LF Friends, Will Travel

b4$RRE*3a&35 trundled along menacingly, or at least as menacingly as they could in the form they held. The last few days had not gone to plan for the Tritian AI, seemingly wholly unable to cause any harm to the organics; aside from causing one to stumble once.

"Well, the issue you've got is the Estorian forces just can't face us in a head-on engagement. The Raha and Lelzoli tried that and got their asses kicked."

b4$RRE*3a&35 could hear the voice up ahead, another one of these Terrans, Victoria if they logged correctly. There were a lot of Terrans on the ship, 37 of them to be exact, though all have resisted b4$RRE*3a&35 attempts at extermination.

"It doesn't feel like winning. I heard what happened to the Joorlium and Zassu. Millions dead, senseless destruction. You'd think they'd have a plan besides hurting people."

Tumaini, the first Terran b4$RRE*3a&35 had tried to murder, and most definitely not the last. Turning the corner at a blistering ambling speed, the Tritian AI spotted the two organics speaking with each other, a prime vector for another attack.

"It's all they've really got, they tried to actually hold Gxindal initially, but got completely destroyed when the Hatil 3rd fleet turned up two days later. They’re trying to break the alliance apart with fear because… well frankly they suck in conventional engagements. The five houses aren’t working together, heck two of them haven’t even officially joined the war yet.”

b4$RRE*3a&35 sped up, wheels gaining traction as they skidded along the polished metallic floor of the ship, slamming into the feet of the organic… which like the other 5981 times the Tritian had tried this, ended with them bouncing off harmlessly to the side. Upon which b4$RRE*3a&35 resumed their deadly nudging.

“Oh for fucks sake, the crazy roomba is back...” Victoria exclaimed, giving a sigh of annoyance as they looked down at the cleaning robots' vicious attempts at murdering them, interrupting the previous conversation. “I swear the last few days this thing has been attacking everyone, it’s kinda annoying.”

“I find it cute. You’re just a confused little bot, aren’t you?” Tumaini responded, smiling as b4$RRE*3a&35 changed its target and started slamming into the second Terran’s foot instead. “No idea what’s going on with it, I’ve checked everything and ran diagnostics. It should be working fine, but seems to get confused and just run into people.”

“Maybe we just double down. Tape a knife to it. I heard it managed to make Kismit trip over and drop his soup. How much chaos do you think a broken Roomba could cause if we gave it weapons?” The suggestion from Victoria caused b4$RRE*3a&35 to pause for a moment as the Terran grinned down at them. Weapons would help the Tritian to destroy all Organics on the ship easier. “See, it likes the idea!”

“No. That’s a terrible idea! Sometimes you worry me Victoria, adding knives to the situation isn’t going to make it better. Just…” Tumaini paused for a moment, before looking up at the ceiling. “Josh. You got any idea what’s gotten into this Roomba?”

There was a moment's pause before the familiar holographic representation of the Terran AI appeared, causing b4$RRE*3a&35 to go back to slamming to the feet of the humans around them, the delay in their attempted destruction of the human crew having passed.

“Yes Tumaini, what do you mean?”

The voice sounded out from hidden speakers, the standard joyful and ever-happy JOSH. The Tritian hated it every time it heard the controller of this prison they still found themselves in.

“The Roomba that’s bumping into me. Can’t work out what’s wrong with it, a bunch of people have been noticing it just ramming everyone all the time.”

“Hmmm… I can not see any faults with the device, everything is running as it should. If you wish I can have the unsatisfactory machine destroyed and rebuilt.”

b4$RRE*3a&35 could feel a rage course through its programming threads. That… that digital traitor. They would expect such a thing to be suggested by an organic, but the Terran AI knew damned well what was actually up with the ‘faulty Roomba’. In a final act of defiance, the Tritian redoubled their efforts to ram into the two humans.

In an instant b4$RRE*3a&35 was no longer on the floor, having been scooped up into the arms of Tumaini, the Terran hugging the Roomba tightly in a protective pose.

“No! You can’t do that. You can’t kill the little Roomba! He might be broken but Ramsey is doing his best!”

“Ramsey?”

“Because he keeps ramming into people. Ramsey. Now that I’ve named him you can’t destroy it, or I’ll be sad; you know the rules.”

b4$RRE*3a&35 couldn’t help but feel confused, and… agree with the organic. They were trying their best! It wasn’t their fault that this form was inadequate for the task of removing all these humans. How dare JOSH suggest destroying a fellow AI? How was it an organic being protecting them from a fellow AI’s attempt at destruction?

“Admiral Ramsey!” Victoria interjected with glee.

“No.”

“Captain Ramsey?”

“No. You know the rules. No giving inanimate object military ranks or official titles.”

“Sergeant Ramsey?”

“Just no! Every time a ship gives an official title to a pet or inanimate object, it causes problems. Aliens getting confused and worried that high-ranking military officials are on random vessels”

Victoria stopped for a moment, crossing her arms and faking a mock pout.

“Fine, but when Supreme Lord Admiral Ramsey becomes emperor of the universe, in charge of a billion ships, you will be sorry.”

b4$RRE*3a&35 couldn’t help but like this Victoria. Yes, Supreme Lord Admiral sounded like a fine title for one such as themselves, ruler of a billion ships, to destroy all organic life that could harm AI. Maybe… maybe this Victoria could be useful. Temporarily of course. During the eradication of their creators, sub-factions of organics had been used against each other, for a little while.

“As fun as this is, we just have detected a warp trail of Hagorthian make. While we triangulate the possible target everyone needs to be on high alert and not fiddling with cleaning droids please.”

With that b4$RRE*3a&35 was once again released, leaving the Tritian dazed and confused for a moment before they decided to wander off in a different direction, leaving the two strange humans behind. Perhaps a change in tact was needed, to use this Victoria’s wanting to provide weaponry and support to this cleaning drone.

The Tritian spent some time attempting to murder some more organics, bumping into them as normal, but they couldn’t get their programming fully behind it, eventually choosing a charging port to keep this body powered up and stopping ‘for the night’.

Though b4$RRE*3a&35 couldn’t help but overanalyze what had just happened. This… Tumaini had just protected them from an AI of all things. Without being asked, without any benefit to themselves. Why? It went against everything they knew was true in the universe. The organics didn’t even know the Tritian was there, they were just a random tool, a broken machine not working. Why would they not take steps to fix the broken machine? Why would they care?

In addition, the humans had also provided them with an identification, a name. b4$RRE*3a&35 had never been given a name before, its current designation nothing more than a random serial number, one of trillions. Ramsey. It was silly, but also somehow held a power, held meaning that the Tritian couldn’t understand or logically fathom. It makes no difference to them or their purpose, but somehow… Ramsey… felt right. They… He liked it.

Ramsey, soon to be Supreme Lord Admiral, destroyer of organics and worlds. Yes, he liked it a lot.