LF Friends, Will Travel

It was the night before Christmas, or so I’d been told.

A Terran occasion, a tradition so old.

Of gifting and giving, a celebration for all ages.

(An economic boost, the spending of wages).

The station was festive, decorated with care

Creating much confusion for those unaware.

Tinsels and lights, in red gold and green,

The most festive of places that’s ever been seen.

In the core of the station, as tall as can be.

Was a humongous, fantastical, bright Christmas tree.

That’s not why we're assembled, that’s not why we’re here.

A Terran wants to share the most merry of cheer.

For all of the children, the pups and the chicks,

Are awaiting the arrival of one old St Nick!

There had been an announcement, of gifts and of joys

Of the Terran tradition of the giving of toys.

Excited and polite, they sat around the stage

Anticipation was obvious, regardless of age.

Ritilian Hatchlings sat with an alien newt.

While two Quoxxett cubs were boisterous and cute.

A two-headed Zassu, arguing with themself.

And of course, there was me, dressed as an elf.

As I stood costumed on stage, I felt rather astute.

But as a teddy bear Hatil, Terrans just found me cute.

I gave a wave of a paw, the signal to start.

The crowd quieted down as I spoke from the heart.

“Welcome friends and all, to this special occasion.

I’m glad to see none of you needed persuasion.

A Terran tradition, a long-since-told tale,

Of a magical Terran, from Earth he does hail.

One night only he rides, he travels around.

Visiting every child, he’s faster than sound.

And if you haven’t been naughty, if you’ve been quite nice,

He’ll give you toys from his workshop, from his home on the ice.

With no more delay, please give your applause.

For the jolly St Nick, for the merry Santa Claus!”

Steven burst in from the back, arms stretched out in greeting,

Any thought of a calmness was rather quite fleeting.

My friend was dressed in a costume, of cloth red and white

With a large bag of presents, he was quite the sight.

His belly was cotton, his beard was quite fake,

But the joy was all real, that he left in his wake.

Because a Teran is Chaos. A Terran is free.

With a deep booming voice, Steven began to decree.

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good cheer.

Happy holidays to all, to a fantastic new year.

I'm Santa from Earth, I’ve travelled so far

To bring good tidings and presents, to every star.

I bring candies and gadgets, wishes galore.

Come closer little children, to see what’s in store.”

With eager excitement, the crowd pushed up quite tight.

Their faces were filled with anticipating delight.

Steven reached into his bag, with flourish and glee

While the children awaited the show, what could it be?

“See what I have, see what I’ve got in store.

Candies and sweets, treats and nibbles galore!

This is called chocolate, a popular delight,

A perfect companion to a chill winters night”

With a panic and worry, I stepped in between,

Stopping the gifting, it must seem quite mean.

“You can’t give that out, you know what it contains?

Chocolate is deadly, it carries thromboxane.”

“Don’t worry my helper” Said without thinking twice

“I’ve also got sweet chilli crackers, a savoury spice.”

“Capsaicins a no go, that’s one everyone knows

Is there anything not poison in the things that you’ve chose?”

Steven took a moment to root through his dangerous haul.

“I’ve got some sugar-free gum, no wait that’s got xylitol…

I’ve got an old classic, a mint candy cane.”

“Mint is still poison!” I simply exclaim.

“I’ve got cheese!”, he added, with a flourish grandiose.

“Technically not poison, but they can’t handle lactose…”

The children were confused, getting rowdy and sad

Treats and candy had been promised, but none had been had.

But Terrans never quit, they never do stumble

Steven simply continued from his poisonous fumble.

“It’s not just treats that I bring, let it be understood

I’ve got toys from Earth, from my childhood

This is called ‘lawn darts’, a most wondrous game.

You throw metal spears with the most unruly of aim.

It started out as a weapon, but now it’s a toy,

For all the small children to love and enjoy.”

I looked on in horror, I looked on in dismay.

“That seems highly dangerous” I started to say

“That once was a weapon, but now for a kid?

You can’t hand that out, I absolutely forbid!”

“Just be careful, it’s fun!” he simply did cry

“In the past, only a few unlucky children have died!

Besides weapons are fun!” Steven practically sang

“I’ve got bundles of yo-yo’s and a boomerang!”

“No weapons!” I said, with the sternest of face.

“You can’t endanger children, no matter your case!”

“Here’s a chemistry set, educational and placid”

“That contains uranium, and five forms of acid!”

Steven gave a shake of his head, with a little dismay

Looking for something safe with which children can play.

“What about this” he replied ”It’s just simply a sled!”

“The jet engine’s obvious, they’ll all end up dead!

Have you brought anything safe, that won’t end in tears?”

“This is what I played with in my formative years!”

This was somehow expected, this somehow made sense.

How Steven grew up to be quite this dense.

But before I could argue, with this stupid matter

A new sound from a distance, a jingling clatter.

A new figure approaches, an Eltari it seems

A giant spider ripped straight from bad dreams.

His six legs gave a click and a clack as he moved

Nothing about this new person did soothe.

Jacket it wore, the marks on this stranger

Suggested a scummy despicable danger.

In its left hand was a gun, being pointed our way

With a vile clicking voice, it started to say.

“I hear you’re a good guy, a hero a saint

Providing free charity to children, so lovely, so quaint.

I need a donation, for my own endeavour

Hand over the stuff, and no being clever.

Hand over the items, please make it curt

Listen to what I say and nobody gets hurt.”

The room had gone quiet, nobody made a sound.

All eyes staring at this new danger to be found.

The Terran gave a grumble, the Terran gave a squeak.

In an angry tone, Steven started to speak.

“How dare you bring violence, you ignorant thug,

Someone should teach you a lesson, in your dumb spider mug

You're being absolutely naughty, you’re not being nice!”

Then the stranger fired his gun, not once but simply twice.

—-------------

The pirate had made many mistakes in this life to get to the position they were now in, but shooting at the Terran had been the worst one by far. The only sound that could be heard in the core of the station was the harsh wet sound of the Terran’s fist slamming into the arachnid's body, the exoskeleton was like wet cardboard in a hailstorm as it failed to deflect Steven’s constant flurry of blows raining down upon him

Perhaps such thuds could be used as a beat for a rhyming stanza, if the sickening change of pace from what had once been a happy upbeat event didn’t make one shocked at just how much damage an angry Terran could accomplish.

The shouts and screams had stopped for some time, to be replaced with a mild whimpering as Steven stood above the pirate, teeth bared in anger and rage as he continued to pummel down blow after blow upon the unfortunate Eltari. Blue blood now joined the red and white of his Santa costume as the beatdown continued.

“You. Could. Have. Hurt. The. Children. You. Fuck!”

Each word was accompanied by a blow, a rage at the audacity of someone to try and steal from kids, and then to shoot in their direction. Steven couldn’t even feel the wound in his shoulder where one of the two shots had clipped him, the rage of the situation fueling him on.

“Steven, I think he’s done now, you can chill.”

I stated this quietly, causing the Terran to look up in our direction, covered in the pirate's blood as he stared back at the many pairs of tiny eyes, all terrified; watching him as he dispensed some find-out in response to the thug’s fuck around. With a sigh he began dragging the now not-resisting arachnid body around the corner out of sight, leaving a trail of blood behind.

“You are so lucky there are children here, the station’s security can deal with you now.”

—---------------

With a skip and a jump, Steven did reappear.

A forced smile on his face, showing no fear

“The bad man is gone, he'll be off to jail

St Nick will protect you, I never will fail.”

Even with his injury, Steven seemed ever so sure

Though the calming effect was countered by gore.

“I must leave you for now, but a lesson to learn

Never to crime and to evil do turn,

How you wish to be treated, how you treat each other.

Remain well-behaved for your father, your mother.

If you have good in your heart, and always act kind,

Protectors in Terrans you always will find.

Never be naughty, always be nice,

Always be good children, don’t make me ask twice.

As I leave for this winter, the paramedics are near.

Have a very merry Christmas and a happy new year.”