I needed that sweet release, that instant I wanted so badly. I wanted her to move forward, it was urgent, and I needed it desperately. I desperately wanted to beg for it.

"N-Nisire... I want... I want it... I... hng... please..."

Nisire licked my neck with such passion, that every little movement she made across my skin sent shivers throughout my body, making me tremble with pleasure.

Slowly she descended with her kisses, passing over my collarbone. A mischievous hand reached up and with one finger lifted the collar of my dress. He looked at me as if asking permission to enter. That was the instant. If I agreed, then here and now we would become one.

But just before I could nod...

*Knock knock*

There was a loud banging on the door that made us both jump in surprise.

"Young miss? It's getting late, it'll be the gift-giving soon."

My heart nearly leaped out of my chest as I heard Neth's voice on the other side of the door. We had completely lost all sense of time, completely engrossed in the carnal act.

"I-I'll be out in a moment." I quickly replied.

"Understood."

The heat had begun to drop, clarity coming at last to our lust-clouded minds. The realization of what we had just done and shame painted crimson on our faces.

"S-Sarka, I... I'm sorry, I... I don't know what came over me..." gasped Nisire as she desperately tried to regain her composure.

"I-it's okay, I... I think I got carried away too." I replied as we both returned to our sitting position.

I coughed trying to calm my fluttering heart, but it was beating so loudly against my chest that I was sure Nisire could hear it.

She was breathing deeply, trying to catch her breath. I watched her closely for a moment and saw her licking her lips lustfully. She immediately put her hand to her mouth and closed her eyes, apparently realizing what we had done.

I couldn't blame her, I was in the same position, still savoring the sweet venom of her kisses. I coughed once more, this time to get her attention.

"N-Nisire, could you... help me? With my hair, I mean."

"Huh? Oh! R-right away."

I don't know how messy I looked at the moment. What I did know was that no matter what I did, Makila or Mom would notice what I was doing. They had always been very good at picking up on this sort of thing. There was also the fact that I had been gone too long. At this point, they would have noticed by now that I disappeared from the party.

Realizing that I was in for a severe scolding from them helped calm the intense heat I was feeling.

"It's done," Nisire said, arranging a few unruly locks that still refused to stay fixed in place.

"Thank you, Nisire."

I turned around and caught the cute smile on her face, bringing warmth to my heart and... I suddenly remembered why; I was supposed to have come here.

"Nisire?"

"Yes, Sarka?"

"The bird, did you manage to bring it?"

"Oh, yes, it's..." she moved her gaze to a corner, one I hadn't paid attention to until now. A medium-sized cage, that went, perhaps, from the floor to my knee. In it, a beautiful bird with blue feathers, and a shiny black beak. It watched us intently without producing a sound. Embarrassment tinged my face as I realized the spectacle we had shown it. It is a bird, yes, but to have been watched, to realize that fact was... I wanted the earth to swallow me right that instant.

"Are you all right, My Lady?"

"Y-yeah, I just realized what we just did."

"Oh... uh... I... I enjoyed it..."

"No, uh, I... uh... I enjoyed it too, it's just... L-let's take this for another time, okay?"

"I-I understand, yeah. It's... uh, the best, yeah."

Seeing her so nervous was funny, but, I needed to leave now. Just as I got up and was about to pick up the bird, Nisire stopped me by grabbing my arm.

"S-Sarka!" she yelled as she realized that perhaps her voice had come out louder than she intended.

"Yes?"

"I... uh... I was wondering if... it would be okay to ask you something."

"Of course! You can ask me anything!" I replied with a smile, which encouraged Nisire to continue.

"I would like it if it's possible for you... Would you allow me to accompany you to the festival? Not as friends, as it has been so far, but as... lovers. Would that be okay?"

"..." Attend the White Lady's festival with Nisire? That of course would be a yes... except that, I was considering not attending.

Our family would be too close to the Eleios, and I didn't want to see that woman's face again. Much less because I knew that we would then have to attend an event with all the young nobles that would be there. Facing her, even with Nisire by my side, was something I wanted to avoid for now.

I faced Nisire's pleading gaze for a while until the sound of knocking at the door reminded me to hurry.

With the pain in my heart, I decided not to answer her.

"I, I have to go, sorry." I picked up the cage and, as quickly as I could I called Neth to open up so we could leave. I could see a flash of surprise on my personal maid's face but decided to ignore it. I returned my gaze to Nisire before retreating, and I could see her standing there with a lonely smile on her face, waving her hand to say goodbye to me. I advanced down the halls with a lump in my throat, not from the nervousness of the gift delivery, but for leaving her like that. My heart clenched in my chest as I remembered that lonely expression on my lover. I wish I could have answered yes, without overthinking it, but for once I wasn't running away out of cowardice. No, this time I wanted to prepare myself before facing those people who, until now, had made me an object of ridicule.

I managed to arrive just in time to be the first to present her gift. At the entrance of the hall, Tina was waiting, Neth needed to return to accompany Nisire, so I needed one of my mother's maids to assist me.

After the party, what I expected happened. Mom and Makila confronted me for sneaking out earlier, leaving Nya alone. Mom was furious and pulled my ears so hard I felt like she was going to rip them off. I said nothing and just nodded at her words. I knew I was wrong this time, so trying to make excuses would only make things worse.

She was really angry. She told me she was disappointed in me for what I did. It was painful to hear, but I had nothing to say about it. She punished me by forbidding me to go out or meet anyone until the end of the winter. Which meant I wouldn't be able to see Nisire for almost 3 months. I had no choice but to accept it, even if it hurt.

I would have to tell Neth to send her a letter secretly letting her know my situation and to be patient for now.

That evening we received an unexpected visit from Duchess Katarina Nazzik. Mom had told us so many things about her that I felt a little intimidated by her presence. It was a good experience, though. I had heard of Mom's plans superficially, but to know that even Duchess Katarina had the same goal was amazing.

If only I could have a small part of the determination that both of them possessed...